


Lost Souls (There's Nothing Mundane About That)

by fairytaleslayer



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau is Consecuted, F/F, It's slow burn beau/yasha, This is both plot and feels heavy, Yasha is a good, we mostly ship Beau/Family here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-01-16 14:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 103,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18523369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer
Summary: Beau never liked the Luxon Beacon. It gave her headaches and glimpses of people that left her feeling unsettled. One more look at the Bright Queen's behest leads to her remembering far more than she ever thought possible, and far more complications than she thought she needed, including juggling a Kryn past with an Empire present.Beau was supposed to be the mundane one of the Mighty Nein.





	1. Repressed Memories

**Author's Note:**

> The only similarity this story has to unicyclehippo's wonderful fic which you should check out if you haven't, is that Beau is consecuted. Otherwise, this is 35k and counting of its entirely own thing that I've been working on since just after the episode where Caleb presents the Luxon to the queen.

Beau had spent a long time feeling – mundane – she supposed was the best word for it. Especially since she had begun travelling with the rest of her friends. They all had at least _some_ magic. Even Yasha, with her healing hands that she rarely pulled out. Even Molly, with that creepy shit he pulled that got him killed.

But Beau? She was just Beau. Good at punching people until they told her what she wanted to know but not much else. Everything she was good at she got through her own hard work, begrudging or not. None of her talent was divinely bestowed or innate to herself – not that there was anything wrong with that. What the clerics and Fjord and Caleb and even Nott could do was incredible. It was just hard not to feel inferior sometimes around them.

That point had been driven home ever since they’d surfaced in Xhorhas. Beau, unable to disguise her oh so human face, was a liability to the group every day. Unable to blend in.

Only now, it apparently wasn’t all that important anymore. Since Caleb had made them fucking heroes of the land or some weird shit by handing over the dodecahedron. Or the Luxon. Or the beacon. Whatever it was called.

As if reading her thoughts, Fjord spoke up, albeit quietly. “I’m still not convinced that handing over the dodeca was the best plan.”

“We were – about to be thrown into jail,” Caleb replied, giving him a weird look. “It seemed the best option at the time.”

“Right. But isn’t prison exactly where we ended up going anyway? Where Yeza was? I thought that was the point.”

“Or they could have like, killed us on the spot,” Jester threw in. “Right Beau? Beau?”

Beau jerked her head up from glaring into her mug of water – not alcohol, unfortunately – at the second sound of her name. “Wha – yeah. Killing.” She made an awkward punching-chopping motion with her fist and tried to pull herself together. “Would have been bad. Caleb made a good choice, and there wasn’t really a lot of time to – y’know – _confer_. And it all worked out. We got Yeza. We’re not dead.”

“No beacon though,” Fjord said.

“Thing gave me the creeps anyway,” Beau muttered, going back to staring at her drink.

The first time she’d looked into the Luxon, she’d had the nastiest headache for twelve hours. None of the Nein really talked about what they saw when they looked at the beacon, but Beau got flashes of some weird shit. Bits of lives that never belonged to her. A person in armor perfectly described in that historical smut book, _Courting of the Crick_. Complete with those weird little holes in the shoulders that whistled in the wind. Creepy as fuck. Another flash of someone in something similar to those robes Lady Olios waltzed around in. Other times she actually managed to catch a glimpse of these mystery peoples’ faces.

They were always Kryn.

Beau avoided being the one to look into the beacon after that. Although there were a couple other times where it had been thrust into her face and she hadn’t been able to think of a way to get out of it without sounding like a fucking crazy person to her friends. But it unnerved her as much as it was intriguing. Every time, she got a new glimpse of other times and the worst headache of her life for the rest of the day. Sometimes she dreamed about those other people.

Speaking of the Kryn….

“Pardon, Mighty Nein. But the Empress requires a word.” One had approached their table and interrupted more politely than Beau had ever heard directed at them. However, when Fjord and Caleb stood to begin collecting their things, he shook his head. “I apologize. I did not make myself clear. Her request was for Miss Lionett alone.”

Everyone turned to give Beau a ‘What the fuck did you do?’ look, which frankly, Beau found insulting. She’d been with them the entire time. What could she have done to piss off the Empress?

“Surely we can all at least accompany you,” Fjord suggested in that genial tone of his that was so fake even Beau could tell.

“I am afraid not, Sir,” the Kryn said, still absolutely polite. “Her Eminence wishes to speak with Miss Lionett only. Your presence is not required. I assure you she will be quite safe with me and returned to you with no harm done.”

“I am sitting right here,” Beau interrupted, put out at being talked over like a kid. “And I can make my own decisions. I’ll go with Mr. Butler it’s fine. I can look after myself.” Arguably better than any of the rest of them. Not that Beau would ever tell them she thought that.

She hauled herself out of her chair, squeezed Jester’s shoulder reassuringly, gave Yasha a nod to keep an eye on the rest, and followed Mr. Butler out the door.

“It is Mezex, Miss Lionett,” the Kryn broke their silent walk back to the palace.

“What is?” Beau asked, looking around for what he could be referring to.

The butler man sighed. “My name, Miss Lionett. Mezex Wayfarer, one of her Eminence’s stewards.”

“Right. My bad, Mezex.” They walked for a minute longer before curiosity got the best of her. “Look man, I don’t wanna be rude, it’s just kinda the way I talk. But how the fuck did you guys get my full name? I’ve been here four hours.”

“That is for the Empress to discuss with you. I am not at liberty to say,” Mezex deferred. Beau rolled her eyes but didn’t try to duck out and escape. If a hot Empress wanted to talk to her alone, who was she to say no? She’d at least hear what she had to say before ditching if she didn’t like it. Plus she might learn some things to take to Dairon that would convince her mentor that she hadn’t flipped sides and make Dairon try to kill her.

Caleb had sure given her a tight rope to balance on, although Beau didn’t feel like blaming him for it. He’d gotten them out of a bad spot.

She was surprised when instead of the huge throne room they’d first been taken to, Mezex led her to a small sitting room further up. It looked much more private than Beau had been expecting. Sitting there was none other than the Empress herself.

Which, Beau supposed, that made sense. Since she was the one that wanted to see her. Whatever.

Beau bowed at the waist. “Your Majesty.”

“Thank you for bringing Miss Lionett, Mezex,” the Empress said in clear dismissal. Mezex bowed deeply and backed out of the room, leaving the pair in silence for the moment until the Empress spoke again. “Thank you for coming, Beauregard.”

“Well when the queen of a nation asks, you kind of come running,” Beau drawled before remembering just who she was talking to. “I mean – sorry. I just –”

Of all the things, gentle laughter stopped Beau’s rambling. “It is quite alright, Beauregard. You have never been one for propriety,” the Empress forgave.

That was odd. “You don’t know me ma’am. Your majesty. Empress,” Beau stumbled over what she should call Leylas.

“To the contrary, I believe I do: Beauregard Lionett. At the very least, I did.” The Empress looked down for a moment, smoothing out an invisible wrinkle in her dress. “I owe you an apology on behalf of our nation. We try to avoid your situation if it can be helped. But very rarely, souls can be – lost.”

Beau tilted her head, trying to work out just what the _fuck_ Leylas was talking about. “You – you think I’m one of your consecuted folks,” she realized before shaking her head vigorously. “Sorry your majesty, but I think you’ve got the wrong human. Nothing special about me.” She lifted her arms in a shrug, trying to convey her disbelief in a respectful manner.

The Empress just gave her this sad kind of look that told Beau she _understood_. “That is where you are so very wrong, my young Beauregard.”

What did she understand?

“We try to be better than this. One of the consecuted is prepared from birth by one they were familiar with in their last life to regain the knowledge they had in the past – be it one life or many. The process of amnensis. But you…we lost you. And I owe you a thousand apologies for that mistake.”

Beau frowned, trying to wrap her mind around the Empress’ words. “So…you’re saying that I used to be one of you.”

“You _are_ one of us, Beauregard,” Leylas corrected her. “If you let me guide you, I can help you remember the lives you’ve lived before. If I am not mistaken, you’ve already begun with the Luxon your troupe returned to us. You gazed into it, yes?”

“Yeah,” Beau scoffed. “Your box isn’t much fun to look at. You know it gives the nastiest headache?”

“Those are your memories trying to reassert themselves before you are prepared for them. May I ask what you saw in your visions?”

Beau stared at Leylas suspiciously, still trying to figure out if this was all some grand scheme to trick her into giving up information. She didn’t really give two fucks about the Empire, they were kind of shit, but then – the Kryn _did_ steal children too. “I – someone in your guys’ armor. That stuff that whistles? And I think someone like Lady Olios, but not her. And I don’t know, man, I felt like I knew them. A few others, too. Men, women. Mostly women. All Kryn. Or, I guess the Empire sometimes says, ‘dark elves’,” she did quotes with her hands and everything accompanied by a roll of her eyes, “but that seems derogatory so – whatever.”

Leylas nodded like she expected nothing less. “I can help you see truly, if you wish it,” she offered. “To understand as you should have from the very beginning.” At Beau’s obvious hesitation, she continued. “I swear you will remain unharmed and may return to your friends after, should you desire it.”

Well, she was definitely going back, even if she did remember some weird past life shit. “You won’t keep me? Because I’ve been kidnapped enough for one lifetime.”

Leylas’ eyes narrowed in concern but she let the flippant remark go. “I will not force you to remain if you do not wish to. You may adventure to your heart’s desire with your band of mercenaries. But remember, Beauregard Lionett. No matter what you choose, you will always have a place here in Rosohna.”

Beau tried to process that. Having something offered unconditionally. That was new. “Alright then. Shoot.”

“Strange phrasing, but follow me.” Leylas led Beau up a winding staircase, guards placed at every landing. They all bowed low in the Empress’ direction, not acknowledging Beau’s presence at all. At last, they reached the top of a tower with nothing but a door there. Leylas rested her hand against the wood and whispered something Beau didn’t quite catch. But it made the door swing inward silently on its hinges. Leylas indicated for Beau to be the first one in.

Beau entered the darkened room hesitantly. The only light was the faint glow surrounding the Luxon in the middle of the space on a pedestal. “So…what do I do?”

“Look into the Luxon, as you did before,” Leylas instructed. “Only this time, I will be here to guide your vision along the correct path. You may still become disoriented, but not lost as you were on your own.”

“Okay.” Beau shook her arms out, hyping herself up. She took the Luxon gingerly by the handles, and let her eyes fall to it. As she was drawn into the beacon in that familiar way, Beau felt a hand come to rest on the middle of her back and a voice in her mind.

_Let the images flow through you. Do not try to grasp them – I will guide you through._

The flashes that Beau had become familiar with washed through her once more. Except this time, they weren’t just flashes. As Beau let her mind relax, she saw entire scenes play out. That one in the armor was a general of the Kryn armies nearly six centuries ago. The woman in robes like Lady Olios, an advisor to Leylas Kryn beginning just over a century ago. In the times between, Beau was a multitude of different people. Sometimes she was cut down in battle, others she was given the gift of a somewhat longer life. But always she came back for Leylas.

Why did she keep coming back for Leylas?

The last life made it clear. Beau watched the woman who had for so long been Leylas’ most trusted advisor take the poisoned dagger in the gut that had been meant for the queen, thrown by an Empire assassin. The assassin was quickly dispatched, but it was too late for Beau. By the time a cleric was found, she would be gone. She fell to the ground, cradled by Leylas.

“Mother,” the woman whispered, barely audible over the pain in her voice.

“Peace, my child,” Leylas soothed. “You will return to me soon.” A gentle hand ran through her white hair as the body that wasn’t Beau but belonged to her labored for breath. The poison burned in her veins and Beau’s body seized. Leylas’ hands held her firmly before one came to lay against Beau’s chest. “Rest now. Don’t fight it. We will be together again.”

One last long breath slipped out of Beau, and then – nothing. The space between each life was generally empty, but there was always a pull towards the next life. This time though, she was called in a new direction. Pulled away from her people, her land, and her mother. Given a body unlike any she’d had before, and a life she had no knowledge of how to live.

Then it was just Beau’s life. Lost in a way she never had been, with no memories of her previous lives. She understood why her parents in this life were so harsh on her. Honestly, it seemed entirely plausible that she had taken the place of the child they were meant to have. She saw herself being given to monks paid off by her ‘father’, escaping, meeting the Mighty Nein. All of her choices, all of her mistakes, led to the streets of Zadash on just the night when the Kryn attempted to steal back the Luxon.

Coincidences. Beau wasn’t sure she believed in them any more. She used to believe in fate. In destiny. Perhaps she should start again. Surely it was fate that led to the Luxon dropping into the Nein’s hands and ended with them returning it to the Kryn Dynasty. To Leylas.

To her –

Beau stumbled away from the beacon, eyes wide and panting quick breaths. All the lives in her mind were jumbled, trying to sort themselves into some kind of order that left Beau struggling to remember who she even was. An arm wrapped around the back of her shoulders while a hand pressed against her sternum, holding her in place. “Peace, Beauregard,” Leylas’ quiet voice calmed her. “You are home. With me.”

“I – the fuck?” Beau gasped, still feeling dazed.

“Breathe, Beauregard. This will pass in but a moment.” Leylas kept Beau securely on her feet until she could regain her breath. Beau couldn’t figure out why she felt so unsteady and weak. As if reading her mind, Leylas said, “It took nearly two days for your memories to assert themselves. Worry not. Mezex was instructed to inform your troupe that you were safe and would return to them soon if we did not emerge from this chamber within the hour. I am certain your nervous friends were not mollified, but you will be ready to go back to them in a few minutes.”

“How do I –?”

“Go back?” Leylas finished for her. “The choice is yours.”

“I have – responsibilities. They need me.” They were her family. Her only one. But maybe…maybe that wasn’t as true as it was a few days ago. “But you?”

Leylas gave her a small but bright smile. “You have been the greatest joy of my life for the last six centuries. I thought you gone forever when you did not return again through the consecution ritual. When you and your friends walked into that chamber with Lady Olios, I knew instantly that you had found me. You go with your friends, my heart.” A gentle hand against her cheek felt more lovingly parental than anything Beau could remember in this life. “You have served me quite enough for one existence. But wherever you venture, remember to always come home. I would not lose you again.”

Beau swallowed some kind of weird lump in her throat. She remembered the affection Leylas would bestow on her every time she was reborn. Each childhood was filled with as much love and happiness possible for a royal family leading a nation in a centuries long war. And now she had the Nein…

Fuck. What was she going to tell them?

* * *

Beau stumbled back into the inn the Nein were staying at, still kind of in a daze. It was approaching midnight, but Jester, Caduceus, and Caleb were waiting up for her. “Oh, uh – hey guys,” Beau greeted kind of lamely, not expecting anyone to still be downstairs. “Everything alrigh- oof!” She was knocked back a foot as Jester came barreling into her for a hug.

“We thought you _died_!” Jester said, voice muffled by Beau’s vestiges. “You were gone for two days and Nott and Fjord were talking about how you might have insulted the Queen lady and gotten yourself killed. Even Caleb was saying maybe we should break into the prison just to check. But that butler guy – Mezex – he said you were okay but I didn’t _really_ believe him but here you are you’re okay and that’s pretty great! _Are_ you okay?” Jester asked shrewdly, finally pulling her face out of Beau’s clothes to look up at her.

“Yeah,” Beau replied in that brash tone she always tried to keep up when she wasn’t feeling all that confident. “No worries, man. Leyl – uh – the Bright Queen and I are cool. She, uh – just wanted to know some things.”

There was an assessing pause as they all looked at her, none of them seeming convinced by her bullshit. “Two days seems like an awful long time to talk,” Caduceus pointed out in that easy going way of his. “Did you sleep there between talking? Sleeping is important for humans.”

“Sure Caddy. I slept,” Beau lied. She didn’t know what had happened really over the past couple days, but she sure hadn’t been asleep for it. She was _exhausted_. More tired than she was even after training days with Dairon.

“Well, that’s just great.” Coming from anyone else, that would be the most sarcastic sentence, but somehow, Caduceus always managed to make it sound genuine.

“It is strange that she would want to talk to you alone, Beauregard,” Caleb said. “You have a good head on your shoulders, but she does not know that. Especially given the general opinion these people have about humans.”

“She knows a lot more than we gave her credit for,” Beau mumbled to herself.

Jester gave her a weird look, obviously having heard her since she was still clutching at her clothes. Beau thought she was going to call her on it, but Jester just started ushering her toward the stairs. “Beau hasn’t slept she lied about that we’ll see you in the morning boysokaybyyyee!” Jester proceeded to drag Beau up the steps and into their room that Beau hadn’t actually seen yet even though they’d been staying there since they arrived. Jester locked the door behind them, took Sprinkle out of her hood to let him run around with Nugget, and pushed Beau to sit on the bed when she didn’t move away from the door.

Jester muttered a few words and made some strange hand motions, but nothing happened. At least, not that Beau could see. “Okay!” Jester said brightly. “I put a sphere of silence from our doorway out into the hall! No one can hear you so you should talk to me now.”

Beau sighed and scooted further back on the bed so she could lean against the wall, her knees pressed close to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. “I thought they’d singled me out as the weak link, Jes,” she began reluctantly. She wasn’t sure she was ready to talk about it all, but Jester was persistent and would probably just cast zone of truth on her if she didn’t say _something._ Or maybe she would have more discretion than that now. Beau hoped so. “I’m the only one who doesn’t really understand magic or anything, so how would I know if they were pumping me for information?”

It spoke to Jester’s concern that she didn’t giggle and make a sex joke at Beau’s phrasing. “You’re reallyreally smart Beau,” she protested. “I’m sure they know that. If they were going to take _anyone_ , it would probably be Caleb. He’s the puniest and most susceptible to interrogation probably. Not that I wanted them to take him!” she rushed to say. “And you know, he’s actually pretty good at keeping secrets. We all are, actually. Hmmm.” She seemed to actually be considering which of the Nein would be most likely to cave under pressure. “I think you would probably talk to protect us from getting hurt, but not yourself, so it doesn’t make sense that they took just you if they wanted information. So why did they want you?”

Beau didn’t know if she should feel insulted or complimented at Jester’s assessment of her. She put that aside to think about later. She pat the space next to her for Jester to join her on the bed. “You know how that Olios lady asked if you and Nott were consecuted?” she asked once Jester was next to her.

“Yeah she thought it was funny when we had no idea what she was talking about,” Jester nodded. “Although I think Nott was thinking about saying she was. Why? I still don’t really know what it means. Like I know we talked about it, and it’s like, reincarnation and all that and how they make babies.”

Beau bit her lip. “It uh – it’s a little more complicated than that? I don’t fucking know either really. It’s not – how they make babies. It’s more like, putting on new boots? Like, there’s a baby, and consecution is how the kid gets a soul? Maybe they aren’t born with souls? But not all of them, because not everyone is consecuted,” she pondered. She was getting another headache. “Whatever. Reincarnation is probably the best word for it right now.”

“And the Bright Queen, she’s reincarnated. But how much, though?” Jester wondered. “Because I’m pretty sure the Kryn can live as long as elves. They are related after all. Distantly. _Really_ distantly.”

“Three times,” Beau answered absentmindedly. “She’s on her fourth go round.”

Jester looked up at her, stopping mid-ramble. “How do you know that? Is that what you two talked about? Her reincarnations?”

Beau sighed, resigned to having to talk. “No. we didn’t talk about her much at all. Fuck, Jessie it was a trip. I don’t even know.”

“It had to be something big, to keep you talking for two days. I mean you read that smut book for a couple hours but usually you don’t like small talk.”

“Yeah Jes? We didn’t really talk. Leylas, she uh, it was implied that I was – that I –” Beau couldn’t finish. She just ran her hand through the part of her hair not shaved close to her head. Everything she’d seen over the last couple days (even though it seemed like minutes to her) was overwhelming. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Beau was supposed to be the mundane, uninteresting one. The human one whose parents didn’t want or love her.

This wasn’t supposed to happen to her.

“Oh! Oh no, Beau, it’s okay!” Jester kneeled on the covers to get close enough and wipe at Beau’s cheeks. “Don’t cry! Y’know – it’s okay!” she said frantically.

Beau sniffed. “I’m not crying,” she lied. “I just – haven’t slept in two days. My eyes are watering, that’s all.”

“You’re lying but I’ll pretend to believe you if it makes you feel better,” Jester teased gently. “You go to sleep. We can talk for real in the morning.” She patted Beau’s shoulder until Beau lay down. Jester settled next to her, one hand running along her forearm. “It’ll be okay Beau,” she murmured. “If she hurt you, we’ll take care of it. And if she didn’t, we’ll fix whatever is wrong.”

“Thanks Jessie,” Beau barely got out before she was drifting off into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Jester was gone when Beau finally woke up. She stretched in the blankets before freezing. Everything from the last couple days came back to her. She was a drow. Not anymore, but she used to be. What was she supposed to do now? Leylas had told her to keep exploring and that Beau didn’t owe her her service anymore, but Beau felt conflicted.

They were family. She’d seen it. Beau had died in her last life protecting her mother. And now…

Now Beau was all too human. She had human parents. Sure she hated them and never really wanted to see them again, but they were who she grew up with. She ran with a group of friends of all different races, and she was the boring one.

But if what she’d seen was true, none of that really explained who Beau was. Beau was a Kryn, reborn into an Empire child’s body, for probably the express purpose of returning the Luxon to her Dynasty. Nothing else in her life mattered beyond that. And she’d accomplished her purpose.

But she _felt_ human. There was a curiosity about Leylas, and the queen was obviously attached to _her_ , but Beau didn’t really feel like a drow. She felt like Beau.

She needed to know more. She needed to go back to Leylas and ask for more information.

She threw the blanket off and scrambled out of bed. Beau was out the door in seconds but immediately ran headlong into a body. The other person grunted and stumbled into the wall opposite. “Gut – Gut morgen, Beauregard,” Caleb stuttered. “Jester sent me up here to see if you wanted breakfast this morning.”

“Thanks. Man,” Beau tried to sound normal and failed miserably. “I was just on my way out actually so – later?”

Caleb frowned. “To speak with the Empress again?” At Beau’s nonchalant shrug, the frown deepened. “Jester said you were crying last night over what happened. I – do not think I have to say that that is, highly unusual for you Beauregard.”

“Maybe it isn’t. You don’t know,” Beau snapped. Never mind that she hadn’t cried since her father paid for the Cobalt Soul to make her disappear from his life. Never mind that she swore she’d never cry again. “Just get out of my way Caleb. I have to go.”

Caleb pursed his lips, then pulled out his damned copper wire and pointed downstairs. Seconds later, Beau could hear someone running up and Jester appeared at the landing. “Beau you’re up! Why are you trying to run away?”

“What the fuck man?” Beau hissed over at the wizard, who shrugged helplessly.

“I was not going to be able to stop you from leaving,” he pointed out the obvious. “But she can.”

An arm stronger than she was started pulling Beau back into their room. “You can’t go back there until you tell me why the queen made you cry last night Beau! Caleb get in here,” Jester dragged Caleb in after them, shutting the door and mumbling the same words she’d used to cast silence the night before. “And don’t try to be all sneaky sneaky Beau,” she warned, turning back to shake a finger in Beau’s direction. “I’m a top detective and I always know when you’re lying.”

Beau let out a heavy sigh and collapsed back onto the bed. “I don’t know what you want me to say Jester,” she complained.

“I want you to tell us what happened,” Jester pleaded. “I know maybe you wouldn’t be comfortable saying it in front of Nott or Fjord, but it’s just us. No one else can hear us. If she hurt you that’s okay – we’ll take care of it.”

“For the last time, she didn’t hurt me,” Beau groaned.

“We do not know anything really about the Kryn. If they are doing something that may harm you, then perhaps we should –”

“I’M ONE OF THEM!” Beau shouted, interrupting Caleb.

Both Jester and Caleb stared at Beau in silence for a long minute. Beau was breathing like she’d run five miles in ten minutes. She vaguely recognized that she was panicking, but she pushed that thought away. Caleb had gone blank, while Jester just looked a combination of sad and worried.

“What do you mean?” Jester asked, her voice smaller than Beau had heard it since they rescued her from the Iron Shepherds.

Fuck it. They wanted to know? She’d tell them. “Exactly what I said, Jester. I’m one of them.”

“Like a – like a spy? Do you have a ring like Dairon? To make you look human?” Jester sounded close to tears.

“What? No! No, I’m not a spy and I’m human!”

“I uh, think you need to explain more. Carefully, Beauregard,” Caleb prompted.

Beau dropped her head into her hands and ran them through her hair anxiously. “I am Beauregard Lionett. I am human. I’m a monk of the Cobalt Soul. I am _not_ a spy,” she recited dully. “But I am also a Kryn of the Dynasty on their sixth consecution whose only goal in the past was to serve and protect Leylas Kryn, Bright Queen of the Drow Empire.” Tears started welling up again and dripping onto the floor between her knees.

Who was she?

Nothing happened for a long, _long_ minute. That was it. She was going to get dumped by the group, kicked out of the Nein, no one would believe she wasn’t a spy this whole time. Even if no one really had any love for the Empire either, they’d all heard the horror stories coming out of Xhorhas. Hell, maybe they’d just kill her and be done with it.

Would she come back right this time?

Maybe she wouldn’t come back at all.

“– eau. Beau. Beau!” Jester was shaking her shoulder.

“Jester. Stop. Let me.”

Hands larger and warmer than hers ever were gently removed her grip on her forearms where her nails had left dents. When had they left her hair? They clasped them gently between theirs. It must be Caleb.

“Beauregard, breathe deeply, in and out, and tell me what you feel,” Caleb coached.

“Um.” Beau choked and coughed in a lungful of oxygen and let it back out. “I um – the bed, and uh, you, and – and Jes next to me.”

Caleb’s hand patted the back of hers. “Gut, Beauregard. Just keep breathing, and take all the time you need. We will not go anywhere until you are ready.”

Beau took him at his word and just tried to breathe for the next ten minutes. At some point, Jester took one of her hands from Caleb. Beau squeezed it tightly, trying to ground herself. “I uh, sorry. I didn’t mean –”

“No, Beauregard,” Caleb admonished quietly. “Obviously what happened is upsetting you.”

Too right. “Leylas wanted to talk about consecution. Wasn’t hard to pick up on the fact that she thought _I_ was one of their precious reincarnated souls. I didn’t really believe it but – I saw things, whenever I looked into the beacon when we traveled. Other people. Just bits and pieces, but enough to give me headaches. Leylas said she could guide me the way they do consecuted children to help them learn about their pasts. So I looked into the Luxon. It was like – it wasn’t like any other time I looked at it. I’ve lived six lives – this is my seventh.” She took a deep breath. “My last one, I died saving Leylas from assassination, twenty some odd years ago. She told me that in the process of my consecution, my soul was lost. She thought I was gone for good. Turns out I just fucked up this time and ended up a human of the Empire.” She scoffed. “Fucking typical of me, right?”

“Don’t say that Beau,” Jester said gently. “It’s not true.”

“How do I know any of what’s true anymore?” Beau shot back. “I was a fucking drow! For almost six hundred years! I’ve been a – a soldier, a spy, a general, an advisor – I’ve been everything. But you want to know the most fucked up part? I’m not just any Kryn. Oh no. No I had to go and be the child of Leylas Kryn herself.”

She couldn’t meet their gaze. What if they didn’t believe her, or what if they still thought she was just a spy the whole time? But she couldn’t be a spy if she was human. Xhorhas didn’t like humans. Right? But Leylas just seemed happy to have Beau found – no matter her form.

Blue arms wrapped around her chest. “Oh, Beau,” Jester whispered. Beau held back a whimper, leaning into her embrace. “It’s okay. You’re okay Beau.”

“I’m _not_ a spy,” Beau insisted, her face still pressed into Jester’s shoulder so it came out muffled.

“We know, Beauregard.” Damn, even Caleb sounded like he was treading softly with her. She must sound fucked up.

“But I need to understand. To know more. I have to talk to her again.”

“I’ll come with you. Caleb will cover for us.”

A part of Beau wanted to tell Jester she had to go alone. She could deal with this by herself. And she probably could. But she didn’t _want_ to. And Caleb looked a little unsure of his lying capabilities but nodded just the same. She heaved a sigh, relaxing for the first time since she woke up.

“Alright Jes. Let’s go visit the queen.”

* * *

They were let into the same sitting room Leylas had been waiting for Beau in before. A couple looks were thrown Jester’s way, but Beau figured she’d been given full access by Leylas, because no one tried to make her leave her friend.

“The Empress is in Council at the moment,” Mezex informed Beau. “She will be informed of your arrival when she dismisses them.”

“And how long will that be?” Beau asked, antsy to get this over with.

Mezex thought about it. “Usually within the next hour, Miss Lionett. I will tell her Eminence you are waiting for her. Good afternoon.” He bowed out of the room and closed the door behind him.

And then there was nothing to do but wait. Jester entertained herself looking under every chair and table for hidden treasures and goodies, while Beau paced deliberately back and forth across the room. She managed to get herself so worked up that she didn’t even notice someone else entering the room. But Jester did.

“I see you brought a friend this time, Beauregard.”

Before Beau could hold her back, Jester was on her feet and waving a finger in Leylas’ direction. “You made Beau cry last night!” she accused. “And you gave her a panic attack! That’s really fucked up you can’t _do_ that, especially if she’s your kid!”

“Jester!” Beau grabbed her friend around the waist and hauled her back to her chair. “I’m sorry,” she apologized to Leylas. She looked into Jester’s eyes, silently pleading that she _stay_ _there_. Jester grumbled and sat down.

“Is this true, Beauregard?” Leylas’ quiet voice pulled Beau’s attention back to her. She sounded – concerned. As if troubled by the thought that she may have inadvertently caused Beau pain.

Beau closed her eyes and sighed. “It’s fine,” she said, trying to make it sound casual and not like her jaw was clenched so hard she was getting a cramp. “Not my first rodeo. Anyway, I didn’t come here for that. I wanted to know more – to understand. Do I have to look in your crystal ball again for that or will it not show me anything new?”

“If the Luxon is causing you that much disturbance, you should not experience it again until we have worked through the issues you are having with your past consecutions,” Leylas said. “I – owe you an apology again, my heart. It would seem that I am unable to do right by you this life.”

“No I said I’m fine,” Beau protested. Her hands clenched into fists, looking for the enemy to punch. “I can handle it. Look, I just – fuck, I just need to know, okay? I can’t – I can’t – it’s my life, isn’t it? Or it was? Shouldn’t it be my choice?”

“It _is_ your choice, Beauregard. But it should not cause you this much distress. If you can tell me which aspect of the consecution is troubling you, I can help. I have guided you through your first five rebirths. Let me help you again with this one – as I should have been able to when you were a child,” Leylas requested, gently gripping Beau’s shoulder.

“Are your children born with souls?” The question was out of Beau’s mouth before she even thought about asking it.

A pause. “I’m sorry?”

In for a copper, Beau decided. “Your kids. Are they born with souls, or do the consecuted ones kick them out and replace them?” Was it possible that she’d replaced the Lionett’s kid before it could be born? Even unknowing, was there a real reason for her parents to have hated her? Did she kill a kid?

“The Luxon provides us with the ability to – divine which children are in need of a soul. A child born without – they do not survive long out of the womb. Whichever family you were born to, Beauregard, if you had not been there, there would have been no child at all. You did not replace or kill anyone, if that is one of your concerns.”

Beau was really starting to think Leylas could read her mind.

“So it’s not how you make babies?” Beau had almost forgotten Jester was there.

“Not in the way you are thinking, Miss Lavorre,” Leylas answered. “It is how we continue on in our next lives, in a new body. But the body already existed. The Luxon merely allows our soul to take residence.”

“So why steal Empire children then?” Beau asked. “If you don’t replace souls if one is already there, then what good are Empire children to you guys?”

The most confused and startled look crossed the queen’s face. “I’m sorry. Steal children? I don’t know what you are speaking of, Beauregard.”

Wait. What? “The children going missing all over the Empire,” Beau pressed. “What are you guys doing with all of them if they’re not for the consecutions?”

“We have – _never_ stolen children, Beauregard,” Leylas said adamantly. “I do not have another answer for that. We do not have any need for Empire children and nor would we kill them. Our only invasions into the Empire’s territory have been to look for the Luxon. We do not steal children.”

Flicking back through the jumbled memories she had of her other lives, Beau realized that Leylas was telling the truth. She had no recollection of ever being ordered to kidnap children when she’d been a soldier. In fact, Kryn armies tended to avoid the smaller villages of the Empire. They went after military outposts and centers of command in larger cities, always searching for the Luxon.

“Well, that’s good,” Jester said happily. “Because it would be kind of shitty if you did steal children.”

“Yeah, but now we have to figure out who _is_ stealing children Jes,” Beau groaned. It had to be the Empire then. But why would they steal their own children? Was it some part of trying to replicate that dunamancy fuckery that they had been told about? Were they trying to copy the Kryn’s reincarnation ritual and using village children to experiment with? The thought sickened her.

“Yes. That is most disturbing news,” Leylas murmured. “You and the rest of your band – the Mighty Nein – are leaving soon, yes?”

Jester nodded but it was Beau that replied. “Yeah. Caduceus had a vision after he died of a location east of here that might hold the answer to whatever curse is affecting his home. We were going to be on our way in the next couple days. But now –” After everything, Beau wasn’t sure she could go. She wanted to get to know Leylas, and these people. Her people. Maybe she could have a place here.

“Then I have a proposal for all of you.” Leylas clasped her hands together, suddenly turning business like. “Our nations are at war, this is true. Both sides have done wrong. But I would not be blamed for the kidnapping and possible torture or execution of children. Even on the Empire’s side. I want you, the Mighty Nein, to discover who is the culprit and see that they are ended. You will be properly compensated for your troubles.”

“Ooo, that sounds like great detective work,” Jester squealed. “Of course we can do that! Beau that’s exciting!”

Beau gave Jester a smile. “Yeah, that sounds like good work Jes. You want to tell others the plan back at the inn? I want to ask my – Le – the queen one more thing. Privately. You understand.” She shrugged.

“Oh. Yeah! Sure,” Jester said in that wild way of hers before ducking out the door. A confused call of ‘Miss?’ could be heard in Mezex’s voice as he followed her down the stairs. Beau couldn’t help letting out a laugh at Jester’s antics. They never failed to cheer her up.

“Your friend is – something,” Leylas chuckled as well.

“That’s a good word for it,” Beau agreed fondly.

“Now. What is it you wished to ask me, Beauregard?”

Beau hesitated, unsure of how she wanted to phrase her question. “Were we – back when I was different – we were – happy? Fuck, I mean – you know what? Forget I asked,” she tried to blow it off. How do you ask if your parent wanted you without sounding like a needy little shit?

“Beauregard, please. Ask what you wish,” Leylas said, utter calm in the face of Beau’s bounding thoughts.

“I’m different now,” Beau said bluntly. “I’m not a Kryn anymore. I’m a human from the Empire. That’s how I grew up. And yeah, I sort of always thought the Empire was a bit shit, but I kind of grew up hearing Xhorhas was a bigger bit of shit. I just – don’t fucking understand how you can look at me and see the person you loved. My own parents couldn’t do that,” she said bitterly.

Dark arms wrapped around her and pulled her in. Leylas was thinner than Beau, but stronger than she appeared. Not that Beau entirely resisted. She went stiff when Leylas first grabbed her but relaxed slightly after a moment. “You, my child, I would know anywhere,” Leylas said firmly. “I raised you in all six of your past lives. You think you were the picture of polite royal children?” A hand ran through the part of her hair that wasn’t shaved, gentle and loving. “You have always been brave, and brash, and so protective of those you love. All of the best qualities I see in you now. My first six centuries pale in comparison to the joy you have brought me over the last six.” A little tug on the tail of her hair in teasing. “No words can describe how much I have missed you over the last twenty-four years, my heart.”

Beau was _not_ going to cry for the second time in two days. She was absolutely not going to. She was a monk, trained by Dairon, and she was tough. She hadn’t cried when Molly died, she didn’t get to cry at a parent offering love so freely in the way she’d always wanted.

However, she _did_ let herself return the embrace Leylas had given, feeling a little awkward but doing the best she could. After a moment she backed away, clearing her throat. “I uh – thanks. I remember you more now. Growing up here. My bedroom was just down the hall, wasn’t it?”

“It still is,” Leylas smiled. “And again, I want to make this clear. You adventure with your friends. I can see how much you love and worry for them. But please. Stay safe and come back to me. I would not miss you for another two decades. And if safety is not possible, please ensure that your friends know to bring you here if you – if you should pass. Do not pass far from here, if you should desire to undergo consecution once more.”

“I’ll tell them,” Beau promised. She still wasn’t sure about a lot of things, but even if she wasn’t certain that the Kryn were who she belonged to, at the very least having an option for bringing her back beyond a resurrection spell was a good idea. But it wasn’t just that. Beau found herself not wanting to cause more pain to fill the dark eyes of the queen. “And I actually had one more question. Well, not really a question, more of a request.”

“Name it.”

Beau sighed, hoping she wasn’t signing a death warrant. “When we got to Asarius, Lady Olios asked us for help finding an Empire spy.”

“I assume it was not your group,” Leylas said with some amusement.

“No, we really were just trying to get Nott’s husband back,” Beau confirmed. “It’s a really long, complicated story, and we generally fucking suck at getting our point across well, but we never mean to cause a ruckus. But,” she hesitated, “we did find the spy.”

Leylas stiffened. “And did you inform Lady Olios?”

“No. And that’s the issue, because we didn’t know any of this, and we are Empire people. Well, half of us are. Well, not even half. Three of us grew up in the Empire. But that’s not the point. The point is, I know the spy. And they’re – they aren’t necessarily entirely pro-Empire either. They work for an organization that’s more neutral in all these affairs. They work to keep factions of the Empire from being consumed by corruption, among other things. And they really aren’t pro-Kryn, like at all, but I think if I get the chance, I can talk them around,” Beau pleaded. “I can’t tell you who they are. Don’t ask me to.”

Leylas contemplated Beau for a long moment, obviously calculating everything she’d said. “Then what is it you want of me? To allow this spy free reign on my lands?” Her voice was the coolest it had ever been when directed at Beau.

“If your people capture them, send for me. They were the first person in my life to give a shit about my general well being. They’re – important to me. I’ll – I’ll escort them back to the border and make sure they don’t come back just please, don’t kill them,” Beau practically begged.

Leylas pursed her lips, going over the options before she finally sighed. “I can make no promises for this spy’s condition before they are under my hand if they are caught. However, if they reach me still alive, I will see that they remain that way until your arrival. That is all I can offer.”

Beau closed her eyes, everything in her sagging in relief. “Thank you,” she breathed, those words coming out easier than they usually did. “You don’t have to give us gold to find out what happened to the children. Knowing us, we’d probably fucking stumble on it on accident in a couple months anyway. We keep finding ourselves in some weird shit. But whatever the hell you want me to do to repay you, I’ll do it. I swear.”

“You owe me nothing, child. I trust your judgement, as I have in all your lives. If you say this – person – does not deserve death, then I believe you.” She pulled Beau into another embrace. “Now, I also believe it is time for you and your friends to go. I wish you luck and speed on your travels. If there are any supplies you need for the road, let Mezex know. He will see that you are outfitted properly for your journey.” Leylas gave Beau a once over, as if memorizing her, then nodded.

“Thank you. For everything. My memories – everything.”

“Believe me when I say it was my absolute pleasure, my Beauregard. Now go, or I shall keep you by my side.”

Beau nodded quickly and practically ran out the door, away from the cresting emotions she was feeling and away from that sadness in Leylas’ eyes that she didn’t want to think about.


	2. Consequences of Consecution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the Nein learn about Beau's past with differing reactions.

Beau wandered the streets of Rosohna for a while after leaving Leylas’ presence. She was muttering to herself in Deep Speech, the only vaguely obscure language she knew. The monks had forced her to learn a language and ‘ _better_ herself’, probably assuming she’d pick something common like, Zemnian or Celestial or Sylvan. All the other students did. But Beau was ornery. She picked the very last language on the list and stuck to it. The Cobalt Soul even had to call in a special tutor just to teach her – not that she ever showed up to the lessons. She taught it to herself, in the library in the middle of the night after she snuck out of her locked bedroom. It was the only time she could learn things she wanted, _because_ she wanted.

She went over everything she’d learned about her past lives. As a general of the Kryn army in her first life, she’d been mortally wounded far from home. Having been consecuted at an extremely young age both for her heritage and her deeds, she’d hung on to scraps of life until she’d been within range of the Luxon. When she’d woken, she was a baby again, and her first memories were of her mother. Leylas. They always were.

“She’s not getting any younger,” Beau hissed, still in Deep Speech. Leylas had lived in the same body since Beau had been born the first time – always there to welcome Beau back. Beau had constantly dreaded the day she’d have to return the favor and be the one to guide Leylas through the process. It was a great honor to lead the monarch through consecution, but Beau had always been afraid of seeing her mother as a child again. That she wouldn’t remember her _own_ child – that their relationship would change.

Beau would have stepped in front of that dagger anyway. To protect her mother. But she would be lying if she said there wasn’t a tiny part of her that did it because she was frightened of Leylas going through consecution.

Odds were, Beau would be long dead again before Leylas would, given the lifespan of her dumb human self. Hell, she might be a child again when her mother died.

That was all too complicated for Beau. She dragged herself from that line of thinking and back to what they would be doing next as a group. They had Yeza to worry about, Cad’s kiln or crematorium, whatever the fuck that was to find, Uk’otoa’s last temple to _not_ delve into but Beau knew Fjord was looking for a way out of his bargain, Jester’s dad to find – potentially the Gentleman – and reality bending and polymorph magic for Caleb to learn. It was a long list.

And her? Beau rolled her eyes, cursing in the speech. People were giving the strange human speaking the tongue of aberrations the side eye but seemed to think she was too unsettling to bother. She’d had no goals. Just have some fun and kill some bad guys with these friends she’d miraculously found. Now she had a much deeper role in this war and with this dynasty than she could have imagined when Leylas had first called her ‘surprising’. Beau had just thought that Leylas meant it was stunning to find a human of the Empire with some poignant thoughts on the travesties of war. Apparently she was more just surprised to find her child in a human body twenty-four years too late.

Beau found herself at the Dims Inn bar before she even thought about returning to where they were staying. She barked for alcohol, and the bartender, startled at hearing the order still coming in Deep Speech, nevertheless passed over a mug of – something. He appeared to look at her with slightly more respect than when they’d first walked in a few nights ago. “Drink up,” he suggested as she continued muttering about consecutions and wars and child stealers in her third language. “Bad day.”

“Yeah, no shit man,” she snapped. He held up his hands in surrender and went off to help another customer as she took a big gulp of the surprisingly strong alcohol.

“Um, Beau? Why are you talking funny? Did the queen do something weird to you?” Jester asked from where she’d suddenly appeared at Beau’s elbow.

Beau cursed and nearly spilled her drink all over her cloak. “Olan ath vara!” She shook her head, setting her brain back to Common. “What is it Jester?” she asked as nicely as she could.

Jester frowned and dipped her head, shrugging. “I don’t know you were just saying weird stuff and I thought maybe the queen did some magic on you and maybe you should talk to Caleb that’s a good idea we should talk to Caleb comeonlet’sgo.” She tugged Beau off her stool before she could even come up with some kind of protest and promptly dragged her up the stairs. “Caleeeb!” she yelled, bursting into the room he was currently sharing with Yasha, since Nott was staying with Yeza. “Caleb, Beau is acting funny!”

“I am not acting weird Jester. I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” Beau finally found her words. Honestly, what did it fucking take to be alone these days? She just needed a _minute_ to be alone and quiet in a room and think about everything that had happened to her in the last few days. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently, because this time spent thinking had given _Jester_ the time to come up with some wild story for Caleb that made him go all frown-y and concerned and digging into his books. “Guys. I’m fine. It’s just fucking Deep Speech, okay. I like to talk in it when I’m thinking so no one can eavesdrop,” she explained impatiently. “Although – probably not the most private language here given the company we’re keeping. Maybe I should have been using halfling. Fuck. Look – neh ya le varacoo. See? Deep Speech. Can I go now?”

Caleb gave her a strange look – apparently he had cast comprehend languages – but let her words slide. “That’s creepy as fuck, man,” Jester decided before letting it go too. “So, what did the queen have to say after I left? Are you guys going to hang out more before we leave? Are you calling her ‘Mama’ now or what?”

“Um, should I go?” Yasha’s quiet voice drifted over from her bed. Beau hadn’t even noticed she was there.

Beau clenched her eyes shut, begging Ioun for patience. “No, Yash. Everyone might as well hear this all at once. Jes, you want to go get the rest of the group?” Jester was up and out of the room in a flash, leaving silence that quickly became awkward. “Sorry, Yasha,” Beau tried. “Didn’t mean to let Jester invade your guys’ room.”

“Oh. It’s fine,” Yasha said, looking a bit discomfited. “I wasn’t really doing anything. Are you okay?”

“Great!” Beau said with the largest, most fake grin of her life. “Nope. That was a lie. Sorry. I’m trying to be better about that. I’m – fine. Let’s go with fine.” It was close anyway. Before Yasha could follow up on that, the rest of the group, including even Yeza, since Nott didn’t seem to want to let go of his hand (understandably) trooped in behind Jester.

“Okay we’re all here!” Jester sing-songed.

“We are. What’s this all about, Jester?” Fjord asked.

“It’s uh – actually me that needs to talk to you all,” Beau said after a bit of a hesitation where Jester looked at her expectantly.

“Is this about where you disappeared off to for three days?” Nott perked up. “Because you really shouldn’t have done that. As a human and all. They don’t like that here.”

Beau dug her palms into her eyes, groaning. “I didn’t disappear. The Bright Queen just had some – interesting revelations.” She glanced at Jester, begging for some kind of help, but her friend just shrugged and nodded for her to keep talking. So she dove into her explanation of her reincarnation and relation to Leylas – for the third time in as many days. It was getting exhausting. She kept it as short and to the point as possible while also trying to answer any questions before they could be asked.

The group was oddly silent after Beau finished. Usually they’d be jumping to speak over one another. Strangely, Nott was the first one to speak up. “So uh, you got a new body too?” she asked hopefully.

Beau grimaced in sympathy. “Not the same way. I don’t think it’ll help you get back to the way you were. Sorry Nott. But kind of.”

“And,” Fjord seemed like he was trying to process it all. “You have memories of all these lives? Six _hundred_ years?”

“Not all of them,” Beau denied. “I think that’d be too much for anyone. But the big stuff. The important things.”

“Yasha, you ever heard of this happening to anyone not Xhorhasian?” Fjord asked their mostly silent friend.

Yasha shook her head, looking bewildered. “No. We have nothing like that in the South. My tribe didn’t really have dealings in the politics of the North. We mostly just did our own thing.” She shrugged. “Sometimes they paid us to fight if the battles came near, but that was not often.”

“Then how do we know we can trust this? For all we know, the Empress is planting thoughts in your head Beau. We’ve seen it before.”

“I know what I saw, Fjord,” Beau argued. “I know what I was. I _am_ Xhorhasian. This isn’t fake, or a trick. I’m pretty fucking good at finding those out. That’s what I’m _trained_ in, remember? She couldn’t fake this.”

Fjord looked like he wanted to say more, but Jester jumped in. “It’s true, Fjord. I went with Beau today to see her again, and the queen looked like my mom does when I come home. Like, really really happy and relieved that I’m safe. The queen wasn’t like, super expressive or anything, probably because she’s the queen and all, but she was _really_ happy to see Beau.”

“Thanks Jes.” Beau gave Jester a grateful smile. “Look man. You don’t have to believe me. None of you do. I just thought it fair that you all know. And that I have a bigger stake in this war than I did a few days ago. I don’t really understand what it all means yet. Fuck, I don’t even know what I want to come out of this. But it’s important.”

Silence. Then – “I believe you,” Yasha said quietly.

“Well of course I do too,” Jester immediately followed up.

“I do as well,” Caleb said.

“Family is nice,” Caduceus smiled benevolently. “It’s good you found some Beauregard.”

Nott picked at the claws on her fingers. “Well, I woke up in a brand-new body. It would be kind of weird if I didn’t think it could happen to anyone else too,” she decided.

“I’m – I don’t know if it matters at all, but I believe you too,” Yeza said hesitantly after his wife was done talking. “I mean – there’s been a lot of strange things happening recently. This doesn’t seem that much stranger.”

“Thanks, man.” Beau looked over at Fjord, who hadn’t said a word. When he just looked right back at her, Beau deflated. “Can we – can we dispense with the deep talks for now? The Empress gave us a mission, which I think we can accomplish in our own time, so we can definitely take a trip to that kiln first, Caddy, but I would like to get started on it soon. I want to find a way to end this war. And I think the missing children play some part in it.”

“You heard her.” Jester began ushering everyone out. “Time for sleep! Except you, Fjord.” She glared at the half-orc. “We’re going to your room. Caduceus, stay here for a minute until I’m done talking to Mr. Stupid Face.”

“…okay.” Caduceus turned to Beau. “You want some tea?”

Beau let out a huff of laughter. “Sure Cad.” She craned her neck to look through the doorway. “Caleb, Yasha, I’m pretty sure Jester didn’t mean for you guys to leave your own room. You can come back in.”

“Oh. Good,” Caleb said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and inching into the room so he could join Beau on his bed.

“I’ll make tea for four then,” Caduceus decided.

* * *

They headed out the next day. Fjord was still giving her the side eye like he thought she was possessed or charmed or something, but Beau decided to ignore him. His attitude had been bothering her long before they got to Xhorhas, and she was appreciating it even less now. In fact, he’d been kind of unbearable since the second temple of Uk’otoa when he’d gotten that new spell to control water. He just seemed – power hungry – sometimes. And a little too sure of himself. It was easier for Beau to just stay away from him for the time being.

Instead, Beau spent more time with Yasha, Jester, and Caleb. She and Yasha would switch moorbounders day to day to have different company. Caduceus, Fjord, and Nott shared Clarabelle. At night, Beau bunked down between Jester and Yasha, and things were okay.

She dreamed a lot more often now. It was like her mind was scrambling to make up for all the years she’d never had a dream, flooding her sleep with memories of her past lives. She lived out a whole war in a week, and saw her general self die again. Her next few lives, she was positioned more behind the lines, beginning to fill her designed role as advisor to her mother as she gained more experience. One of those lives she was even magically inclined – although even then she didn’t mind using her fists to do the talking for her when necessary.

Her memories were actually starting to come in handy. For example, right then. “We need to go south,” she told Caleb in the middle of the afternoon.

“Eh, what?” Caleb responded, looking over his shoulder. “Caduceus said the Wildmother told him due east, in the foothills of the Serpentcrest Mountains.”

“Yeah it might be due east? But we’re going to get trapped in the Morgeth Swamps long before we reach it if we don’t turn south for four hours now,” Beau said.

“What’s going on?” Jester called over from Yarnball. Caduceus halted Clarabelle, who took a few more long strides before finally waltzing to a stop.

Beau poked Caleb in the side, wanting him to take the lead. Use his perfect memory to come up with an excuse for why they needed to go south. She was tired of the weird looks she got from some of the others. “Um, Beauregard says we need to head south for a few hours before cutting east again. To avoid a swamp.”

“A swamp?” Fjord questioned, sounding just a bit too skeptical.

Maybe Beau was projecting. Maybe he was talking totally normal and she just felt like he was being a dick about it because he didn’t believe her whole consecution thing, but it sure sounded fucking skeptical to her. “Yeah. A fucking swamp. Called the Morgeth Swamps. They do have those here, you know,” Beau said impatiently. “Ask Yasha. She’s literally said she grew up in the swamp lands in the south. Guess what? There’s fucking swamps up here too. I used to be a scout responsible for covering any weak spots of the eastern region, and there’s some pretty gnarly shambling mounds and will o’ wisps in there. Never had to worry about this spot on the border.”

“And you remember all that?” Caleb seemed more inquisitive than disbelieving, which Beau appreciated at the moment.

“Yeah. The uh, pattern of the foothills on the horizon reminded me or whatever.” It was almost embarrassing to put it that way. But it really had just kind of hit her like a lightning bolt. “If you don’t believe me, you are welcome to go a half hour further east and you’ll see for yourselves.”

Yasha shook her head, a surprising back up. “No. There is no need to waste time checking. We will go around.”

“Yeah! It’s no problem! _Right,_ Fjord?” Jester asked pointedly.

“…Nope! Not a problem at all. South it is.”

* * *

_You’re not a smart mortal, trekking onto my territory without permission. Who gave you the right?_

Beau’s head whipped to the left and right, searching for the voice. “Beau? You okay?” Nott asked, tugging on her cloak. They’d left the moorbounders staked down a ways back and were approaching their destination on foot.

“Did you hear that voice?” she asked, still looking all around. She could have sworn they were using Deep Speech. They were getting close to the kiln’s supposed location. Maybe this was the guardian she was expecting?

“I didn’t hear anything, Beau.”

Beau frowned, eyes scanning the horizon for anything out of place. “Guess I was just imagining things. Don’t worry about it.”

_Are you trying to reach the kiln? You won’t make it. Many have tried – all failed._

“Shut up,” Beau hissed in Deep Speech, grinding her palm into her temple.

“Beau?” Jester asked that time.

She looked for the voice again, but there was nothing. They were only a few miles from where Caduceus believed the kiln to be found. “Guys, I don’t think we should go up there.”

“What? You want to go back now? But we’re almost there,” Nott complained.

“Beau. If this is about the whole, consecution thing, look. It’s time to stop playing games.” Fjord did not have to be so superior when he spoke. It made Beau want to punch him in his stupid tusks sometimes. “We get it. You’ve got the complicated past vibe going on right now. But we need to focus on the bigger picture here, and that is getting Duces to the kiln. So can we please do that?”

Beau growled and grabbed his arm. “And _I_ am telling you that we need to stop and _think_ about this for a fucking second! Barring the ‘whole consecution thing’,” she mimed sarcastically, “if this kiln is really as powerful as Cad thinks it is, you really think it’s gonna be unguarded? That the betrayer gods would leave it just out on its own? No there is something out there. Something big. What happened to not pissing in the wind and following it anymore?”

“Eh, perhaps you are – both right,” Caleb interrupted their heated stare-off. “Beauregard. We need to keep going. Get Caduceus where he needs to be, yes? But we will be – more careful – than we usually are. Tread lightly, as it were.”

“Sure man,” Beau said without breaking eye contact with Fjord. “Thanks. That makes me feel a little better.” One last glare, and she stalked away from Fjord towards the front of the group, keeping a careful eye on their surroundings.

_Still coming? You’re even less intelligent than I imagined._

It was in her head. Whatever the fuck it was, it was _inside_ _her_ _head_.

 _Get out,_ she snarled.

 _It_ does _understand._ The voice turned triumphant, for some reason. _Tell me Beauregard, does it bother you when they don’t believe a word you say? Poor, poor Beauregard. You’re almost as immortal as me, with that fancy little ritual your people have. Except. They aren’t your people anymore, are they? You made a mistake. You don’t belong. Isn’t that always the way of it with you?_

_Get the fuck out of my head!_

_Why would I? It’s so much fun in here. So many desires – so many fears. Tied so closely to each other. You just found family, what you’ve always wanted. But you’re so different now. She won’t want_ you.

Beau shook her head violently, trying to clear her mind. She started reciting old Cobalt Reserve lessons in Deep Speech. Maybe that would drown out the malevolent voice.

“Beau?” Jester put a hand on her forearm. “Are you feeling all right?”

“Yeah. Just a headache,” Beau blew her off.

_Liiiiaaaar._

She could deal with this. Beau started flipping through her memories, trying to remember if she’d come across any telepathic creatures in her past. Nothing came to mind. She’d studied some, but didn’t know enough to narrow down if the voice harassing her was one of the monsters she’d studied. Although…something was bothering her. The Deep Speech. Not many used both Deep Speech and telepathy. Beau just couldn’t place which ones they were.

_Why would you want to get rid of me Beauregard? Aren’t we having so much fun?_

_Not really fuck face_.

“Beau what is it?”

Jester really sounded worried now. Maybe she should ask for a healing spell or something. Or a restoration of some kind. Maybe she was cursed. She was about to ask just that when movement in the water caught her eye. A shape took form – one that Beau recognized. She’d only ever seen it in books, both at the Cobalt Reserve and in her past lives, when she’d studied other ways to further separate the Kryn from the betrayer gods and their aberrant minions. “It’s an –” She never managed to get the word ‘aboleth’ out.

_They never trusted you. They never wanted you. And now they’re going to kill you. Kill them first._

The voice made so much sense. It was right. The Nein only hurt her. She had to protect herself.

Everyone yelled in alarm when Beau suddenly slammed her bo to the right, crashing it into Caduceus’ stomach. He let out a gasp and stumbled off to the side, trying to catch his breath. Beau immediately followed up with a jab of the other end of her staff into Caleb’s temple, clocking him hard and making him bend over double, holding his head. The rest could only watch as Beau sprinted up the trail and then turned, bo held out in a threatening position, barring the way up.

“What the hell, Beau?” Fjord yelled, drawing his falchion.

Yasha held up a hand, stopping everyone from doing anything. “I could be wrong, but maybe it’s the same thing as with the incubus and succubus. Something messing with her mind. Her head has been bothering her all day.”

“She asked me if I heard voices earlier,” Nott piped up.

Caleb and Caduceus shook off their stun and staggered over to join the rest. “Am I the only one that thinks something is wrong with Miss Beauregard?” Caduceus asked.

Beau started muttering in that language none of the rest of them understood, seemingly speaking to the air. Caleb quickly cast comprehend languages as Beau’s grip on her staff tightened. “Ooohh, that’s not good,” he murmured. “It is definitely a charm of some kind, but I don’t know what. She’s saying in Deep Speech that we cannot be trusted and are trying to kill her. That she’s going to kill us first. And protect the kiln from the Wildmother’s spawn.”

“That’s a little disturbing.” Caduceus looked mildly concerned.

“We have to fix her!” Jester cried. She watched her best friend nod to words no one else could hear and begin approaching the group again. Just as everyone was gearing up to pound on Beau until she remembered who she was, a small ripple appeared in the swampy bog next to them before tentacles shot out towards them. “Run!” she yelled, ducking out of the way of one while Yasha and Nott each dodged another. Jester hurriedly called for the Traveler’s aid and shot some sacred flames at it. Surely something as demon looking as that wouldn’t like magic from the divine?

The creature snarled as the white fire crested over it but didn’t seem too put out over it. “Oh, that is _really_ not good,” Jester could hear Caleb say. He let loose a firebolt. “It’s an aboleth,” he called out to the group. “An aberration. Don’t let it touch you and don’t touch _it!_ No one get in its range. Yasha, try to snap Beau out of it!” he ordered before backing further away from the creature. Everyone else seemed to be doing the same as Nott shot a bolt at it and Fjord followed it up with his signature eldritch blasts.

Yasha ran at Beau, aiming to hit her with the hilt of her blade. Any kind of damage could potentially bring Beau back to herself, and she didn’t want to hurt her too badly. But Beau always had better reflexes than she remembered. She dodged away from Yasha’s blows with no issue, even coming back with a punch of her own after one of Yasha’s misses.

Beau looked like she was gearing up for another hit, that time with her staff, when she made brief eye contact with the aboleth and stumbled, holding her head. Yasha turned just in time to see some of the monster’s wounds close up. “It’s draining her to heal itself!” she yelled to the rest of the Nein. “Kill it now!”

The only good thing that could be said about the fight was that the aboleth was slow as hell and didn’t seem inclined to leave its pool to get within melee range of the party. But it was also proving extraordinarily hard to kill, and with Beau still keeping Yasha fully occupied – even though Yasha had finally managed to land a couple of strikes – the group was having a difficult time getting it down with their two biggest damage dealers out of the equation. It didn’t help that every few seconds the creature seemed to pull from Beau further to heal itself.

The monk was beginning to stumble, face gray and sweat dripping down her forehead, but still she dodged and swung fiercely in Yasha’s direction. Yasha had given up trying to get Beau back to herself, hoping that when the aboleth died, she’d come back on her own. She worried that one good hit from her would actually kill Beau.

Finally, what seemed like hours later but was probably a little less than a minute, Yasha heard a terrible squealing shriek from the pool behind her, and then a large splash as the monster collapsed on itself into the water. Yasha turned back in time to catch Beau stumbling again, the heel of her palm pressed against her temple. She glanced up to see the barbarian staring down at her. “It’s an aboleth,’ she muttered before collapsing.

Strong arms caught her at the last second, lifting her easily. “Ooh boy. Easy there, Beau,” Yasha murmured gently. She wiped sweaty bangs that fallen from Beau’s tied up hair out of her face. “It’s alright now, it’s gone.” The young monk was already out; her head leaning against Yasha’s bicep as she panted for breath even in her sleep. “Maybe we start listening to you more now, huh?” She let her scarce healing magic flow into her friend’s body, encouraged when a tiny bit of color returned to her cheeks and her breathing eased. But she still looked far too sickly. “Okay. Jester!” she called over her shoulder. “We need you over here!”

“Coming coming coming!” Jester sprinted over to where Yasha was just standing there hanging on to Beau. She placed a small blue hand on Beau’s head, the glow of her magic lighting it up before seeping into Beau. “Oh, her head’s real fucked up. What was he _doing_?”

“Psy-psychic drain,” Beau mumbled, her lips barely moving and her eyes still closed. “Shit fucking sucks.” Yasha thought maybe she’d lost consciousness again, but she kept talking after a moment. “If something talks to you in your head, don’t talk back. ‘S my advice.” Then she slumped, and Yasha knew she was out again.

Jester dumped as many healing spells into Beau as she had left, including a restoration “Just in case”. She even called Caduceus over to take a look if their monk needed more, but he didn’t seem overly concerned. “Needs sleep more than anything probably,” he decided. “I imagine her brain hurts a bit still, even if it is all fixed up. Why don’t we bed down early? We can go to the kiln in the morning, that’s alright. I’ve got some Arbolan tea that will be nice for her head when she wakes up.”

Yasha nodded tersely, still cradling Beau in one arm as she pulled out a bedroll from their Bag and laid it out. Beau was so _small_ when she was completely still. Yasha didn’t like it. Fjord was standing watch for any more disturbances, and Yasha ‘hmphed’ in his direction. At least he looked appropriately guilty for not believing or listening to Beau this whole time.

He’d made it unnecessarily difficult for the group to decide what to do when the two arguably most level headed of the party weren’t agreeing on the plan. Especially when they were still getting used to Beau’s new level of knowledge. It was only her opinion, but the rest of the group would be better off if they started paying attention to Beau fast, especially when it came to this area and the Kryn. She knew more now than even Yasha, whose only experience lay in the Southern regions, and were mostly things she’d like to forget.

Yasha got Beau settled comfortably in her bedroll with some water nearby for when she woke up. “We need to talk,” she growled at Fjord and dragged him away from the bubble being set up, tamping down the rage that was building inside her. He wasn’t the enemy. Just being a dick. “Okay. This stops now,” she told him. “Your – picking at Beau and making her question her sanity and everything else. It almost got her killed today. She was the only one down under that well that managed to throw off one of the incubi’s charms on the first try, but this time she couldn’t. And I’m willing to bet all of this – tension and whatever the fuck else you’re doing – had something to do with that. So just – fucking stop. She’s your ‘first mate’ isn’t she? She was proud of it. When did that stop being real?” Yasha left without letting Fjord get in a word, trying to hide the angry blush mounting in her cheeks. It was the most words she’d strung together in a long time and it left her feeling uncomfortable.

Beau slept through the rest of the afternoon and the night as well. There was one time where she started tossing and turning and muttering in Deep Speech, but Jester and Nott – both on watch – got her settled again fairly quickly. A quick hush and hand on her sternum seemed to do the trick, and Jester tucked that fact away for any other times this happened when it was just them rooming together. Beau was always so good at calming her nightmares and not telling any of the others she still dreamed about that dragon sometimes. It was nice that she could do it for her too.

* * *

Beau woke slowly, her head pounding. She groaned as she sat up. Her dreams had been terrible all night. Beau was pretty sure she’d relived every single time she died again, all in order and ending with the day before. Did she die yesterday? She didn’t think so. But maybe that’s why her head hurt so much. She’d have to ask Caduceus if he had a headache too when he came back from the dead.

Probably. Nott did blow him up after all.

It was still in the pre-dawn time of the last watch. The one Beau usually took with Yasha – if she was around. Alone if she wasn’t. Yasha was keeping a look out quietly at the edge of the bubble, her fingers sorting through the flowers pressed into her book. Beau crawled out of her bedroll that she didn’t remember getting into and walked over to sit next to her. “Hey,” she said quietly.

Yasha looked over. “Hello.”

“Um – thanks for uh – getting me back. Yesterday. I mean with the whole – aboleth thing. Making sure I didn’t hurt anyone,” Beau said, feeling awkward.

“Oh.” Yasha glanced down, rifled through her notebook for a moment, then met Beau’s gaze again. “Well, you know. Just repaying the favor, I suppose.”

Beau grinned. She liked that. “Cool.” She let the conversation drop, sensing Yasha’s embarrassment.

Things were peaceful for a while. The sun actually rose out here, away from Rosohna, and Beau was enjoying the color changes when Yasha spoke again.

“In your – other lives. What was your favorite?”

“My favorite? Like, my favorite life?”

“Or well. Anything.”

“Umm.” Beau had to think about it. So much still was just remembering everything and sorting it to the correct life. “Not my last one for sure because, poison dagger to the stomach? Not an awesome way to go, take it from me. But uh, the time before that was pretty alright. I was actually a sorcerer. Only time I’ve been able to use magic. And it was fucking awesome most of the time. Could do a lot of Caleb’s schtick without all the – you know – book learning. And there were a lot of practical spells I needed – things a spy would use, since that’s what I was. I preferred ice stuff though. We hardly ever saw it around, and I loved the chill. I’d make it snow when I was a kid.”

Yasha let her talk, listening with a small smile on her face as Beau spoke animatedly about some of her past talents. Beau was usually so defensive and cryptic about her family and past before she met the Nein. To hear her speak so fondly and enthusiastically about showing off to her mother as a child and growing up to play an important role in the function of a nation was a nice change. The look on Beau’s face was something Yasha could get used to.

After a while, Beau trailed off naturally. They watched the sun rise the rest of the way together before the party began to stir. “Beau!” Jester scrambled out of her bedroll and over to Beau. “Are you okay? Is your head still all soupy because it was _pretty_ fucked up yesterday.”

Beau chuckled, letting Jester fuss over her. “I’m feeling okay, Jes. Seriously. The head is fine.”

“You’re sure?” Jester asked doubtfully.

“I’m sure.” Beau threw an arm around her shoulders, drawing Jester in close for the little side hug she was getting better at doling out. “I’ll ride Yarnball with you after the kiln thing if it’ll make you feel better. That way you can catch me if I fall.”

“I _am_ really strong,” Jester agreed. She stood and held out her hand to lift Beau to her feet as well.

Caduceus passed her a mug of tea that smelled different from the morning tea he usually provided. “Drink this. It will make your brain less – ‘soupy’ – as Jester so wonderfully described.” He truly seemed to think soupy was the best description for brain damage he’d ever heard.

“Guys,” Beau mildly complained even as she took a sip of the hot drink. “I’m _fine_. You don’t need to baby me. It was just a little charm effect.” She shut up when the tea immediately eased her headache.

Nott took a small drink from her flask. Beau was glad to see her toning it down with the alcohol consumption. “No,” Nott said after she swallowed her whiskey. “Caleb lectured us last night about what an aboleth can do. You slept through it, but –”

“I know what an aboleth can do, Nott,” Beau interrupted, but tried to not be rude about it. “I was trying to point it out when the charm took hold. Sorry about that by the way, you guys,” she said to the group as a whole. “Normally I’m uh, better at resisting that kind of stuff.”

“Not your fault,” Yasha said quietly from the periphery.

“Yeah,” Fjord agreed, still looking guilty. “No harm done.”

The group went about packing up, eager to get to the kiln and get it over with so they could return to their slightly more familiar haunts of Rosohna. They were getting tired of the Wastes. Fjord pulled Beau a little away from the group to apologize.

“It’s just hard – and that’s no excuse for how I acted, I know that. But, everyone’s lives seem so unbelievable. I drowned and came back, Nott drowned and reincarnated as a goblin, and now you too. There’s just a lot of that going around for a group of what I thought was a bunch of ordinary people. I’m not that smart on the whole magic thing, and it’s hard to wrap my head around it,” he explained. “And I took it out on you. I apologize for that Beau.”

Beau thought about how she wanted to respond. In the past, she would have just flown off the handle, maybe punched the guy. She told him that. “But fuck man, I don’t know. There’s a lot more we gotta deal with than my hurt feelings. Just – we’ve been traveling and fighting together for a good few months now. You know me. Better than a lot of people. Maybe give me the benefit of the doubt next time.”

“I will,” Fjord promised.

“And we’re talking about this more later,” she warned. “I’ll probably punch you then.”

“I’d deserve it.”

“You would.”

* * *

It took the rest of the morning to reach the location that Caduceus said housed the kiln. Where his certainty came from, Beau wasn’t sure, but she figured the Wildmother was telling him something. Or, you know, the ancient clay building in the middle of nowhere foothills that was the only sign of civilization they’d seen in days might also be a good indicator they were in the right place.

The place looked deserted at first glance, but that was definitely going to be too good to be true.

“Are we all in agreement that something fucking terrifying is probably in there?” Beau muttered from near the front.

“Oh undoubtedly,” Caleb said from the very way back. Everyone else nodded along agreeably.

“Looks like only one way in and out,” Fjord said after a quick peek around the perimeter.

Yasha nodded. “I will go in first.”

“I’ll be right behind you,” Beau promised. The rest of the group settled into the arrangement they’d grown comfortable with. Yasha, Beau next, then a healthy mixture of Fjord, Nott, Caduceus, and Jester, and then Caleb a good fifteen feet behind everyone else. It usually worked out pretty well.

Except when Beau pushed open the door from the side to allow Yasha through, and a lightning bolt immediately sliced through the opening, hitting Yasha and then Fjord. That didn’t work out so great. Somehow, Caduceus caught sight of it and nearly managed to duck out of the way; it glanced off his shield, clipped his shoulder and shot straight into Caleb.

“Caleb!” Nott screeched. “Caleb are you okay?!”

“Wonderful,” Caleb gasped as he struggled to maintain his balance, holding his chest.

“We’re all great too, Nott. Thanks for asking,” Fjord muttered with an eye roll.

Beau was through the door in front of Yasha and looking for the cause of the lightning before anyone else had recovered. She found her and took off, leaping over what she assumed was the kiln they’d come for and over next to her before she could throw anything else at her friends. “Not cool man!” Beau swung her staff twice, managing a real nice hit on the woman’s nose that had her stumbling for an instant.

A couple of Fjord’s eldritch blasts followed up and then a crossbow bolt flew between her and the other woman to thunk into the clay wall. Beau shot a glare over at Nott, who shrugged in apology.

“The Strife Emperor does not welcome guests!” the woman snarled. The name sent alarm bells clanging in Beau’s head. One of the betrayer gods. What were they doing at the sacred site of Melora?

She could hear Caduceus calling out some of his healing magic. Good. He’d keep the others up. Beau could focus on this fight. She made eye contact with the other woman, and she felt a wave of dizziness wash over her and recognized some kind of enchantment. “Oohh, not this time buddy,” Beau growled. She was about to hit her good when the magic user began to grow in size and barbs began stabbing out of her skin. “Fuuck, dude.”

Had to be a druid, although she’d thought druids could only shift into animals. Druids were often denizens of Melora, dedicated to the wilderness and chaos of nature. The Strife Emperor must have corrupted this one. He really had it in for the Wildmother, even eight hundred plus years after the Calamity. Beau guessed he didn’t like being shown up all those times on the battlefield when Melora kicked his ass.

A barbed devil now glared at her, and while Beau followed through on her staff swings, they sure didn’t seem to be doing much. “Shit.” Yasha arrived at her side an instant later, looking a lot faster and more antsy than normal. Caleb must have hasted her. “Good of you to join, Yash.”

“Hey.” Quickly said to Beau, and then a glare for the devil in front of them. “What the fuck are you!?” Yasha yelled as she swung twice. The devil didn’t seem too concerned, dodging easily and still fixated on the one who had charged her first. They weren’t the guardians of the Nine Hells for nothing. Two more blasts from Fjord came in, as well as finally a bolt from Nott that hit, which the devil didn’t see coming. It snarled, but shook off the wounds once more, raising its claws and barbed tail. For a moment, Beau thought the devil was going to attack Yasha, but then it unleashed all its fury on her, raking her across the stomach with one set of claws and its tail puncturing into her shoulder. Beau did manage to duck out of the way of the claws going at her face, following it up with a quick punch of her own that got the devil in the chest. She couldn’t reach its face anymore; it was too tall.

Jester’s giant lollipop weapon appeared over head and whacked it for Beau. “Nice one, Jes!” Beau called back over her shoulder, just enough to see the hint of a grin on Jester’s face before she ducked behind the entrance again to hide. Good. She didn’t want the squishy ones going down. Caduceus was already far too close to the fight for Beau’s liking.

Beau kept striking at it, and she landed one, but she couldn’t seem to find the pressure points to stun the creature. She hadn’t fought a devil before, so she supposed that made sense, even if it was frustrating as fuck.

But then, Yasha struck twice, carving two deep gashes into the devil’s chest as radiant flames, the green of Fjord’s blasts, and a bolt all came and struck the devil one after the other. It was left staggering, and the druid dropped the form, returning to her – not human self. Beau wasn’t entirely sure of her race. She wasn’t sure she’d met one like her before.

“Emperor, grant me strength! Koyna will cut down your enemies for you!” The druid – Koyna – lifted a hand to the small fire burning in the hearth by the kiln. The flames grew for an instant before a blinding light bright as the sun spread across the room.

Beau yelled as the light seared into her eyes, burning hot as fire. When it faded, her vision didn’t return. “What?”

“Are you alright?” Yasha asked, sounding pained.

“I can’t see!”

“Aaauuugghhh!” Nott’s trademark scream indicated that she was in some distress as well.

Koyna laughed as Beau checked if her eyes were still there. They were – she just couldn’t see. Jester could cause blindness, maybe she could fix it as well? She’d worry about that later. She swung blindly at where she thought Koyna still was, catching air the first time and just barely clipping her the second. Koyna’s laugh turned into a snarl that sounded far too close to the barbed devil’s for comfort.

Beau rubbed at her eyes harder as Yasha grunted in frustration. “Stay the fuck _still_ ,” Yasha growled. Beau was starting to be able to see dark shapes moving. Maybe it was just flash blindness. Colors came back over the next couple seconds, and a few seconds later, her vision was back to normal. Just in time for her to wish it wasn’t.

Koyna was beginning to look a little ragged, bleeding and burned in multiple places as she panted. “Emperor,” she muttered, pointing her hand at the fire in the hearth again before closing her fist. There was a roar, and then fire erupted beneath Beau. She heard Yasha yell in pain beside her and further off, both Caduceus and Fjord let out their own cries.

Just how many ridiculously powerful spells did this fucking druid have?

Beau felt like she was barely standing when the fire finally died down to nothing. Her skin felt cracked and burned, and even her lungs hurt from the heat of the flames. A fire ball erupted, and Beau closed her eyes, knowing this one would be enough to finish her off, but then Koyna was the one screeching as she burned. Beau peeked and saw that the edge of the fire stopped mere inches away from her and Yasha, leaving Koyna the only one caught in the blast. She glanced over her shoulder to Caleb, the only person who could have cast it, and he nodded at her before crouching against the far wall.

She had never been more grateful for his precision than at that moment.

“You know what?” she told Koyna. “I really – _fucking_ – hate your fire!” Beau gathered up all the strength she had left for one last punch. The druid wasn’t a devil anymore. She knew where the pressure points were.

Koyna was left staggered, clutching at her temple.

“NOW Yasha!”

Yasha didn’t hesitate, unleashing two swings that bit deep into the gashes she’s left previously on Koyna’s chest. Koyna screamed in pain, only to be cut off by a shot from Fjord, blasting her off her feet.

Beau froze, waiting for the druid to get back up and pull some other spell that would nearly kill all of them, but Koyna lay unmoving. As Yasha calmed down and wiped off her blade and went to check on the less bulky of their members, including Nott who was still moaning about her eye sight, Beau knelt painfully next to Koyna.

The druid was barely conscious, too weak to stand up – almost too weak to speak. “Melora forgive me,” she whispered, blood bubbling out of her mouth. “Bane – he – I didn’t want –”

“I know,” Beau said, saving Koyna the trouble of finishing. “It’s hard to fight off a god. It wasn’t your fault.” A shaking hand gripped hers, and Beau held onto it. “Melora won’t blame you.”

“It – It’s been so long. The kiln.” Koyna gathered what strength she had left. “Have care. Bane and – and Zehir. Corrupted.” That seemed to be as much warning as she could manage. “I don’t – I don’t want to be –”

Beau squeezed the druid’s hand. “You can go. Melora will be waiting for you.” _Don’t you make me a fucking liar, Wildmother_.

Koyna nodded, relief filling her eyes briefly before they went dark. Beau gently closed them. “Ioun, show Melora the truth of her champion,” she prayed. “Grant her mercy.”

She would ask Caduceus how one buried an acolyte of Melora after they dealt with the kiln.

“Hey.” She walked up to where Caduceus and Fjord were inspecting the kiln as Jester, Nott, and Caleb investigated around the building for anything cool. Yasha stood guard at the doorway. “Be careful with that. Koyna said both Bane and Zehir had a part in corrupting this place, and I don’t think I have to tell you how fucking not good that is.”

“Wait. Zehir?” Fjord asked, looking alarmed.

“Yeah. Which means your old buddy Uk’otoa might be watching the place too.”

“Uk’otoaaaa,” both Jester and Nott whispered practically on cue.

Caleb put a hand on each of their shoulders. “Perhaps here is not the best place to invoke his name, ja?” he told them, then looked at Fjord. “Your patron is buried under the Lucidian Ocean, and his last remaining tether lies in a temple in the jungles along the Menagerie Coast,” he pointed out. “Surely this is a bit beyond his reach.”

“Yeah, about that.” Fjord scratched at his neck uncomfortably. “I may have had a – dream a few weeks ago when we first got to Xhorhas where he kind of…threatened me? For not going to the temple. And then, you know, the whole coughing up sea water when I woke up. So yeah. I’m pretty sure he knows what’s up.”

“Okay, you know what?” Beau stumbled over to a wall so she could slide down it without falling over. “Before we do anything that could potentially anger a pseudo-god, I need a break. I think a couple of us are about to keel over.” She could barely keep her eyes open and she kind of wanted to throw up. Her arms and legs were covered in burns, and Yasha, Fjord, and Caduceus weren’t much better. “In fact, when I keel over in a second, just let me be.”

“No, Beau,” Jester said sternly, bounding over. “You’ve done that enough for one week. If we can take ten minutes, Duces and I can both do a prayer. Who else feels like shit?”

Yasha hesitantly raised a hand. “I uh – got burned pretty bad back there,” she admitted. Caduceus, Fjord, and Nott also acknowledged that they were hurting.

“Caleb you okay man?” Beau called over to where the wizard was still investigating the edges of the kiln: not touching, but probably looking at its magical properties.

He started and looked up to see everyone watching him. “Me? Oh, yes I am fine. That first lightning bolt was the only time I got hit and Caduceus patched me up from that already. You go ahead.” He didn’t say anything else, but Frumpkin appeared and leapt from his shoulders to trot over into Beau’s lap and start purring up a storm.

“Hey buddy.” Beau scratched under his chin the way he liked.

The two clerics sat down, each closing their eyes and beseeching their chosen deity for help. Beau always felt like maybe she shouldn’t fidget during these things, but Yasha reached over to pet Frumpkin too, so Beau relaxed. Ten minutes later, the scratches from the devil’s claws were healed completely and nearly all of her burns were gone. Her eyes weren’t blurring and scratchy anymore either. Yasha seemed to be about on par as her, and Fjord, Nott, and Caduceus looked completely healed up. Good. Beau felt slightly better about their odds of going up against a godlet if necessary.

They all sat around for another hour or so, mostly just to catch their breath and plan what to do about the kiln. Beau and Caleb told them what they knew of the betrayer gods. They had been banished since the Calamity, but their minions, like the druid, and creations turned pseudo-gods, like Uk’otoa, still had some influence since they were bound on the mortal plane of existence.

“I don’t know on what terms Uk’otoa is with his creator, but if he gets free, what if he tries to finish the job the Cloaked Serpent and Strife Emperor started?” Beau asked. “What if he goes after the Wildmother?”

“It is a distinct possibility,” Caleb agreed. “And this kiln has already been corrupted by the Strife Emperor’s influence. You said there were several of these sacred sites of the Wildmother’s?” he asked at Caduceus. “And they are all connected?”

“Supposedly.”

“So the corruption started here and spread to the other sites. Like your grove.”

“If we stop it, we’ll fix all of them?” Yasha asked.

Caleb shook his head. “I have no idea. There is a chance though.”

Beau noticed Fjord fidgeting. “Fjord? Got something to add?”

“…Yeah. Look. I didn’t know I made this deal when I made it. I was dead,” Fjord began. “And the magic powers are great and all, but I think I’d be better off without Uk’otoa’s presence. Anyone know how to break a deal with an almost god?”

There was silence for a minute as everyone considered. “Well, I’ve never separated from my god before,” Caduceus started, “but I think if you, pledged yourself to another god. A stronger one. That might do the trick. Yeah.”

“That was the only thought I had,” Fjord agreed. “I asked you about the Wildmother – before. Remember that? The goddess of safe passage over seas and wild nature. I think that’s someone I could get behind. If you help me?”

“Oh, sure.” Caduceus seemed delighted by the idea. “You can help me with the kiln. I think a new warrior for the Wildmother might be just what we need to cleanse this place.”

“Just don’t make it a crematorium, yeah Caddy?” Nott asked. “You promised that was a joke.”

Caduceus rumbled a deep laugh. “I’m getting better at those. No, Mr. Fjord will be fine.”

* * *

They decided it would be best if most of the group was outside when the ‘cleansing’ took place. For safety’s sake. Beau took a position by the door so she could keep an eye on everyone. Yasha was further down the path in case anything curious came wandering. Jester was close to Beau in case they needed the intervention of another deity during the process. Caleb and Nott were a safe distance away as well.

“Ready, Fjord?” Caduceus asked.

“Oh yeah. For sure,” Fjord said, entirely uncertain.

 _CONQUER_.

The thunderous roar made Beau jump. Even Yasha startled from fifty feet away.

 _CONSUME_.

Was that what Fjord heard in his dreams? No wonder he was always freaked out.

 _DESTROY_.

“Now Fjord.” Caduceus sounded more present and commanding than Beau had ever heard him. A roiling golden light had started to fill the room, and she didn’t know if it was the work of Uk’otoa or Melora.

Fjord plunged the hilt of his falchion into the kiln, wincing as Caduceus’ flames flared around it. Beau hoped they weren’t actually burning his skin or that was going to take some serious healing spells later. He let out a yell of effort before the falchion came back out, the eye from the hilt now a Cloven Crystal again and resting in his hand. Fjord stared into it as though it were speaking to him.

“Mother make this ground holy once more, and accept the pledge of your new acolyte,” Caduceus prayed. Energy burst from him and filled the building, blasting through Beau on its way out the door. It settled onto the ground, leaving it faintly glowing. “Destroy it Fjord!”

Fjord threw the crystal on the ground and slammed the falchion onto it, shattering it into tiny shards. There was an inhuman, incoherent, screaming roar as Uk’otoa’s last key to unleashing himself on the world again was destroyed in an instant, far from the temple it unlocked.

“Finish it Mother,” Caduceus invoked. He spoke something unintelligible and dropped incense into the kiln. The fire flared one more time, black as night, before purifying into a bright yellow-white. Once that happened, both men sagged as if exhausted, even though the whole process had maybe taken three minutes.

Beau gave it another second to make sure nothing else would happen before rushing in, Jester right behind her. She propped up Caduceus while Jester grabbed Fjord’s arm to keep him standing. They were miraculously unsinged. The fire had died down to just above embers, but it continued to burn without any visible fuel source. “It’s done,” Caduceus murmured tiredly, grinning for all he was worth. “The curse is broken. My home is safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aboleths are nasty aberrations that can Enslave a creature, a form of charm, and use that to drain them of health while healing themselves. Speaking with them telepathically, like Beau did, also immediately tells an aboleth their quarry’s deepest desires. Creepy dudes.
> 
> The druid is a level 16 Kalashtar that I rolled on DND Beyond and then proceeded to spend nearly three hours rolling every single character’s moves and saves to the best of my knowledge for four rounds of combat. The druid used Confusion on Beau, which she saved, and then Sunburst and Firestorm (an old favorite of Keyleth’s). At the end, fittingly, Beau was left with exactly one hit point. Fjord got the HDYWTDT. I had far too much fun playing out the battle myself.


	3. Don't Disappoint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dairon finds out, and it gets messy.

“Hey Beau?” Jester caught her attention as Beau kind of dozed on Yarnball behind her. They were getting in a couple hours of travel away from the kiln, even Caduceus not wanting to linger at the now cleansed sacred site. Fjord had been silent since the ritual and was currently still staring at the hole in his falchion where the Eye of Uk’otoa once rested. It would take him some time to get used to switching his allegiance to another god and work that out with Melora before speaking about it to anyone else.

“Mmhmm?” Beau responded sleepily. Listening, but eyes closed. It had been a _long_ few days.

“Why did you come with us?” Before Beau could stiffen and get anxious, Jester rushed to continue. “And not that we don’t want you here of _course_ wewantyouhere you’re amazing and strong and super cool and without you half of us would probably be dead. I just – when you ran into Fjord and me in Trostenwald, you were doing your own thing. We were going to fight a snake and then head north, which was where you’d just run away from, but you turned right around when I asked. Why?” Jester had been wondering for a while. Beau could be on any adventure she wanted to right now, but she’d chosen the Nein. She’d chosen a half-orc and a Tiefling who were venturing into the Empire for the first time and arguably knew nothing about what rules to follow and were going to drag Beau exactly where she didn’t want to be. And still, without hesitation, Beau had agreed to come along.

“Well,” Beau thought about it. “You said it already.”

“I did?”

Jester could feel Beau’s shrug. “Yeah. You asked if I wanted to go kill a monster which, we all know I am always fucking down for, so that was a no brainer. And then –” Beau trailed off. Jester looked over her shoulder to see Beau’s dark cheeks had gotten a bit darker. Jester gently elbowed her to get her to continue. “You just – you asked if I wanted to be your friend,” Beau muttered real quiet. “That was the first time someone asked me that. I – I liked it. You didn’t know me apart from I’d drunk Fjord under the table, but you asked me for help with the farmers and to be your friend. That’s why I stayed, Jessie.”

Jester bit her lip at those words. “Okay okay you have to hug me this time because I can’t let go of the reins to hug you but I really want to hug you right now.”

Beau chuckled and wrapped her arms around Jester’s waist, pulling her closer for a moment before letting go. “Sure thing Jes.”

“You’re the best friend I could want,” Jester continued, thankfully her voice pitched low so that not everyone could hear. Beau still had at least _some_ reputation to maintain. Even as her insides warmed and she had to bite her lip at how happy Jester’s words made her. How they made her feel like she _belonged_.

After everything with the aboleth, Beau was ashamed to admit that it had managed to plant a doubt in her. That she was just an extra, unneeded part of the Nein. Easily pushed aside for someone else. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t true: that the group wouldn’t toss her away for someone else. The Mighty Nein never ran out of room. It was just hard to argue against history.

“Beau?”

She forgot to respond to Jester’s statement. “Sorry, I uh – zoned out. You too Jes. Thanks for believing in me first.” It was a little sappy, but after the consecution reveal and the fights they’d had after, Beau was feeling a bit grateful for what she now had.

* * *

Beau managed to wait an hour after they got back to Rosohna before seeking out Leylas. Even that was pushing her outer limits of patience. There was a new desire in her to go let someone know that she was safe, that they didn’t need to worry about her. It wasn’t something she’d felt before, since no one had ever cared that wasn’t with her every hour of the day. Namely, the Nein. Even with Dairon it was more Beau being concerned for _her_ safety and checking in dutifully.

The Overwatch Guard let her into the tower without a word. But they did nod respectfully. That was a change from the weird looks she typically got as one of two humans in the city. Maybe they’d been informed of who she used to be. The idea made her slightly uncomfortable, but it was also nice – that Leylas may have told her people that her lost daughter had been found.

Mezex was there to escort her when the doors opened. “Miss Lionett,” he greeted. “You have returned. Her Eminence has been informed of your party’s arrival and is expecting you.”

“Great. Lead the way.” Mezex took her to a different room than the times before – something that seemed more secluded. Beau thought they were maybe Leylas’ private quarters, but she couldn’t quite recall.

“Beauregard.” Leylas’ warm voice came from off to the side, and Beau looked over to see the Bright Queen coming out of another room. “Thank you for bringing her Mezex. You may go.” Mezex bade them good day and shut the doors behind them. “My child. You have returned safe and sound. Successful, I hope?”

“Yup. Caduceus broke the curse on the kiln, and I think Fjord is a paladin for Melora now, so it’s been an interesting couple of weeks.”

“And there were dangers on the road?” Leylas asked a bit too inquisitively. As if she knew already that Beau was hiding something.

Beau scratched her temple. “Oh you know, an aboleth that only I could hear and understand that enslaved me into thinking my friends were trying to kill me so I tried to kill them first. And then kept using his voodoo brain powers on me to hurt me.” She tried to act like it was no big deal, but her hands clenched at the memory and she looked down. “And then a mad druid of Melora at the kiln itself that had been corrupted by the Strife Emperor. We had to kill her, which was more sad than anything. She wanted to die, by the end. Go back to Melora. Caduceus helped me bury her the way he and his family would do for those belonging to the Wildmother back in his grove.”

A hand wrapped around the back of her head and pulled her into a tight embrace. Beau went willingly, her arms rising more naturally than before to hug Leylas back. “I am sorry the journey was so difficult for you,” Leylas apologized. “I trust all of your friends returned as well?” Beau nodded against her shoulder. “It appears we have been remiss in our patrols to the east for the last few centuries as we have concentrated on the threat to the west. If aberrations have found a home in our lands, it is an issue I will have taken care of. But for now, tell me. The aboleth spoke to you and only you understood?” She led Beau to take a seat next to her.

“Yeah I uh – the Cobalt Reserve made me learn _something_. Deep Speech pissed them off the most, so I kept at it,” Beau said with a shrug and a smirk. “It wasn’t _respectable_. How they expect to learn all the secrets of the world if they insist on Sylvan and Draconic being taught continually, I’ll never know. It’s come in handy more than once.”

“And those reports I got after your second visit with me of an aberration disguised as a human walking our streets and snarling – I assume that was you.” Leylas was smiling too, looking amused and – almost proud.

Beau huffed a laugh. “Yeah. That was me. Sorry if I disturbed your citizens.” She wasn’t that sorry, and Leylas knew it too.

“You are not. And this kiln. The betrayer gods corrupted it?”

“We think two of them were working together: The Strife Emperor and the Cloaked Serpent. Before or during the Calamity, but definitely before the Divergence. They both considered the Wildmother one of their greatest enemies back then. They corrupted the kiln, which connected to the rest of her places of influence, including Cad’s grove.”

Leylas nodded, listening carefully. “And yet they were banished nine hundred and sixty-seven years ago.”

It hadn’t even occurred to Beau that Leylas had _lived_ through the Calamity and the Divergence that followed. She had _so_ many questions she wanted to ask. But Beau could sate her curiosity about that at another time. “Yeah they were, but Zehir left behind some – creations? Pseudo-gods? They were bound on the Material Plane while the betrayers were bound on the other side of the Divine Gate. One of them was this – leviathan called Uk’otoa. He was actually Fjord’s patron.” Leylas stiffened, but Beau rushed to explain. “He didn’t know! Fjord made a deal when he drowned during a storm at sea. And yeah, still a bad idea. Someone should probably have a talk with him about making deals with strangers when you’re dead,” Beau mused.

“I would advise it,” Leylas agreed dryly.

“Well, he broke his deal and pledged himself to the Wildmother in Uk’otoa’s place and destroyed the last link to freeing Uk’otoa from his binds, so…win?”

“You and your party have very strange methods, but they _do_ seem to be oddly effective.”

“That’s us,” Beau shrugged with a wry grin. “Stumbling around and getting into trouble until we solve something big that makes leaders indebted to us. We got banished from a pirate island less than twenty-four hours after our arrival when we uncovered a plot to kill the pirate king and then we set fire to a ship. We panicked.”

“Now _that_ , is a tale you should regale me with over a meal. Come.”

* * *

When Beau entered the inn with the errand Leylas had set her still on her mind, the rest of the Nein were deep into a conversation.

“So what now? Back to the Empire, hope we don’t get arrested and or killed, and figure out what’s going on with those missing kids?” Fjord asked.

“Weell, we _definitely_ need to get Yeza and Nott to Allfield so they can get Luke,” Jester said. “But – I think we need to stay here a few more days.”

“Not that I am opposed to more time in that library,” Caleb jumped in, “but why is it necessary for us to stay?”

“Because Beau just found her mother, and she deserves a few days with her before we leave Xhorhas altogether,” Yasha said quietly.

Jester nodded vigorously. “Beau won’t ever tell us, but I know she wants to stay at least a bit. She looked the same when we got back as I did when we first went to Nicodranas. She barely even dropped her bags before she was gone.”

Now felt like a good time to jump in. “Excuse you. It was a whole hour,” Beau teased, sitting down between Jester and Yasha as everyone but Caduceus started in surprise. She could be _almost_ as stealthy as Nott when she tried. “Hey Caleb. We’re going back to the library tomorrow. Leylas is rewarding our _exploits_ of removing the influence of two betrayer gods from Xhorhas. They’re big on that. So _you_ get to memorize another teleportation circle.”

Caleb did his little excited face that looked barely any different from his normal face, and Beau knew she’d just made his night. “That is – good news Beauregard.”

“Yeah. Thought you might like that. Are we done gossiping about me? Not that I mind. I am pretty dope.”

“We were just discussing what to do next,” Fjord said.

“Jester and Yash are right. I wouldn’t mind staying a couple more days,” Beau admitted. “But besides spending some time with Leylas and figuring stuff out with her, Dairon is still here somewhere. I need to try and find her and get her out of here while I can.”

Fjord nodded. “Alright. We can look for Dairon and any other supplies we think we’ll need over the next few days while you buddy system with Caleb on over to the – what was it? Marble Tomes, and get his wizard stuff figured out. And spend some time with your…mother. Other mother?”

“Let’s just go with Leylas,” Beau corrected hurriedly, waving her hands. “Or the Bright Queen. She’s got a lot of names, it doesn’t really matter. Don’t call her my mom that could get confusing. Not that my _other_ mother was much of one…eeehh, but that’s beside the point. Stick with Bright Queen. Easier.”

“Fair enough.” They all separated for bed, but Fjord pulled Beau over to a more private corner of the dining area. “Look, Beau. I think I need to apologize again.”

For that thing I said I’d punch you for and you’d deserve it?”

“Yeah. That.”

Beau inhaled deeply and let it whoosh out in a sigh. “Look man. It was a lot. Remembering all that shit. Thinking I was going crazy and then I’ve got this drow woman telling me I’m her daughter. Except I’m a human. Who already has two parents, as shitty as they were. I’m an Empire kid in a city that really isn’t fond of them, except all of a sudden I was also one of _them_. That was all insane enough without someone who I thought was my friend saying I was making all of it up. You think I didn’t _consider_ that? That it was all made up – either by me or Leylas? It gave me panic attacks. Don’t! Tell Jester that,” Beau winced. “She thinks I only had the one and dragged me straight back to Leylas to blame her for it. She doesn’t need to know there were more. It’s not Leylas’ fault. She just wanted to help her kid. And Fjord – it’s weird but she really does seem to love me. Like she’s still learning about who I am now just like I am about her, but she _likes_ who I am. Even when I’m rude or, or too excited about retelling a fight. I told her about when we were pirates she enjoyed that.” Beau pulled herself back on track. “But it’s. It’s nice. And I just wanted to share that.”

She’d forgotten how good a listener Fjord could be. Caleb was always a bit lost in his head or too busy trying to distance himself from everyone that he didn’t hear her, and Jester tried but she was just so energetic most of the time. Yasha wasn’t always around and Cad was just a bit vacant. But Fjord put all his attention on whoever was speaking. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t.”

“Yeah well.” Beau lifted her arm and gave Fjord a light hit to his bicep. “There. Even now.”

They both managed to hold a straight face for a few more seconds before bursting into laughter. “Thanks for not leaving me stunned down here alone. All the other half-orcs here are bigger than me,” Fjord joked.

“Maybe you’re like, three quarters human and that’s why you’re puny,” Beau suggested, grinning.

“Whole new race. Lucky me,” he drawled.

* * *

“Hey Beau! We found Dairon and she’s nooooot happy! Like she’s really pissed and wants to talk to you. I think it’s about the heroes –” Jester’s Sending cut off as she reached her max limit. Beau cursed the rotten timing. She was spending an afternoon at the Marble Tomes with Caleb, helping him copy down some spells he’d found after he’d memorized the teleportation circle sigils. Leylas had also given a Professor Woccoh permission to allow them to peruse the stacks with almost no restrictions. There were some areas Caleb still wasn’t allowed, but he seemed perfectly content with what he’d found.

He said Nott used to help him with copying spells, but she was obviously busy with Yeza and he didn’t want to pull her away from that. Beau found she liked the calm atmosphere of some busy work with Caleb. Some of the other languages were starting to make sense too. She didn’t know if that was a consecution thing or a too much time in the Cobalt Reserve thing, but it was fun: picking out words in Sylvan, Celestial, even more than a few in Undercommon. The last was helped along by it being her native language in the past. She was picking it up again quickly.

Beau almost upset her entire afternoon’s worth of work when Jester’s voice sounded loudly in her ear before ending abruptly. She carefully moved the paper back over to Caleb’s side of the table. “Gotta run dude. They found Dairon, and they’re pissed.”

“Yes, a pissed off monk is not a good thing,” Caleb said distractedly.

“I’m offended.” Beau walked respectfully out of the library, not causing the fuss she would if she sprinted like she wanted to. She didn’t even run through the streets. No, she sped walked.

Very casually.

She went back to the Dims Inn since Jester hadn’t actually gotten to the point of telling her where they were with her mentor. She darted up the stairs towards their rooms and immediately knew she’d gone to the right place. Raised voices were easy to hear coming from her room. “-eauregard right now!” she heard Dairon saying in a louder tone than she normally used. Beau burst into the room, throwing everyone off guard.

“You,” Dairon recovered quickly, eyes spitting fire. “What did you and your band of delinquents _do_?”

Beau winced at the accusatory words. “Okay. It looks bad, but you need to listen.”

“Did you _listen_ to me? Did you hear my instructions at all?! Listen, and _think_ before you act!” Jester awkwardly left the room and closed the door behind her. Beau just _knew_ they were all going to be on the other side of the wall eavesdropping.

“There wasn’t time!” Beau defended herself.

“An artifact of their god and you just hand it over to them? Did you forget the Cricks are the enemy in this scenario?”

“Kryn,” Beau correct automatically.

“What did you say?”

Beau bit her lip. “Kryn. Crick is a slur. But that’s beside the point. I’ve discovered things! I’ve used this to my advantage, just like you taught me to. We think the Empire – probably the Cerberus Assembly – are the ones taking the children, not Xhorhas. And the things we’ve learned, we –”

“Your purpose – is to be _invisible_ ,” Dairon interrupted. “Not making friends with a drow empire.”

“Now _you’re_ the one not listening,” Beau protested. “You keep seeing the issue as black and white but it’s _not_. There’s a fuck ton more gray than you think in this! It’s a war. _Both_ sides are at fault. And we’re trying to _stop_ it. To make a better world for those who cannot defend themselves. That’s what you told me to do. See? I _listened_.” Dairon only glared at her in continued disappointment. Beau shook her head. “You told me to be patient, listen, and stay alive. I did that. Caleb did the only thing he could think of to save our asses by handing over the Luxon. And it put me in a position to learn more than a spy could ever dream of. And Leylas, she’s not the monster you think.”

Dairon immediately tensed when Beau said the name. “And this position led you to being able to address the Bright Queen, ruler of Xhorhas, by her first name? Tell me now that you have not gone too deep into this Beauregard.”

Beau cursed herself for the slip.

“This is the kind of rash behavior I have _tried_ to train out of you.”

“No this is what you trained me to _do_. They already knew you were in Asarius. They were about to track you down, if we hadn’t first. We got in to Rosohna without suspicion and yeah. It immediately blew up in our faces, but we pulled ourselves out of trouble. _We_ did that. They know you’re still out there. It’s only a matter of time before they catch up to you.” There was no way Dairon was going to go for this. She would think Beau had truly betrayed her if she said it.

“Oh and _you_ have a proposal for this? This is what I have done for three hundred years.”

“Yeah and I did it for six!” Beau slammed her eyes shut and cursed herself to the Nine Hells and back. That was _not_ supposed to be a big reveal until she got Dairon safely out of Xhorhas. Maybe never. It was not supposed to come out in the middle of a fucking inn in the center of the capitol of Xhorhas. _You fucking idiot olan vara gods damned_ stupid, she railed at herself.

The one good thing was that it had finally got Dairon to stop yelling at her for five seconds. “What are you talking about?”

“There’s no way to talk around that one is there?” Beau muttered to herself. “Nope. We just had to go there. Look, Dairon. I found something here. Something unbelievable. And the artifact we returned to the queen, it’s responsible. It helped me remember things.”

“What in Ioun’s name are you talking about Beauregard?” Dairon’s tone was warning, like if Beau didn’t get to the point in half a second she was going to start yelling again.

“I used to be Kryn. The artifact of their god? The Luxon Beacon? It allows souls to be transferred from body to body. I’m one of those souls.” Beau braced herself for the tongue lashing she was going to get from that.

Dairon stared at her for a long minute – long enough for Beau to start fidgeting. “You. Are saying. That the pupil I chose is nothing more than a plant from Xhorhas.” It was almost said to herself. Like it was something she should have been expecting.

“No!” Beau denied instantly. “I wasn’t a spy! Why does everyone think I’m a spy? Also, no moral high ground here, _you’re_ a fucking spy. It was an accident! I didn’t even remember until the day we got here.”

“You expect me to believe that?”

“Did the kid you met in Trostenwald really seem like the type?” Beau didn’t like it, but it was a fair point to be made.

“Those make the best spies.”

Beau rolled her eyes. “Really? Alright, sure. Yeah the kid who got sold to monks and then ran away from the largest collection of knowledge the Empire has is a Xhorhasian spy. That doesn’t make an ounce of sense Dairon.”

Dairon sighed heavily, mouth pinched. “You…have a point,” she agreed reluctantly. “So let’s say I believe you. What’s your play now? Hand over everything you know of the Empire to your true nation?”

“What? No. I told you. We are trying to _stop_ this war. That’s all we want,” Beau tried to explain once again. “To prevent the Xhorhasian army from invading more villages and killing more civilians, and stop the power grab and torture and potentially kidnapping the Cerberus Assembly is doing. Maybe under the bloodline’s sanction. Don’t you understand? Isn’t that what’s important here?” It finally looked like Dairon was hearing her. Beau sighed. Now for the actual hard part. “Look. The queen and every person of authority in this place already knows you are here or will be here. I – arranged with the queen your safe passage out of Xhorhas. With me as an escort.”

“You gave me up?!”

“I begged for your life!” Beau yelled back. “I went to the Bright Queen, and I _begged_. You were the first person to care. To teach me what I wanted to be taught. Please, Dairon. Let me do this. The Dynasty isn’t the true enemy here.”

Dairon looked her up and down, face stern and emotionless. “Is that Beauregard of the Cobalt Soul talking, or the Kryn?”

Beau hesitated. “It’s Beau. I’m both. I can’t turn that off. But I swear it’s the truth.”

There was a long silence, and Beau was gearing herself up to fight her mentor when Dairon sighed. “Very well. As my cover is blown, I will leave with you.”

Beau closed her eyes briefly before nodding. “Thank you. We’ll leave in a couple hours, I just need to tell the others the change in plans.” She backed her way to the door, not taking her eyes off Dairon in case they tried to run for it. When she opened the door, her suspicions where confirmed; all of the Mighty Nein, even Caduceus, were gathered nearby and listening in. She gave them a wry, tired grin. “Figures. Yash, can you keep an eye on Dairon? Make sure they don’t jump out a window or something?” Yasha nodded and moved into the room past Beau. “I have to tell Leylas we’re leaving sooner than expected,” she told the rest quietly. “Jester, can you pack my stuff up for me?”

“Sure Beau,” Jester nodded quickly. “How are we leaving?”

Beau noticed that Caleb had made his meandering way back to the inn since she left him in the library. “The quicker the better. You willing to give that teleportation thing a try?”

Caleb perked up. “That could be interesting,” he agreed.

“Great. I say we get Dairon to Nicodranas and work our way back up to Allfield from there,” Beau suggested.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Fjord said. “We’ll be ready when you get back. Can you do that spell anywhere Caleb?”

“Oh. Yes. I just need a minute to cast it. We will have to be quick once it opens though. It only lasts a few seconds.”

“I’ll make sure Yeza is in front so he isn’t too slow,” Nott spoke up.

“Good idea. I’m gonna go talk to Leylas. I’ll be back soon.”

Ditching propriety or whatever else, Beau ran all the way back to the palace. “Mezex,” she called urgently. “I need to talk to the queen. It’s an emergency.”

“She is in her private quarters. I will announce you,” Mezex said, already moving up the stairs.

“Yeah. Yeah okay.” Beau tried to catch her breath as she followed him up.

“Your Eminence, Miss Lionett is here requesting to speak with you.”

There was a muffled reply and then Mezex was bowing out. “You can go in.”

“Thanks.” Beau didn’t wait for him to leave before entering and closing the door behind her.

“Beauregard,” Leylas greeted her with a smile. “I was under the impression you were going to be at the Marble Tomes all afternoon with your companion. Has something happened?”

“Yeah. As it always seems to with me,” Beau shrugged. “We found the spy. The person I know. My friends tracked them down.”

The smile partially slipped from Leylas’ face but she didn’t immediately call for the Overwatch, so Beau counted it as a victory. “So you must leave sooner than anticipated.”

It wasn’t really a question, but Beau decided to answer anyway. “Looks like it. I promised I’d take them out of the Dynasty, and I will. Caleb knows a teleportation circle in Nicodranas along the Menagerie Coast. We’ll take them there.”

“I see.” Leylas nodded. “If that is your duty, my child, then you must do it. But you will be missed.”

Beau nodded, hands clenching and unclenching as she tried to decide what to do. Leylas made the choice for her when she came over and drew her into a tight hug. Beau felt like she was six, safe in her mother’s embrace in a way she’d never experienced before. She clutched at the feeling desperately, wanting to hold onto it for the future when she didn’t have it anymore. “I’ll come back,” she promised. “I’ll find a way to come back.”

“You always do,” Leylas murmured into her hair.

* * *

Yussa was, not exactly surprised to see them pop out of the teleportation circle, but certainly not expecting them. When he learned they didn’t really have anything new to show him, he politely but expediently showed them the door.

Jester made a quick exit as her disguised human self and went running to the Lavish Chateau to see her mother. Fjord, Caleb, Nott, and Caduceus trickled after her with Yeza in tow. Dairon stalked out into the streets and Beau took off after her.

“And where are we?” Dairon asked when Beau caught up.

“Nicodranas. Menagerie Coast,” Beau supplied.

“Very well. I will make my way back to the Cobalt Reserve to give my report. I will leave your part in these affairs out. For the time being.”

Beau supposed she should be grateful Dairon was promising that much. “And me? When do I see you again?” she asked, not feeling very hopeful.

“What was the last thing I said to you in Asarius?”

Beau’s stomach dropped. “To not disappoint you.”

“Yes.” Dairon vanished.

Beau closed her eyes, willing herself to pull it together. It didn’t matter. She had more than one person who cared about her now. Dairon wasn’t all important. It didn’t _matter_.

Her fist hit the side of Yussa’s tower with a loud thud. Beau cursed and then punched it again with her left. She kept hitting it until a large hand clasped around her fist, holding it in place. Beau was about to whirl around and defend herself when Yasha’s soothing voice calmed her. “Hey. It’s me.”

Beau let her other hand drop and looked up at the barbarian, feeling helpless. “Dairon. They left,” she muttered. She probably didn’t need to say that. Yasha obviously hadn’t followed everyone else to the Lavorre household and had most likely seen and heard everything.

Yasha seemed to hesitate for a moment before she took Beau’s face in her hands and pressed a kiss against her forehead. Quick. Beau would almost say it was a ‘no muss no fuss’ kind of thing, except for the gentle way Yasha’s hands touched her skin. Her chest tightened at the reminder of how Molly had kissed Yasha’s forehead in the bath house so long ago in Zadash. Her hand came up to clench in the front of Yasha’s tunic.

“You’re okay,” Yasha murmured.

Beau slumped, heaving a sigh. “Yeah.” She wasn’t sure it was convincing. “I just –”

“I know.” Yasha tucked a fingertip under Beau’s chin, raising it so Beau would meet her gaze. “You wanted to protect them. And they may not realize that now, but they will in the future.” Beau closed her eyes and leaned forward, head bumping into Yasha’s collarbone. A hand came up to rest on the back of it, while another patted between her shoulders. “Okay.” Yasha let her stay there for a few minutes before Beau pulled away, cheeks hinting at a darker blush.

“Thanks,” she muttered awkwardly, rubbing at one cheek.

“Don’t mention it.”

“I miss my mom.”

“That’s normal.”

“Is it? I’ve never wanted my parents before.” It felt weird to Beau, missing Leylas. “I just saw her an hour ago."

“Let me rephrase. It’s normal when your parent gives a damn about you. Caleb has that teleport thing now. We can always go back.”

Beau shrugged. “I guess. Don’t worry about it. It’s not your problem.” She pulled away to start heading towards the Lavish Chateau.

“Beau.” Yasha’s voice stopped her. “Don’t ask me not to worry about you.”

Beau sighed. “Thanks,” she said gratefully.

* * *

Yasha led Beau to the Lavish Chateau, where they found Jester excitedly telling her mother stories of their time in the Dynasty, toned down for her ease of mind. Meaning there was no talk of how they’d almost been executed. Instead, Jester focused more on breaking an ancient curse and restoring Cad’s home and their new mounts. Their new mounts, which were hopefully not eating any horses. They were going to have to figure out a steady food supply for those things.

Beau followed Yasha to sit at the table. She was still a little thrown by the small show of affection Yasha had given. Beau had long since given up any kind of flirtation with the other woman when she didn’t seem receptive. To be honest, so much had been going on recently, Beau hadn’t had the time or even inclination to pursue _any_ woman. Other things took priority.

She listened to Jester in a detached sort of way. Mostly Beau just kind of wanted to sleep. “Are we staying here or finding another place?” she whispered to Caleb.

“Here. Marion has kindly offered us rooms for a few days. You and Yasha are staying together since Jester will be staying with her mother. Top of the stairs, first on the right.”

Beau nodded in silent agreement. She got up quietly, placing a hand on Jester’s shoulder so she knew she was leaving. She heard footfalls behind her and looked over to see Yasha following her up the stairs. “I, you know, didn’t think you should be alone,” the shy barbarian said.

“Worried I’ll do something drastic?” Beau drawled.

Yasha shrugged. “Not really, I just – you’ve had a hard day,” she excused.

Beau chuckled and waved for Yasha to join her. “This doesn’t even rank high on my bad days,” she tried to blow her off. It wasn’t inaccurate. The day they discovered Fjord, Jester, and Yasha kidnapped, the day Molly died, the day she learned her father had paid for her to be kidnapped, her first day at the Cobalt Soul, the day with the aboleth. All those ranked higher than this one. And wasn’t it strange – the last few months had contained most of the best and worst days of her life. “Maybe number six.”

“Beau.”

The monk sighed heavily at the reproach in Yasha’s tone as she entered the bedroom they would be sharing. “The number six thing is fairly on point. But – sorry. I’m sure you’ve got a lot worse days to compare.”

“It isn’t a competition. That wasn’t what I was trying to say.” Yasha sounded frustrated, but not necessarily at Beau. “Come on. Sit down.” Beau hesitantly sat on the bed next to her. “You’ve been different. And not in a bad way. But since the whole – consecution – thing I don’t know.”

“Well I feel different,” Beau admitted. “Mature, which is not a word I generally use to describe myself. Like there’s more important things to worry about than just me – or us. There’s just so much Yash. A war to stop. Kidnapped children to find. We have to figure out a way to get Nott turned back into Veth, figure out who Jester’s father is. And now Caleb has big lofty goals of killing everyone in the Cerberus Assembly who ever hurt him and others,” Beau rambled.

Yasha put a hand on Beau’s arm, halting her word vomit. “Hey. That’s not on you. All of us – what you’ve been saying for months now – we’re a team. We figure it out together, you know?”

“What do you want?” Beau asked quietly. “You’re the only one I can’t figure out. At first I thought you were just here for – Molly.” She bit her lip and looked down. “But you’re still here.”

“I didn’t have goals. I ran away from my tribe, the Stormlord found me – saved me – and I eventually ended up with the circus.”

It was a very blunt story that made Beau feel like there had to be more. “Is that it? Just wander? You don’t want _anything_? It’s not my place to make you tell me if you really don’t want to, but while I’m trying to schedule everyone else, I might as well try to fit you in.”

To Beau’s astonishment, Yasha actually laughed a bit at that. “You’re funny. And rude. And a bit too curious for your own good. Zuala would have liked you.”

She hadn’t heard that name before, but the way Yasha’s face softened around it told Beau it was someone important. “Zuala?”

Yasha’s face was simultaneously fond and so, so sad. “My wife. We went against tribal law – got married in secret, but we were caught. The punishment for that is death. But after they killed her, I escaped and ran. Like a _coward_ ,” Yasha snarled.

It was Beaus turn to place a hand on Yasha’s arm. “I’m – I’m so sorry you lost her. And, I never would have – I don’t intrude on – I mean I’m an asshole, but I wouldn’t have flirted with you at the beginning if I’d known.” She’d really made a fool of herself.

Yasha shook her head, smiling kindly. “No, you don’t have to apologize. It was…nice. For a long time, I thought losing Zuala would kill me. And when the Stormlord saved me, I thought the rest of my life would be my service to repay him. My tribe mates for life, and I didn’t think there could ever possibly be someone else to – give my heart to. Even if I wanted. But Zuala…she was kind. And good. Better than me. She wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my life wallowing. I’m starting to learn that.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Caduceus and Jester. We had a long talk one night. It was the first time I said Zuala’s name in months.”

“I’ll keep your secret. For as long as you want me to,” Beau promised.

“…Thank you. To answer your question from before, there is something I want.”

“Name it.” She would make it happen.

“I don’t know where they buried her.” A tear slipped down Yasha’s cheek but she wiped it away impatiently. “It may be impossible, but I want to find her grave. She’s who I collect flowers for. We didn’t have them in the Wastes, but I would have picked them every day for her. She deserved their beauty. More than I ever did.”

“Oh, Yasha, why didn’t you tell us?” Beau asked, continuing when Yasha only shrugged. “We would have dropped everything after the kiln to go with you. _I_ would have.”

Yasha shook her head in a quick denial. “Nott – Veth – had Yeza to get back to and after everything that happened to you, you needed to see Leylas again.”

“I could have waited, Yash. I lived without her for twenty-four years, I could have gone another few weeks,” Beau pointed out.

“No. It is fine. Zuala –” Yasha swallowed roughly. “Zuala isn’t going anywhere. I will find her.”

“I’ll help you,” Beau promised. “However I can. Including beating the shit out of the rest of your tribe if you want.”

That pulled a tiny smile from the other woman. “Thanks. I think I’d like to see that. But only if I get to help.”

“Deal.”

* * *

“Next time we’re in Xhorhas, which is going to be soon, just so you all know, we’re taking a trip down south to take care of some stuff for Yasha,” Beau announced abruptly as she sat down at the table for breakfast the next morning. She’d left Yasha sleeping upstairs, but the rest of the Nein were sleepily eating.

“Did she tell you?” Jester thankfully didn’t specify with the others around.

Beau nodded affirmation. “It’s not right. We have to go back. Find where it is. As soon as possible guys.”

“That might be easier if the rest of us knew just what we would be looking for,” Fjord hinted.

“That’s Yasha’s story to tell,” Beau declined. “Just be prepared to go back to Xhorhas when she’s ready.”

“Alright, that’s fine. But Allfield first I need to see my son,” Nott said.

“Ye-yeah I would like that. Very much,” Yeza said nervously.

Everyone agreed that Allfield was first, and then an escort to wherever the little family wanted to settle.

“I – I don’t know if I want to go back to Felderwyn,” Yeza said, hesitant. “I mean, if the crown and the Assembly are as bad as you say, I don’t want to work for them anymore and they know I live there.”

“Allfield is pretty nice. You could just stay there,” Beau suggested. “It’s a little burned down from gnolls still, but they could use the business. Bryce’ll look after you. They’re good people.”

Yeza shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t really have the um, necessary funds to set up a new shop with all my materials, but I might be able to pull something together?” He looked to Nott for help. “I was never very good with money.”

“That’s okay honey, you’re _very_ smart in other ways,” Nott complimented. “The shop was worth about seven thousand gold after Yeza inherited it from his father and we expanded,” she told them.

“Here.” Beau threw a bulging bag on the table. “That’s ten. Go nuts.”

Everyone stared in wide-eyed shock as Yeza hesitantly pulled the bag over to him and opened the drawstring, only for a few platinum to fall out before he snapped it shut again. “Wha-WHAT is going on?”

“What the fuck?”

“Did you _steal_ that?”

“Where in the _world_ –”

“GUYS!” Beau shouted over the rest. “Chill. I’ve got ten more for the rest of us it’s fine.”

“What. The. Fuck.” Was all Fjord could say. “Where did you get twenty thousand gold’s worth of platinum in one day?”

Beau shrugged, enjoying the display a little more than she’d like to admit. She could see Yasha out of the corner of her eye at the base of the stairs, also staring at the table. “Turns out, the Kryn Dynasty _really_ appreciates when you take care of a betrayer god problem. We were rewarded handsomely for our troubles.”

“But I was going to do it anyway,” Caduceus said slowly. Money didn’t mean much to him, but even he knew that was a _lot_ of gold.

“I know. But I worked the system. That’s what I’m good at,” Beau smirked. “Went to Essik and explained what happened, showed him some sigils that I rubbed over. It was enough to convince him I was telling the truth. Also the whole consecution thing goes a long way to building trust. Got us some spending money and a promise they’d send some Overwatch out there to make sure the place was secure permanently.”

“That is – _insane_ ,” Nott screeched in a tiny voice. But not in a ‘I don’t believe you’ kind of way. “That is insane!”

“You did all that?” Yasha asked in a calmer tone than anyone else. “When did you have the time?”

For the first time, Beau got embarrassed – blushing and looking at her boots. “Oh, you know. One of the afternoons you all thought I was with Leylas,” she mumbled. “I gave the Shadowhand a report on everything, including just, you know, the general security of the border and stuff. It’s what I used to do,” she downplayed. “Leylas told me no one had been out there in a while, so I thought I’d lend a hand with a quick overview before they sent any guys out there to possibly get eaten. It was enough to get us paid.” Her tone went up in pitch, like she was worried someone was going to decide to jump down her throat about her decision.

“That’s really cool Beau,” Jester said earnestly. “I’m glad we could help. And we got paid and we didn’t even know it! That’s cooler!”

“Right. So I figured we all get a hundred platinum and then the rest can be for anything the whole group needs?” Beau offered. “Like diamonds or inns or food. Stuff like that?”

Fjord spoke up when it seemed like everyone else was still processing and Beau started getting fidgety. “That seems like a great idea Beau. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Let’s not talk about this again.” Beau hurriedly divvied up the other pouch of coin, giving the group money to Jester for her to hang onto and ran back upstairs to hide out for a bit.

She was holding the clothes packet Leylas had gifted her with when she first got back after the kiln, wondering if she should change it up when there was a knock at her bedroom door and Jester let herself in. “Hey. What’s that?” Jester asked curiously.

“Oh. Just some stuff Leylas gave me. Since Dairon pretty much said I wasn’t hers to train anymore, I was kind of thinking I might be in some shit with the Reserve too,” Beau explained, holding out the vestige-like clothes Leylas had had made for her. “These don’t scream ‘I’m from the Kryn Dynasty!’ do they?”

“No. But they’re _really_ pretty. And your lightning gauntlets will fit nice over the gloves,” Jester pointed out. “There’s still _some_ blue in there, just not the right color for the monks. I know you like blue.”

“Yeah that’s what I thought.” Beau quickly tugged off her Cobalt Soul vestiges. The trousers were easy to figure out, the high collared vest less so. Leylas had told her the outfit was similar to what she had worn in the two lives before her last, when she had been a scout and spy for the Dynasty. But apparently, how to put on your old clothes was not a priority memory, and it took some help from a giggling Jester to get Beau into it and it settled correctly on her shoulders before she could put the sleeveless cloak over it. With the gloves and her gauntlets placed over them, Beau felt – comfortable. Like she was used to these, even though she’d never worn them. They fit admirably well, despite Beau not standing for measurements (thank the gods). She would murder a tailor if they came at her with a measuring thread. “What do you think?”

“Super badass,” Jester decided after a moment of scrutiny.

There was another knock at the door before it opened. “Beau, Jester. Nott and Yeza are pretty anxious to get going so if you two are all ready, I – oh.” Yasha pulled up short when she saw Beau inspecting herself and her new clothes. “Oh – um. Nice – clothes, Beau. They’re uh.” She shook her head minutely. “Anyway. Are you guys ready?”

“Yeah just about,” Beau said, stuffing her monk vestiges into her pack with little preamble. A part of her pinched at the loss of what they represented. She’d _earned_ them damn it, despite the traumatic way she’d been introduced to the monks. But she squashed that down ruthlessly. It was worth it, she told herself. To keep Dairon safe. Even if her mentor never spoke to her again, Dairon was still alive because of her. She could be proud of that.

* * *

One good thing about travelling with moorbounders? Nobody fucking bothered them. They were also pretty good at providing for themselves, which was a relief, but Beau was mostly happy for the added security. Until they got to the border of the Menagerie Coast and the Empire, that is.

“Ha-aalt?” The guard’s voice wavered as he truly took in just what the Nein were riding on. Beau was just grateful he and his compatriots were in the blues of the Zolezzo and not the red of the Empire Crownsguard. “What in name of the Nine Hells are _those_?”

“Oh. These, good sir, are known as moorbounders.” Fjord had put on his high society, full bitchin’ voice. “Extraordinarily expensive and hard to come by.” Jannik snarled when the guard got too close and he leapt backward. “I assure you: they are well trained, but protective. Not too close, if you wouldn’t mind.” Clarabelle just drooled everywhere while Yarnball kept chewing on the bit of wolf she’d caught that morning.

All of the Zolezzo looked like they were shitting themselves. “Where did they _come_ from?”

“Why, across the seas of course! We are a merchant family. Marquet spices and other sundries, to be exact. I am Octavian Landers, on my way to Zadash. My partner in business, Rega Saunds,” he gestured over to Beau. She nodded in what she hoped was a dignified manner and look down her nose at the men. It was easier to pretend to be someone else when she wasn’t stuck in monk vestiges, she would admit that. “The rest are our bodyguards. Along with these fine creatures. The roads can be a dangerous place! You understand,” Fjord said, stately and imposing.

“Um – I – uh,” the first Zolezzo stuttered. “We’re supposed to – in-inspect for any uh, contraband. Sir,” he added hurriedly.

“I assure you we carry nothing of the sort!” Fjord brought a hand to his chest as though deeply offended. “We are _go_ ing to Zadash to set up trade agreements, we are transporting no stock right now my good sir. Although…” he gave the Zolezzo a doubtful look. “You’re welcome to check if you like, of course.”

“No no!” the guard almost shouted before visibly gathering himself. “No need sir. You and your party are free to go. Just – _please_ get those things out of here quickly!”

Fjord saluted him. “You’re very kind sir. You all have a good afternoon now!” At his signal, Caleb directed Jannik across the border and around a corner as the other two moorbounders followed before he slowed to a stop.

Once they were all together, Beau broke into chuckles, shaking her head from behind Jester. “Man, I never get used to that – guards and other people pissing all over themselves because of a high and mighty accent you’re faking. Fucking crazy.”

“I would like to point out: one thing we have not considered,” Caleb began. “That excitable fellow, Zorth. He said the war parties were buying up all his stock of the moorbounders. How do we know that these guys aren’t going to be recognized as Xhorhasian, eeh, straight off?”

“Oh yeah,” Beau muttered, sobering quickly.

“Mmhmm,” Fjord agreed as he bit his lip. “That is an excellent point Caleb. That I had _certainly_ not considered.”

Jester blew out a loud breath, frowning.

“Any ideas?” Nott asked after a few minutes with no suggestions.

“Lie?” Beau said-asked, bewildered.

“A fine suggestion I’ll just write that down,” Fjord drawled, giving her the side eye. “We’ll just – keep saying they’re from Marquet. And go from there if someone questions it. You two.” He pointed at Nott and Jester. “Don’t do the talking if that happens. “Leave that to me or Caleb. Or Beau. You guys make great detectives, but let me do the thing I’m good at, alright?”

“Sure Fjord.” Nott pointed at Fjord behind his back, rolling her eyes and making a rude gesture in the direction of her husband. Yeza burst into little giggles and Beau had to hold in laughter as well. Nott froze when Fjord shot a look over his shoulder.

“Nott!”

“Auugh!” Nott went invisible.


	4. Maturity Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even knowing her past, Beau still has a few things to learn about being an adult.

Between Caleb’s bubble hut and the moorbounders eating any animal disturbances, the Nein’s trip back to Allfield remained largely peaceful. There was one ettin that tried to get feisty, but he was easy to take down with all the arguing his heads did. Beau got to test out her lightning gauntlets for the first time, and she was in love.

“These are so badass,” she murmured to herself for the fifth time in an hour, still looking them over and making sure the use hadn’t damaged them in any way. “Is this what it feels like to do magic all the time?” She vaguely remembered her sorcery days, but they hadn’t been the highlight beyond the kind of magic she favored. Beau’s memories of then were more focused on her spying of the northeastern region.

They’d reached Allfield that day, and Beau had watched the tearful reunion between Yeza and a disguised Nott with their son before it had become too much for her and she’d wandered away to catch up with Bryce. Mindful of their loyalty to the Empire, she’d kept their recent exploits lowkey, telling them of the curse they’d broken without ever mentioning where they’d been. “Any trouble lately? Signs of the war coming this way or even just more gnolls?” she asked.

“No threat of the war this far west still, thank the gods,” Bryce replied. “Haven’t heard anything really since the attack on Felderwin actually. It’s been a quiet couple of months, which Allfield needed desperately.”

“How’s the rebuilding going? Looks a lot better.”

Bryce nodded. “Good, good. Money from Rexxentrum finally came through. We have the two inns again – and a couple of shops. And you say the father of that young halfling you sent here might be setting up an alchemy lab as well?”

“Yeah. He was thinking a quieter life than Felderwin might be nice for him and the kid while we help his wife out with something.” Beau didn’t mention Nott being the wife. That would get too complicated for the poor Crownsguard captain. “You got space for him?”

“Oh definitely. With the – losses we suffered during the gnoll attack, we have the room.”

Right. Beau had forgotten how many people the small village had lost. “Well. We’re only in town for a day or two, but if there’s anything you need done?” She left the question open ended.

“Well,” Bryce hesitated. “It’s a bit below your pay grade by now I would imagine, but some of the hunters were talking about a giant spider nest in the woods a bit to the east. Not far from the gnoll cavern you guys cleared out with that Shakaste fellow. Making them scared to go out that way, even though the best hunting is there. But it’s nothing for you to worry about,” they tried to dismiss. “I’ll assemble a squad of Crownsguard at some point and see if we can get rid of it.”

“Nah, man.” A fight was exactly what Beau was itching for. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. And no worries about payment or anything. This one’s on me.”

After Bryce offered profuse thanks, Beau wandered away with a general map of where she should go to find the nest. Her next problem though, was deciding whether or not to bother the rest of the Nein about it. After all, a few giant spiders? That was nothing. She could take them out no issue.

But Jester would probably tell her off if she went on her own. And Nott would start saying shit about how she always acted before she thought, and Fjord would give her his ‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed’ look.

Then again, it _was_ just some spiders. And if she went with others, Caleb would probably just knock them all out with a fireball before she got to hit anything. And she _really_ wanted to hit something. With lightning, preferably. Because that was a fucking awesome thing she could do now.

She’d been safe and mature and all that boring stuff because of the consecution for weeks. Now Beau wanted to be maybe just the tiniest bit stupid and go off and hit some spiders on her own. It’d be therapeutic. She was still a bit pissed about Dairon practically disowning her for being rash and stupid, and if that’s all the world was going to see her as, then Beau sure as hell was going to go hit some spiders. She was twenty-four now. If she wasn’t old enough to make her own bad decisions, when could she?

Beau frowned at the thought of her age. She’d turned twenty-four sometime in Xhorhas – she was pretty sure while they were in Asarius. Actually she was almost certain it was the day they fought that demon thing. So the lightning gauntlets were an awesome present. The best gift she ever got really. Close to the only one.

Jester would have definitely said something or done something if she’d known it was Beau’s birthday, but Beau hadn’t told anyone. She didn’t really know why. They’d all assigned Nott one, although Veth probably had one that she remembered. But Beau – birthdays had never been celebrated in the Lionett household. She could vaguely remember a small cake one of the cooks made for her when she was little and telling her happy birthday, but she was fired not long later for misusing and stealing ingredients. Beau had figured out that her birthday cake had been the cause for her being let go, so Beau made sure to never make friends with the staff again. She didn’t want them to risk their job for her.

It had become habit to not tell them, and after that, easier to not get close enough to anyone that they would care. The Cobalt Reserve didn’t celebrate anyone’s birthday, so no loss there. Her parents hadn’t seen it as something to celebrate, and then they’d gotten rid of her entirely. So Beau had been pretty excited to get the lightning gauntlets.

There was no use being upset about her friends not knowing it had been her birthday when she didn’t tell them. And the best way to get over it was to go hit something that fought back. So Beau took her map and went spider hunting.

* * *

The cavern was fairly easy to find. Beau was almost glad she’d come alone since the hole in the ground really only allowed for one person to go at a time, so whoever was in front – most likely her anyway – would have been on their own for a bit. She could see up ahead – goggles on of course – that the passage opened up into a large round room. No spiders visible yet, but they were creepy and crawlers. They could be on the walls. She couldn’t see the ceiling so it was probably okay for her to stand in and the spiders would have to be on the ground to reach her.

She snuck closer to the opening and glanced inside. A large web in the very back of the room held one giant spider, and two more were low on the side walls next to it. Three spiders? She could take that easy. Beau tried to sneak in, maybe get the jump on the arachnids, but she kicked a rock and the spiders whirled around, doing a little hiss that Beau _really_ hoped she could only hear because they were large. If tiny normal spiders hissed too, that would be too much.

The three spiders all rushed at her. Beau charged up her gauntlets and waited until two of them were lined up before she unloosed the javelin of lightning for the very first time. One spider dodged most of it, but she fried one of them pretty good before they got to her.

The two she electrocuted got their revenge with a bite from their fangs, but she was used to worse by now. She’d faced down demons. She wiped their venom away before it could get into her system, even though it still burned, and dodged out of the way of the third spider’s bite.

Beau pushed aside the pain of the venom and went after the first spider to reach her. They were more squirrelly than she was expecting, and she only managed to hit it a couple times with a couple misses in there as well when she pushed herself to move faster. Fucking spiders.

Then, out of nowhere, Beau felt something just – appear – behind her. “Oh, you gotta be kidding me,” she groaned, glancing over her shoulder at the two phase spiders she’d only ever seen before in the Zadash sewers. She was beginning to regret coming alone _just_ a little bit. Both of the disappear-y spiders lunged with bites, one catching her forearm when she moved to block it from getting her face, and the other latching onto her opposite shoulder briefly. That time she felt the poison burn more deeply, and she yelped before shaking it off violently.

While she was distracted by them, the giant, non-disappearing spiders attacked again. Beau groaned as she felt a chunk get taken out of her leg and reacted. Her staff came down hard on that first giant spider, crushing it so that right between its rows of eyes caved in and it went limp on the ground. Going for the same spot on the second giant spider that was still clinging to her leg, Beau hit it and forced it to let her go. A little spark of lightning burst from her gauntlet and left the spider skittering a bit away as it tried to keep its legs under it.

Beau turned just in time to duck out of the way of both phase spiders. “Not right now you fuckers!” she yelled at them, kicking them away from her. She kept her attention focused on the stunned spider while still dodging other attacks when she heard the yell of a familiar enraged barbarian. Beau flipped between the two giant spiders left just in time to see Yasha appearing from the dark to carve right into one of the phase spiders, knocking it sprawling and barely able to get its legs back under it. Two were missing entirely. She took advantage of the distraction to take out giant spider number two and turned her attention to giant spider number three. “Your turn you bastard.”

“What the fuck were you _thinking_ Beau?” Yasha yelled at her, fury in her eyes.

“I would like to know too!” Caleb yelled from somewhere in the darkness right before a colorful beam Beau recognized as coming from his diamond struck the same spider Yasha had attacked, sending more lightning coursing through it.

The two phase spiders turned their attention away from Beau and onto the new threat of a screaming Yasha. She barely seemed to notice the bites, all of her fury focused on Beau. She swung her sword without even looking away, splitting the phase spider neatly in two. “Are you _trying_ to get killed?!”

“No!” Beau said defensively, dodging away from the last remaining giant spider yet again. She almost felt sorry for the guy. Maybe it was blind, or young, because it really couldn’t seem to get close to her. She hit it a few times between the eyes just like on the others and left it counting the stars over its head. “I just wanted to let off some steam!”

“I really think there are safer avenues for that, Beauregard,” Caleb told her before letting out a curse as whatever spell he tried on the second phase spider failed to take hold.

Beau crushed the badly disoriented giant spider, almost out of pity, and turned her attention to the last phase spider. As it skittered out from under Yasha’s sword Beau landed a couple punches on its abdominal region, Caleb let loose another of his chromatic orb rays, and Yasha quickly finished it off with the Magician’s Judge.

Once she was sure they were dead, poking a few of them, Yasha grabbed Beau by the upper arm and practically dragged her back up and out of the hole and into the daylight. Beau couldn’t even get her hand to budge an inch, and she felt almost like a kid again getting scolded. She didn’t like it. Caleb trailed after them.

“I thought we were done with this,” Yasha said angrily once they were a safe distance away from the nest. “Us making stupid decisions that almost get us killed. Wasn’t it you who said that?”

Beau frowned up at her. “It was just a few spiders,” she replied, sullen. “I could have taken them. And what were you two doing anyway? Were you _following_ me?”

“Uh, we were looking for you in town. None of us had seen you in a while,” Caleb jumped in.

“And then Bryce comes up and asks us if all the spiders are taken care of and saying that we were done fast. When we just looked at them like idiots, they got the picture and told us where to go,” Yasha continued, still quite obviously pissed. “We didn’t even wait long enough to tell the rest of the group. So. What were you thinking Beau?”

Beau finally managed to tug her arm free. “I just thought it was a couple spiders okay?! I just –” she growled in frustration and spun around so she didn’t have to look at two more people disappointed in her.

She heard Yasha sigh and quietly ask Caleb if he’d be okay going back to Allfield on his own, to which he responded in the affirmative and began moving away. Beau could hear Yasha moving closer, but this time at least she didn’t manhandle her. She hated that she was comparatively small to a lot of other people. She was quick and smart, but that didn’t always make up for big and strong, and Beau didn’t like that particular reminder. “You gonna drag me back now too?” she muttered without looking back at Yasha.

“No,” Yasha sighed, her anger finally dying down. “But I would like to know why you wanted to do this alone. You were working so hard before to convince the others that there was something different about you now. Why would you go back to acting how you did before everything happened in Xhorhas?”

“Because maybe I want to be stupid every once in a while!” Beau yelled spinning around. “You ever think of that Yasha?”

Yasha grasped her by the shoulders. “You have never been stupid,” she said firmly. “Why act that way today? What’s bothering you?”

Beau was straight back to wanting to hit something, but the only thing in reach was Yasha, and Beau wouldn’t stoop so low as to punch a friend without warning. “I did the whole maturity thing for a while, who says I want to keep at it?” she argued snidely.

“Stop trying to make me so angry that I ignore what you did,” Yasha reprimanded. “We’re a team. The seven of us. What if you’d died today Beau? What would that have done to us? If we didn’t find you before it was too late? Did you think about that?”

Beau slumped, almost leaning into the support of Yasha’s strong hands still on her shoulders even as she wanted to run away from the disappointment she was sure she’d be able to see in Yasha’s eyes if she was brave enough to look.

She wasn’t.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” she muttered. “The spiders were just scaring a couple hunters. I thought I could take care of it easy. I just – There’s so much. In my head, all the time. I’m twenty-four going on six hundred and thirty. I have headaches all the time, and nightmares every time I sleep. Sometimes the memories can be overwhelming, and then some days I feel like I’m still a fucking kid and I just want to act like it. And then Dairon left me and I miss her even though she probably hates me now and I miss Leylas even though sometimes it seems like I barely know her. Today there was just an excuse to be stupid, and I took it. I’m sorry if I scared you and Caleb,” she said miserably. “I really didn’t think it would be that dangerous. It was just _spiders_. I should have been able to do it.” Prove herself. To whom, she didn’t know.

“Hey.” All of the anger had gone from Yasha’s voice as a hand touched her cheek. When Beau eventually looked up at her, Yasha smiled. There was no disappointment in her eyes, only concern and a lingering touch of fear. “You’re not alone. If you want to be stupid, we can be. Just let us do it as a group.”

Beau sighed and nodded, leaning into her hand just a little bit. “I’m sorry,” she apologized again. “I didn’t mean to put you two in danger.”

Yasha chuckled softly. “I’m pretty sure the only one in any danger today was you, Beau,” she said as her hand warmed and Beau felt that little bit of healing magic flow into her.

“Thanks,” Beau whispered, closing her eyes. She didn’t really deserve the help, but she was glad for it. She’d been irresponsible and reckless, exactly what Dairon had accused her of being. She bit her lip. Maybe Dairon was right in giving up on her.

“Stop that,” Yasha reprimanded, her tone gentle now instead of frustrated. “Whatever it is you’re thinking. You were stupid. You get to be, sometimes. As long as you learn to ask for help. You can always ask me Beau.”

Beau wished that was true. She lifted her chin away from Yasha’s hand. “You’re not always here,” she murmured. Not accusing, just acceptance that Yasha wasn’t always around to lend a hand.

“When I’m not, go to Caleb. Between the both of you, you have one good brain,” Yasha teased, making Beau laugh. Yasha smiled at the sound then sighed. “I’m sorry we didn’t notice.”

“I should have said something.”

“Like how we missed your birthday?”

Beau froze. “What?” she asked, trying to play it off.

Yasha only shook her head, not buying it for an instant. “Did you think I forgot Jester pestering everyone for their ages that night they asked Nott how old she was? I distinctly remember you saying you were twenty-three. A few minutes ago you said twenty-four. When was it?”

“A few weeks ago,” Beau gave in and admitted. “When we were down in that well.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Beau shrugged. “Caduceus died? Anyway, I’ve never celebrated it before,” she excused. “It’s not a big deal. Plus I got these badass gauntlets, so that was enough.”

A hand rested on the nape of her neck and then she was being pulled sideways for Yasha to press a kiss to her temple. Beau fought down a blush. Someday she’d have to ask just what Yasha meant by those little bits of affection. Whenever she was brave enough. Which would probably be never. “I’m sorry none of us asked.”

“When’s yours?” Beau asked curiously.

“In a few months. I’ll let you know,” Yasha promised. “Now. Are you done with wanting to be stupid for the day, or do you feel the urge to go find something more dangerous than some spiders? Some ogres, perhaps?”

Beau smirked. “No I’m good. Let’s go back.”

* * *

Yasha found her in her room at the inn later that evening. “Here,” she said, holding out a package wrapped crudely in canvas and tied with some twine.

Confused, Beau took it and carefully untied and unrolled it. The clinking of metal hitting metal could be heard before she revealed the contents. “Daggers?” Beau asked quizzically. “What are these for?”

“You asked me once for throwing stars,” Yasha explained.

“Yeah and you got me them. I still have some.”

Yasha shrugged. “I thought these might work better. Do a little more damage, fly a little easier.”

Beau was touched at the thought. “Thank you,” she said earnestly, already inspecting the eight small blades, feeling their heft and weight. “These are fucking awesome. I’ll take care of them.”

Yasha nodded, giving her an almost abrupt good night. If Beau didn’t know better, she’d say Yasha was embarrassed. But why would she be? It was a nice gift, and Beau appreciated the sentiment that Yasha had silently acknowledged. And despite all the ways Beau had fucked up that day, Yasha still took time out of her afternoon to try to fix what Beau was upset about.

When Jester came in a few minutes later, Beau was still admiring her new knives. “Hey Jes? I have some detective work, if you’re interested.”

“I’m _always_ up for detecting Beau,” Jester said eagerly, bouncing on Beau’s bed and almost knocking the daggers to the ground in her excitement.

Beau chuckled. “I was thinking…we figure out everyone’s birthdays. Starting with _you_.” She reached out to tickle Jester’s stomach, making her giggle and scramble out of reach.

* * *

With Yeza and Luke settled for the time being in Allfield and Edith on her way back to Felderwin with a respectable escort, the Nein left with a promise to keep in touch should they learn anything significant. Bryce also promised to keep an eye on father and son as thanks for their help yet again in keeping the small village the captain loved safe.

They’d decided to make their next destination Zadash and hope that they weren’t arrested on sight. Beau had gotten reassurance from Leylas that the likelihood of there being a spy in the throne room the day they handed over the Luxon Beacon should have been very low. Only the most trusted of advisors, warriors, and citizens were allowed in, and the Dens chose those people with deep care. In addition, everyone was constantly under the watchful eye of Shadowhand Essik, and he ensured that no information got out that was not intended. The Nein were probably safe. But they still worried.

Walking through the western gates was an exercise in tension, and Beau didn’t relax until the Crownsguard let them through with barely a glance up. The fact that a fight broke out ten feet away also helped with distraction.

What?

So she subtly tripped a guy just as another dude was passing him to make him think the bigger guy did it on purpose. And if a fight started and kept the guard from paying attention to the Nein, was that her fault?

Better safe than sorry, in Beau’s opinion.

“Nice move,” Yasha whispered in her ear, making Beau grin.

“Pumat Sol?” Nott asked the group as they walked through the familiar streets.

“Why don’t we find some rooms first and then pay a visit to the good old shopkeep and his constructs,” Fjord suggested. “Then we don’t have to lug our gear all around and maybe find some place to keep the cats out of the streets?”

Finding a stable willing to house the moorbounders took more than an hour, a hefty sum of gold, and the promise of further compensation for any damages the cats may cause during their stay. Even then, the stable owner was _not_ thrilled with his three newest patrons. The Nein were also responsible for supplying the meat for their meals. Which was fine. With the money from Essik, they could afford it. And the cats were surprisingly low maintenance out on the road while providing added security that the whole group appreciated. They were also _much_ faster than horses, so the Beau felt they were worth the extra trouble in towns.

As long as no one recognized them as Xhorhasian.

They trekked over to Pumat Sol’s place, eager to see what new things he and his other hims had in stock. Beau had an idea of something she’d like to get, and hoped she’d be able to find it. Even with a thousand plus a couple hundred gold, it might be difficult to buy.

“Well now lookie here,” Pumat said in his customary drawl. “My very eager customers back after months on the road?”

“Hullo Pumat,” Fjord greeted politely. “How’s business been?”

“Oh, very good very good indeed,” Pumat replied. “You are all looking very healthy. That’s good to see yep. Pumat Prime has replenished his uhh, stock since you’ve been gone and I think you’ll be quite pleased with the selection at hand. Feel free to browse and I am here for any questions you may have.” He nodded and went back to moving things around on the shelves. Another Pumat was helping the one other customer the store had, and the third Pumat was absent along with the Prime.

The rest of the Nein wandered away to peruse the stock. Jester was drawn to a shield but it seemed the price was too much for her as she put down the tag with a grimace. Beau went over to speak to Pumat. “Hey uh, you got anything that’s good for plain old protection? Just standard, nothing flashy?” she asked quietly.

“Well uh, if you’re looking for just a little bit better protection, we got a couple rings I think will do just fine,” Pumat agreed. “Hey Pumat!”

Pumat number three stuck his head out the back room. “Yeeaah, Pumat?”

“Can you get one of those protection rings from the back for the customer here?”

“Sure thing Pumat.” Pumat three disappeared for a minute before coming out with a small box. “Here you go right here little lady.”

Beau gave him a look. “Uh huh. Thanks man.” Little lady. Puh.

“It’s quite literally the base requirement of my job,” he said slowly before going back through the curtain.

“How much for this?”

“Uh that right there, one ring of protection will cost you the fair price of five hundred and fifty-five gold pieces. Pumat Prime liked the all the same numeral price on that one. He thought it was funny.”

It was a lot, but Beau could afford it easily. Plus what else was she going to spend the money on? She didn’t spell materials to buy or – _paper_ like Caleb. Speaking of which, though. “You got any of that special paper wizard boy asked for last time we were here?”

“Oh yeah we restocked. He cleared out us and three other shops last time, but Prime brought in some more,” Pumat number one drawled. “How much you want?”

“Hundred gold’s worth?” She didn’t know how much was needed for the spells, but Caleb usually just spent all his money on it, so she’d go with a hundred for now. “Ink too,” she remembered. “Please.” The Pumat went and got the paper and ink and exchanged them for her money. Beau went over to where Caleb was inspecting a necklace, probably trying to figure out just what its magical properties were, and dumped the supplies into his arms. “Here man.”

Caleb staggered under the weight of the paper, and Beau ended up having to take half of it back from him. “Th-thank you, Beauregard,” he stuttered. “How much do I –”

“That wasn’t the point Caleb,” Beau sighed. “Just take it. I didn’t have anything else to buy. You always need more yeah? So you can copy down more spells for your book?”

“I do, yes.”

“Well then there you go.” She wandered off before he could say anything else that might embarrass her. Beau still felt bad for making him follow her into that spider cave, even if she hadn’t asked him to and he hadn’t actually gotten hurt. She felt like she needed to make up for her dumb mistake, and giving him the paper he always needed seemed like a good start.

Beau decided to wait outside for everyone else to be done. Jester and Yasha came out first, Jester talking excitedly about the shield she’d elected to save up for that would protect her even better. “If the Traveler can help my shield right now protect me against a _dragon_ , just think about what he could do with a better one Yasha!”

“It – seems like a good idea, Jester,” Yasha agreed quietly.

“How much was it Jes?” Beau asked, pulling the Tiefling’s attention over to her.

“Oh, like, four _thousand_ gold or something crazy like that,” Jester told her. “I could afford it in a few jobs if I save up! Caleb said it would be a good idea to learn how anyway.”

Beau chuckled. “He was probably right. Everybody else almost done?”

“Yes. I don’t think anyone else really needs something. They just wanted to look.” Yasha was inspecting a hole in her tunic as if it held the mysteries of the universe to her.

The rest of the Nein shuffled out not long later, calling their goodbyes to the various Pumats. Caleb had bought what looked like another two hundred gold’s worth of paper, and gratefully deposited it into their bag. He looked positively giddy at the amount of spells he’d be able to copy down soon. Beau wished she could take him back to the Reserve library, but that would have to wait for another time. She didn’t think she’d be very welcome at the moment. Even if Dairon had kept her word to leave Beau out of the happenings in Xhorhas, Beau would still feel like every monk in there was watching her.

Beau was impatient for the rest of the night, waiting for everyone to be done eating and retire to their rooms so she could ask Yasha to talk. They were going to go see the Gentleman tomorrow and see if he had any jobs he wanted done in exchange for information and hopefully money. And if they were going to maybe be getting into any scraps or trouble, Beau needed to talk to Yasha first. “Hey, can you hang back here for a minute?” she asked the taller woman when everyone else stood up to head to bed. When the others looked at her, Beau held up her mug. “Not done with my drink,” she said in excuse.

“I will keep an eye on her. Keep her from getting into any fights,” Yasha promised.

“I am offended,” Beau whined, glaring over at her. The others just laughed and went up the stairs, making Beau pout even more that no one argued against it. “You know the only bar fights I’ve started also were instigated at least half by Jester,” she complained, not really minding but feeling she should defend herself anyway. Even if it was all in fun.

Yasha just looked amused. “And if she was the one staying down here, I would watch her as well,” she acknowledged. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Always to the point. “Alright so I have these cool lightning gauntlets now.”

“Yes I have noticed. Very impressive.”

“Right. The thing is, they don’t exactly fit over the bracers I already had, and I don’t want my arms to get so heavy since they’re kind of, you know, my main weapons,” Beau explained. “So I thought you could take the bracers? Since you kind of are always in front of everyone and getting attacked the most and I know everyone would feel better if you were more well-protected.” Great. Now she was babbling. What was wrong with her? Beau shoved the bracers across the table in Yasha’s direction, cheeks hot. “Just. Here.”

Yasha slowly raised an arm to touch the bracers but didn’t pull them closer. “If…if this is you thinking you need to repay me or that you owe me –” she visibly hesitated. “Those daggers were a gift, one far less valuable than these Beau. And you don’t owe me for anything else.” It was clear that Yasha was talking about what happened down in the spider nest.

“I know. I still feel a little guilty about the spider thing,” Beau admitted, “but the gauntlets and bracers at the same time really do make my arms a little clunky. I think that was part of the reason I was having trouble down in that cave. And you don’t have to worry about me; I got a ring that will help some with protecting me. Not quite as much as the bracers, but I’m faster than you so I think you could use them more than me,” she teased.

“Don’t be a brat,” Yasha said automatically, smiling a little. “Fine. I will take the bracers. I am sure they will be useful. Thank you.”

* * *

Being down in the Gentleman’s basement hidey hole was as creepy as ever, and the man himself was as slick and creepy as ever. Beau avoided speaking with him, nursing a cup of ale while Fjord and Caleb arranged any possible work he might have. Jester sat next to her with her usual milk, staring at the Gentleman intensely.

Beau had watched his behavior when they first entered, and he hadn’t given any noticeable reaction to Jester’s presence. He had greeted them all with polite yet probing questions as to where they had been for so many months, not focusing on any one of them in particular. Either he had no idea what Jester’s Sending had been referring to, or he was a very good actor. Beau hadn’t figured out which it was yet. She’d always been good at analyzing wants and needs, but not always the intentions of people.

“What do you think Beau?” Jester asked, interrupting her thoughts. “Do I look like him at all? I always thought I looked a lot like my mama. Except for the color of course.”

“Yeah. I mean you two both have the blue thing going on, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. That would be like saying Fjord and Nott have to be related because they’re both green.”

“Ooh, but what if they _were_?”

Jester got way too thrilled by that idea. “Um. They aren’t. Halfling Nott, remember?” Beau reminded her over-excitable friend.

Her friend deflated slightly. “Right. But what about me and the Gentleman?”

Beau could only shrug. “I guess the easiest thing would be try to find out the dude’s real name, and then ask your mom if she recognizes it. I doubt that guy is going to fess up to fathering anyone, even if they are as great as you.”

Jester grinned. “Thanks Beau!”

Fjord and Caleb slid in to sit beside them and Caduceus wandered back over from wherever he’d been. “So. Good news, the Gentleman has a job for us,” Fjord told them. “We’ve got two weeks or we only get half pay.”

“What’s the job?” Beau asked.

“And the pay because we’re gonna need more money why do you always need more money where does it go?” Jester wondered.

“One of his higher ups went missin’. Doing a job he wouldn’t tell us. Gentleman’s offering five thousand for us to go see if he’s still alive and clear up any mess at his last known location,” Fjord explained.

That sounded fishy to Beau. Then again, everything about the Gentleman, down to his skin, seemed fishy. “And where is this ‘last known location’?”

“About two days horseback northwest of Zadash, near the Egelin Quarry. That’s a day and a little bit on the cats,” Caleb calculated in his head.

“Are we doing this?” Nott asked. “Without more information, it seems a little weird.”

Beau agreed. And they didn’t really need the money, but the security of having more would be better. They were keeping up their streak of nearly dying _all_ the time, so they could always use more diamonds and potions, and none of that ran cheap. “We have two weeks? I say we leave in the morning. Get it done fast, maybe do a little,” she lowered her voice to barely a whisper, “investigating. See what this guy’s up to in the background.”

“Maybe we take the rest of this conversation topside,” Caleb suggested. “I agree it is one worth having, but. Maybe not _here_.”

Fjord went back to accept the job on the behalf of them all and bid their respects while the rest of the Nein went back up into the dingy tavern and out into the streets. “You want to investigate him, Beau?” Jester asked. “Like detectives? You think he’s up to something?”

“The guy’s the leader of the criminal underbelly of this whole city. We _know_ he’s up to something not good at all times. It’s just a matter of what ‘not good’ we want to get ourselves involved in.”

“Beau makes a good point. But why don’t we just see where this job takes us, find this – Darven – and worry about the implications later?” Fjord suggested. “It’s not like we want to do jobs for the Crownsguard right?”

“At least if we did that maybe none of us would get kidnapped this time,” Beau muttered to herself, hoping no one heard her. She wasn’t overly comfortable taking another job for the Gentleman, but until they found out just how deep this child kidnapping ring went into the government, she really didn’t want to work for the Empire at all either. Even if that woman in charge here seemed pretty cool. Beau couldn’t even remember her name.

Also the whole – Kryn royalty from the past thing she had going on now. That really put any smidgen of loyalty she felt toward the Empire into a tailspin. And with her detour away from the Cobalt Reserve as well, that cut any ties to the only neutral official party in the war. More and more, Beau felt herself leaning towards the Kryn part of her she was remembering better, thinking what that side would do first before the Beauregard side. It was hard to argue against six centuries of Kryn loyalty when she had less than a quarter century on the Empire side of things. Most of it bad.

“Let’s do it,” she offered up her opinion finally. “Let’s see where this leads, and go from there.”


	5. A Mixture of Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gentleman's request gives Beau an opportunity she never thought she'd get

‘This’ led them to a small valley a few hours north of the Egelin Quarry that stayed perfectly flat until the base of the Bronwich Hills. The Gentleman had given them a map leading to the secret entrance of the underground depot he used as a waypoint for his – whatever he did. The depot was the last place Darven had checked in, so that’s where the Nein went first.

The map included the password that would take down the magical trap on the door. Kind of the Gentleman, Beau rolled her eyes. Unlike the last time when it was guarded by the dead pinned to trees. And you know, a troll that almost killed her. She’d almost forgotten about that. Good times.

“Alright, what’s the plan here? Because last time the Gentleman lost contact with his guys, there was a bunch of merrow down there ready to eat us,” Beau said before they went in.

“You think there will be the same problem this time?” Yasha asked.

“He seems to lose contact fairly often for someone running a tight ship,” Beau pointed out.

Jester popped up by her elbow. “Well I brought along Speak with Dead today just in case,” she reassured Beau. “So we can ask his guys if they are dead. That was super helpful last time even it was r e a l l y creepy.”

“Let’s just – get inside before we start raising the dead,” Fjord shuddered. “And maybe we can avoid raising the dead at all.”

They descended into the hideout – and again. Why did all of the Gentleman’s hideouts _have_ to be underground, Beau wondered. That was just asking for trouble. “Should I check for traps?” Nott asked, taking a swig from her flask.

“I think that is probably always a good idea,” Caleb told her.

The goblin snuck ahead about fifteen feet, scanning the ground and poking in some places to see if there were any springs or plates. “I think it’s okay for now,” she called back. “There’s a door over there.” She pointed off to the right. “I’m gonna go check it.”

The rest of the Nein carefully followed as Nott rattled the door knob. “Locked,” she muttered. “But no traps I don’t think.” She stuck her picks in and rather deftly unlocked it. “Okay, who wants to go in first?”

“Wait wait,” Beau stopped her from opening it. “Remember the dude disappeared down here. There might be something else living here now.” She stuck her ear against the door and – she couldn’t tell. “I don’t know, it’s hard to hear through an iron door. Caduceus,” she whispered, waving the firbolg over. “See if you can hear anything?”

Caduceus stuck one big ear against the door too, eyes half closed as he listened. “Oh yeah,” he nodded slowly, whispering as well. “There’s at least a couple things in there. Not human. ”

“Okay,” Beau nudged Caduceus to move away from the door. “Caleb!” she whisper yelled, pulling him forward.

“Ay, okay,” he muttered. “What?”

“Can you do a fireball in there and then I close the door and we can ambush them when they come out?”

Caleb frowned. “Ja, probably. We’re not worried about anything inside? What if we destroy something?”

“The place seems to be mostly stone and metal,” Beau pointed out. “Should be fine. And the fire doesn’t last long right?”

“True. Alright, yeah let’s do it. Yasha, you are very strong and much larger than me could you pull me out of the way once I cast it?” Caleb asked.

Yasha nodded and moved closer, reaching out and ready to grab the wizard and pull him away from the door.

“Alright. Here we go.” Once his hands started to glow, Beau tugged open the door just long enough for a little ball to fly through and then hurriedly shoved it closed as Caleb disappeared from behind her. The door warmed beneath her hands but the sound of the explosion was dulled by the iron door. Screeching could be heard on the other side. “Okay back up back up!” She waved everyone back and readied herself about ten feet in front of the group. Yasha left Caleb and came up to join her, great sword catching faint bits of light and looking almost alive.

The iron door crashed open as two monstrosity came tumbling out, looking like the cross of a vulture and a spider, if they ever wanted to make – very large – babies. “Hook horrors,” Yasha muttered.

That seemed like an apt name for them, with the hooks for hands and everything. As scary as they looked, they didn’t pose much an issue for the group and were dispatched fairly quickly. “Gross,” Beau muttered, stepping carefully around their burned bodies to look inside the room they’d been occupying. It was small, and a few chests were lying in a heap in a corner along with what looked like several giant rat skeletons, pecked clean. “Super gross.” She kicked one chest and closed her eyes, waiting to see if it would blow up in her face. When it didn’t, she flipped it open with her foot. Inside were a bunch of gold and copper pieces, but oddly no silver.

“They eat it,” Yasha told her when Beau brought the chest out to the rest of the group. “The silver. I don’t know why just that. Usually they live in caves – like bats. I don’t know how they got here.”

“Oh. Here Caleb.” Beau tossed him a vial of red liquid she knew was a health potion. “For when you inevitably fall unconscious.”

“I dislike that implication,” Caleb muttered, but pocketed the vial nonetheless. “And we are okay with taking all of this?”

Fjord shrugged. “Call it a down payment,” he decided. “Besides, we can leave some for the Gentleman so he doesn’t get suspicious, but if we find all kinds of monsters down here, I’m willing to take a cut.”

Nott started scouting down the next corridor but froze not far down it. “Wait wait wait!” Everyone froze behind her as she pointed up. The ceiling above looked seconds from caving in, either natural or trapped, Beau couldn’t tell. “There’s a trip wire,” Nott told them, taking another drink. “I could undo it. Probably.”

“Or we could, you know, go through that door instead.” Jester pointed to the left.

“Oh. Yeah. That makes more sense.” That door took them by surprise, being unlocked, and a few more hook horrors got some claws on Nott when she stumbled through and were dragging her off before the Nein took them down as well. “Remind me again why I came with you fuckers rather than stay with my husband and son?” she complained as Caduceus healed up her wounds.

“Because we are just – so much _fun_ Nott,” Fjord insisted. Nott just hissed at him and took another drink.

They ran into a dead end corridor next. “Why would a hideout _have_ a dead end?” Jester wanted to know. There were only some giant rats there, obviously where the hook horrors were getting their meals from.

“I hate huge rats,” Beau grumbled, kicking one carcass to the side. Little sewer rats were one thing. They were cute sometimes. Giant ones, no thanks.

Another room revealed locked doors. Nott crept forward to test it, managing to unlock it, but when the door clicked open, there was a rumble over their heads. “Nott!” Beau lunged forward and shoved the small goblin out of the way, not quite able to dodge out from under the falling stone blocks herself. Several fell on her back and legs, knocking the breath out of her and bruising several ribs.

Jester and Yasha rushed to help clear the stones off of her as Beau groaned. “This is why we check for traps dude.”

“Sorry sorry! I forgot I’m sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Beau waved her off. “I’m fine. Let’s keep going. I’ll uh – just catch my breath.” Jester’s hands pressed against her ribs, and Beau flinched before relaxing when warmth spread through her and her breathing came easier. “Thanks Jes. I’m good now. We can go.” She gestured for Nott to go ahead of her. “Watch out for falling rocks,” she added sarcastically.

Thankfully there weren’t any monsters in that one, just some more chests. Nott dutifully checked them all over, confirming that none of them were trapped. She even managed to unlock them all. The group collectively decided they were due for a breather and locked themselves in the room to take some time and look over what they found.

Jester was excited about the various gems in one of the smaller boxes, although disappointed not to find any diamonds among them. There was a staff that emanated cold from it, and after looking it over, Caleb handed that over to Jester as well. “Not really my area of expertise. Fire, you know,” he explained. “And Caduceus already has his staff. But I think you could get some fun out of it.” There was a bundle of cloth that Fjord had brought over, that made Caleb’s eyes widen and look to Beau. “You want to be even more of a spider monkey than you already are?”

“I have no idea what that means but sounds dope.”

“This will make you so that you can climb walls and walk on ceilings without any help at all,” he described. “And you could – every once in a while – shoot a web out and snare some people that way.”

“No way that is so badass! Can I have it? Please?” she asked the general room, only for it to get tossed in her face.

By the time she’d wormed her way out of the silky cloak, Caleb had already gone back to identifying the last object. “Oh – this is good for uh, well me,” he murmured.

“Will it make it harder for people to hit you because you need that you’re like a piece of grass against a tidal wave,” Jester said as if that was the most wise thing ever uttered.

“While that would be good,” Caleb acknowledged, “this does not do that. No it would let _me_ hit things better. Just a bit.”

Items divvied up, Beau took a short power nap wrapped up in her new cloak. With Nott scouting ahead, they crept out of the room an hour later and down what they hoped was the last hallway. According to the Gentleman’s map, they should have been close to the back of the hideout.

Sure enough, there was one last room at the end of a wider corridor, and of course. More hook horrors. Five that time, all seemingly trying to break into the room, although they turned when they heard the Nein’s footsteps, screeching and hissing as they turned their attention to the more available food source.

“Help!” a man’s voice yelled through the door.

Given the relative lack of danger the horrors represented, Beau dove through the fighting to get to the guy trapped in the room, thinking there were more monsters inside. She rammed herself into the door – it took a couple of hits – and practically fell into the room, barely maintaining her feet. A man had leapt backward as the door opened and was now staring at her, short sword held out. “You Darven?” Beau panted.

“I am. What’s it to ya?” the man – Darven – asked, looking anxiously around her at the fighting still going on outside of the room.

“The Gentleman sent us when he lost communication with you. He –” she caught sight of what – who – else was in the room. And they weren’t hook horrors.

A group of seven children, ranging from it looked like about ten to a couple toddlers, were huddled in a corner, all staring up at Darven and now Beau with frightened eyes. “What the fuck is this?” Beau demanded.

“If the Gentleman hired ya, you know better than to ask questions,” Darven warned.

“Yeah well call me stupid and answer the question,” Beau shot back. “What are these kids doing here for? Where are they from, where are their parents?”

“Kamordah!” One small child, probably no more than four, as far as Beau could tell, spoke up. An instinctual response most likely ingrained in him by his parents for if he ever got lost. Other kids nodded at his answer. He pointed at Darven. “They took us!”

“You shut your mouth you little brat!” Beau caught Darven by the wrist as he lifted it to backhand the child.

Beau punched him in the face before he could retaliate, sending him stumbling to the ground and holding a broken nose. One more punch, and he was knocked out on the floor. The kids quietly cheered before multiple hands went over mouths. Something in Beau’s chest clenched at the sight of their fear. “Nah he was mean. It’s alright,” she tried her best to be gentle. “We’re gonna get you all home, okay?”

The one boy who had spoken before, braver than the rest, inched sideways to slip his hand into hers. “To mama and father?” he asked, eyes so innocent and trusting despite the dirt covering his face and the scene around them.

“Yeah kid. To your parents,” Beau promised. The hand let go as two thin arms wrapped tightly around her thigh, almost upsetting her balance. “Jester!”

Jester popped in, the last of the hook horrors dealt with. “Oh look at all of you you’re so cute!” she exclaimed. She bounced over to the other six kids, dropping a couple minor healing spells to fix various scrapes and bruises. The children stared at their newly healed skin and then at the Tiefling in awe.

“Can you get them out of here?” Beau asked her, not wanting to do what she was about to in front of them. “We need to figure out what’s going on here,” she hinted. She carefully detached the boy from her leg and guided him over to her friend.

Jester nodded in understanding and ushered the kids out of the room. She must have spoken with Yasha, because she came in a few moments later to close the door and stand guard. Yasha didn’t say anything but nodded for her to do her thing. Beau sat Darven up and slammed him against the wall. “Hey! Wake up asshole!”

Darven groaned, then flinched and opened his eyes when Beau slapped him. “What the fuck is wrong with you people?” he complained, holding his broken nose.

“Start answering my questions,” Beau demanded, “or there’s more where that came from. Did you take the kids?”

“I didn’t take them. I’m just the middle man,” Darven insisted.

Beau shoved him into the wall again, hard enough for him to knock the back of his head against the stone. “Where are you taking them?!”

“Rexxentrum, alright?! They’re going to the capitol I don’t know why don’t ask me!” Beau punched him in the face again, frustration getting the better of her. “The Gennleman’s gonna kill ye when ‘e finds out,” Darven slurred, eyes barely managing to stay open after that last hit. “Ye don’ interrupt his business.”

Beau huffed. “Yeah, and I’d be concerned. _If_ I thought he’d ever find out. But we just found a bunch of his men dead in the hideout and monsters all around. I don’t remember seeing any children. Do you, Yasha?”

Darven’s eyes widened when Yasha shook her head silently. “Wait, wait!”

Beau shoved one of her new daggers between his ribs, grimacing at the feel. This is why she didn’t stab things and preferred to use her fists and staff up close. Even though he was dead moments later, Beau still kicked his body, furious at what they’d been roped into. She kept kicking until Yasha put an arm around her waist and physically lifted her away. “’S just like the Shepherds,” she muttered, not even trying to escape Yasha’s grip as she hung a few inches in the air. “They – they took them, and there’s no one to stop it from happening. We didn’t even _know_ –”

“Beau,” Yasha hushed her. “What happened to us wasn’t your fault, and neither was this. And we _did_ stop this. You stopped this. Those seven children, they’re safe now.”

“What about the others?” Beau asked as Yasha set her back down on the ground, facing away from Darven’s body. “The rest of the kids that have gone missing? Who is the Gentleman working with? Is it the Cerberus Assembly? Are they paying him to transport the kids or is he also doing the actual kidnapping?”

“We can figure that out once we get these kids back home,” Fjord said from the doorway. “Near as we can tell, they’re all from Kamordah, so at least it’s just one trip. Then we can come up with a story for all this to tell the Gentleman.”

Beau’s stomach sank at hearing Kamordah again. She’d _never_ wanted to go back, especially after everything regarding her consecution. In less than a month, she’d felt closer to Leylas than she ever had with her parents. Just hearing the town’s name made her want to run back to Xhorhas and never look back. But only Fjord really knew that. And Yasha knew a little bit, she supposed. So Beau could tough it out. She didn’t need _more_ attention on her from the group. “We got here and everything was dead,” she muttered, her voice toneless. “We didn’t see anything else apart from monsters. No children. We don’t mention them. But – I’m going to kill him. Stealing _children_? I’m gonna kill him.” She didn’t care if he was Jester’s dad, and she was pretty sure Jester wouldn’t either after this. She tore out of Yasha’s grip and out of the room.

The second she’d cleared the doorway, deceptively strong, small arms were wrapped around her thigh again. “Hi!” the little boy from before grinned up at her with a big, toothy smile.

“Hey, bud.” Gentle. She could be gentle. The rest of the kids seemed to be various stages of traumatized, but this boy was unfazed. Probably too young to absorb anything that had happened. She held out her hands in an offering, and when he let go to lift his arms, she picked him up and settled him on her hip like Jester used to do with Kiri. “What’s your name little man?”

“Ben! But – but my mama says Benjamin. But I like! I like Ben,” he said earnestly.

“Ben is an awesome name,” Beau agreed. “I gave myself a nickname too. I’m Beau.”

If anything, the kid’s smile got wider and he nodded real fast. “Beau. I like Beau!”

“Glad you approve kiddo. Hey uh, Caddy? We have any food for the little people?” she called over her shoulder.

“Oh yeah. Plenty of food; I just stocked up a couple days ago,” Caduceus confirmed. He began doling out some of the fresher stuff they had left, which the children fell on immediately. Beau confiscated some for Ben when he refused to leave her hold, wrapping his arms practically in a chokehold around her neck.

Yasha came out of the other room. “I made a bit of a – mess in there,” she murmured in Beau’s ear so Ben couldn’t eavesdrop. “Made it look like more died in there than just him. In case the Gentleman comes looking.”

“Thanks,” Beau replied.

“Hello,” Yasha said to Ben.

Ben was busy looking straight up at the taller woman. “Hi. You’re big.”

“I am. You picked good,” Yasha told him, nodding her head at Beau. “She’s the best fighter here. She’ll keep you safe.”

Ben smiled up at her before dropping his head to Beau’s shoulder. “Beau,” he murmured to himself, playing with the collar of Beau’s shirt.

Beau’s cheeks darkened, and she hoisted the kid up further to try and hide her embarrassment as Yasha stepped a few feet away to help a couple kids with their food. “Hey bud. You got parents?”

“Yeah! Mama and Father,” Ben said proudly.

“Uh huh.” Something more specific would be nice. “Do you know their names? Like what about your last name? You’re Ben…what?”

Ben thought hard for a minute. “Oh! Mama said if – if I got losted, she said tell the, the soldier guys that my name is Ben L-Lion-nett.”

Instantly, it felt like the floor dropped out from under Beau’s feet and she stumbled, throwing out a hand to grasp onto the wall. She nearly dropped Ben, only just managing to hang onto him and stay standing as she gasped.

“Beau?” Yasha asked, looking concerned. Beau waved her off with a shake of her head.

“Don’t tell anyone else that okay?” she whispered in Ben’s ear as she walked a little further away. “Our little secret yeah?” At least until she could wrap her head around it. No one else needed to know before that.

“I like secrets!” Ben agreed enthusiastically.

“Good boy.”

Looking at him more closely, Beau could see the resemblance clearly. He had the same deep brown eyes and black hair. Her mother’s nose. The same spindly little arms she’d had as a kid that were just a little too long for him to not be clumsy. Also the fascination with secrets. Oh yeah. He was a Lionett. And their parents hadn’t ruined him yet either. He was still a sweet, energetic little boy, and Beau had _sworn_ she didn’t care. She didn’t ever want to meet her little brother – never thought she would get the chance anyway what with the whole banished from the family thing.

She’d never had a sibling before. In six hundred some odd years, she’d always been an only child. Only ever her and Leylas, and then her parents now, not that she counted them. But this boy, they were the same. He was another chance for her to be better. Beau chewed her lip, trying to bite back emotions of all kinds. “I’ve got another secret if you’re interested,” she offered, voice trembling.

Ben’s eyes widened in immediate enthusiasm. “I can keep it,” he insisted. “I can! I keep sec-secrets – all the time!”

“That's a relief, because this is a pretty big one. You know what my last name is?” The boy shook his head, eager to hear it. “It’s Lionett.”

Ben’s mouth dropped open. “Really?! Really really really?”

“Yup. And guess what else?”

“What what?!”

“I’m from Kamordah too.”

The kid looked like he was about to combust in excitement, and Beau couldn’t help but smile. He was pretty cute. “Same?” He pointed between her and him.

“Almost. I’m pretty sure I’m your big sister little man.”

Ben thought about it. “Don’t have a sister.” He perked up “Now I have sister?”

“Yeah Ben. Now you do.”

Arms flung themselves back around her neck squeezing for all he was worth. Beau closed her eyes and let herself hug his little body closer. Ben was – he was yet another thing she’d never gone looking for. The universe seemed determined to keep giving her family when she was least expecting it.


	6. Home Again - But It's Not Home Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau and the Nein return Ben to his parents.

Beau was having a nightmare. She knew it – she just couldn’t break out of it. Or, it wasn’t so much a nightmare as a memory that she hated. It was her first life, when she’d been a general in the Kryn army at barely a hundred. And her scouts had just caught a spy in their ranks.

It was another man she knew well – had trusted. And the anger at the betrayal burned deep in her bones. She’d had to get information from him, by whatever means necessary. And then she’d killed him.

Beau hadn’t liked the memory the first time it came to her, and she liked it even less intermixed with the way she’d killed Darven, even if it was less messy than her previous experience. It was like she was both watching and doing the killing at the same time – her hands moving but seeming detached from herself.

Then a hand grabbed her shoulder, she turned, and she was awake.

“Hey,” Yasha said softly, trying not to wake everyone else. “It’s our watch.”

“Yeah. I’m up,” Beau groaned. When she tried to sit up, she noticed that Ben had crawled away from the other kids some time in the night to curl up next to her. He’d been clinging to her even more since they’d discovered they were siblings, although he was doing a good job keeping his secret. He was a good kid. Beau covered him up more with her blanket and moved him carefully onto her bedroll, before moving to join Yasha just outside the bubble.

Yasha let silence reign for a good hour, as if waiting to see if Beau would bring it up first. “So,” she said when Beau didn’t. “How are you? With the whole um – thing. With the guy down there?” They’d abandoned the depot for the cool fresh air above, all of the kids eager to leave their prison. Keeping them rounded up had been a chore in itself, but they’d settled down after a meal of actual food. Their virtual pile of bodies was pretty cute, if Beau was willing to admit it.

Oh, right. Yasha was talking to her.

“It’s uh,” Beau hesitated. “I mean. It’s been a while. Since I did something like that. Not exactly my area of expertise – interrogation sure, I’ve got some tricks for that. But the killing…I don’t like it. It’s one thing when it’s the heat of the moment and I’m using my fists or my staff to beat a monster down, but I didn’t like that feeling. I’m sorry that uh, that’s what I used the knives you got me for.”

“Oh. Don’t worry about that. It’s what they’re made for.”

“I killed a spy once,” Beau admitted suddenly. “A – long time ago. He was my friend. But he’d been working against the Dynasty for a while, and we finally caught up to him, and I –” She shook her head. “You ever do something, and it’s like you’ve done it before? It’s familiar, even though you can’t remember? The blade going in, I remembered that sensation.”

“Well, that particular feeling I am familiar with yes. And if it was me in that room, I would have killed him too,” Yasha reassured her. “Not just to cover our backs, but because he deserved it.”

Beau gave her a grateful look before growing somber once more. “And then I can’t stop thinking about Jester. If the Gentleman is really her father _and_ a slaver, she’s in for a world of hurt.”

“Jester is strong, and she has us and her mother. Whatever happens, we’ll get her through it.”

With that promise, Beau let the conversation end for the time being. She felt better about the events of the day, and it was strange how more and more, she kept turning to Yasha for the reassurance she needed. Used to be she’d hash this out with Caleb or Fjord, but Beau found she appreciated Yasha’s quiet steadiness over the two boys’ more confident platitudes. Yasha let her work things out on her own, muse her way through a conversation until she understood her own thoughts better.

The quiet was interrupted by a whining Ben who dragged his blanket over and plopped himself into Beau’s lap with little preamble. “Beau,” he grumbled, snuggling into her chest. “I’m cold.”

Beau situated the blanket less haphazardly around his shoulders and then tugged him closer, wrapping her arms around his body to keep him warm. “You’re alright bud. In a couple days you’ll be home in your bed.” In a couple days she was going to see her parents again. Beau’s stomach tightened unpleasantly at the thought.

“He’s taken with you,” Yasha said, smiling fondly at the way the boy was curled into Beau, sound asleep again in seconds.

“Yeah, well uh, it’s kind of a secret between me and the kid, but uh. His name’s Ben Lionett.” Beau let that reveal drop, waiting to see what kind of reaction she would get.

Yasha froze, then looked between the two in a new light. Her whole body softened when she noted the similarities. “He looks like you,” she acknowledged. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“’S not like I’d ever met him,” Beau shrugged. “My father had already shipped me off by the time he was born. I’d been gone four years already. The only reason _I_ knew I had a brother was because my father sent a letter to the Reserve announcing his birth and that there was no need for me to ever show my face in Kamordah again. The perfect boy they’d always wanted.” It wasn’t Ben’s fault, Beau reminded herself fiercely. It was _not_ her brother’s fault that their parents had ruined their first child so thoroughly.

“They shouldn’t have taken that opportunity from you.”

“Yeah, well. It’s not like I was a model citizen. The only reason I didn’t end up in prison at sixteen was because I was frauding my own father. They had me keeping the books – making myself useful until they married me off to whatever _man_ they decided was fit to inherit.” Beau shuddered at the idea. “So I decided to get my own back. Learned how to skim off the top – both product and coin – with none the wiser. At least until I either got sloppy or someone ratted me out. Never did find out which. After that, I was locked in my room until my father made _arrangements_ for the Cobalt Reserve to take me and be handsomely rewarded for keeping me away.”

“Your father had you _kidnapped_?” Yasha looked disgusted at the thought.

“Well, I mean. Yeah. If by that you mean I didn’t know it was coming? Then yeah, he had me kidnapped.” Beau considered it. “That fucker had me abducted. Huh. I just always thought of it as him getting rid of me, or my personal favorite, selling me. But sure, kidnapped probably fits better.” Then she remembered small listening ears, and glanced down. Thankfully, Ben appeared to still be fast asleep. “Shit. Forgot about him. Probably shouldn’t curse in front of the kid. Known his sister for one night and I’m already a terrible influence,” she joked.

“And you’re sure you want to go back? Face them?”

Beau huffed. “Absolutely not. I never wanted to go back,” she admitted. “I’ve hated that place as long as I can remember. What I _want_ to do is take Ben and disappear with him. But I can’t be trusted with a kid. And he still loves them. Maybe they’ll do better with him. And now that I’ve met him, I’m going to keep an eye out,” she swore and she meant it. “If they _ever_ do anything that hurts him, Ben’s gonna know he can tell me and I’ll stop it. They don’t get to ruin another kid.”

The others behind them began stirring as the sun rose, and Beau got up to put Ben back with the others and stoke the fire so Caduceus could make breakfast. “Beau?” Yasha’s voice had her turning around with Ben still in her arms. “Just for the record. Your parents. They didn’t ruin you. Don’t give them the power of you thinking they did.”

“You know,” Beau smirked, to cover up the warmth that flowed through her at Yasha’s words. “If you were around all the time, none of us would have self confidence issues. You’re a great pep talker.” She laughed when Yasha turned slightly red, waking up Ben. He whined and squirmed in her arms, rubbing his face against her shoulder. Her attention was immediately drawn to Ben. “Hey, morning little man,” she murmured to him, bouncing him lightly the way she’d seen done with babies.

Ben looked up and let out a big yawn, his eyes blinking to adjust to the light. “Hi Beau,” he said sleepily. His head settled back against her shoulder, making Beau chuckle.

“Yeah I’m not a morning person either bud. But I think Caddy is going to make something good for breakfast and all the other kids might finish it before you get any if you don’t get over there.” She set Ben down on his feet and nudged him over to the rest of the group. “Go on,” she encouraged when he looked back at her while she started to pack up various bedrolls. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

As they all ate, Beau wondered if she should reveal Ben’s relation to her. It honestly probably wouldn’t hurt anything for the rest of the Nein to know. And she would have better control of the situation here than she would in Kamordah. Her father always did drag out the worst in her.

“Hey Ben.”

The boy looked up at her, eagerness in his much more awake eyes. “Yeah?”

“I never introduced you to my friends.” Beau pointed to each of them in turn. “That’s Yasha, and Jester – if you ask her she might have dessert for you – Nott, Fjord, Caleb, and Caduceus you already know.”

“I’m Ben.” He waved shyly at all of them.

“It is _very_ nice to meet you Ben,” Fjord said in his most flamboyant manner, making Ben laugh.

“You can tell them the secret Ben it’s okay,” Beau prodded. “You can trust them.”

The boy waited for her to change her mind, and when she didn’t, he grinned. “I’m Ben Lionett! Tha’s my sister!” he declared proudly.

Fjord burst into a coughing fit and Caleb pounded him on the back. Jester sprung over, immediately cooing over Ben and talking excitedly about how much they looked alike. Nott climbed on top of Caduceus to get a better look while the rest of the kids just watched the strange goings on with perplexed faces, not understanding the significance.

“ _That’s_ your brother?” Fjord asked.

“You knew about this?!” Nott interjected.

“Well, yeah. But I thought he was like, a baby or something,” Fjord defended himself.

“I’m not baby!” Ben said indignantly.

“Guys!” Beau yelled, fed up. “Will all of you shut up for a minute!” Ben’s bottom lip pouted out and he looked near tears. “No not you Ben,” Beau rushed to console him, lifting him into her lap. “Just these morons.” She glared at Nott and Fjord for being pushy. “You’re fine Ben.” Her brother grasped her hand for reassurance, hiding his face in her chest. “Ben is my brother,” she told the rest of the Nein defiantly. “We just met for the first time yesterday, yes I knew he existed, and yes, we’re taking him back to my parents in Kamordah. Any other relevant questions?”

All but Yasha looked taken aback by Beau’s fierce defense of her brother and seemed to actually be thinking about whether or not they wanted to risk asking anything. “Is he, you know, consecuted too?” Jester asked eventually.

Beau shook her head. “No. He’s all Empire and belongs with my parents. We’re going to drop him off, interact with my parents as little as possible, and then – cover your ears Ben – get the fuck out of there.”

“You said bad word,” Ben told her reproachfully.

“That’s why I told you to cover your ears.”

“I did! I still heared it.”

“Heard,” Beau automatically corrected him. Ben stuck his tongue out at her. “Oh yeah you little jerk?” Beau started tickling at his sides, making him squeal in laughter and try to wriggle away. When they settled down again several of the Nein were looking at them with expressions Beau didn’t really recognize. Caduceus was a little ways away making sure the rest of the kids had eaten their fill. “What?” Beau asked. When the rest just shrugged, Beau rolled her eyes. “Well come on then. Let’s get this show on the road. We have to figure out if the moorbounders are going to let any of the kids ride on them, or if we’re going to have to walk all day. The sooner we get to Kamordah, the sooner we can leave.”

* * *

Kamordah was just as small town and annoying as Beau remembered. Nothing like Zadash or Rosohna, or the other, larger, cities she had grown used to in the past few years. The market square was as dusty and loud as ever, more kids running rampant in the streets than there were in the school. She used to be one of those wild kids – whenever she could escape her parents and various tutors, at least.

“How do you want to play this Beau?” Fjord asked after they’d delivered the rest of the kids to their various supremely grateful parents. Only Ben was left, bouncing eagerly in the saddle as they got closer to the Lionett Vineyard.

“Ideally,” Beau sighed, “they don’t see me. You just drop the kid off, tell them to keep a better eye on him, and we leave. I don’t need to see them. Don’t _want_ to see them. So let’s get Ben back and get the fuck out of here.”

“You said bad word again!” Ben reprimanded.

Beau shut her eyes and sighed. “I sure did Ben. You didn’t hear me say that.”

“Yes I did.”

“Damn it.” She let her head drop against the kid’s for a moment before going back to her conversation with Fjord. “They don’t like the – sorry,” she covered Ben’s ears, “ _’lesser_ _races’_ , so it might be best to send Caleb and Yasha up there. Let Caleb do the talking. Or at least disguise yourself. They’re uppity bigots and will probably call the Guard and accuse _you_ of kidnapping the kid rather than rescuing him. Easier to save yourself the trouble.”

Fjord changed himself into a human man. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Beau looked him up and down. “It’s a good thing I _don’t_ live there anymore or they might try to marry me off to you.” They simultaneously shuddered at _that_ idea. She removed her hands from over Ben’s ears when they crossed the property boundary. “Alright Ben. Mr. Fjord here is going to take you up to the door okay?”

“But I – I – I want _you_ to come,” Ben pouted.

“Nooo, no don’t give me that lip Ben Lionett,” Beau warned. “No pouting buddy. Aren’t you excited to be home? You were last night.”

“No!” Ben crossed his arms and pouted some more.

Beau looked to the others for help, but everyone seemed just as clueless as to what to do with a furious toddler. Only Nott looked amused. Beau was sure she’d experienced this with Luke at some point, but she wasn’t offering any pointers. Maybe this was just something she had to ride out. “Okay.” She swung off of Yarnball and took Ben with her so they could hang out at the back of the group. “What’s going on in your head Ben? Why are you mad?”

Ben made various angry faces for a moment, like he was deciding if he wanted to scream or cry more. “Because – ‘cause – ‘cause you’re gonna leave!” He finally shouted. “You won’t stay wi’ me!”

Oohh. Beau bit her lip, trying to decide how she wanted to play this. “Ben, I can’t stay,” she said gently. She was getting better at the whole gentle thing. “And that’s not your fault, and it’s not my fault. Our parents…” she sighed and made a face. “We don’t like each other. And if I was there, everyone would just be mad all the time, and that wouldn’t be a fun place to live, would it?”

“…No,” Ben muttered like he didn’t want to admit it. “But – but you’re my sister! They have to!”

If only the world went by kid logic, Beau thought wryly. “Not everybody can be as awesome as you, Ben,” she teased, chucking him under the chin. “And I want you to listen to me really careful. Can you do that?”

“Uh huh.”

“Good. Now remember this, because it’s important. If anything ever happens – if anyone does something that hurts you, if mother or _father_ do something that you think is wrong – not that you don’t like that they sent you to bed without dessert I mean something _bad_. If that happens, you write to me. Or you ask your tutor to write to me.” Beau handed him the slip of paper where she’d written instructions to the post office of Zadash. “You keep this in your room, and you don’t lose it. And if you need me, you get me, okay?” Ben nodded earnestly, clutching the paper to his chest. Beau helped him fold it up neatly and put it in his tunic pocket. “And I’m going to check on you too, alright? I’m not going to just disappear,” she swore. “I’ll make sure you’re okay. But I’ve gotta go help other people yeah? Like we rescued you and your friends? There’s lots of people that need help, and that’s what I do now.”

“Like the – like the heroes in the stories Mamie tells?” Ben asked.

Beau didn’t know who Mamie was, but she was glad _some_ one was telling the kid stories. She’d made up her own as a kid until she learned how to read. “Kind of,” she allowed. “Sometimes we make mistakes, but we try to be good.”

“Okay. I go home,” Ben decided, nodding resolutely.

Beau laughed at his quick turn around. She’s never hung out with toddlers before – they were a trip. “Alright little man.” She swung him up on her shoulders for a quick ride until they caught up to the rest of the Nein, then handed him over for Fjord to escort to the door. She hung back by Jannik, petting him nervously as she watched over his head and saw the door swing open. The servant who answered, a matronly looking woman, immediately embraced Ben tight before calling for the master of the house to come to the door quickly.

It was the first time Beau had seen Alexander Lionett in eight years. He had a little more white streaking through his hair, and if anything, looked even more stern than he used to when she was a kid. He stood perfectly straight, framed by the doorway, and patted Ben on the shoulder before trying to usher him inside. But Ben, perfect Ben, was too excited and already talking a mile a minute about the daring rescue.

“And den, and den, Beau saved me!”

Beau flinched as Ben pointed right at her. Alexander got even more stiff, if possible. Beau reluctantly pulled away from Jannik and approached the father son duo and an uncomfortable looking human-Fjord.

“Beauregard.”

He said it so differently than how Leylas called her, even though he was the one to name her. From Leylas, it was affectionate, warm, full of a kind of joy. From Alexander it was just – dead.

“I thought you were informed that there was no need for you to show your face in this town again,” Alexander continued.

“Oh,” Beau pretended like that was news to her. “Well I can just take Ben back to the hole we found him in then. I wouldn’t want to _inconvenience_ you,” she sassed.

“I see the Reserve taught you nothing before you ran away from them too. Saved me the large expense of having to pay for your upkeep, I suppose I should thank you for that.”

Beau scoffed. “Yeah my ‘upkeep’. You mean my imprisonment? Keep the embarrassment away right? Oh by the way, _Father_ , you don’t own all of Kamordah. I can come and go where I please.”

“Benjamin!” Her mother’s voice interrupted the tense stand off between father and daughter. “Alexander, where was he, who brought him –” she stopped short when she saw the other person at the door. “Oh. It’s you.” She passed Ben off to the servant who first answered the door, and he only managed a quick wave and a ‘Beau!’ before he was out of sight.

Nice. “Yeah, I’m full of surprises. No Mother, I’m not drunk and dead in a ditch. Isn’t that how you always said I’d turn out?” At this point, Fjord had backed away a couple of steps, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there. “But there’s your son. Cute kid by the way. Noticed he didn’t know a thing about his older sister. Why the gods decided to curse another child to an existence with you, I’ll never know, but there you have it.”

“Probably one of the ones that kidnapped him,” Alexander sniffed in disdain.

“You don’t know anything,” Beau said, calmer than she ever expected possible when facing her parents’ scorn. “You don’t know me. You never did. But me? The things I’ve seen? It’s more than you could imagine in those narrow minds of yours. I’ve seen demons and fiends, aberrations, monsters, and more than a few monstrous people. I’ve made deals with pirate kings, worked to bring down governments from the inside. You – and this place – aren’t more than a drop in the bucket of what I’ve seen.” Three weeks with Leylas had shown her exactly how a parent should love their child, and these two were never it.

“That’s enough lies out of you!” her mother snapped.

Her father stepped forward as if to push her out of the doorway so he could slam it shut, but Beau caught his arm before he could ever touch her. “I’m not here to fucking impress you. I grew out of that _decades_ ago. But you don’t get to try and destroy me anymore. And you sure as _fuck_ don’t get to do that to him.” She pointed fiercely down at Ben, who had apparently escaped the clutches of his minders and reappeared. Her mother was trying to hide him behind her like Beau was a threat. Maybe she was, but not to Ben. “So for once in my _life_ , you listen to me. If you hurt him, I’ll be back.”

“As if I would lay a hand on my own son,” her father scoffed, wrenching his arm out of her grasp.

“Didn’t stop you with your daughter,” Beau threw back immediately. “But I don’t mean just physically, Alexander. If I hear a single word about you and your wife trying to turn that boy into a mindless little drone fit for a seat at your table, I’ll be back. And I’ll be taking your precious heir with me. I’ve got my eyes on you now. Don’t make me come back here.”

Two hundred years of experience as a spy, she could make them disappear and make it look like they just planned a trip away. No one would ever see them or Ben again. But unless they forced her hand, she would let them keep him. Against all odds, he still loved their parents, and she wouldn’t do anything that might hurt him in the future. But one toe out of line, she’d take him. Hell, maybe Leylas would be up for keeping him if it came down to it. She was responsible.

Her parents looked suitably threatened, while Ben just looked confused. Beau got down on one knee to be level with him, and the toddler escaped his mother and ran into her arms. “You going now?” he asked, sounding teary.

“I have to Ben. But you remember what I told you?” He nodded on her shoulder. “I’ll be around, keeping an eye on you. I promise. I’ll never be too far away.” She glared up at her parents as she said, making sure they understood the warning for what it was. “Now you be good, and hug this Mamie for me. And tell her I said to keep telling you stories about heroes.” She hugged him tight one more time and then sent him back through into the house. Once he was out of earshot, she turned back to her parents. “Terrible seeing you. Hope we never have to do this again. Ready Fjord?”

“Ready Beau.”

“Then let’s get out of here.”

* * *

Beau didn’t sleep that night. They made it a few hours ride out of Kamordah before the sun set. She took first watch, and never bothered waking anyone else up for the next two shifts. She missed Ben already and was still wound up from finally confronting her parents like she’d wanted to for so long. The rest of the Nein had let her have her silence for the entire afternoon and evening. The night was blissfully quiet as well, allowing her the time to try and gather her scattered emotions.

Finally, about an hour before dawn, Beau heard some rustling and then heavier footsteps before Fjord came to sit beside her. They both watched the black night steadily fading to a deep blue then violet in silence, Fjord giving her the opportunity to speak first. “So that was uh, something,” she finally said.

“…Yeah. I uh, see why you said what you did back on the ship that one time. Why you didn’t want to go back there.”

“Oh. Yeah. Got to meet Ben though,” she pointed out. “He’s a pretty chill kid. If I’d known that, I would have tried to meet him sooner.”

“Listen, about that. I’m sorry for being pushy about the whole family topic. Saying we only get one. I mean, I never had one, growing up, and I just thought. Well, I didn’t want you to miss out if there was a chance to make up with them. But seeing them today….Hoo,” Fjord winced and blew out a breath.

Beau chuckled. “Yeah they’re a real piece of work aren’t they?”

“Honestly? I don’t know how you came out of that intact.”

“You think I came out intact?” Beau scoffed. “I was a wreck. I was terrible – a terrible person for _years_. A thief, pathological liar, problems with authority, the whole nine yards. I’m _still_ most of those things. The monks just beat me up until I learned how to use them in more constructive ways. It wasn’t until I met you all that I –“ she swallowed hard, “that I wanted to be better. Do better. You all had it so much worse than I did; what right did I have waltzing around being a bitch to everyone when there’s all of you?”

“I don’t think it’s something you compare,” Fjord said thoughtfully. “Fucked up actions are just that. Doesn’t matter how bad they are or who’s doing them to ya. I mean sure, the kids at the orphanage were little shits to me, your parents were shit to you. I drowned, and your father paid to make you disappear. Those are all pretty much shit. You don’t need to downplay your crap hand just to make room for others’.”

“Well it seems lately my hand is getting just a bit better. What with Leylas and now Ben. I have a new appreciation for Jester being able to leave her mom behind each time we leave Nicodranas,” Beau admitted. “A few weeks with Leylas and all I want to do is run back to Xhorhas and ask her advice.”

Fjord nodded. “Yeah there was a half orc blacksmith there I wouldn’t mind talking to some more,” he agreed. “Good bloke. Made me think about some things. But hey,” his tone picked up. “We’ve already made some progress on the missing children, just need to figure out where they’re going after the Gentleman gets rid of them. Then we can go report back to the Bright Queen, take care of that thing for Yasha you and Jester are weirdly secretive about, and then we’re sittin’ pretty.”

“Right. Hey can I be on Team Orphan with you?”

“…What?”

Beau looked down. “You know it’s just. You and Nott were doing that whole, Team Drowning Victim thing and I thought I could – you know what forget it. It’s dumb.” She gazed intently at her hands, embarrassed.

“You know what?” Fjord said after a pause. “Sure. You can be an honorary member of Team Orphan. Other members: me.”

And Caleb, Beau added silently. But that was his secret to tell.

* * *

The trip back to Zadash was simultaneously straightforward and filled with anxiety. The Gentleman was not an easy man to lie to, and this was a fairly large one they had to cover up. They’d decided to stick with Beau’s idea for the most part – claim that everyone in the depot was killed before they got there and they cleared the mess out. No mention of any children whatsoever. And then hope he didn’t catch on.

“I do appreciate your punctuality,” the Gentleman greeted them when the Nein descended into his hideout. “Three jobs you have completed on time. Some of my regulars could learn a lesson from you.” He looked pointedly at a few others who shrunk away. “So. Come. Tell me what you found. I see you don’t have Darven with you, so I assume I will not be pleased with the outcome?”

“Yes, you had an unfortunate hook horror problem,” Fjord told him truthfully. “Nasty little sons of bitches. Did take care of your giant rat problem though. Lots of little skeletons in their dens. But I’m sorry to tell you they had completely overrun your depot before we ever got there.”

“No one was left,” Beau took up the lying part of the story. “We found – pieces. A couple bodies. One guy – maybe Darven – looked like he’d managed to hole himself up in a back room for a while before the horrors got in. Not much of him left.”

“I see,” the Gentleman murmured. “And that was _all_ you found?”

“Some copper and gold,” Fjord said.

“They ate all your silver,” Yasha added helpfully. “It’s what they do. Should still be in their stomachs if you really want it.”

The Gentleman’s face grew amused. “I think the silver is fine staying where it’s at,” he acknowledged with a smirk. “And none were left alive you say?” He seemed to focus in on Beau.

“No,” she lied steadily. “Everyone was gone. Unless some managed to run away and haven’t made it back here yet,” she offered. “There was quite a bit of blood in the room your last man had barricaded. Might be they were wounded but got out. You might have some men wandering the plains,” she shrugged. If he took the extra blood and small skeletons to assume the children had been eaten, all the better.

“I will take that into consideration. Well,” he clapped his hands and sat back in his chair, “thank you for clearing the depot for me. Unfortunate that Darven was killed, but such are the dangers of our line of work,” he chuckled. “Sorah. Get the money. Five thousand, as promised, due to your timely efforts,” he told them. “You may stay if you like and enjoy the rest of your evening. My bar is open to you.”

Fjord stepped in. “Thank you for your kindly hospitality, but we rode all day to bring word back to you, and several of us are still tired from the journey. I think we shall retire for the evening.” He accepted the chest Sorah brought over and slipped it into the Bag. “Good night to you sir.”

Beau heaved a sigh of relief once they were back on the surface and sure they weren’t being followed. “That was close,” she muttered to them. “I vote we never take a job for the Gentleman again. It’s going to wind up getting us killed.”

“I second that,” Caleb agreed. “He is dangerous. And well connected if he’s trafficking for the Empire.”

Jester was kicking loose pebbles on the street as she looked down. “I don’t think I _want_ to know if he is my dad anymore,” she murmured. Beau put an arm around her, drawing her in close. She could tell Jester was thinking about the Iron Shepherds from the way she was staring off into the distance. “Not if he does terrible things like that. What do I tell my mama?”

“You don’t have to tell her anything if you don’t want,” Yasha reassured her.

“And if you do, it’s certainly not going to change how she sees you. It doesn’t matter if the Gentleman is the guy who helped make you,” Beau added.

Caleb nodded. “Yes. From what I have observed Jester, you are all your mother. And that is a – a _good_ thing. And you do not know for sure, anyway.”

“Yeah Jester. Your mother said he was a gentleman, not _the_ Gentleman,” Fjord said, tone soft. “Maybe it was somebody else. Maybe you won’t find out for sure ever, but it doesn’t affect who you are.”

Jester sniffed. “Thanks guys,” she said, tears and voice both a little watery. “He’s just why I left home you know? _Well_ , there was the whole prank on the lord thing, but when I left, he’s who I was looking for. And now maybe I’ve found him, and I don’t _like_ him.” Her hopes having been dashed seemed to be what was upsetting Jester the most. A criminal was one thing – they’d all partaken in crime before. A kidnapper and slaver was another moral code entirely. One none of them would abide by.

“Well, you can look at it this way,” Beau offered. “There’s the family you’re born to, and the family you choose. Maybe you don’t have much of the first one, like a lot of us, but we all found each other. And I sure as hell know I like all of you a shit load more than I like my parents. I think the people you choose can have just as much meaning as your blood.”

Jester nodded, wiping her eyes. “Thanks guys. I love you all a whole lot.”

Beau pulled her closer for a moment and then let her go hug Nott. “Would anyone personally mind if I kill him someday?” she asked the group. “Because as long as Jester’s cool with it, I call dibs.”

“No wait! I called it an hour ago!” Nott protested.

“Too fucking bad I called it five minutes after I killed Darven,” Beau shot back, trying not to smile at the insanity of this argument. “Yasha back me up.”

Yasha shrugged. “It’s true she did.”

“Just because you have lusty feelings for her doesn’t mean you can ask Yasha to back you up on everything!”

And while Beau _knew_ Nott was just continuing the teasing and weird conversation, she couldn’t help it when she choked on her next words and her cheeks darkened noticeably. Yasha too, appeared embarrassed and her line of sight had changed to directly at the cobblestone road. “What the fuck Nott?” Jester hissed, pushing the goblin. “You can’t do that.”

“You do it to Fjord all the time! I was just –”

“That’s because _I’m_ teasing Nott!”

Yasha still wouldn’t look away from the ground. Beau bit her lip, humiliation from Nott’s words rising in her. Was she holding some sort of attraction to Yasha still? Fucking duh. She pretty much check-marked every box in the ‘What Beau Finds Attractive’ list, but Beau had been trying to keep that to herself for the last few months. When she got no response after the first couple days in her company, Beau pretty much gave it up as a lost cause. Yasha was gone all the time anyway so it was easy to keep it under wraps and forget about it.

And then Yasha got all confusing with the looking after her and the checking up on her and the occasional kisses to her temple, but when she’d told her about Zuala, Beau had immediately closed the door on any possibility of anything ever happening. Yasha said it was a ‘for life’ thing, and that was that. She didn’t need it thrown in her face now, even if Nott hadn’t meant any harm by it. “Don’t worry about it,” she managed to get out, voice still a bit strangled for her liking. “No harm done. I’ll uh – see you guys back at the inn later.” She needed to get drunk. _Immediately_. She walked away before anyone could stop her, though she did hear something that sounded like flesh hitting clothing, and a little squeak from Nott before she turned a corner.

“Someone should go after her,” Jester said, and that was when Beau took off in a dead sprint the second she was out of sight. No one was faster than her; she’d be long gone before anyone else rounded the corner.

She eventually found her way to a seedy looking tavern in the poorer part of town. While Beau appreciated a good alcohol, she’d grown up drinking the shitty stuff partly out of defiance to her parents and their snobby vineyard selves and she had developed a liking for the crap. It got her drunk quicker, at the very least. No need to make it taste good if it did the job fast. She slapped down a gold piece, told the barkeep to keep them coming, and settled in for a long night.

Beau was just wondering if she should get over her embarrassment by getting under someone else when someone practically fell onto her. “Hey what the fuck man?!” she yelled as lukewarm beer spilled all over her back.

The culprit, a man just a little taller and beefier than her looked down his nose at her. Even though he was the one who tripped like an idiot and dumped his drink all over her. “You wanna do something ‘bout it?” He was obviously drunk.

Beau seriously considered it. But she’d promised Yasha to not be stupid alone. And she was pretty sure starting a bar fight with no one else she knew in the bar to act as back up counted as being stupid. So she just sighed and flipped the dude a silver. “Nah man. Get another one.”

He barely managed to catch it with drunken fingers. “Hey thanks,” he said, surprised into calming down from his bluster. “Sorry ‘bout the mess.” He wandered back over to the bar to get a new drink, eventually coming back and slipping one to her as a silent apology and going back to his own table. Huh. Being polite got her somewhere. Food for thought.

She was on the way to getting well and truly plastered when someone sat down next to her. She was about to turn and tell Fjord or whoever else in the Nein had found her to fuck off when she realized just who it was.

“Keg?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride month ya'll!


	7. Wanna Do A Heist?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL the shenanigans folks ;) Though perhaps not the ones you think.

“Keg?!”

“Hi,” the dwarf said sheepishly, twirling her mug in her hands. “Didn’t think I’d be seeing you here.”

Beau just gaped at her for a minute, taking her in. Keg looked good. Out of armor for the evening, and her clothes appeared slightly better looked after than what she’d been wearing when they met. “Fuck, hi,” Beau managed to reply. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, just taking odd jobs around the region. Nothing too fancy. Guarding caravans and the like mostly. What about you? Your friends okay?” Keg lifted herself up a little and scanned the room looking for them.

“Yeah. They’re probably at our inn. I ditched for a while. Wanted to get drunk.”

“Tell me about it. My last boss was a dick. Thought about letting him get eaten by the gnolls that attacked one night, but – then I wouldn’t get paid, so.” Keg shrugged.

Beau chuckled. “You haven’t been doing anything for the Gentleman have you?”

“Who? Is that his name?”

Good. Better that Keg had no clue who he was. “If it ever comes up, don’t do it. He’s a slaver just like the Iron Shepherds. Trafficking kids and who knows who else.”

Keg winced. “Ouch. You just find that out?”

“Yup. Ended up rescuing the little brother I’d never met. It’s uh, long story,” she said when Keg gave her a confused look. “We’ll take care of the problem at some point, but he’s too well protected right now.”

“Well,” Keg sighed, “you ever need help with that, look me up. I’m getting good at ruining businesses like that. Thinking of making it my specialty,” she joked. “But seriously. Why are you here and not with your friends? Something happen? No one else died did they? I had nothing to do with it!”

“Dude, chill. No, no one died. Nott was just being her usual self.” Beau rolled her eyes. “A lot’s been going on recently – it’s complicated. Everything is fucking complicated and it being dragged around in the streets like dirty laundry is not helping.”

Keg whistled. “Yikes. You wanna – talk about it? I’ll buy you something better?”

“Sure, why not?”

It wasn’t long before Keg came back with mugs of slightly better quality beer in them. “So what’d Nott do? She didn’t shoot you again did she?”

“Nah, it’s not important. Just a little mortifying. Anyway. What do you want to hear first?” Beau changed the subject. “A lot of shit has gone down since you took off. Caduceus is still with us, by the way. We fixed his grove but we haven’t been back to check on it yet. Accidentally stole a ship from Nicodranas and then accidentally became pirates. Then we –”

“Wait wait wait,” Keg interrupted. “How do you _accidentally_ become pirates? Does it just fall in your lap?”

“That’s always everyone’s favorite story I wonder why that is?” Beau mused. “Are pirates a ‘thing’? Like is it the whole connotation of adventure and gold and treasure hunting?”

“I’m more interested in the ‘accidental’ part,” Keg denied. “The pirate thing is hot, don’t get me wrong. You in like, a pirate outfit? Hoo,” she gave a little shudder. “But seriously. How did you guys do that?”

Beau chuckled and shook her head. “We were just trying to get a little information about a letter we found in the Iron Shepherds’ place. But Fjord is a terrible swimmer, I’m a terrible liar – both of those things we’re normally _awesome_ at – and next thing you know, the docks are on fire, we killed most if not all of the pirates we thought were just delivery boys, and then _we’re_ pretending to be the delivery boys and end up pirates running through the jungle.”

Keg’s mouth had dropped open slightly at some point and she was just staring at Beau. “Wow,” she finally said. “Yeah that would do it. Cool cool cool. That’s – impressive. You guys still have the ship?”

“Nah we lost that one when we got to the pirate island. Uncovered a plot by our reluctant pirate ally – who we were already trying to get rid of – to kill the pirate king so we set fire to _her_ ship, almost got killed, then almost got executed, then got banished on the burned out ship. Technically I think we still own it. We were on the ocean for a few months. Nott hated every second of it. Caleb’s finally chilled out some and isn’t two seconds from abandoning the group at any give time. Fjord, Jester, and Yasha recovered pretty well from the Shepherds.” Beau frowned. “We lost Yasha for a while. She has a uh, complicated relationship with her god and Molly was her best friend.” Keg visibly winced when Beau said Molly’s name, but Beau didn’t draw attention to it. “She took off but came back eventually. Hasn’t left us since, actually. I think she’s worried more of us will disappear if she’s not keeping an eye on us.”

“Makes sense, I suppose.”

“What about you though?” Beau asked. “Did you ever find your friend? Uto, right?”

Keg looked down. “Yeah,” she murmured. “Yeah, I found him.” It was obvious that it hadn’t ended well. Beau’s chest pinched at her expression. “He uh, he died not long after they sold him. Tracked down the owner of the household that bought him.” She shook her head. “Uto was gone. So I uh – I intimidated the guy into letting the rest of his slaves go. Took some of them back to their families that needed the help but uh. Yeah.”

“Shit, that sucks. I’m sorry.”

“No it’s,” Keg shook her head, “it’s okay. The Shepherds are gone, and that guy won’t dare ever buy a slave again. Everyone who hurt him can’t do it anymore. I think he’d like that.”

“He’d be proud of you. I’m proud of you,” Beau said, meaning every word. “We never said thank you. For helping us get our friends back. I mean, Caleb asked if you wanted to come with us, but we didn’t thank you. Jester’s my best friend, and Fjord is – my captain. And Yasha...” Beau shrugged. “Well. Thank you. And if you ever need any help, we’ll come,” she promised.

Keg bit her lip, then grabbed Beau by the shirt and yanked her down into a rough kiss. Beau responded for a moment, but then things felt wrong. Not like the last time they did this. Keg was shorter than her, not taller. The strength was about right, but the gentleness was missing. Used to be, Beau was all for a little rough and tumble, but then she thought about the way Yasha almost seemed to reel her in and how comforting her kisses were, even just an innocent one to her forehead? It made her feel more than she ever had – even with Keg, who was a somewhat close second.

With that in mind, Beau carefully disengaged from Keg. “Sorry,” she muttered. “It’s just –”

“That Yasha girl right?” Keg asked knowingly. “She was hot, even though – you know. I only ever saw her when she was unconscious. Don’t worry about it; it’s cool.” She was blushing, but sounded earnest.

Beau nodded but still felt bad. “I really enjoyed the night we had. I don’t – make friends easily.” That was an understatement. “But uh, hopefully you’re willing? Drinks on me?”

“Well if you’re buying,” Keg teased, not looking too cut up about the let down. “I’ll bet I can drink you under the table.”

“Oh you are so on,” Beau scoffed, signaling for another round.

* * *

Beau wove her way back to the inn they were staying at in the early hours of the morning. She and Keg had gotten drunk and then some, and split ways only after Beau had beat Keg in a drinking game and the alcohol was taken away. The walk did Beau some good – she was now at least partially sober. Sober enough to know that she was going to have a hell of a hangover when she woke up. She slipped into the inn, contemplated asking for some alcohol there, but eventually decided against it.

Instead, she made her way on up to bed, stopping stock still when more than just Jester was in her room. “Ah shit.”

“Beau?” Jester sat up, rubbing her eyes. “Beau!” She threw her covers off to run over and hug Beau. “You can’t keep disappearing like that! It always makes Fjord think you got in trouble and _died_ and Nott is super sorry and I know she didn’t mean anything by it she was just playing around and –”

Beau had started trying to get Jester’s attention about three words into her ramble, but her friend was determined to plow on. “Jester. Jester. Jester!” Finally, Jester stopped mid-sentence and Beau sighed in relief as her ears quit ringing. “I’m fine Jes.” Beau reassured her. “Just got drunk. It was good. Sorry I took off.” She was studiously ignoring the fact that Yasha was also in the room. She wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with that mess yet. “I uh, might go to bed now before I hurl. I’ll just um, take the floor. That’s fine.”

“We need to talk.” Yasha’s voice made Beau flinch. She was _really_ hoping to get away with just ignoring everything Nott said and her reaction to it and go back to the way things were. Her and Yasha had been _good_ – working well together, Beau even managed to have several civilized conversations with her.

“Sure.” Her voice was steady, which surprised Beau. She was six hundred plus years old, she could handle a talk with a pretty girl without wanting to die. Even if said woman was just going to let her down easy. Not unlike what she’d done to Keg a few hours ago. Maybe it was karma.

Rather than head downstairs, Yasha pushed Beau to climb out the window and onto the roof. “Have fun!” Jester called after them suggestively. Beau wondered what she and Yasha had been talking about while she was off getting drunk.

She settled herself a few feet away from Yasha, letting her feet dangle off the edge. “Look,” she started, wanting to cut off Yasha before she either told her to never go near her again or speak to her. “I wasn’t going to do anything. You still – you had your wife and I get it. I’m not that kind of person. You said it was for life and I respect that – I wasn’t going to get in the way of that I swear.” She frowned and stared at the roof shingles, looking for the right words. “I can’t – I can’t just shut it off, but I’ve got a handle on it. You don’t need to worry about me. So can we just ignore what Nott said?” She _really_ wanted to forget everything from tonight and go get more drunk than she had been. Blackout drunk. Maybe then the vaguely stabbing pain in her chest would go away.

Yasha let her ramble die out without a word. “My turn?” she asked once Beau had been quiet for a minute.

“Yeah,” Beau sighed, resigned to the fact that she was about to get yelled at or pushed off the roof or _some_ thing.

“You’re beautiful when you fight.”

That. Wasn’t what she was expecting.

Yasha wasn’t making eye contact with her, but kept talking. “It’s what I noticed first about you. That and you didn’t always think things through before you spoke. You do more now. Maybe because of the consecution thing, maybe because you’re just allowing yourself to. But the first time I saw you fight,” she shook her head. “You were graceful – which I never expected given how brazen you were before. My uh, philosophy is hit them hard until they don’t get back up but you – you learn something new every time you fight. You study people and you know people, far better than you want anyone else to think.”

“I –”

“No, let me finish,” Yasha interrupted her. “You’re right. Zuala and I were supposed to be together for life. But we didn’t get the chance. And I – I miss her every day and that won’t change. But. I think she’s been trying to tell me not to be miserable for the rest of my life just because she’s gone. To be happy. That’s all Molly wanted for me as well. He spoke about you, you know.” Yasha grinned. “He said you were a pain in the ass and far too annoying for your own good, but he loved how much you cared. And I think – I think he’d be proud of both of us.”

The idea that Molly, the first brother she had, would be proud warmed Beau. That was all she wanted ever since he died, besides a wish to turn back time and tell him that she actually cared rather than provoking him all the time. But maybe he had known already. Molly had been talented like that. But none of that addressed the actual problem that had started this all. “Soo, you didn’t bring me up here to throw me off the roof?” she guessed.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Yasha closed the distance between them, up on her knees. She was even taller that way as she bent over to kiss Beau.

For the first time, feeling small didn’t make Beau want to punch something. Instead, she lifted herself up by wrapping one arm around Yasha’s neck, knowing Yasha was strong enough to support both of their weights. She pressed closer, reveling in the warmth and security Yasha freely offered.

If they’d kissed for hours, Beau wouldn’t have noticed time passing. Eventually, Yasha lowered her back down to the roof, then took a seat next to her. “That uh – I suppose answers my question,” Beau panted. If only she hadn’t been so busy dedicating herself to the good of the Dynasty in her past lives, she might have more of an idea of what she was supposed to do next. But past Beau was not going to be much help in this area. At least not where real feelings were involved.

“No I am not going to throw you off the roof,” Yasha chuckled. “Not that I believe it would do much damage to you anyway, but I’d rather not test it. I like you in one piece.”

“So you like me huh?” Beau smirked, trying to play it cool and not reveal that she had butterflies doing dive bombs in her stomach.

Yasha leveled her with an exasperated look before kissing her again briefly. Beau came away from it with a dumb grin, which made Yasha smile back at her. “Oh boy,” she said fondly. She put an arm around Beau’s shoulders and tugged her closer to her side. “You are going to be trouble.”

“Damn right.” Beau was almost giddy with relief and awe. She’d never imagined Yasha would ever look at her twice, and she’d turned down Keg earlier knowing that. She had been content to just be near Yasha, which was so different than how she usually felt about women she liked that Beau followed it unquestioningly. Even if she never had Yasha, just that feeling was enough to tide her over.

But now Yasha had dragged her onto a roof for the express purpose of kissing her and telling her that Beau was wrong – she did care. Beau hadn’t misinterpreted those little moments between them the past few weeks. And as lips pressed against her temple once again, Beau let herself sigh in contentment and lean more of her weight into Yasha’s side.

“How drunk did you get?” Yasha asked, an undercurrent of nerves running through her tone.

“Not so drunk that I’m going to forget a single second of this when I wake up,” Beau reassured her. “Alcohol seems to be affecting me less these days. Same as the venom from the spiders.” She’d have to consider why later. There were more important things going on at the moment. “I ran into Keg at the bar. The dwarf we told you about? Helped us get the three of you back?”

Yasha’s hand stopped the mindless stroking on her upper arm that Beau hadn’t noticed until it was gone. “The uh, the one that Jester said um, you –”

“Yeah.” Beau didn’t think Yasha would be the type to be jealous, and she hoped that was the case. “We had a good time catching up. She’s been pretty busy too. I told her about you.” Beau’s gaze dropped to the roof shingles. “I uh – I mean I remember a lot more now of most of my lives, but I’ve never really done the feelings for someone else thing,” she admitted. “I was always so focused on protecting Leylas and the rest of the Dynasty, there just wasn’t time. Also I kept dying. Like, I’m pretty sure I’m setting a record for lives right now with them. I’m on number seven in six hundred years while Leylas is still in her fourth after twelve hundred. I wonder if they give out a plaque for that,” she mused.

Yasha chuckled. “Your brain goes to strange places sometimes,” she teased fondly. “Each time you’re with someone is different, I think, and there isn’t just one way to go about it. But – I’m willing to try if you are.”

“Yeah! Yeah,” Beau tried to regain her cool and failed miserably. “Man I feel like I should say thank you, but that’s not really appropriate is it? Oh, now I’m feeling a little awkward did I just make this awkward?”

“Go to bed Beau,” Yasha said through a laugh. “You’re still drunk.”

“Ooohh, right. Do I get a kiss good night?” Beau grinned up at her unrepentantly, and Yasha leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek, just to see her disgruntled face when she pulled away. “Not what I meant,” Beau grumbled, giving Yasha the side eye. Nevertheless, she squirmed her way off the roof and swung back into her room.

Jester was fast asleep, sketchbook open in front of her and her ink in danger of tipping over. Beau capped it and moved it safely to the nightstand, then shut her book and stowed it in her bag. Yasha clambered back into the room just as Beau was finishing up tucking Jester in more comfortably. She turned to see the Aasimar watching her with a soft expression. “What?”

“Nothing,” Yasha denied. “Just proving my point.” She pressed one last kiss to Beau’s temple and left to find her own bed after a murmured good night.

“Night,” Beau said after the door was closed.

She didn’t know how to even begin to process what just happened. If someone had asked her six months ago what she thought her life was going to be like, she’d have probably said she would wind up killed in a bar fight she started, alone and friendless.

Now, she had a past and a nation she was beginning to care deeply for again, a person she was quickly remembering as her beloved mother, a group of friends she would die for and who would protect her to the very end, and perhaps most miraculous of all, a woman she could almost say she loved and who she now knew cared for her deeply as well. Beau had never imagined she’d be lucky enough to find that.

“You alright Beau?” Jester asked sleepily, her eyes blinking open for a moment before shutting again.

“…Yeah,” Beau murmured, feeling content for perhaps the first time in her life. “Yeah I’m good.”

* * *

First thing the next morning, Beau wrote out a note in Avantika’s cipher, telling Dairon about the Gentleman and his trafficking of children. Maybe it would go some way to convincing them that all Beau wanted was for the war to end. If she opened it at all, that is. She handed it to a dirty kid loitering around the inn with a silver for him. “If you come back and can tell me that you got it personally to Dairon, there’s a gold in it for you. If she’s not there and the Reserve passes it on, I’ll get you another silver. Got it?”

The boy nodded eagerly, snatching both the note and the coin and taking off at a dead sprint. He’d likely never seen that much money in his life, let alone had it offered to him. She’d give him a gold either way. He looked like he could use the food.

“Hey Jester,” she began as she sat back down at their table. “We never really finished that talk about your ‘dad situation’.” She studiously ignored the reason for why they never completed their conversation about the Gentleman. “Is that something you want to confirm? We can find out.”

“Ummm,” Jester hmm’d. “I mean…I _do_ want to know I guess. But – maybe I _don’t_ want him to know? Is there a way to find out without him knowing I found out?”

“We could sneak in and look for clues!” Nott suggested.

Fjord seemed to be thinking it over and eventually nodded. “It could be possible,” he allowed. “But difficult. That little gnome of his was creepy as fuck, and then there’s Sorah and all his other muscle. This is going to take _planning_. More than we’re used to.”

“So we plan,” Beau settled. “Jester, could you see if your mom had any correspondence with your father? If it was the Gentleman and he was in love with her as your mom said, maybe he kept them. That’s something we could look for.”

“You’re _very_ good at stealing mail,” Nott agreed, nodding her head rapidly.

“Well.” Beau decided to let that little jibe slide by. “You’re the sneaky one Nott. If anyone is going to be stealing the letters that may or may not exist, it’s you.”

Nott grimaced in dismay at the thought. “Augh alright. But what if I run into magic things? Protections? I’m not very good at it yet I might need Caleb.”

“We will all be there Nott,” Caleb reassured her.

“Yeah buddy system.” Beau had a thought. “Guys guys! It could totally be a heist. We can do a heist right?”

“Like when we broke into that lady’s house to steal documents! Except maybe this time we don’t get caught by who we’re stealing from and we don’t set off a fireball in the house,” Jester suggested.

“Good idea.”

* * *

At Fjord and Beau’s behest, the Nein spent the next few days planning their heist. Jester had confirmed with her mother through prodigious use of Sending that she and Jester’s father had indeed exchanged several letters in the ensuing months after their tryst before eventually losing contact. They knew from previous jobs that the Gentleman spent nearly all of his time down below the Evening Nip – or at the very least it was where he ‘entertained’ his guests.

“Alright,” Beau sighed as they went over the plan for the fifth time that day. Everyone else, even Fjord, groaned tiredly. “I know, I know. This just – it can’t go wrong guys,” she insisted. “If we get caught and overpowered, next thing we know, we’re all in chains and shipped off to separate corners of the Empire. That can’t happen.”

“It won’t happen,” Jester declared. “We’ve got it. Right Nott?”

Nott abruptly stopped snoring when Jester elbowed her in the ribs. “Nyah? Right Jester,” she muttered, eyes closing again.

Yasha slipped her hand over Beau’s forearm under the table. She had kept the change in their friendship to something else on the down low, and Beau was following her lead. Yasha squeezed reassuringly. “It will be fine. We won’t be taken by surprise again.”

“Right. Okay.” Beau took a deep breath. “Then let’s do this fucking thing.”

* * *

The time came a few nights later. Fjord had spent some time in the Gentleman’s headquarters and learned that it would be especially packed that evening. Easier for one little goblin to slip in and out without notice. They all gathered in the basement and went to their pre-assigned positions. Fjord and Caduceus went to speak with the Gentleman, talking for a while before Fjord involved him in another game of Gambit of Ord and teaching Caduceus at the same time.

Once the Gentleman was occupied, Nott slipped from her seat and under the table. She never emerged, but Beau felt something invisible brush past her leg. She watched carefully, and saw the tiniest blip of the curtain leading to the Gentleman’s private quarters moving and she knew Nott was in there.

Beau and Caleb were going to be Nott’s main contact points. Caleb was staying outside in an alley next to the Evening Nip, disguised so as not to raise suspicion. He would enter the upper bar in a few minutes, and was the last resort option in case things went to hell – lighting up the bar with all the fire he had to give the rest of the group time to escape.

“ _I’m in_ ,” Nott whispered in Beau’s ear through Message. “ _There’s a trap door next to his bed. It’s not trapped. I’m goin’ in. Youcanrespondtothismessage.”_

“Be careful Nott,” Beau murmured back. “She made it in,” she told Yasha and Jester. “I’m off.” She slid out from behind the table and wandered over to the bar where her quarry was drinking.

She’d been watching Cree all night. Her main objective was to retrieve their blood samples from on her person, as the most accomplished pickpocket of the group. “One more for me please,” she nodded at the bartender, who slid over an ale. “How’s it going Cree?” she asked the Tabaxi woman.

“Oh, hello Beau. Good to see you again. I uh,” Cree stuttered. “I am well. Things have been busy, although my skills are required less of late. The Gentleman has stopped taking new recruits so, fewer people to track.” She shrugged. “Leaves me to my own devices, which is not always welcome.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Hey, you want another?” Beau motioned for two more drinks, then turned back to Cree when they arrived. “Look. I’m sorry about Lucien. That you lost him twice.” It felt bitter coming out of her mouth. Cree had lost Lucien, but they’d lost Molly. It wasn’t the same. Lucien had been gone for years. Cree thought she lost him a second time, when in truth, Lucien never came back at all.

“ _Oh god! The door locked above me and there’s nothing to pick!”_ Nott’s panicked voice drowned out whatever Cree said in reply. “ _There’s a whole bunch of levers and chests what do I do? Youcanrespondtothismessage!”_

Beau sure hoped Caleb was right when he said no one but Nott would be able to hear her reply. “I don’t know Nott. Check the chests first. Make _sure_ they aren’t fucking trapped.”

“I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear about him,” Cree apologized, startling Beau.

“Oh, oh no. That’s my problem,” Beau rushed to cover herself. “It’s not your fault.” She pat Cree on the back, discreetly slipping her other hand inside Cree’s cloak and aiming for her belt. “Lucien was just one of a kind, you know? I don’t know what he was like with you guys, but with us he was just so full of himself.” Her hand wrapped around the holster holding the vials. “He always knew what was best and damned if he was wrong he’d try to talk his way out of it.”

Cree laughed, shaking her head. “He was always like that, yes.”

Beau gently, carefully, _painstakingly_ undid the buckle of the holster as Cree talked. She let it fall naturally, catching it in her other hand as it fell. “Yeah he was something. Look, if you ever want to talk, I’m here. We’re all here.”

Cree pat her on the hand. “I appreciate that Beau. I might take you up on it.”

“ _Case closed!”_ Nott’s voice came through Message again. _“He_ is _the father! Youcanrespondtothismessage.”_

“Okay that’s great. Now, is there anything about the slave trade?” Beau encouraged as she wandered back over in Yasha’s direction, vials of blood clutched tightly inside her cloak.

“ _I have to pick the other chest that was just a small one. I’m looking I’m looking!”_

Beau snuck a glance over at the Gentleman. He seemed to be still deeply involved in the card game with Fjord, who now had a slightly bigger stack of gold than the Myriad leader. Caduceus was speaking with Dweez, looking positively delighted by the creepy gnome. Beau shuddered and quickly sat down next to Yasha. The Aasimar’s hand reached over and gently squeezed her knee in reassurance. “I have them,” Beau whispered in her ear. “And Nott has the evidence about Jester. She’s looking for anything about the kids now.”

“Almost showtime,” Yasha responded.

_“Okay okay, I’ve got it! You were right; it was the Cerberus Assembly!”_ Nott said excitedly.

“Get out of there Nott don’t waste time,” Beau warned.

_“There’s so many levers! Oh god what do I do?”_

“Do they have any markings or, I don’t know, code?”

“ _Ummm, ummm, I don’t know I’ll just pull one.”_

“No, don’t –”

Beau was cut off by Nott’s quiet scream. “ _Aauugghh, bad very bad! A gnoll just came out of a cage in the ceiling!”_

“Shoot it!” Beau hissed back.

“ _Oh right.”_ There was a second’s pause. “ _It was only a regular gnoll I’m okay!”_

Beau sighed. They were going to get caught if Nott couldn’t get out soon. “Good. Now. Did it have a symbol of any kind?”

_“Umm, yeah? A triangle with a kind of squiggly line through the bottom? Pleaserespondothismessage.”_

“Great. That’s thieves’ cant. Can’t you read that? Never mind,” Beau shook her head. “That means danger. See if there’s something that looks like a triangle with an upside down pitchfork. That’ll be the safe one.”

“ _Okay. No, no, no, no, n- oh wait! Nope, no, no. Here it is!”_

“Pull that one,” Beau instructed.

_“I did it! I’m out!”_ Nott whisper-yelled. _“I’m on my way to Jester!”_

“Good job.” Beau turned to Yasha and bumped her shoulder. “You’re up.”

Yasha took a deep breath and walked purposely up to Sorah. As she reached the goliath, she ‘tripped’ and knocked shoulders with her. Sorah grunted and shoved Yasha away. Yasha allowed herself to be pushed into another bargoer, causing him to fall into his neighbor. As Yasha pretended to stumble to the ground, the neighboring drinker took offense to the man Yasha bumped into, landing a solid punch to his zygomatic. “Fucking drunk!”

Dizzy from the punch, the poor sod Yasha had hit blindly swung back, hitting another patron of the bar. And just like that, before Beau’s eyes, a rowdy bar fight began. She watched Jester reach out her hand to something she couldn’t see, then wink out of existence in the middle of the ruckus.

Beau threw herself into the fight, instigating where she could and getting to Yasha at the same time. Fjord was already herding Caduceus toward the exit, tipping his hat to the Gentleman. “Seems our card game is over for the evening!” he called over the noise. “Love a rematch next time we’re in town!”

“Yasha, time to go,” Beau said, grabbing her by the arm.

Yasha turned with that familiar rage in her eyes, but it quickly died down to embers when they landed on Beau. “Yeah. Let’s go.” They waded out of the fight, shoving drunk thieves out of the way and climbed up behind Fjord and Caduceus into the bar. Caleb was there, sitting in a dusty corner with a mug of drink in front of him and disguised as his Tiefling self. He got up and walked out while the other four regrouped before following a little bit behind him so as not to arouse suspicion.

They all made their way back to the inn, finding Nott and Jester already in the room. Jester looked like she’d been crying, and Beau immediately went over to her. “Hey, it’s okay,” she murmured reassurances. “Remember it doesn’t make anything different about you. Your mom is who raised you, don’t let knowing about him make you feel less than. We certainly don’t think of you that way.”

“I take it it wasn’t good news,” Fjord assumed.

“I think maybe we take this conversation elsewhere,” Caleb suggested. “We can have it once we are somewhere safe, ja?”

Beau held up the vials of blood, keeping them far away from her body. “Can we deal with these? They’re kind of creeping me out,” she complained.

“When we get to Xhorhas,” Caleb said, shaking his head. “I don’t think we want to leave any kind of evidence behind, even if it’s just broken glass.” He began to make the signs on the floor for the teleportation circle to Rosohna. “Remember. Six seconds,” he warned. The portal opened up, and all of them ran through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be gay, do crimes.


	8. If I Apologize Enough Will It Get Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau has yet to learn to cut herself some slack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love Beau and all her twists and turns so much. Liam described her perfectly on Talks this week in a way I've been trying to since the beginning of this campaign. She's Han Solo. So /good/, and so utterly convinced that she isn't. She's such a good kid.

Being back in Xhorhas was a relief. Beau had spent the rest of the night of their escape and into the next morning comforting a distraught Jester and urging her to send a message to her mother. She had agreed at long last in the early dawn of morning, sending her most concise message yet. Marion had replied with comfort and love and thanks for going to so much trouble to give her closure. That had finally given Jester some peace, and she’d fallen asleep with a small, sad smile on her face and her sketch book clutched tightly to her stomach. Beau covered her with the blankets and trekked down the stairs in search of the rest of her friends.

“She’s asleep,” she announced, finding the Nein eating breakfast at one big table. She plopped herself exhaustedly into a chair next to Yasha. The barbarian wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tugged Beau closer to her side to let her lean on her. Beau closed her eyes gratefully, too tired to eat. She’d been awake for nearly thirty six hours, and it felt longer than it used to when she was with the Cobalt Reserve. Maybe this was what getting old felt like. She’d never really had the chance before. A century wasn’t that old to a drow, and she’d never really made it far past that in any of her lives.

“You should rest,” Yasha said, voice soft.

Beau nodded sleepily against her shoulder. “I will. Want to see Leylas first,” she mumbled.

“I think the Bright Queen would prefer conversation with an awake version of you,” Fjord’s amused voice jumped in.

“Fuck off,” Beau said halfheartedly.

“Oh boy. Come on,” Yasha sighed. The arm around Beau’s shoulders held her more firmly and another slipped under her knees. “Bed with you.”

Beau managed to lift her head. “You joining me?” She meant for it to be flirtatious, but it mainly just came out slurred.

Yasha shook her head, amused. “If it will keep you from wandering off, maybe. Come on.” She threw Beau over one shoulder, making the monk chuckle and wave sardonically at the rest of the Nein as they looked on. None of them besides Jester really knew about the latest change in Yasha and Beau’s friendship.

“You don’t have to,” Beau offered as Yasha continued to carry her up the stairs and she lost sight of their group. “I’m not _that_ needy I swear. I was just being a dick.”

“Beau,” Yasha said firmly. “I kissed _you_. At some point, you are allowed to ask for things.”

“Well. Yeah,” Beau blustered. “Sure. But like – I love Jester – but I don’t want to be like her, you know? I don’t need your attention all the time I’m fine,” she finished as Yasha entered her and Caduceus’ room and closed the door. She was abruptly dumped on the bed and looking up at Yasha.

Yasha sighed and sat down next to Beau, attention on her hands. “I’ve never been very good at this. Zuala was the one who – she ‘pursued’ me I suppose. If you can call it that. We were uh, we were young. Reckless and stupid.”

“Yash, you don’t have to tell me anything if it hurts.” Beau rested a hand on her much larger bicep.

“No. I want to,” Yasha insisted. “I – I want to talk about her. I don’t want to forget her.”

When Yasha didn’t continue, Beau searched for something to say. Anything. Something kind that wouldn’t sound like she was digging for information for comparisons or dirt. “What color were her eyes?” she finally settled on.

Yasha huffed a short laugh. “Green. So green. It was the only time I saw the color until I left Xhorhas. Every field of grass I see reminds me of her.”

“Was she – like you?”

“No,” Yasha denied. “No I was the only one in my tribe born this way. The rest were a mixture of human and half or part drow. Zuala was mostly human. Only a tiny bit of drow blood in her. She always called me her ‘angel’.” She grimaced. “If she could see my wings now, she’d be so disappointed in me.”

Beau sat up and forced Yasha to face her. “Hey. No,” she said in a firm tone. “If Zuala loved you and was wonderful like you say, she’d _never_ be disappointed with you. And believe me, I know something about disappointing family,” she tried to joke. “Something fucking traumatic happened to you. Your wife was killed. And from what you remember, maybe a lot of other bad things too. But you survived. I think Zuala would be _proud_ of you. Your wings? They’re not ugly or signs of failure. They remind me that you survived something so much worse that whatever I could imagine.”

A hand grasped hers tightly, almost too tight, but Beau welcomed it. “Thank you,” she murmured. “You should sleep.”

Beau pulled on Yasha’s arm, her tiredness catching up to her again. “Stay?” Yasha had said it was okay to ask for things. She really wanted Yasha to stay with her. They hadn’t done anything since Yasha kissed her on the roof besides a few casual touches to arms and knees. Beau wanted a little more. “Please?” she tested out.

Yasha smiled and reached to pull the covers up. “Sure.” A heavy arm wrapped around Beau’s torso, tugging her in close to Yasha’s chest. “Go to sleep Beau.”

Beau couldn’t help but comply, feeling warm and – dare she say safe. It was such a new sensation but so right that Beau had no issue succumbing to it, falling asleep in seconds with Yasha not far behind her in a calm mid-morning nap.

* * *

“Beauregard.” Leylas stood with a smile, her arms held open for Beau to let herself go into. She was going to have to get used to all these people wanting to touch her and not in order to punch her. It was an interesting change. “Essek told me you and your party arrived late last night with some urgency. Are you all safe? Are you injured?” She stepped back a bit to get a good look at Beau, scanning for any visible wounds.

“No I – I’m fine. We’re all okay,” Beau reassured her.

Leylas brought her back into an embrace, holding her tight for a moment longer. “That is good to hear my child. But you seem upset. What has happened?”

Beau sighed. “We found out who is doing the kidnappings and blaming it on Xhorhas. Stumbled on it by accident really.”

The hand on her shoulder tightened briefly before loosening in apology. “Tell me,” Leylas said in a way that sounded both like a request and an order.

“It’s the Cerberus Assembly. I was right, and I really wish I wasn’t. They’re using the Myriad – an organized crime syndicate – to kidnap and funnel children to Rexxentrum. I don’t know if it’s authorized by the bloodline or not yet,” Beau explained. “Jester, my Tiefling friend, has been looking for her father, and it turns out that the leader of a Myriad sect in Zadash and one of the people stealing the kids is her dad. So that’s been real fucking fun,” she muttered. “She and uh, a couple others of our group were stolen by a different gang of slavers a few months ago. We lost one of our friends trying to get them back. So slavery is a real touchy subject with all of us. Even more than usual.”

Beau swallowed hard, her fists clenching as she remembered the state Yasha had been in when they’d finally found them in that underground lair. Chained, beaten, and forced into a magical slumber. Beau had been afraid Yasha would never wake up, and terrified of what would happen when she did. When she found out that Beau had lost Molly. That it was her fault Molly was dead. Yasha still didn’t know that Molly had died protecting Beau from Lorenzo.

“Those circumstances still trouble you,” Leylas murmured, her quiet voice startling Beau out of her memories.

Beau shook her head with a sarcastic chuckle. “There’s so many things I should have done. I should have noticed when no one came to wake me up for the next watch. I should have known we were in over our heads with that gang. Caleb and Nott and – fuck, definitely Molly – had no idea what we were up against. They had no experience, but I was _trained_ to know the odds. I miscalculated our skill and theirs, and because of that Molly _died_. Without him, it took us three days to get them back. They tortured my –” Beau stopped herself. “They tortured Yasha for three days, trying to get her to break. Because she was the strongest. They hurt _Jester_. I should have been able to stop it. If I’d known what I do now, I could have. It should have been me that was taken. It should’ve been me that died.”

“Thinking that way will only cause you more doubt in the future and to question yourself when your friends need you the most,” Leylas cautioned her. “You did not have the advantage of your past then, but you do now. Think of how it will aid you in the future, how I am sure it has already helped.”

Remembering her knowledge about the swamps and the betrayer gods and how it had made helping Caduceus’ quest easier, Beau reluctantly nodded. “I just wish – I want to do more for them.”

“I know. That is always what I have loved most about you Beauregard.” Leylas rested her hand on Beau’s shoulder, offering the comfort Beau wanted but still wasn’t sure she deserved. “But I cannot convince you of this. You will not be free of this burden until you tell whoever it is you believe needs to hear this. Whoever it is you think will turn their back on you. Let them prove the friend they are to you. This Yasha, perhaps?”

“She’ll hate me,” Beau muttered. “Molly was her best friend.”

“And you are her friend, are you not? Or is it perhaps something more?” Leylas asked shrewdly. “And that is what has you so concerned.”

Fuck. Insightful mothers, Beau scoffed. No secrets apparently. That was a first for her. From the time she was twelve and supposedly keeping herself occupied with the family winery’s books (and fudging them), her parents hadn’t given a shit what she did if she kept her head down. They certainly didn’t know what she was up to for another four years. “The parenting thing is going to be annoying to get used to,” she joked. “I don’t know what it is. It’s new. And probably ending soon, if I tell her.”

“You will not feel right until you do.”

“Fuck I know,” Beau sighed heavily. “You’re right. Of course you are. Nothing was supposed to be this complicated. I was supposed to be normal, you know? Or at least, more normal than everyone else.”

“You have never been dull, my heart.” Leylas cupped Beau’s cheeks with both hands, kissing her forehead. “Use your wisdom. You will know if the time is right for this Yasha to listen to you. If she cares for you as she should, she will not blame you for another’s deeds. As you should not blame yourself. You are well worth protecting, no matter what those Empire – _hoon xalli_ – told you when you were young,” Leylas spat.

Beau huffed, catching the meaning of the Undercommon language she was remembering. “Yeah. They were _hoon xalli_ ,” she agreed. “But I got the better of them – finally.”

“I would hear this tale.” Beau spent the rest of the afternoon telling Leylas everything about stumbling onto the Gentleman’s kidnapping scheme, finding the brother she’d never met, and her final confrontation with her birth parents. Her mother listened with rapt attention, sending Mezex away when he came to remind her of her Council meeting in the evening.

* * *

Beau entered the Dim’s Inn with trepidation. The Nein appeared to have finished their dinners and were just sitting and chatting around the table. Nott was saying something emphatically at Fjord, who just looked amused, and Jester’s face was in full Traveler mode with Caleb. Yasha was watching everything as she normally did, content to listen and only participate when addressed directly. Beau quietly approached from behind her. “Can we talk? Upstairs?” she requested, not drawing the attention of the others besides Caduceus and his ears that heard everything. He gave her a placid smile and then said something to Jester, occupying her.

Yasha nodded and got up to follow her up the stairs. She didn’t question it when Beau went into her room and bypassed the bed to go directly to the window and climb onto the roof. Apparently roofs were going to be their thing. Only place to get privacy in a busy inn, really.

“What’s going on?” Yasha asked as Beau settled herself at the peak, leaning against the chimney. Yasha remained standing, looking worried and maybe a bit uncomfortable.

Beau plucked up her courage for a confession she should have made months ago, knees held tight to her chest. “I’m sorry. Let’s just start with that.”

“For what? I’m confused.”

“It was my fault Molly died,” she said in a rush, getting it out.

Yasha froze, staring at Beau. “Lorenzo killed Molly,” she finally said slowly.

“He did,” Beau acknowledged. “But he only got the chance because Molly was coming to protect my stupid back. We got over confident and then so outmatched and I didn’t get out of there quick enough I was trying to buy Caleb and Nott time to escape but Molly he – he ran over and then he did something with his curses and he fell and then Lorenzo just. Killed him. I’m sorry Yasha I didn’t mean for it to happen I swear I’m so fucking sorry.” Beau buried her head in her knees, willing away the tears she refused to let fall.

A shaking hand landed on her shoulder and Beau flinched violently, nearly falling from her perch. Yasha’s second hand grabbed and held her firmly, keeping her safely on the roof. “Hey,” Yasha said gently. “Beau. Beauregard look at me.”

She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to see the betrayal and rightful anger in Yasha’s eyes. She didn’t want to see the moment Yasha decided she was done with her. Their friendship, and certainly whatever else it was turning into.

Beau shook her head, not wanting the confirmation. “It’s okay. You can go. I know I fucked everything up. It should have been me. I _meant_ for it to be me. Molly was supposed to grab Caleb and Nott and get the fuck out of there. It was supposed to be _me_.”

“Hey!” Yasha forced Beau’s chin up so that she had to meet her gaze. “Don’t you fucking say that. Do you understand? Don’t say you meant to die. You don’t get to do that because I can’t lose anyone else.” There were tears in Yasha’s eyes and Beau reached up with a trembling hand to wipe them away before they could run down her cheeks. “What you did? To save us, and to try and save the others? None of us could have done that, Beauregard.” She took a breath. “I saw it, Beau. I saw all of it – how you confronted that demon and forced him to face you instead of going after Nott. It was the fucking bravest thing I’ve ever seen. And Molly made his choice. And it interfered with yours, but it doesn’t make his decision your fault, and it certainly doesn’t make Lorenzo killing him your fault. You did everything you could Beau, and that’s enough.”

Beau hesitated, then threw herself into Yasha’s chest, trusting her to catch her and keep them from tumbling to the ground. She whispered her sorry’s over and over as Yasha just held her close in what would have been an awkward crouch if the barbarian wasn’t so strong.

Yasha hushed her gently, rearranging them so she was the one sitting against the chimney and Beau’s smaller frame safely ensconced in her lap. “ _Bahati katsu,”_ she murmured in her language that sounded like bells that Beau could _nearly_ make out the meaning of. “You know the truth. Especially now, with all you’ve learned. Why do you blame yourself for something you _know_ was out of your control? None of us hold an ounce of blame for you, and I know Molly would be the first to say he made a terrible decision.”

“He always made terrible plans,” Beau choked out a laugh.

“He did,” Yasha chuckled.

“I’m not sure if we ever told you,” Beau said, leaning away so she could look at Yasha. “But one time the boys broke into a hospital with Nott, and Molly spread egg and like, other food shit all over his dick and then vomited on cue. Onto a hospital worker. The poor guy.”

Yasha shook her head. “He always did go for extravagance over common sense. I loved that about him, but I knew it always meant following two steps behind so he didn’t get himself killed.” She sighed. “If I can forgive myself for being caught and him dying to rescue me, then you can work on forgiving yourself for not being able to save him. It fucking sucks, and it will take a while, but you can do it Beau.” She pressed a kiss to Beau’s forehead, and another one to her lips. “Whatever you’re looking for from me, blame or hate or anger, you won’t get it.”

Beau could scarcely believe what she was hearing. First Leylas, and now Yasha – both telling her that everything she castigated herself for, _about_ herself, was wrong. As long as she could remember, her parents had always found fault in every little thing she did, no matter how well she actually did it. From her studies to her dress to how she played, nothing was ever enough. She hadn’t been lying or over exaggerating when she said her parents tried to destroy her – all because she wasn’t the son they were promised.

“Thank you,” she whispered into Yasha’s shoulder before burying her face in her neck.

Eventually, Yasha lifted Beau from the roof, clambering – not without effort – back into her room one handed. If she were less emotionally spent, Beau might have drooled over the obvious display of strength from her…something. Whatever Yasha was. Her special person. Bleh, gross. Not that. That was too close to something from one of Jester's books.

Yasha gently lowered Beau to the bed, the monk already half asleep. If she’d been more aware of what she was doing, Beau would have been able to stop the half-whine she let out when she felt Yasha letting go of her. “Shh,” Yasha hushed her before getting in on the other side.

Beau immediately turned over and burrowed into Yasha’s side. It was like the more she got used to physical contact, the more her body craved it. She’d never had this _yearning_ before. She’d never needed anyone. But with Leylas and now Yasha, and even Jester to a certain extent, Beau was constantly seeking their touch. Or actively holding herself back from it.

“Okay I’m right here,” Yasha comforted her. “I’m not going anywhere. Not this time.”

* * *

Beau woke the next morning still held within Yasha’s arms. She stretched carefully, trying not to wake the other woman up. It didn’t work. She turned over just in time to watch Yasha’s eyes blink open. “Morning,” she murmured. “I’ll probably say something super fucking awkward if I try to talk, so I won’t.” She winced. “Like that. Fuck.”

Yasha chuckled, pressing a kiss to Beau’s forehead as she berated herself quietly. “We should get up. It’s late.”

“We’re back in Xhorhas,” Beau pointed out lamely. “We could uh – go find your tribe? Zuala? If you’re ready to tell the others about her, that is.”

“I think,” Yasha hesitated, “that I am done running away. Done being a coward.”

Beau lifted a hand to rest on the back of Yasha’s neck. “Surviving doesn’t make you a coward,” she insisted. Yasha just shook her head, but Beau didn’t let her look away. “Hey. I mean it. Your tribe? _They’re_ the cowards for what they did.”

“But I ran.”

“That –” Beau groaned, flinging herself on her back. “That’s not – _fuck_ – that doesn’t make you a coward! Yash,” she tried to think of how to word what she wanted to say in a way that wouldn’t make Yasha close off again. “Yasha, you can’t blame yourself for what happened. Like you were telling me last night. Nothing you did could have stopped what they did to your wife. It just would have ended with both of you fucking dying. You getting out means there’s someone left to avenge Zuala. It’s like Caduceus told Nott: you got help. Us. That’s doing something.”

The look in Yasha’s eyes were near unreadable, but then she surged across the distance to kiss Beau. “Thank you,” she whispered shakily against Beau’s lips before pulling away. “Let’s go talk to the others. I think I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's got the how to apologize thing down, now she just needs to learn when she actually owes someone an apology.


	9. On the Wings of Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasha and Jester are both struggling, and when did Beau become the therapist of the group?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fun one.

Beau knew where they were going, and it was an odd feeling. Yasha had taken the lead with an uncomfortable expression, obviously wanting to be anywhere else, and all Beau could think about all day was whether it would be more beneficial or hurtful to Yasha if she was the one leading instead.

She remembered past trips to recruit in the Wastes when the war threatened further south. She even remembered the Dolorov tribe, though not any time near Yasha’s lifetime. She’d gone to them nearly three centuries ago as the war pressed south, offering compensation and food for warriors. They’d always been a tribe willing to send men and women to fight. Always run by a Matriarch.

Perhaps she should offer to take the Nein the rest of the way. Let Yasha fade into the background like she was comfortable with. She moved a little quicker to catch up to Yasha’s tense back. “Hey,” she said, resting a hand on Yasha’s forearm. It was clenching the Magician’s Judge tightly in its sheath, looking like Yasha wanted to fling it into the first potential enemy she saw. “I can take us from here, if you want?” Beau offered. “I know the way.”

“You –” Yasha looked down at her. “You would – you could do that?”

Beau gently tugged Yasha’s hand from the hilt of her blade, letting it relax at her side. “Yeah. I’ve got this. You save it for the ass whooping on the Matriarch if we need to. And no offense? But I’ve never liked your tribe,” she tried to lighten the mood.

She was rewarded with the tiniest of grins. “Me neither, much,” Yasha confessed.

Beau took the lead, avoiding the nasty areas she remembered and the moorbounder dens in the middle of the swamps. “Hey look Yarnball. Home,” she pointed out. She thought Jester might laugh at that, but the Tiefling just kept looking ahead, scanning their surroundings very seriously. Beau made a note to talk to Jester later about that when they’d taken care of Yasha’s mission. She’d been quiet lately.

Signs of life started appearing – those of people and not just swamp creatures. “I think we’re close.”

“They are nearby,” Yasha murmured confirmation, looking uneasy.

“Guys!” Jester hissed, pointing out a human with some elf-like features standing on a boulder and looking at their approach. The elf of him was definitively Kryn though – as Yasha had described.

He leapt off the boulder and got closer, keeping his distance though. “We assumed you were long dead, Orphan Maker,” he called. “Why have you come home?”

“I would like to – speak with the Matriarch.” Yasha was hesitant but firm sounding. “She owes me that much.”

The man spit on the ground. “The Matriarch will deal with you.” He turned back the way he had come without another hint.

Yasha sighed and followed. Beau tightened her grip on her staff, clinking her lightning gloves together. She didn’t see this ending well for Yasha. At least not emotionally. The more she thought about it, the less Beau thought that there would be anything of Zuala left for Yasha to visit.

If Yasha and her wife were punished for just being together against tribal rule, and Beau remembered some of the more archaic traditions of the Dolorov tribe, then what followed wouldn’t have been pleasant. She wasn’t sure if Yasha just hoped there would be a grave or if traditions had changed. If they hadn’t, Beau dreaded what would happen once they were at the village. But Beau didn’t want to douse Yasha with her negative thoughts while there was still a chance that this might turn out less traumatic for Yasha than she was imagining.

They arrived at a small village of huts sooner than Beau was expecting. Everything looked run down, and it looked like children stayed close to home. But they seemed happy enough. However everyone, children and adults alike, all stopped to stare as Yasha went by, whispering amongst themselves as the rest of the Nein walked past.

“Orphan Maker!” A grizzled looking woman stepped out of one of the larger huts. She was older, probably half-Kryn, and Beau guessed she was probably in her second century of life. “You return to face your judgement at last? I’ve waited two years for you to come crawling back and submit.”

Yasha’s hands both tightened into fists as she faced her wife’s murderer for the first time since she ran away. Beau glanced at the rest of their group. Nott wasn’t visible – good. They might need someone from the rooftops. Fjord had his hands in his signature eldritch stance, and Caleb was rolling a piece of licorice between his fingers. Jester was right behind Beau, and Beau could swear she felt a hand brush against her back before the familiar rush of a blessing flowed through her. She reached behind her and squeezed Jester’s forearm in thanks.

“I didn’t come here to submit to you,” Yasha murmured, the anger in her voice muted but the colder for it. “I did nothing wrong.”

The Matriarch scoffed. “No one is above our laws – not even you, Angelic One. You were to be our hammer. I _raised_ you to serve this tribe, _named_ you to serve this tribe. You were going to raze battlefields!”

Yasha’s eyes flashed in icy fury. “I never wanted that. You fucking turned me into a child soldier. You made me kill the children who taunted me. And then their parents. You made me the Orphan Maker…and I did what you said.” The disgust in Yasha’s voice directed at herself made Beau want to grind the Matriarch into dust and pulp on the end of her staff. “The one thing I chose for myself, wanted for myself, you took away. You tried to kill me for not wanting to pass my _blood_ onto children, and you killed my wife for it.”

“So then, why have you come back to the family you threw away?”

“Where is Zuala? Where did you put her?”

The Matriarch scoffed. “You know very well that traitors do not get the privilege of burial. She was burned, the same as we have always done for those who go against our laws. As we did the children and parents you killed. The same as I would have done to you.”

Her tone was goading, and Beau knew the Matriarch was trying to bait Yasha into a fight. She wasn’t sure what the drow hoped to accomplish by fighting Yasha – perhaps try to prove that Yasha was indeed the killer the Matriarch tried to turn her into.

Yasha’s hands clenched so tightly, Beau could seen her veins through her skin. Thunder boomed overhead, and then a flash of lightning. Yasha tilted her ear toward the sky, as if listening to someone. Beau hoped the Stormlord wasn’t also trying to tell Yasha to prove her worth through killing. She didn’t know much about Kord, but Beau didn’t _think_ he was all brawn and no brains. He generally tried to convey upon his followers the need to find strength in something besides fighting.

“I’m not who you tried to turn me into,” Yasha said quietly. “Not anymore. True strength isn’t in battle. Or in the glory of a kill. It isn’t my anger. It’s protecting my family. The one I _choose_.” She looked back at Beau and the rest of the Nein, a new understanding and acceptance in her eyes.

“You were _weak_ ,” the Matriarch hissed. “ _I_ made you strong. Are you a coward like you were then – running from consequences?”

One swift movement later, the Matriarch was on the ground with the breath knocked from her lungs. Beau gripped her staff tighter, wondering if they were about to have a fight, but Yasha was still utterly calm. “No. I got help. To give me the strength to walk away from you.”

As Yasha turned back to the group, the Matriarch rose shakily to her feet, her face twisted in rage. “I _made_ you!” she screamed, drawing her axe. She made to charge Yasha but Beau, watching the whole time, slammed her in the face with the butt of her staff while Caleb shouted out his spell to hold her in place. The Matriarch was left paralyzed with a broken nose that was bleeding profusely, dripping down her face.

Yasha looked at her one last time, and then at the rest of the villagers that were staring between them, trying to decide whether or not they wanted to interfere. Beau thought for a second that Yasha might say something to them, but she only shook her head and resumed her walk out of the village. Beau stayed facing them for another moment to make sure they weren’t pursued, before taking off after the rest of the Nein.

Yasha didn’t say anything for the next hour, although she obviously had some destination in mind as she walked west. They eventually came across a small brook that led to a deep pool of water with a tiny waterfall leading out of it. “This was her favorite spot,” Yasha murmured.

The rest of the Nein gave them some space while Beau crept to her side. “Zuala would be proud of what you did today, from what you’ve told me about her.”

“She hated what the Matriarch was always trying to turn me into,” Yasha admitted. “Always insisting there were other ways. After she died…I almost forgot that. I let the anger take over. I think I did some very bad things. Until the Stormlord saved me.”

_You have found your strength, Yasha…_

Beau startled, looking around for the voice that sounded like thunder. Yasha glanced up. “I have,” she replied steadily. She must have been talking to Kord, Beau realized. The rest of the Nein hadn’t reacted, and she wondered why she could hear the god and not them. Maybe just proximity to Yasha.

 _Then show me. Show me what you have learned._ Kord’s voice boomed across the sky.

Yasha’s eyes closed tightly, and she tensed like she was in a struggle with something. Beau looked back at the Nein again, hoping for some kind of guidance. Jester was watching with what looked like anticipation, the most excitement Beau had seen on her face in days.

There was a ‘crack’ sound, and Beau whipped back around to find Yasha’s wings present and spread wide – the necrotic shroud around them wafting in the air. Beau steeled herself, refusing to be frightened by her partner’s aura. It was just Yasha, that was it. “Come on, Yash,” she encouraged in a whisper, not quite sure what she was rooting for.

With an enraged scream of effort, Yasha’s arms flew apart as if breaking free of something – maybe shackles – lightning streaked across the sky.

And then all was still.

The storm quieted.

Yasha was frozen.

But then.

Starting at the base tips of her skeletal wings – white.

Not flesh or bone.

Beau looked on in awe as pure white feathers began to grow from the remains of Yasha’s wings. Slowly, almost one by one. Then faster. Until they had overtaken the once tattered remains to become whole wings once more. They spread, Yasha craning her neck to see the rewards of her efforts over the last months.

_Well done, my child. You are no longer bound by your fear. Remember where your strength lies._

“Yasha,” Beau whispered, unable to take her eyes off Yasha’s wings. They were the most beautiful things she’d ever seen, and she wasn’t afraid to admit that.

The Aasimar turned to face Beau, a look of overwhelmed disbelief on her face as she brought one wing to her side so she could run her fingers through her new feathers. The second she brushed their soft texture, Yasha’s disbelief turned into joyous laughter the likes of which Beau had never heard from her. She held out her arms, and Beau didn’t hesitate before running and leaping up for the barbarian to grab her.

“That’s so fucking amazing Yasha, gods. You were hot before but damn,” Beau gushed, placing an enthusiastic kiss on her lips as Yasha pressed in closer. “I’m so proud of you,” she murmured. “For everything you did today.”

“Hang on tight Beau.” Was her only warning before Yasha pumped her wings _hard_ and lifted them both into the air. Beau would never confess that she let out a shriek that was only half delight as the ground disappeared from beneath him. Her arms tightened around Yasha’s neck as they flew higher into the sky. “I haven’t done this in years,” Yasha murmured.

Beau pulled herself away from her hiding spot in Yasha’s shoulder somewhat reluctantly, but was instantly caught by the glow surrounding Yasha that was no longer black, but the purest golden white. “They’re so beautiful.” She glanced down, the rest of the Nein small marks against the landscape below them. “We’re really high.”

“I won’t drop you,” Yasha promised.

“I know.”

They dropped slowly back to the ground, Yasha taking her time but unable to stay up in the air for too long with her untrained wings. As soon as their feet touched dirt, Jester had flung herself into their arms while Nott clambered up Yasha’s back, carefully avoiding her wings with her claws while settling herself on Yasha’s shoulders. “That was _amazing_ Yasha!” Jester exclaimed. “And so preeetty!”

“That _was_ an amazing stunt Yasha,” Fjord agreed. “Just please don’t ever lift me. Don’t like heights myself.”

“I uh – think that might be…reserved for someone else,” Yasha stuttered. Beau blushed and looked down, scuffing her shoe against the ground. “But – let’s go. I don’t uh, want to be here anymore. In case the tribe comes looking.”

“I eh, did bring along my components for the teleportation circle – if you want to go quickly,” Caleb offered.

Beau frowned. She loved Rosohna, but she wanted to be under the sun and moons just a bit longer. Caduceus spoke up before she could though. “I don’t really know about…anyone else and how they feel, but uh, I know I wouldn’t mind the walk. Fresh air’s good for you.”

“Yeah,” Beau added. “Let’s walk. Get lazy, get our asses handed to us tomorrow and all that, right?”

“We have to be prepared for anything,” Jester nodded seriously.

Beau shot her a look at the odd demeanor. “Not quite what I meant, but I suppose that works.” She’d ask Jester about that later. Her friend had been a bit…off lately. Not bad, but something was definitely bothering her. After finding the children in the Gentleman’s hideout, but especially in the few weeks since their heist. Maybe that was still a problem.

Well. There always had to be a crisis. At least Beau wouldn’t be bored on the trip back.

Maybe Yasha would take her flying again, because that had been fucking awesome.

* * *

They were a few days out from Rosohna when a rumble beneath the ground was their only warning before two monstrous purple worms – the likes of which the Kryn army used to tunnel into the Empire – erupted from the dirt and into the air before crashing back down, sending ripples underneath their feet.

“Uhh, Beau?” Fjord shouted over to her. “Friendlies?”

“How the fuck should I know?” she yelled back. One of the gargantuan worms had slammed to the ground right next to her and snapped with its rows upon rows of teeth. She barely dodged out of the way. “Amend that! No, I don’t fucking think so!” She tried to retaliate, but only managed to get a couple hits in in her disoriented state of fucking worms appearing out of fucking nowhere. “Very much not friendly!” she yelled again.

She heard Jester squeak and let loose her bright ray of a guiding bolt in reaction, but it went wide and then she quickly ducked behind a pile of rocks. Good. At least one was somewhat sheltered. On her left, Yasha sprinted straight for the second worm, splitting up from Beau as had become their strategy, and landed two strikes on that one. Her sword carved shallow gashes and it bled green. Gross.

Beau looked over her shoulder just in time to see Nott disappearing into a tiny copse of trees and firing two crossbow bolts over her shoulder without looking that of course missed both worms. And then Caduceus was running straight for her. “Here,” he said in his slightly faster ‘battle voice’. His large hand pressed against her back, and her hands began to glow.

“Fucking sweet,” Beau grinned. She loved the last time this happened. “Get out of here Deuces you’re too close.”

“Don’t worry.” Caduceus disappeared as he went invisible.

Beau saw the green of Fjord’s blasts out of the corner of her eye heading for the worm Yasha was facing off with just as her worm clamped down on her shoulder. “Fuck!” It lifted her slightly into the air as though it was going to try and swallow her, but she wriggled out from between its jaws and fell the dozen feet back to the ground, managing to catch herself with one hand. The worm swung its tail to try and jab her with its pincer but she ducked out of the way. She checked on Yasha in time to see the worm seemingly take a nose dive into the dirt as Yasha sidestepped it. It roared in fury, shaking its head.

Yasha was okay. Now she needed to focus on this worm. Caduceus was still far too close – Beau could sense him just a few feet behind her and she knew his invisibility didn’t last very long. “Hey!” she punched the worm, enjoying the extra power she could feel running through her muscles from Caduceus’ spell. “Get your face down here so I can punch it you grub!”

The worm hissed and snapped, trying to pin her down. She punched it twice more in the face, growing frustrated after the first couple times when it kept moving. “Just fucking – stop moving!” she grunted in between punches, finally feeling herself connect a bit better. Right in the eye – if the worm had had eyes. Still, it seemed a bit softer than the other places she’d hit, and the worm flinched back before going silent. “Dope. Cad, go now!”

Caduceus reappeared and took off running back toward where Caleb was hiding behind another cluster of boulders just as Beau sensed a bit of healing energy that felt like Jester flow through her, some of the gashes in her shoulder left by the worm closing up.

Beau took a second to breathe and saw that the worm Yasha was facing off with was still acting a bit erratically after slamming its head into the dirt. It was swaying and bobbing in place enough that Yasha’s sword had trouble biting in deeply and Caleb’s fire went over its head. “Scheisse,” he muttered, ducking back behind the rocks. Yasha’s worm, again, missed Yasha entirely and crashed back into the dirt.

“What the fuck is up with him?” Beau yelled.

“No fucking clue!” Yasha shouted back, the rage clear in her voice as she readied to attack once more.

“You got the easy one! I’m jealous!”

“Focus on your own monster!”

Beau chuckled and turned back to her worm just as it seemed to be shaking off her stun. “Not yet, buddy,” she growled, going in for several more attacks before it entirely gained its senses back. Another bolt from Jester, this time finding its mark as the rest of the Nein focused on the other worm, whittling it down slowly. She felt a little more healing power seep into her, this time with Caduceus’ touch on it. “Thanks Caddy,” she whispered. The purple worm snapped down at her again. “Oh shit.” She was too slow in her dodge, and it grabbed her and yanked her up once more. “No, no, no, _fuck_ you,” she grunted, tearing herself out of its grip just in time to avoid being swallowed. But as she crashed back to the ground, she didn’t see the tail coming. The stinger jammed into her side and Beau let out a cry of pain that quickly cut to a whimper as fire filled her insides.

“Beau!” Yasha shouted.

The monk swayed on her feet, nearly collapsing when the stinger tore out of her skin. Her vision had gone hazy as the poison or venom or whatever the fuck that shit was worked its way through her system. “Fuck,” she whined to herself. Glancing up, she saw Yasha pin her worm in place as it tried to switch tactics and slither over to Fjord, her sword going through its tail and into the ground.

Yasha met her gaze, worry filling her eyes. “Alright?” she yelled.

Beau gave her a shaky thumbs up and straightened painfully. The feeling was coming back to her limbs, and she punched the damn thing as hard as she could with arms that still felt slightly like noodles.

Then everything went to shit.

Jester came running out from behind her rock pile, anger in her eyes. “Hey!” she shouted up at it. She snarled something up at it in Infernal that sounded to Beau like she called it a bitch and slapped it. Black spread from where her hand had touched before bursting and pouring some green blood down.

“Jes get the fuck away from it!” Beau shouted at her, trying to place herself between the worm and Jester. But her legs were still wobbly and she wasn’t quick enough. The worm spotted what it decided was an easier target than the slippery monk, and struck.

Beau could only watch in shock as with one fell swoop, Jester was snatched up between the worm’s teeth and promptly swallowed without even time to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The worm on Yasha seriously rolled two natural ones in a row. Which is great, since her Dex is shit and she definitely would have been swallowed. And seriously, Beau needs to find some hit points on the ground or something because every major battle I’ve rolled in this fic, she’s ended up with less than ten hit points every time. She had one left against the druid, nine against the spiders, and five here.


	10. From My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau has to sort Jester out.
> 
> Xhorhas holds a nasty surprise.

Jester was _gone_. What the fuck did she do now?

That fucking worm just fucking _ate_ her fucking best friend.

She’d never really trained with the worms in her past life. Gave her the fucking creeps. So she wasn’t entirely sure how they worked. She didn’t want to just keep pounding on the worm – what if she hurt Jester? What if Jester was already dead? “Could really use some help right about fucking now,” Beau muttered, glaring up at the sky. “ _You’re_ her patron, so any time, Traveler.”

There was an warm blast of air against her back, a deep chuckle on the wind she didn’t recognize, a whisper in her ear. And just like that, she knew what to do.

Well, alright then.

“Hey! Colossal fuckwit! Eat me!” Beau threw down her staff and took off her cloak, glaring up at the giant monstrosity.

Of course that would be the Traveler’s idea.

“Beau what the fuck are you doing!” Yasha yelled from where she was fighting the worm that _hadn’t_ just had Jester for lunch.

“Getting Jester back.” Beau kicked at the worm’s thick hide, distracting it from pestering Fjord and getting its attention back on her. “Come on! I’m down here brainless! Eat me!” The purple worm rose to nearly its full length, and if it had eyes it would be staring straight at her. Beau stomped on the ground to ensure it could find her through its other senses. “I haven’t got all day let’s fucking go!”

Yasha’s worm went down under the hail fire of Fjord’s blasts just as Beau’s whipped down, and the last thing she heard was a scream of “BEAUREGARD!” from one of her friends – she couldn’t make out who – before she felt teeth pierce her skin in dozens of places for the third time, and then suffocating pressure as the worm swallowed her down its gullet.

Where she landed was dark, soft, squishy, and smelled fucking _terrible._ “’Bout fucking time,” she muttered, wobbling to her feet in the muck that was burning her skin. “Jester!” she hissed. It was pitch black in the worm’s stomach, not even her goggles were helping. All she had was the slight glow of her hands from Caduceus’ spell, and all she could hear was the sloshing of the worm’s gut contents and very dull impact sounds of the battle still going outside of the worm. “Jessie!”

“Beau?” Jester’s voice sounded pained, but a moment later, a shaking hand reached out and grabbed Beau’s arm. Beau hauled her out of the muck as much as she could, supporting most of Jester’s weight.

“Hey you. I’m getting you out of here alright?”

“But – but he _ate_ us. We’re food now oh fuck that’s so gross and also _really_ hurts what the hell?”

Beau hoisted Jester a bit further up out of the acidic stomach fluids and onto her back. “We’re gonna be fine, Jessie. I just need you to hit this asshole with the most powerful thing you got at the same time as me alright?” Her hands were still glowing, good. “We’re going to give the bastard one hell of a stomach ache.”

“Okay,” Jester said dubiously.

“Trust me, Jes. Let’s get out of here.”

Simultaneously, Jester let loose a jet of what looked like dark lightning as Beau laid into the worm with her fists still aglow. Beau landed three solid hits and felt the worm’s body start to contract on itself. “Hang on tight Jes!” Light appeared nearly fifteen feet above them and then with a strong heave, Beau and Jester were spat out onto the ground, covered in worm stomach acid.

Yasha was immediately in front of both of them, laying into the monstrosity while they got their bearings. The other worm lay dead twenty feet away, riddled with burn marks. Moments later, a combination of blasts from Caleb, Fjord, an timely arrow from Nott, and Yasha driving her blade into the worm’s body finished it off. Yasha immediately turned around, hauling both Beau and Jester to their feet as Caduceus shuffled over with his hands already glowing the white of a healing spell.

“I’m good,” Beau panted, waving him off. “Take care of Jester she was in there longer.” She was lying. Everything hurt, but Jester looked like she was near tears, and after letting Yasha press a relieved kiss to her temple with the threat of a talk later, Beau wandered over to her friend. “Hey. What’s going on?”

Jester never should have been that close to the worm. Beau knew she got frustrated sometimes with having to stay back or be ‘protected’, but there were so many amazing things she could do from a distance. She didn’t understand why Jester made such a risky move today.

Her Tiefling friend shook her head, mouth clamped shut and throat bobbing like she was still fighting back tears. Beau led her further away, hoping privacy would make Jester talk. “Come on Jessie, it’s me. What’s the matter? You’ve been real fucking quiet lately, don’t think I haven’t noticed. And now you’ve been a bit of a daredevil during a fight, putting yourself at unnecessary risk for us. I – we,” she quickly changed direction, “we can’t lose you again. Like we did before. You, and Fjord, and Yasha. We’re a disaster trio without you all, alright? Not even Caduceus can keep Caleb, Nott, and I in line.”

Jester burst into tears, throwing herself into Beau’s arms. Beau frantically looked over her shoulder for help, to find both Yasha and Fjord glaring at her meaningfully and Caleb making motions with his arms like he was doing one of his more awkward hugs. Realization shot through her. Oh right, she knew to do that. Beau wrapped her arms around Jester, getting a thumbs up from Caleb and a smile that looked almost endeared from Yasha.

“I’m so stupid,” Jester cried. “It’s all so _stupid_ and _I’mstupid_ and you almost died because of me! You got so hurt Beau!”

“Hey, no. What are you talking about I’m fine.” Beau brought one hand to the back of Jester’s head, pressing her in closer. She’d gotten a lot better at these in the last few months, since everyone kept insisting on _touching_ her. “ _You’re_ the one I’m worried about Jes. I mean, you haven’t even read anything from your latest smut book to me. I’ve been waiting for weeks. And you haven’t mentioned the Traveler in forever. Ya’ll get in a fight?” She held in the trembling in her muscles as much as she could, not wanting to upset her friend further by letting her know just how much Beau was hurting.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jester said miserably. “I can’t even stop the Gentleman from fucking with everything why would the Traveler want to talk to me?”

And the last piece clicked into place. Jester’s more serious attitude over the past few weeks. How she’d seemed to have withdrawn just a bit into herself. “The Gentleman is the problem.” That, and the Traveler.

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine see?” Jester said entirely unconvincingly, sniffing all the while. “It’s no problem. What problem? I should probably heal you now. That’s what I am. I’m the healer.”

“Jester.”

“What?”

Beau sighed, hoping this wasn’t going to turn into a long dragged out session of her trying to cajole Jester’s true feelings out of her. It would be too painful for both of them. “Remember what I said about being a good liar? To everyone but me. Don’t try it, come on.”

Jester scuffed her feet. “It’s just. We couldn’t keep him from doing those awful things, just like I couldn’t keep those stupid people from taking us. And I didn’t hear the Traveler the _whole_ time with the Iron Shepherds, and he hasn’t talked to me in weeks now! What if – what if he gets mad at me whenever I can’t make things better? That would have been a cool trick, disappearing on slavers, but I couldn’t do it! And what if he’s mad at me again?!”

“Jester –”

“And what if I _died_ without ever hearing from him again?” Jester interrupted Beau. “And all I could think about was like, then maybe I could see Molly again you know? But what if he wasn’t there either? And there was no Traveler there?”

“We’ve all gotta stop playing the blame game against ourselves.” Between Yasha, Jester and herself, and she was sure the others also still castigated themselves about the Shepherds sometimes, they were a right mess. Beau took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. “Okay Jes. I don’t know why I’ve never said this. I guess I just forgot, with everything that was going on then. But after we…lost Molly, when we first got to that shit awful town with Keg and Nila, but before we’d met Caduceus, we found this _super_ shady place to stay. And there was this guy. Strangest dude I’ve ever met. We asked him some questions about the Iron Shepherds, and he was real cryptic and seemed full of shit. But later, I realized that he told us _exactly_ where to go that would lead to us being told about a hermit who lived in a church in the woods, who ended up joining our disastrous little band of avengers and helping us find you. It was chaotic, and shouldn’t have worked out, but it did.” Beau shook her head. “I always wanted to believe that guy in the bar was maybe the Traveler, helping us find you the only way he could.”

Jester was biting her lip and looking up at her with still drying tears in her eyes, so Beau wrapped one arm around her shoulders and brought her in closer. “You’ve seen him?” Jester asked with a wobbly voice.

“I think so, yeah. And you know what? He’s the one who gave me that idiotic idea two seconds ago to get myself eaten and go in after you. So thank your deity for that,” Beau joked. “He uh, he spoke to me this time. Told me to save his precious gem. Jessie, I don’t think you ever have to worry about him being disappointed in you. He – he loves you. And we uh –” she cleared her throat uncomfortably. Gods, emotional stuff was hard. And sucked. “We love you, all of us. And none of us are going to leave. Not the Traveler, not the Nein.”

Arms wrapped so suddenly and tightly around her, Beau choked on her next breath. Jester hung on, lifting Beau a few inches in the air as wetness seeped into Beau’s cloak. The Tiefling sniffled, but didn’t say anything.

“Jessie,” Beau finally gasped out. “Can’t breathe. Gently.”

“Oop! Sorry.” Jester sniffed once more and set her down, eyes red rimmed but back to smiling brightly like her old self. “Thank you,” she said, voice sincere and more serious than usual. “You’re a really great friend, Beau. The bestest.”

Beau slung an arm over Jester’s shoulders, beginning to lead her back toward the Nein. “Anything for you Jes.” She winced as Jester squeezed a little too hard around some of the gashes and burns left by the worm’s teeth and acid. “But uh – I’m kind of on empty right now. You think Caduceus has any spells left?”

“Silly! I have some left!” Jester stopped them and placed her hands on Beau’s stomach as they started glowing their normal blue. Beau preferred that color, rather then whenever Jester did something that caused it to go black. Blue was nicer. “You should have said something.”

“I know you don’t always like having to be the healer,” Beau shrugged. “It could have waited for Duceus.”

“I never mind spending the spells on you Beau. Just whenever someone does something _stupid_ and I _have_ to go take care of them instead of doing something cool. But you’re always getting hurt protecting us so I don’t mind that you know?”

Beau grinned down at her. “Thanks Jes.”

The rest of the Nein clustered around Jester a moment later, firing questions of whether she was alright or hurt, and Nott asking if being inside the worm was cool or not. Yasha detached herself from them to walk over to Beau, immediately wrapping her in a tight embrace. “Are you alright?” she asked quietly. “You looked hurt before you went in after Jester.”

“Yeah. Little beat up, but nothing a day or two won’t fix. I’m good,” she reassured Yasha. “Thanks for uh – checking on me.”

Yasha kissed her temple before tilting Beau’s head up to press a gentle one to her lips. Warm energy filtered from her face to the rest of her body as the Aasimar used her healing abilities. “You did good today,” she complimented when she was done healing Beau what little she could. “Locking down one, going after Jester. Everyone else kind of focused on my worm for a bit. Didn’t notice you and Jester might be in trouble. I was – afraid – when it lifted you.”

“Which time?” Beau joked. Yasha just leveled her with a stare, and Beau shrugged sheepishly. “I know. But in my defense – a god told me to.”

“I’m not – I don’t think I want to know.”

* * *

Leylas had a surprise for them when they made it back to Rosohna a few days later. A house in one of the nicer districts of the city – a place to call their own. Something several of them had lacked for most of their lives or even just in the last several years. “For all the good you have done for the Dynasty in recent months,” she told them, smiling over at Beau. “And for returning my child to me, most of all. Also – Mr. Widogast – I believe our Shadowhand has a proposition for you, if you would stay for a moment longer. The rest of you are welcome to wait for your companion or continue on to view your new living quarters. Whichever is your preference.”

“I’ll wait,” Beau volunteered. “You guys go on. I’m going to talk to Leylas for a bit.”

Once the rest of the Nein had filed out, and Essek had herded Caleb somewhere, Leylas led Beau to the family quarters. “Was there anything specific you wished to discuss with me?”

“Nothing urgent. I just figured I could wait for Caleb so he doesn’t walk back on his own and talk to you. Catch you up.” Beau shrugged self-consciously. “Unless you’re busy. Are you busy? You probably have a meeting with the Dens or something I should go.”

Leylas’ bright laugh cut off Beau’s rambling tirade. “Beauregard,” she said, putting a hand on her shoulder while still getting control of her laughter. “Breathe for a moment. Of course I have time for you. After a thousand years of ruling, I have earned some afternoons off I believe. Now. Tell me what you and your band of miscreants have been doing.”

* * *

Essek sent Mezex to fetch Beau a couple hours later with the message that Caleb was waiting for her downstairs. Beau promised to come back and see Leylas in a couple days or when they figured out what they were doing next. Whichever came first.

“Hey. What’d Shadowhand want?” she asked Caleb as they were being walked to their new house.

Caleb looked like he was still in shock or trying to work out a difficult problem. “To – offer me a uh – opportunity. To study dunamancy. With him. It is – a _good_ opportunity. To learn. I think I could do – good things with it.”

“Yeah man. Sure.” She was consecuted, but it didn’t mean she remembered what the fuck the intricacies were. She’d never actually practiced it, personally. “Let me know how that goes.”

Caleb nodded with his typical jerky movements. “I will. I actually have to go – shopping tomorrow. If you would like to accompany me.”

“Sure. Yeah, who doesn’t love window shopping? It’s not more paper is it? Because you don’t need me for that, and buying paper is boring as fuck.”

“No. He suggested some components that might be useful, but I do not know where to find them. I thought you would not mind exploring the city a – bit more with me.”

“Yeah, no. Great. We can do it tomorrow.”

* * *

“Beau! Beau! Beau!” Jester bounced up as soon as the door to the house was open. “Come look come look! We have rooms!” She grabbed Beau by the hand and began dragging her up a staircase. “There’s rooms for everyone!”

Beau let herself be dragged along away from Caleb, chuckling at Jester’s enthusiasm. “Does that mean you’re rooming on your own from now on?”

Jester skidded to a stop, staring up at Beau with an indignant look. “No we _have_ to be roommates what if I need you?” The last part was said quieter, so no one could eavesdrop. Only Beau knew that Jester still occasionally woke up from nightmares about being left alone with the Shepherds or the dragon. They were getting better, but Beau still had to gently shake Jester awake at least once a week and calm her down.

“Don’t worry about it,” Beau reassured her. “We can share a room. As long as I can go stay with Yasha sometimes too.”

Jester’s voice dropped even lower, almost a whisper. “So is that going to be like – a _forever_ thing for you two?” she asked excitedly. “Because that would be really _really_ cooool.”

A little smile crossed over Beau’s face as she looked over the railing of the balcony to the first floor to find Yasha already looking up and tracking her. “Yeah. I think it’s going to be a thing.”

* * *

Beau and Caleb had been wandering for a couple hours, making a purchase here and there when Beau stopped dead and held out her hand as they were crossing an alley to get to another main street. She had a terrible feeling on the back of her neck, and she’d learned long ago to listen to it.

“What is it?” Caleb asked.

Beau shook her head. “Not sure. Something’s wrong.” She felt like she was being followed.

A cloud of darkness, filled with the sounds of madness, filled the street and alley behind a well-dressed man who just – suddenly appeared ten feet away from them. “You’ve had me searching for you a long time Bren. I don’t appreciate being kept waiting.”

Beau spun around, instantly falling into her defensive stance. “Caleb. Is that –?” She vaguely recognized this guy. Had seen him _somewhere_ , but she couldn’t place where. And he’d called Caleb ‘Bren’. Only one wizard she was aware of would still know that name. Beau chanced taking her eyes off of the clearly powerful wizard in front of her to get a look at the one now almost cowering behind her. Caleb gave the barest nod, not even really able to look up and meet her eyes.

“You have an intriguing aura, young one,” the man Beau now knew was Trent Ikithon, mage of the Cerberus Assembly, sneered, looking down his nose at her. “You are _drowning_ in dunamancy. How is that?”

Beau turned back to glaring at him full force. _Now_ she remembered. She’d seen him back at that party with Yasha so long ago. Before she knew who he was. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she snapped. “And I’m a lot older than you’d think so back the fuck up.”

“Ah ah, not so loud. Others might hear and we wouldn’t want that would we? You seem the type to care about collateral damage.” Ikithon looked almost – disappointed at the thought.

“How did you find us?”

Ikithon scanned her up and down, as if he was deciding she was even worthy of his time. “It wasn’t hard, once Astrid could be convinced to give up the letter your associate wrote to her. Lavorre is a well known name among – _common_ – folk.” He sniffed in disdain. “I had to take a trip to Nicodranas, but it was well worth my time.”

White-hot rage filled Beau. “If you hurt Marion…” she let the warning trail off. Jester would _die_ if something happened to Marion because of a letter she wrote. Especially after everything with Jester almost dying and her guilt over being related to the Gentleman. Why hadn’t anyone ever _told_ Beau about this letter? When did Jester even write it?

“As if I would waste the full extent of my talents on the likes of her,” Ikithon scoffed. “It was a paltry matter wiping any trace of my visit from her mind. The _Mighty Nein_ are an easy group to track, although I must say I was surprised that your trail led straight to Xhorhas.”

Beau didn’t let herself feel relief. She could later, after she got Caleb out of this mess. “Caleb, send a message to Nott. We need Essek,” she muttered, hoping Ikithon couldn’t hear her.

“I – s-she is too far.”

“That would not be a wise decision anyway, as I could bring down the city block before Bren could complete his spell,” Ikithon not so subtly threatened. “It would be such a shame for that to happen. Again – collateral damage.”

“You don’t get to have him, asshole,” Beau declared, backing up to hide as much of Caleb from view as she could with her shorter body but also keep Ikithon within the twenty foot range of her gloves.

Ikithon ignored her. “Are all of your new compatriots so eloquent Bren?” he instead asked Caleb.

“Tha-That is n-not my n-n-name any-anymore.”

Fuck, Beau could _feel_ Caleb sliding into a panic attack. She was surprised he was even managing to be as vocal as he was. She reached back to squeeze his arm to hopefully ground and reassure him. “You’re taking a lot of risk, coming into Xhorhas like this. Why go to all the trouble for a student you dumped years ago? You running out of kids to torture and brainwash into killing their parents?”

Ikithon’s attention finally came back to her, and Beau had to stop herself from shuddering at the look in his eyes. It would have been easy if he just _looked_ evil, but he seemed normal at first glance. It was the palpable aura he gave off that made Beau want to run the other way and never look back. “You are an annoyance. And beneath me. And yet you absolutely reek of dunamancy. How is that? You have no magic in you.” He seemed insulted by the idea.

“None of your fucking business.” If Ikithon learned she was consecuted, Beau was fucked. He’d take both her and Caleb back to the Empire and – _experiment_ on them or whatever until he figured out dunamancy for himself. Probably by cutting her open or some other creepy method only insane murderers would think of.

Fuck she wanted her mom right now.

“You _will_ tell me.”

Beau felt his power wash over her – a surprisingly weaker spell. Apparently he was saving the scary shit for later. She shrugged it off. “It’s from fucking your mom you jackass!” She clapped her hands together and sent a shot of lightning out from her gloves. She was almost surprised when it hit solid flesh and not just an illusion. Beau had kind of thought Ikithon wasn’t even really there. While he was staggered, she spun around to shove Caleb behind a wall. “Turn invisible,” she hissed.

Caleb shook his head, eyes wide. “W-what?”

“Invisible. Do it now!” Caleb froze for half a moment longer before gathering himself and placing a hand to his chest and muttering a few words. He disappeared from view. Beau sighed in relief. If she could occupy Ikithon, maybe Caleb would get away. “Now get out of here,” she told the air.

“I am not leaving you to him.” Caleb sounded more sure of himself than he had since Ikithon appeared out of nowhere.

“There’s no time we only have a second. Get the _fuck_ out of here Caleb.” Beau spun back into the street as Ikithon straightened, brushing off his robes. They were still smoking slightly from the lightning and Beau allowed herself a moment of satisfaction before what she knew was coming. She clenched her fists to stop them trembling and held them in front of her face. She was no match for Ikithon – she’d known that the moment the darkness sprang up around him with its creepy shrieks and laughter sending all the citizens on the street running the other direction from it. The only mystery left was the way he would decide to end it.

She hoped Caleb got away.

She hoped Yasha knew just how much she felt for her.

She hoped she’d find Leylas again.

She’d be back, but she wasn’t ready to let go of being Beau just yet. Just when she was starting to like her.

Ikithon’s calm exterior was shattered as he glared at her, finally paying attention to the small monk standing ready in front of him. “You are an insect,” he growled. “I have unlocked secrets of the world and I am _above_ you in every way.”

Beau felt older as she replied – her past selves coming to the fore as her current took a step back. “My people and I unlocked those secrets centuries before you existed. And no matter how much knowledge you steal from us and how many children of the Empire you abduct, you will _never_ understand or control dunamancy. You lack the will.”

The older wizard practically snarled. “Why don’t you just. Go. _Down_.” He spat a word in a language Beau recognized as the ancient Draconian language Aragrakh.

It seemed like a hand thrust itself into her rib cage and _twisted._ Beau _felt_ her heart physically stop in her chest before her mind went blank and the world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s okay! It’s D&D remember guys! I swear everything will be alright I love Beau so much.


	11. It's Alright to Need Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Beau's turn to get saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Beau will be fine.
> 
> \--
> 
> Eventually.

“I trust I will see you in Rexxentrum before too much longer, Bren,” Ikithon warned. Caleb trembled behind the building Beau had pushed him to, still invisible. “Do not keep me waiting this time. I would hate to have to waste my time making examples of the rest of your group.”

He could hear footsteps fading into the distance, then the muttering and shrieking from the cloud of darkness ended too, signaling Ikithon’s exit. His invisibility wore off, and Caleb peeked cautiously around the edge of the wall, dreading what he knew he would find.

Beau was on her back on the ground, her arms out like she’d been holding them to her chest defensively before she fell. Her eyes were closed, and Caleb knew she was dead. He had heard Ikithon use that spell only once before – on a student that had failed him one too many times. His death had been excused as an accident from experimentation in his studies, a letter of condolence and some gold sent to his grieving parents.

There would be no such letter sent to the Bright Queen.

Caleb stumbled over to Beau’s body, shaking arms lifting one of hers over his shoulders. He had to get her to the clerics. But they were so far away – far longer than a minute. Precious seconds had already flown by while he stood there uselessly staring at Beau’s closed eyes.

He did his best to lift Beau to her feet, but he was not very strong at all, and it was all he could do just to get her dead weight up. “Come on, what are you doing?” he scolded himself. “We have to get her back to the house. We have to go we’re running out of time. You did not leave when you should have and now Beauregard is dead because of you. The least you can do is get her somewhere safe.” He slowly and unsteadily began putting one foot in front of the other, keeping to the alley so as not to upset the general populace more than they had been already.

The smartest course of action would be to leave Beau in a safe place and run for Caduceus and Jester, but he couldn’t leave her alone. Not like this.

“Klein Schwester,” Caleb muttered to himself, “you should not have done that for me. He will just come back until he gets what he wants. It was a waste of your life. What if I cannot get you back in time?” The background noise around him had faded, leaving only his panicked breathing and his voice to occupy him as he slowly walk/dragged Beau down the alleyways.

The sixty second time limit had long passed, but Caleb kept up his slow, shaky walk toward their house. There wasn’t anything else to do. He kept waiting for Beau to breathe again, punch him in the shoulder. Say something. Anything.

“-ale-….Ca-….aleb. Caleb!”

A distorted voice, and then someone was trying to take Beau from him. “Beauregard,” he muttered, hanging on as tightly as he could and attempting to keep on his path. But he was no match for insistent hands, and then Beau was gone. “Nein! Beauregard!”

“Caleb!” Yasha’s frantic voice startled him out of his panic. “Caleb what the fuck happened?!”

“Beau. Ikithon,” he managed to get out. “Have to get her to the clerics. Too long. She saved me.”

Yasha carefully cradled Beau in one arm, trying to swallow a scream of rage and the urge to find the wizard she’d met so long ago and get herself killed. Instead, she wrapped her second arm tightly around Caleb’s shoulders, herding the traumatized wizard toward the house they all shared. She didn’t know if there was anything that could be done for Beau, but this couldn’t happen again. She didn’t believe in luck, and she wanted to believe that she wasn’t cursed.

She couldn’t lose someone else.

When Beau and Caleb hadn’t checked in for a couple hours, Yasha had gone looking for them. She got antsy whenever Beau was gone for too long without Yasha knowing where she was. Probably had something to do with losing both Zuala and Molly when she wasn’t there. She still sometimes felt that not being there for Zuala’s death was her fault, and she hadn’t been able to help Molly from her cage.

And now Beau.

“Come on Caleb,” she urged, trying her best to keep her voice at its normal cadence when all she wanted to do was tear apart the market street. “Jester and Caduceus will know what to do. We can fix this.”

“Can we?” Caleb wondered out loud, coming back to himself a little bit more. “She is – she is consecuted. What if we can’t get _her_ back? What if she has already moved on to her next body? She is in range of the Luxon here. What if she was already drawn into it?”

A pit formed in Yasha’s stomach, a despair even deeper than the thought of losing Beau. Others could be resurrected, but Beau was a special case. The only thing worse than this feeling of – hopefully – having briefly lost her was the idea that she would be back as an infant that wouldn’t remember them for years to come, and would never be _her_ Beau again. “We will – we will cross that bridge if we have to I suppose,” she said eventually. “We’ll have Jester Send for Leylas and Essek to come to the house. They will know for certain if Beau is lost to us. Or if we can get her back as she is.”

They had to get Beauregard back.

Yasha kicked the front door of their new house open and shoved Caleb in with one hand while carefully making sure not to disturb Beau’s – body. She swallowed hard as she glanced briefly at Beau’s lifeless face. She’d been avoiding looking at it to keep what was happening from being real. “JESTER!” she yelled as loud as she could, pushing Caleb into a chair in case he passed out from his panic attack.

Light feet came pattering down the stairs. “What’s up Yasha?” Jester peered over the railing, her eyes going wide and scared as she saw the gathering. “Oh no! Fuckfuckfuck!” She sprinted the rest of the way down and cleared everything off a table with a sweep of her arm. “Beau! Put her here! Caleb what happened?!”

“Ikithon,” Yasha answered for him through gritted teeth. “That’s all I know.”

“Oh fuck I’m going to need Caduceus he has the diamonds and oh no oh no this is bad it’s probably been _way_ over a minute too huh we’re going to have to use a bigger spell and there’s going to have to be some kind of ritual and oh no this is so fucking bad Yasha what are we going to do?!” Words kept pouring out of Jester in a frantic stream as she started drawing sigils around Beau while holding onto her symbol of the Traveler.

Yasha placed a hand on her shoulder. “Call for Leylas first,” she instructed. “And have her bring Essek. There may be – complications. With Beau.”

Jester’s eyes widened as she immediately understood the implications of Yasha’s words. “Oh no.” She bit her lip, then took out her copper wire and made some new symbols in the air. “Your Majesty, you need to come to the house you gave us now with Essek please please Beau needs help! Please we need help please!” The spell finished and Jester waited for the response a moment, then turned back to Yasha. “She said she’ll come immediately and Essek is close by already and will get here first. I can’t do anything else without Caduceus or the rest of us can you go get them while we wait for Leylas? It’s too late for a revivification we’re going to have to do the more complicated spell so we have a few days now. It’s just harder to do. If Beau’s soul is still available. Oh no, what if she comes back as a _baby_ like, tomorrow? What are we going to do Yasha?”

“We’ll figure that out when the Bright Queen gets here. Just – try and snap Caleb out of it while I go get the others.”

Jester watched Yasha run up the stairs, biting her lip. She turned to the wizard. “Okay Caleb you need to wake up now come on. Beau needs us Caleb,” she pleaded.

“I – I am here, Jester,” Caleb replied faintly. He looked a bit dazed, but he met Jester’s eyes. “I am – here.” He seemed like he was barely hanging onto his emotions by a thread, so Jester hugged him, squeezing tight enough that it probably hurt him just a little.

“We have to get her back she’s my best friend.”

“I know. One of mine as well.” Caleb forced himself to look at Beau – his brash, complicated, wise friend – his baby sister in every way that mattered. He’d never tell her he saw her that way though. She’d despise being described as the ‘baby’.

“What happened here?” Essek Thelyss’ voice came from the doorway, his eyes hardening as they caught on Beau’s lifeless body. He looked to Caleb, silently posing the question to his newest pupil.

“My, ehm, teacher from when I was a child – he found me. Beau got in the way.”

Essek came to stand by the table, looking over Beau. “I did not detect a foreign presence in the city,” he mused. “Then again, that is not my specialty. He used a word of power?” Caleb nodded.

“Mr. Shadowhand sir,” Jester piped up anxiously. “Is it possible to bring Beau back even though she’s consecuted and all? I mean. No offense to your beacon, but we really like Beau as Beau, you know?”

The dunamancy master chuckled, which seemed both out of place and a relief. “Have no fear little Jester. Her soul will have found its way to the Luxon, but we need only bring the Beacon to her body to return it. There is a ritual involved no matter the body the soul is placed into. Generally, it is accepted that a consecuted soul will simply move on to their next body. However, with unconsecuted folk such as yourselves involved, allowances are made in these cases.” Both Jester and Caleb sagged in relief at the reassurance that Beau could come back to her own body. “The ritual is slightly different than the raising of the dead I am sure you were planning, but the same spell is utilized. I will retrieve the Beacon and bring it here. Her Eminence will be able to assist you in calling Miss Lionett back – as her daughter’s guide through consecution.”

Jester nodded rapidly. “So we still do a ritual – but with the Beacon housing her soul – how does the spell work?”

“There are symbols – runes – I will show you this time how they are done so you and your pink friend will know should this happen again. Slightly different than you are used to. Caleb you may recognize a few of the ones I taught you the other day,” Essek explained calmly, a welcome feeling with the anxiety running rampant. “And the diamonds are not necessary to bring Beau back like they would be for one of you. The Luxon is enough.”

“Okayokayokay,” Jester murmured, reassuring herself and psyching herself up.

“Oh. Okay.” Caduceus’ calm, deep voice called their attention to the staircase. Caduceus was on his way down, then a little green blur zipped past him and onto the table to crawl to Beau’s side. Caduceus followed.

“What happened?” Nott exclaimed before crawling over to Caleb’s end of the table. “Caleb are you okay?” She started poking at his cheeks and feeling his forehead.

Caleb gently brushed away her hands. “I am fine. I will be fine. Once Beau is back.”

Nott skittered across the table’s surface back to Beau just as Fjord appeared at the landing. “What the _fuck_?” He disappeared in a mist and reappeared beside Caduceus just as he reached the table. “I thought you guys were just going fucking window shopping Caleb.”

“Ikithon showed up. We’ll worry about that later,” Yasha said from behind them. “Once we have Beau back. Is it possible?” she asked Essek.

Essek nodded. “I was just explaining to these two how it will work. I must retrieve the Luxon now if we are to do this. Her Eminence should be here shortly.” He stopped in the doorway, looking back at the still worried group. “Miss Lionett has done this several times before. I assure you, she is no amateur.”

The Nein were left on their own, standing beside the body of a friend who would hopefully not remain so, but for now, was just a body. “Can I – can I be alone for – just a second. With her?” Yasha asked.

Jester looked like she wanted to stay, but nodded after a moment and started herding the rest of the group out. She took Caleb by the arm and led him away too. Yasha was left with Beau, staring down at her. “This is the first time I’ve seen the body,” she began. “I was always too late before. Too late again, I suppose.” She scoffed, tracing a light finger down Beau’s forearm. She wasn’t cold yet. Yasha jerked her hand away. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” she murmured, fighting back tears. “That I couldn’t help you.” She leaned down, pressing a kiss to Beau’s temple as she always did.

A small gasp had Yasha jerking into a defensive stance, the Magician’s Judge halfway out in an instant. She re-sheathed it a moment later when she saw Leylas, hand over her mouth and eyes filled with agonized sorrow. “ _Beauregard_ ,” she murmured, walking quickly to her daughter and leaning down to cup her cheek with her hand. “Who. Did this to her?” she demanded of Yasha.

“Trent Ikithon.”

The drow queen snarled before letting her forehead rest against Beau’s. “A few minutes more, my heart,” she promised quietly. “Wait for me just a few minutes more. I am not ready to let you go just yet.”

“I am sorry,” Yasha said helplessly. “For not keeping her safe.”

Leylas looked up from her daughter briefly. “The two of you apologize far too often for events beyond your control. You are not responsible for every foul thing that happens to those you care about, no matter how you wish to change it. Though I see it makes the pair of you well-matched.”

Yasha nodded, eyes on the floor. Leylas placed a kiss on Beau’s forehead then straightened to rest a hand on Yasha’s shoulder.

“She will be with us again shortly, I promise you. And then you will hunt that wizard down for daring to harm _my_ child.”

“Yes Ma’am,” Yasha swore, shivering at the ice that seeped from Leylas’ voice.

They continued their watch over Beau for another few minutes until Essek arrived, carrying the Luxon reverently. “Your Eminence.” He bowed quickly before approaching. “Are you ready?”

“Of course Shadowhand. Now, am I right in assuming none of you have done a ritual raising before?” Leylas asked the rest of the group as they shuffled back in to the room.

“I mean, I did a revivification on Caduceus but he was only gone for a few seconds,” Jester spoke up first, biting her lip and eyes brimming with tears still.

Leylas smiled down at her reassuringly. “It is the same principle of spell, with some additions,” she said, placing a hand on Jester’s arm. “I will lead it – I have the most experience in bringing back my child. Two or three of you should be prepared to say something – or give something. With a return to the same body, the soul needs to be convinced. In consecution, it knows what to do and moves to the next form with little guidance needed. This goes slightly against nature, even with the unnatural –” she paused, swallowing, “ – the unnatural way that she died. This type of ritual does not always work. To bring her back, Beauregard will need to be willing.”

“Of course she will,” Jester burst out. “She loves us! She won’t want to come back as a baby I know it.”

“I have faith in her too, Miss Lavorre. These are just possibilities. I wish to ensure you all understand what is at stake in this.”

Yasha stepped up, pulling Jester into her side briefly. “We understand,” she said calmly. “May we begin now?” She just needed Beau back – the sooner the better.

“We can. Which two will speak or make an offering after me?” Leylas looked expectantly at Yasha.

Nerves churned in her stomach, but Yasha nodded resolutely and stepped forward.

“I – I would l-like to,” Caleb stuttered, coming out from under Caduceus’ large hand.

“Very well. Miss Lavorre, Shadowhand. If you would help us begin?”

Essek quietly instructed Jester on how to draw the sigils around Beau’s body and invoke her deity to activate them. “Traveler,” she whispered, “I don’t know if Ioun gets involved in things like this, but if you could maybe let her know that Beau is in trouble? I’ll play all the tricks in the world for you. I know you like her too. Please.”

There was a deep chuckle that filled the corners of the room, and the candles scattered around sputtered out as the sigils on the table flared with light. Jester smiled through her tears at whatever the Traveler told her and nodded quickly over at Leylas. “It’s ready your Majesty.”

Leylas stepped up to the table, placing one hand over Beau’s sternum, the other running through her hair gently. “My Beauregard – always stepping in to save those you love,” she admonished gently. “One lifetime, I would prefer to see you live in peace. But for now, return my heart. It is not yet time for your next consecution. You know what to do.” She pressed a kiss to Beau’s forehead and then her cheek, and Yasha noticed for the first time for all that the pair looked so different – drow and human – they fit perfectly. Missing each other for twenty-four years was nothing to six hundred of what Yasha was beginning to see was the closest of bonds. Leylas leaned down and whispered something Yasha couldn’t hear to Beau before looking over to Caleb. “I believe it is your turn Mr. Widogast.”

Caleb stepped haltingly forward to take Leylas’ place at Beau’s side. “You –” He paused, shook his head, and tried again. “We have – a hard time understanding one another sometimes. We argue when there is no cause for it. One – one day, we will get it. Maybe we already did. I heard you today. It was not the wrong words, it was not the wrong time. I heard you, klein Schwester.” He snapped his fingers, and Frumpkin appeared in the elf owl form Caleb had changed him into after Yasha had asked for time alone. “Thank you for saving me, for being my friend,” he whispered. “I am sorry I could not stop him from hurting you. But if I have to face him someday, I will need your bravery at my side Beauregard. I know you already have a little brother, but maybe you could stand to have a – a big brother as well. Come back Scwhester.” He left Frumpkin huddled on her stomach, hooting gently.

“I uh,” Yasha hesitated as she went to stand by Beau, taking her hand. It was colder than twenty minutes ago, but if she pretended, Yasha could almost feel it moving in hers. “I’m not good at talking. Never really needed to, before the Nein. Molly always did the talking for me. But we’ve been through a lot. Sometimes I think the only reason we made it out of bad situations alive was because of you and your quick thinking – or your fighting skills. I love watching you fight. Not because you’re good at it, even though you are. You’re amazing at it. But I love seeing you defend us. Even me. You throw yourself in harm’s way, either catching it with your hands or just with your body. Getting yourself eaten. You are always on the front lines. It’s the only time you let yourself openly care and let the whole world see it. And I love getting to see that. I love you,” she whispered into Beau’s ear, voice low enough that it was for the two of them alone. The first time either of them said those words. “Come back to your family Beauregard. We can’t be the Mighty Nein without our seventh member, and I told you I can’t lose anybody else.” A kiss to Beau’s temple, and then she stepped away.

Jester returned, pressing a hand to Beau’s chest and closing her eyes. “Okay Traveler. And Ioun, if you’re here. I hope you’re here, ‘cause I could really use both your guys’ help right now. Please tell the Raven Queen to let her come back. Please.” Her eyes squinted, still closed, and her hand began glowing.

Everything was still for a moment.

Then a gasping inhale broke the silence. Beau’s eyes shot open and she immediately started coughing, trying to pull in as much air as possible.

Jester rushed to sit her up straight, supporting her as Frumpkin tumbled off her stomach and into her lap, looking faintly disgruntled. Yasha unhooked her waterskin and helped Beau hold it in her trembling hands as she took deep gulps, still coughing between swallows. “Careful,” Jester admonished.

Leylas was the next to come forward, embracing the now panting monk. “You frightened me Beauregard. I only just found you – do not make me go through another consecution so quickly.”

“What, are there limits?” Beau’s first words were a joke as she tried to smile up at her mother. She swayed as if dizzy, and Leylas caught her at the same time as Yasha when she began sliding off the table.

“Easy, okay,” Yasha murmured, lifting Beau into her arms. “You need rest.”

Leylas pressed a kiss to Beau’s cheek as she sagged into Yasha’s hold. “Returning the way you have drains a person. Rest for a few days, as your friend said. I shall return in the morning.”

“Mother,” Beau whispered, reaching out for the queen. Leylas froze. Beau had yet to call her that in this life, but the monk didn’t even notice, her shaking hand still trying to reach the other woman. She sighed in relief when Leylas took it and held it to her chest.

“What is it my love?”

Beau looked like she was having trouble keeping her eyes open, but she leaned closer to Leylas. “I – I thought of – of you. I wanted to see – you. When _he_ – I just – I wanted – I wanted you.”

Yasha had to look away from the intense emotion washing over Leylas’ face. Fear, pain, sadness, but above all a love _so_ fierce. Leylas’ voice shook as she replied to her daughter. “And you have me, Beauregard. As you do the rest of your family here. But for now, you need rest, and no matter how much I might wish it, the queen cannot spend the night in a house of her subjects.” Beau snorted, causing Leylas to chuckle. “I will be by your side when you wake in the morning,” she promised Beau. “And I have a suspicion your compatriots will not be too far away either.”

Yasha felt Beau stiffen at something Leylas said, but she gave no other outward sign of any distress. “Okay,” she murmured, exhausted beyond anything. Her head dropped against Yasha’s shoulder, hand limp in Leylas’, and the barbarian was pretty sure Beau was asleep a few seconds later.

“Only wake her if there is an emergency,” Leylas warned the whole group before she left. “Beauregard will be close to helpless for a few days. I will send the Overwatch to patrol the street in the event this Ikithon,” she spat his name, “returns. Let no harm come to her.”

“We promise,” Jester said brightly, her cheerful countenance beginning to return now that Beau was once more alive. “I’ll work with her, try to get her moving a bit sooner.”

“There’s a tea that does just wonders for recovery. Horace Litiner,” Caduceus said beatifically. “Just wonderful. I’ll make sure she gets some tomorrow.”

Fjord gave a small bow. “We’ll keep her safe,” he promised Leylas. “You have our word.”

Leylas nodded. “Good. See that you do. I have lost her too many times.” One last kiss to Beau’s temple, and she swept out of the house, Essek just behind.

Yasha immediately took Beau to her own room rather than the one the monk still occasionally shared with Jester, and lay her down on her bed as gently as possible so as not to wake her. She crawled in behind her and tugged Beau into her chest so that she had a good view of the door in case anyone tried to break in.

“Yashie?” Nott poked her head over the threshold. “Can I come in?”

Yasha grunted her assent, and Nott scrambled in and onto the bed, rolling into a ball at their feet, her yellow eyes blinking big as she kept an eye on Beau. Yasha noticed the goblin had her crossbow in hand, ready for anything.

Jester wasn’t far behind, still worried about her best friend. She poured a restoration into Beau, not sure if it would help her get better faster but trying all the same. Then Caleb came to sit on the unoccupied bed. He just – watched. As if Beau would disappear or stop breathing if he looked away for just a moment. Fjord and Caduceus came in together with chairs and tea, taking up positions by the door. Jester decided to plop onto the floor right next to Beau’s face, pulling out her sketchbook and drawing up all her plans to thank the Traveler for his help. Every once in a while, her tail would whip up to lightly touch Beau’s hands, feeling the warmth in them.

Beau slept through it all, energy depleted by her ordeal. She didn’t stir once throughout the night. Yasha knew, because she didn’t sleep for a minute until sunrise. Every time she began to nod off, her mind told her that Beau had stopped breathing suddenly, and she would snap awake. Everyone else managed some sleep – even if it was a bit restless for them all. Yasha didn’t let herself drift off until Leylas quietly entered the room and took up residence on a chair left open for her right next to the bed.


	12. Like a Noose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau struggles with coming back to life and the threat still hanging over her head.

Beau woke the next morning feeling hardly any better than when she fell asleep. Yasha’s arm was a heavy bar across her chest, keeping her close without restricting her breathing. Beau was surprised that everyone else appeared to have slept in her – no, Yasha’s – room.

“Good morning, Beauregard.” Leylas’ lilting voice called her attention to the side of the bed.

Beau tried to greet her, but only a grunt came out. Leylas grabbed a waterskin as Beau shook her head, trying to clear her throat. Only after she drank did she try again. “Hey,” she whispered. “How long was I out?”

“Asleep? The rest of the afternoon and through the night. You will need more rest to recover your strength. I believe your friend Caduceus is preparing something for you to eat first though. If you feel well enough to stay awake,” Leylas explained.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” Beau tried to blow her off and sit up, but Yasha’s arm was still locked across her chest, and even at her peak, Beau was no match for the barbarian’s strength. She quickly gave it up as a bad job and relaxed back into the mattress.

Leylas shook her head. “Do not try lying to me Beauregard. I am your mother. I can always tell. So, the truth. How are you feeling?”

Beau grimaced. “Like a pile of shit,” she confessed sullenly. “My arms and legs feel floppy, my hands won’t stop shaking, and my chest feels like it got stomped on by hooves. And I have the same headache as when I look into the Luxon.”

“Thank you. If you stay in bed today and drink the tea your firbolg friend brings you, I will not tell your friends that you admitted that,” Leylas bargained with a chuckle.

“Hmph.” Beau grunted and turned her face into the pillow. Yasha tightened her hold on her, and Beau had to contain a wince to not alert Leylas.

“She didn’t sleep until I came this morning,” Leylas’ soft voice filtered through the pillow. “She watched over you. She obviously cares for you deeply.”

Beau grumbled to herself, still feeling out of sorts and surly for some reason. “I know,” she finally muttered. Her heart was beating too fast. She closed her eyes and tried to meditate and slow it down, but it refused to comply. “How long was I gone?” she eventually asked, trying to distract herself.

Leylas sighed and took her hand. Beau had to work to not snatch it away. “A little more than two hours.”

“And Ikithon?” The name alone filled her with dread. What was wrong with her?

“Nowhere to be found. The Overwatch searched the city through the night.”

Beau was about to say something else when Jester woke, and then her excited voice woke the others. “Beau!”

The monk flinched at the volume, her head still feeling like needles were being driven into her skull. “Not so loud, Jester,” she muttered as she brought her hand up to try and soothe the pain. Two more hands, one glowing blue and the other white, were placed on her. Jester whispered a spell that cooled some of the ache throughout her body, while Yasha’s healing hand pressed directly on the source of pain in her head and made it lessen. “Thanks,” Beau said. Everything hurt still, and she felt weaker than she was as a kid, but it was a little better than before.

Nott squeezed her around the legs before scampering off to help Caduceus with food. Fjord kind of stood awkwardly in the doorway for a minute before saying a, “Good to see you’re alright Beau,” before he ducked out too. Caleb stayed on the opposite bed and watched everything in silence, but his eyes were bright at seeing his friend moving around of her own accord again.

Beau tried to sit up again, disrupting Yasha again who immediately tightened her grip in a protective stance. “Beau?” she asked, still sleepy, blinking her eyes open once more.

“Yeah, uh. Mind letting me up?”

The arm retracted in a moment. “Sorry,” Yasha murmured.

“No, it’s fine. Just – wanted up,” Beau muttered. Only to then be humiliated by the fact that she couldn’t actually summon the strength to sit up on her own. She growled in frustration, becoming even more irritated when Yasha gently helped lift her so she could lean against the wall. “What the _fuck_ is wrong with me?”

Jester popped up from the floor again, startling Beau. “You _died_ Beau,” she said, lips still quivering a little at the memory. “And you’re never allowed to do that again okay? Promise?”

“There are…effects,” Leylas added.

“Caduceus died too,” Beau pointed out, “and he had none of these – problems. Am I just stuck like this?”

Yasha reached for her hand, and Beau forced herself to stay still and let her take it. She wasn’t sure what had her so jumpy – well, she could guess – but she was having a hard time keeping a handle on it. She didn’t want the others to know. Didn’t want to hurt their feelings or make them worry about her more. She was _fine_. She was alive, Ikith-Ikithon was gone.

So why did she feel like he was merely waiting around the corner to surprise them again?

“He was only gone for a moment,” Yasha was saying, although Beau barely heard her through her skipping thoughts. “It should fade in a few days, and you’ll be back to normal.”

Normal? That already felt like a distant memory. She glanced over at the window quickly to make sure it was closed. “Right. Okay. And I take it I’m a prisoner of this bed until after those few days?”

“At least until you’re feeling a uh – a little better Beau,” Yasha said cautiously. “Give yourself some time.”

Not a chance.

But Leylas knew exactly what she was thinking. “Do not get any ideas, Beauregard,” she warned. “You will stay in that bed until you are, at the bare minimum, somewhat recovered.”

Beau grunted her annoyance, checking the window again.

It didn’t hurt to be sure.

* * *

To Beau’s chagrin, the constant watch of Leylas, Yasha and Jester was enough to keep her in bed for the rest of the day and nearly all of the next as well. She was finally given leave to go downstairs and join the Nein for dinner two days after her resurrection, but was promptly ushered back to her bed minutes after the meal was over. She might have protested more if she hadn’t felt jumpy the whole time she was eating because she couldn’t see the door.

“I don’t want to be here,” she said into the darkness a few hours later. She hadn’t been able to fall asleep, uncomfortable in these still unfamiliar quarters.

Yasha stirred beside her, lifting herself up on one elbow. “We can go. Wherever. As soon as you’re strong again.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Beau,” Yasha sighed, drawing her monk closer. Rather than curling into her larger frame as she was prone to do, Beau stayed stiff, staring at the ceiling. “Alright,” Yasha finally agreed. “We’ll tell Leylas and then we can go.”

“Right.”

Yasha hesitated for a moment, thrown by the Beau’s flat tone of voice. Especially regarding her mother when she had been so anxious to be near Leylas immediately after her resurrection. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

Was she okay? Beau was starting to wonder. She felt on edge, she felt weak, she felt scared. She wasn’t used to any of those emotions, and she didn’t know what to do with them. She glanced toward the window. It was closed.

He couldn’t find them here. Maybe.

“I’m fine.”

She wasn’t sure.

* * *

Leylas had been – not upset – but concerned about Beau and the rest of the Nein leaving so soon after the resurrection. However, not one to restrict her child’s movements, she merely offered them a mission that would at least keep them in the Dynasty and under her sphere of influence should Beau run into trouble.

There had been talk of disturbances up in the far mountain reaches of the northern Dynasty for several months – disturbances of the kind caused by rogue portals to other planes. However, since the only denizens of those high, freezing elevations were some scattered orc and half-orc clans, and they didn’t complain about anything, the talk was still unsubstantiated. Leylas requested that the Nein equip themselves appropriately and confirm whether or not there were more portals present.

The Nein weren’t able to leave as quickly as Beau wanted, having to grab all new gear as the coldest place they had ever ventured was Shady Creek Run, but they managed to at least get out of the city before night fell that day. Beau took first watch, claiming she wasn’t tired after resting for days, and shook her head at both Yasha and Caleb’s offer to stay up with her. “I just – I need to think about some stuff,” she lied. It seemed to placate Caleb. Yasha kept looking at her for a moment longer before sighing and going to bed.

Beau didn’t want to lie. She just. Didn’t want to sleep. She had woken up from terrible nightmares – a not awesome change of pace from her usual never being able to remember dreaming at all. She’d take being tired in the morning over whatever her mind had waiting for her. She’d try sleeping again tomorrow.

She didn’t wake up the rest of the Nein until dawn, brushing off their protests at not being called for their watches. “Wasn’t tired,” she excused, hauling herself up on Clarabelle behind Caduceus. He was the only one she trusted wouldn’t ask her probing questions.

He just handed her a cup of tea. “Waking up tea,” he explained. Beau took it gratefully.

With the speed of the moorbounders, the Nein reached the base of the mountains by the late afternoon. They called an early evening, and when Beau offered to take a watch again, she was politely shot down. “You need to sleep,” Jester practically nagged her. “You sleep. Yasha and I have got first watch we’ll be fine for one night if you don’t take one.”

Beau held in a snarky comment about not leaving the circle this time, unsure where it came from. She had no right saying something that she _knew_ would hurt Jester’s feelings badly. Jester was just getting her feet back under her after the whole Gentleman thing. That was something Beau would have done before the Nein became what they were now. Before she considered these people her friends – possible family. She wasn’t that person anymore, so why did she just almost hurt Jester on purpose?

With those unsettling thoughts, Beau only got a few hours of sleep before she was woken by another nightmare, holding back a yell as she tore herself awake. The fire had died down, but Yasha and Jester were still up so it couldn’t have been too long. They were talking quietly, and Beau kept her eyes closed and didn’t move so she wouldn’t alert them that she was awake.

“ – worried about her,” Yasha was saying. “She hasn’t really said anything that’s, you know, important – since we brought her back, apart from she didn’t want to stay in Rosohna any longer. I don’t – um. I don’t know how to get her to talk to me. I don’t know how to help. It’s just – it’s frustrating.”

_Stupid_ , Beau berated herself. She’d thought she was acting pretty normal so far. But obviously Yasha had cottoned on. Until she worked out whatever was wrong with her emotions, she was just going to have to be more careful with how she behaved. So they didn’t suspect that she wasn’t one hundred percent. Beau wouldn’t be able to handle it if they decided she was unstable and left her behind. She had to be _doing_ something – not just waiting for Ikithon to show up again and kill everyone.

“Maybe she just needs time?” Jester suggested. “I mean, I don’t really know, because I’ve never _died_ , but maybe that’s a thing? We can ask Caduceus in the morning maybe he’ll know.”

Yeah. Maybe someone would be able to explain just what the _fuck_ was wrong with her.

* * *

“Hold up,” Caduceus said quietly as they were hiking up the narrow trail between a small grove of evergreens and a short rock wall that immediately preceded a sheer cliff. A cave was ahead of them, rather large and foreboding looking. “Might be trouble,” he warned.

 “Spread out a bit,” Fjord whispered, shooing Nott off toward the trees and Caleb behind the natural wall. “And be _quiet_.”

As they were sneaking closer to hopefully see if there was anything malicious in the cave, Fjord promptly tripped and ate shit. He landed with a heavy thud, and low rumbling could be heard from the cavern entrance just before a large rock was flung by a frost giant that suddenly appeared. It caught Fjord across the back, not as hard as it would have if he had been standing, but definitely still enough to sting and leave a rough bruise.

Beau charged in, eager to lay into something after so many days on edge. Her exhaustion, her nightmares were forgotten in the adrenaline of anticipating a good fight. She got right up in between the first frost giant and a second that appeared behind it, landing a good hit with her staff on one as two bolts came in and hit the giant that threw the rock.

The giant she hit was holding a huge ax, and swung, but she ducked out of the way, in the process making the giant throwing boulders around miss her so completely with its axe that it caught in the stone of its cave and it took a second to grunt and roar at its weapon as it pulled it back out. Then another rock came out of nowhere, and Beau flinched, but it soared over and slammed into Fjord again. Beau looked between the two giants she was facing, and saw the third that had only just made its presence known. “Smart bastard,” she muttered, grinning in excitement.

Yasha came charging in, cleaving into a giant as a huge ball of flame erupted between the three giants, catching them all in the crossfire while avoiding Beau and Yasha. The green of Fjord’s blasts indicated that he had finally gotten back to his feet and joined the fight, and they all burst over the skin of the Beau’s giant. She frowned at some of her fight being taken away from her.

She took her frustration out on her giant as Yasha and Nott’s bolts kept wearing down the second. But then all three giants threw enormous net looking things that were weighted down with large rocks in an attempt to catch her that Beau had to take time to dodge. Next thing she knew, two bolts of light and dark energy she knew came from Jester flew at her giant and a large bell tolled from nowhere, and Caleb’s cat paw sprouted from the ground and grabbed and held down the barely standing giant.

Beau was livid. She was _fine_. The stupid giant hadn’t even been able to land a hit on her yet, why was everyone focusing down hers rather than splitting things up evenly? “Fine. You guys want to play it that way?” she snarled before darting through a small space between the two front giants to go for the one in back. She caught an axe swing across her back that propelled her a little faster than she initially intended, but no big deal. She hardly felt it.

“Beau!”

She could hear Jester shout in panic before something settled over the latest giant she was facing off with that it seemed to shake free of. The bell sounded again as Beau was laying into the giant with her staff, making an awful ringing sound that had the giant clutching at its ears. Beau felt a bit of Caduceus’ healing power seep into her, erasing some of the damage left by the solitary slice in her skin. Pink tinged radiant energy took out the giant she’d left behind, Yasha’s enraged swings took down her own giant even as it left a shallow groove across her chest as a parting gift. She was immediately at Beau’s side, ready to launch another attack when two bolts of fire from Caleb finished off the last remaining giant.

Beau kicked the still smoldering body, snarling out her frustration. Familiar hands wrapped around her waist and hauled her away, but rather than relax like she normally could, Beau struggled to get loose. “Put me down – put me down!”

Surprised, Yasha set her back on the ground. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, voice gentle. “Beauregard. Calm down.”

Beau was still panting, looking wildly around for the next target. But there was nothing there to hit. “Why’d you guys _do_ that?”

Yasha ushered Beau further away, careful not to touch the fuming monk since she clearly wasn’t ready for it. “Us? Beau, what were _you_ doing?” It wasn’t accusatory, but it pinched Beau all the same. “What was that move, running to the last before your first was down? That isn’t how we normally play this.”

“I’m a front-line fighter too! They _can’t_ treat me like I need to be protected! I'm not going to get better if they're doing it all for me!"

It looked like Yasha was trying to understand her thought process, but wasn’t quite getting it. “That's not the point. The point is that we lost you once and we don't want to again.”

Beau scoffed. “Caduceus died and you don't see anyone covering him.”

“Caduceus works behind the lines, so we don't _have_ to.”

“So I should be back there too? If you guys don't let me _do_ anything, I might as well have stayed behind. I can twiddle my thumbs just as well there.”

Yasha bit her lip, obviously restraining her temper. “None of us want that Beau. We want you here, with us. We just don’t want to lose you again, especially to something preventable like what just happened. You could have gotten hurt just now because you changed the game plan. We can adjust but not that quickly. Jester panicked. Caleb panicked. _I_ panicked. We just want you safe. I don’t know where this anger of yours is coming from, but know that how we reacted was not because we don’t trust you.”

“I need a minute.” Beau ended the conversation abruptly and stalked away before she could blow up more. She _didn’t_ want to pick a fight with Yasha. But she also did, and she had. Nothing made sense anymore.

She was so _tired_. She hadn’t managed to sleep more than a few hours a night since they’d left Rosohna, and Beau could feel the exhaustion coming back to weigh at her bones. She wanted to sleep, but every time, Ikithon was there. Sometimes she was running endlessly from him. Sometimes he killed her friends in grisly ways while she could only watch on in horror.

Often, she was strapped to a table by invisible ties while he carved into her either with a blade or with magic, searching for the key to consecution within her body.

Those were the nights she had to hold back screams when she woke up.

Beau blocked the dreams from her mind, shaking her head and trying to stay in the moment. Even if it wasn’t a very good moment. She’d yelled at Yasha, wanted to yell at Jester, her back still hurt a little, even though Caduceus had already taken care of some of the gash. If Yasha had pressed, Beau couldn’t honestly explain _why_ she had gone after the last giant. Only that the rest of the group had made her feel helpless, and she didn’t want to face that feeling again after Ikithon.

She eventually wandered back to where the rest had decided to bed down for the day. Everyone was pointedly not staring at her about her outburst, but it just made Beau feel more guilty for still being angry. “I’ll take first watch,” she offered tonelessly.

“Beau…” Jester didn’t finish her sentence, obviously seeing there would be no convincing Beau otherwise. So she accepted it, though the Tiefling didn’t look happy about it. “Wake me for the second this time? Please?”

“ – Yeah, Jester.”

Beau was silent through dinner. She knew she was acting immature, but she just couldn’t shake her fury and hurt. She almost regretted suggesting they leave Rosohna, but what else was she going to do there? Sit and be afraid? No. Even if the rest of the Nein insisted on treating her like a fragile piece of glass, better to be out in the wilds where _maybe_ Ikithon had less of a chance of finding them.

They let Beau take the first watch alone, sitting just outside the bubble. She wasn’t sure if that was them showing some faith in her or just not wanting to put up with her sullen attitude. Even so, Fjord came shuffling up an hour later after everyone else had drifted off to sleep. He sat down, giving her a good few feet of space, and let the silence stew for a bit before speaking up. “Sooo, kind of blew up at your girlfriend back there. What’s up with that?”

“Nothing,” Beau sighed. “It’s nothing.” She didn’t feel like correcting Fjord on his term for Yasha. They’d never really designated what they were, only that they were _something_. But now it felt like too much effort to think about, with everything else whirling around in her head.

“Didn’t really seem like nothing, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I mind,” Beau muttered under her breath.

Not quietly enough apparently, because Fjord held up his hands in surrender. “Alright. You don’t have to talk Beau. Just uh – just know that – we’re all here for you. Some of us have been there before. This will get better. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it now, but you’ll be alright Beau. Have a good watch. Don’t forget to wake Jester up.” With a hand to the shoulder that caused Beau to flinch, Fjord ambled back into the bubble and to his bedroll.

“Until he catches us,” Beau whispered, fighting down tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished writing this a few days ago, so there will be weekly updates rather than biweekly until it's all up. I hope ya'll enjoyed this one!


	13. Trauma and Bad Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau's issues post-death continue and she has trouble handling her trauma correctly. She takes it to the extreme.

It took a few days, but the Nein reached the general area of reported disturbances near the peak of Mire’s Ridge. The snow was a fierce hindrance that only really Jester didn’t seem to mind. Everyone else was bundled up heavily and miserable.

Beau had kept up her silence most of the time, torn between her unexplainable anger and her desire to not unleash it on any of her friends. Especially since they probably didn’t really deserve it. Silence was better. Kept her from saying things she couldn’t take back later.

Jester had tried to draw her into conversation, but Beau had been reticent to participate. She’d also taken to sleeping on the other side of the bubble as Yasha several times, not wanting to yell at her again for no reason. Particularly when Yasha refused to get angry back and only treated her with patience and what understanding she had of whatever Beau was going through.

Her nighttime troubles continued, and Beau took to sleeping only a few hours a night and waking herself up before the nightmares started. Her success was hit and miss. After a nightmare, sleep was a no-go for the rest of the night, and it was starting to take a toll on Beau. She was growing even more irritable than she was already from being jumpy all the time.

There hadn’t been any fights since the giants, and Beau wasn’t able to work out any of her nervous energy. They had to be getting close to the where the disturbances were being reported from though. There wasn’t much left of this mountain to climb.

“Guys, there’s weird energy above us,” Jester broke the silence around midday.

“Feel like a portal Jessie?” Fjord asked.

Jester shrugged. “I don’t know it all feels weird around here. But maybe?”

“Alright, look alive everyone.” They scaled the last height, and near where the ridge rose into a peak, there was a multi-colored portal – looking slightly different than the others.

And in front of it was a huge, blue, radiating cold, demon looking thing. “Does anyone know what that is?” Caduceus asked.

“Ice demon?” Jester guessed. “Ice devil?” It looked like a giant insect, but with an intelligence to how it was looking at them. It wasn’t any kind of monstrosity or animal-based form. It was a thinking creature.

 _Leave this place_ , they all heard in their heads at the same time the devil hissed out something in the Infernal language Jester sometimes cursed in.

“Oooh, definitely devil,” Jester confirmed. “Your mother should wash your mouth out with soap!” she yelled at it.

The devil reared up and began shouting something in Infernal. “Take cover!” Fjord yelled.

Rather than listen, Beau dashed over to the devil, intent on shutting it up before it could get off whatever spell it was attempting at her group. It finished speaking right as she got into range of it, and a wall of ice appeared in a circle all around them, cutting Beau off from the rest of the Nein.

“Beau!” She heard the shouts from Jester, Yasha, and Fjord before the ice blocked her in. Everything became muffled.

 _Just us_ , the devil said, sounding pleased.

“That’s right buddy,” Beau snarled back in Deep Speech. It cocked its head, not understanding the words before it hissed and came after her. With the pincers on its mouth, Beau was expecting it to go for a bite attack, but its heavy tail whipped around and lashed against her legs, before a claw came down to pierce her shoulder, and then finally, the pincers bit at her other arm, all three leaving heavy wounds that felt like ice had entered her veins. She cursed and struck back quickly, landing a solid hit on its face before it could draw back and stunning it. She followed it up with three more hits as the sound of metal came crashing against the ice outside.

The ice behind her shattered, and fire came roaring in immediately and struck the devil, but the flames rolled off of it like they were a splash of water. Beau kept punching at the stunned insectoid before Yasha was suddenly shoving herself in between Beau and the devil. “Hey!” Beau protested. She’d been getting some good hits in.

Fjord was the next one to reach her, appearing in a cloud of mist. “Time to go,” he said, grabbing her by the arm.

“No wait!” Too late, they disappeared with a loud crack of thunder only to reappear right next to Caduceus, who stuck out an arm and put some heavy-duty healing into her. Jester was nearby, still sending in bolts of radiant energy as Caleb switched from fire to his little pin missiles. Nott was firing her crossbow nearby.

Beau broke away from Fjord, ignoring his “Beau, stop!”, and did her own dash back over to the devil as Yasha swung down with her sword. She hit it a couple more times before Yasha interfered again, moving between it and her.

“Seriously?” Beau panted.

Spotting its first prey and sensing blood, the devil moved around Yasha to get to Beau again. Thinking it would go tail first again, Beau misjudged it and took a claw straight to the stomach and a bite that threw her to the ground. As she was falling, the tail cracked across her head, and Beau fell unconscious.

* * *

When she saw Beau go down and her eyes flutter shut, Yasha lost control. Jester screamed and let loose all the radiant energy she had, pelting the devil, and Yasha finished it off by cutting off first two legs and then beheading the monster. Caduceus ran forward the instant the devil fell and poured his most powerful healing into Beau. She sputtered back to consciousness, eyes darting around to find the devil dead on the ice.

She jerked to her feet, the fury rising in her once again. “What the fuck is your guys’ problem?!” she yelled. “Taking me out of the fight? Getting between me and the target? What in the fucking hells is going on?!”

“I think a better question is what the fuck are _you_ doing,” Fjord shot back. “You almost got yourself killed in there Beau. That’s the second time on this trip you’ve run in without assessing the danger. I don’t think I’m the only one thinking that that is highly unlike you.”

“It _does_ seem a little out of character,” Caduceus nodded along.

Beau rolled her eyes. “I’m taking care of the problem. That’s my _job_. I’m on the front lines.”

“There’s a difference between doing the job and unnecessary risk,” Yasha said, looking worried. “Did you forget that? We are – we’re just _worried_ about you Beauregard. Are we allowed that, after everything?”

“I’m _fine_. I was _fine_ ,” Beau growled. “I am always _fucking fine_ , so will you guys just _let_ me do my thing? You getting in the way is fucking with how I fight!” She glared at all of them, but no one else seemed inclined to continue berating her. “Great. Can we take care of this fucking thing and get off this stupid ass mountain then?”

She stalked toward the ice devil. Everyone had been gathered around her and worrying, so no one had picked it over yet. A piece of paper stuck out from a belt around its torso region, and Beau tugged it out. It was a scroll that could move anyone almost anywhere, instantaneously.

Without really knowing why she did, Beau pocketed it before anyone saw and told no one of it.

She was still fuming. How _dare_ they interfere with her and her fighting? They weren’t letting her do _anything_. It wasn’t like she was trying to get herself hurt, she was just doing what she was supposed to. Keeping them all safe, getting better. If they kept her from that, she’d be useless when something truly bad happened.

She kept silent for the next few days, staying even further away from everyone else. She was increasing her distance from Yasha as well. Her anger at the Aasimar had faded, but Beau was starting to think about what lay in store for her in the future. Namely, whether she was going to have one or not. Right now, she felt like she was just biding her time until Ikithon came back, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sleeping away from Yasha every night now, her hours of sleep had dropped from four to about two, and Beau didn’t see it getting better any time soon.

“Beauregard.”

Beau looked over at Yasha, surprised that she was breaking their tense standoff now. “What?”

Yasha shook her head, but it wasn’t that she didn’t have something to say. “Are you –” she hesitated. “You aren’t sleeping.”

Beau jerked her head to glance off to the side. She could have sworn –

“Beau?”

“Shh,” she hissed. “There’s something out there.”

Yasha also looked around, eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t see anything.”

“ _Some_ thing, is there,” Beau insisted, spinning around. The plains around them were completely empty bar some rocks, but she _knew_ –

“I expected you in Rexxentrum much sooner than this Bren.”

Beau froze at the first utterance of Ikithon’s voice, muscles locking up against her will. He couldn’t be here. This had to be another fucking nightmare. He couldn’t have found them again so easily. Not in the middle of the Xhorhassian wastes.

“You really are a mangy group of compatriots, aren’t you all?”

 _Compatriots_.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Air wasn’t getting to her lungs. Her heart was beating wildly out of control. People were saying things. Threatening Ikithon, taking up defensive stances, and he just kept his hands in his cloak. Nobody else was on the verge of a breakdown. Even Caleb was standing tall this time, refusing to be cowed anymore in front of his old teacher. What was wrong with her? She couldn’t hear what they were saying.

“And Beauregard.” Her blood turned to ice in her veins. “I’m surprised to see you – as this version at least. I didn’t expect you to cause any more trouble for a good few years, being a baby and all. Convenient for me, not so much for you. Tell me, why would they bother putting you back in that body when they could have given you a better, more resilient one?”

Dread filled her stomach, and Beau wanted nothing more than to vomit. He _knew_. About her. About consecution. He wasn’t going to kill her this time – wouldn’t give her that privilege. He was going to take her and cut her open to see what made consecuted folk tick. Just like her nightmares. They weren’t strong enough to stop him. There was nothing she could do to keep him from doing whatever he pleased.

She managed to tune back into Ikithon, immediately wishing she hadn’t as he stared directly at her with a sickly confident gleam to his eyes. “…and I look forward to getting to know you – _much_ more intimately.”

Then Beau couldn’t see him anymore because Yasha had placed her body between Ikithon and her. Beau panicked even more – she didn’t know where he was. He could take her any moment and she wouldn’t see it coming now. She finally was able to move, scrabbling at Yasha’s tunic and trying to get her out of the way. A strong hand reached back and gripped her forearm, holding her close.

When Yasha finally moved, Ikithon was gone. Beau spun around, looking for any sign of him, but he was nowhere to be found. “No, no, no, fuck, no,” she muttered, eyes darting every which way. She rubbed at her chest, trying to make a phantom ache disappear. It didn’t work. “Where the fuck is he?”

“Beau he left,” Yasha said, sounding worried. “He’s gone.”

“Yeah? And what’s to stop him from coming back?” Beau snapped. Her eyes never stopped looking for Ikithon’s figure on the horizon. They didn’t get it. Not even Caleb seemed to get it, and nobody else had been – had been his fucking _victim_. “Can’t relax for a _fucking_ _second_.”

Yasha looked like she was about to say something, but then Caleb stepped in. “Beauregard – let us go talk for a moment. Just a moment. We will not leave the group’s sight,” he promised. Beau saw him pull out his copper wire and she scoffed. Now they thought she was going fucking insane and were keeping secrets from her.

“I’m not crazy,” she said through gritted teeth as Caleb led her a few dozen feet away. “If you dragged me over here to say I am and you had it worse, I don’t want to hear it right now. You can just take your niceties and shove ‘em.”

Caleb pursed his lips and sighed deeply. “You are not – crazy. The way you feel? That is how I felt right after I escaped. But – you cannot – you _cannot_ let it rule you Beauregard, like I did. You are stronger than I am. And you have people here who will help you feel safe.”

“Yeah well last I remember, I was the one who walked up to the most powerful wizard in the Empire and pretty much offered myself up on a silver platter to be _murdered_. So when you’ve done that, maybe we can talk about shared paranoia,” Beau spat. “Until then, just leave me the fuck alone, and keep an eye out Caleb.” She stalked back over to the front of the group. “Let’s fucking go,” she snarled.

* * *

The rest of the return trip to Rosohna was made in mostly silence – not only Beau but everyone else as well – the air heavy and tense around Beau and ranging from concern on Fjord and Caduceus, outright fretting from Yasha, Caleb, and Jester, to thoughtful on Nott. Beau spent the whole time swinging on a pendulum of fury at the Nein for not _getting it_ to regret for how she’d been treating them, all overlaid with the overwhelming fear that Ikithon would catch them by surprise again on the road and take her. That she would end up on a laboratory table in Rexxentrum at his mercy. She almost wished he’d just get it over with and end her terrified suspense. She was _tired_ of being afraid.

Maybe – maybe she could do it, Beau thought as she trudged toward the new house the Nein had barely had time to stay at. She could do it. Get away. To make it stop. Prevent collateral damage. She didn’t realize she’d been zoning out while everyone but Caduceus scattered to their rooms until Jester was tugging on her sleeve. Beau flinched violently away, making Jester frown in both worry and a little bit of hurt. “Beau?” she asked, voice quivering just a tad.

“Fine. I’m fine,” Beau muttered, straightening out her shirt just to keep her hands busy and not trembling. “’M not hungry. I’m just going to go to my room.”

She trudged upstairs without another word, falling into Yasha’s bed for the first time in days, wanting the comfort, and wrapped the quilt tightly around her body. She wished Yasha was next to her. But it was no one’s fault but her own that she’d started distancing herself from the barbarian. Beau just – she couldn’t deal with it. She couldn’t risk putting Yasha through losing another person that close to her, but she also was too selfish to give her up entirely. And so she wanted, and she hoped, that Yasha would come up, while also praying that she would stay away so that Beau wouldn’t have to talk to her.

Rain pounded on the roof, and thunder shook the air over them.

The evening was lost to her spiraling thoughts, as Beau tried to decide what she was going to do. It wasn’t until Yasha actually did make her way up to her room that she really became aware of the time passing. “Beau?” She seemed surprised to find Beau willingly in her room. She knelt on the floor by Beau’s head, a hand coming up to run through her hair before gently gripping the back of her neck. Beau blinked up at her but didn’t reply. “Beau, I have to leave,” Yasha sighed. “The Stormlord called me. I begged him to let me stay – to try and help you – but.” She shook her head, the hand on Beau’s neck rubbing soothing circles. “You’re pulling away from me. I’m not…entirely sure why but –” Warm lips pressed to her temple, and Beau blinked back tears, savoring this last touch and engraining it in her memory. “When I get back, we’ll figure this out alright? I’ll get this done as quickly as I can – I don’t want to leave you alone. I promise. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

Beau wanted to say it back. She wanted to scream for Yasha to make her feel safe like she used to be able to do before she died. Before every night was filled with Ikithon’s face and pain again and again and again.

Instead, she watched Yasha’s back until it disappeared toward the stairs, and Beau slipped back into her waking nightmare. At least now the decision was easy. With Yasha gone, there was no way the Nein could stand up to Ikithon when he showed up again to take her. She had to leave too – get as far away from the Nein as she could. That way when he found her, the rest of the group would be safe and sound.

She waited until the middle of the night had long passed, ensuring that the rest of the Nein would be asleep while also giving her plenty of time to put some distance between her and them. She snuck out the window and onto the roof, running across those to avoid any guard on the streets that might report her until she got to the Marble Tomes. A couple wizards were still up doing research, and she showed them the teleport scroll she’d found on the ice devil. “I’ll give you two hundred gold if you either use this to get me where I want to go or find someone who can, and never speak of me to anyone,” she said brusquely.

The two drow women and half-orc man all looked at each other before simultaneously pointing over at a solitary drow woman reading by candlelight a few tables a way. Beau tossed the money on the table and walked over to the other drow. “Hello Commander,” the woman murmured, flipping the page idly and not looking up.

Beau stiffened at the utterance of her old title. “That’s not me anymore,” she said.

“Very well. If you would prefer Highness.”

“Beau.”

The drow woman finally looked up at her. “Beau,” she practically drawled in her soft tone. She snapped the tome she’d been reading shut. “Emis. What can I do for the royal family at this inauspicious hour?”

Beau showed her the scroll. “Can you use this?”

Emis scanned the runes over. “I’ve been known to in my day. I can use that scroll, or I can just cast the spell, if you would prefer.”

“How much to get you to do this for me and not tell anyone? Including the Bright Queen?”

“Will it endanger her Eminence in any way?” Emis sounded just a bit suspicious, while also obviously forcibly reminding herself that the human she was talking to was in fact, the Bright Queen’s daughter.

Beau shook her head. “Just me. How much?”

“Anything for the royal family. But know this. If I am asked directly, I shall not lie to the Queen. Until then, your secret, whatever it may be, will be safe with me.” Emis gathered her things and gestured for Beau to follow her with a simple crook of two fingers. They went into a private office, Beau nervously clenching and unclenching her hands. Any of the Nein could wake up at any time and notice her missing. She needed to get out of there quickly. “So, Beau. Where are we sending you?”

“Zadash, in the Empire. You familiar with it?”

Emis’ eyes narrowed. “Through scrying, yes. I’ve been once, but centuries ago. When our ties were not so neatly – severed. Do you have anything that will help me pinpoint the location? It would not do for me to have to go to the Bright Queen and inform her that I sent her child to the Plane of the Abyss on _accident_.”

“I’ve got a map of it and the immediate surrounding area. Will that help?” She’d picked it up on their first trip there, and forgotten to ever get rid of it.

“That will do.” Emis scanned the map’s details, nodding to herself. “Very well. Where in particular?”

Beau pointed out the square that housed Pumat Sol’s shop. “Here if you can. Inside the city walls if that’s all you can manage. They have a curfew about entry there.”

“Oh I can get you in that area, make no mistake.” Emis sniffed as if insulted. “And this is a solo journey? I understood you traveled with a mercenary group these days.”

“Not this time,” Beau said through gritted teeth. “Just do the spell. Please,” she tacked on as an afterthought.

“Hold on to yourself.”

Emis whispered some words in Undercommon, and then it felt like the floor opened up beneath Beau. She plunged through, barely holding back from yelling in shock, and landed hard on her feet onto cobblestone. She glanced around.

She was in Zadash. And by some stroke of good luck, she was right in front of Pumat Sol’s place. Judging by the height of the moon, it was only a couple hours earlier here than in Xhorhas, and still many hours before the shop would open, but Beau pounded on the door anyway. “Pumat!” she hissed. “Pumat open up!”

It took a few minutes, but finally the door was pulled open by Pumat. One of the constructs, she assumed, given that he was dressed normally and didn’t look like he’d just woken up. “One of the Nein?” he drawled. “And what are you doing here little lady? We have business hours posted on the door; you can come back and make your purchases then.” He started to close the door, but Beau held it open.

“Listen, I know it’s early. But it’s an emergency,” she pleaded. “Life and death. _Please_.”

Pumat looked down at her. “Weelll come in,” he said dubiously. “I’ll have to get Prime though. He’ll decide if he’ll sell you something right now.”

He wandered off and before too long the Prime came through from the lab area. “Oh. It’s…Beauregard, right? Number three said you had an emergency?”

“Yeah, look. I need something that prevents scrying. Right now. It can’t wait. I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t urgent. I’ll pay extra for disturbing you guys. Whatever you want.”

“Well there’s no need for that,” Pumat Prime said with a genial smile. “If it’s that big an emergency, I’ll go get it.” He went to the back and came back a few minutes later with a silver amulet. “One Amulet of Non-Detection. It’s a bit pricey,” he warned.

Beau took it eagerly. “Doesn’t matter. How much?”

“Twenty thousand.”

“Done.” Beau handed over a large bag of platinum. “Keep the extra. And if anyone else from my group comes around, you never saw me. Alright?”

Pumat tilted his head in confusion. “You’re running from your friends? That’s…weird.”

“Long story that I don’t have time for. Just – if they come to you, don’t tell them I was here or that you sold me this. It’s for their own protection. Please.”

“My customers and what they buy are private business transactions,” Pumat confirmed. “It’s just good business.”

“Thanks Pumat. I owe you.” Not that she’d be alive long enough for him to collect. But maybe she’d last longer with this – long enough to get far enough away from the rest of the Nein. She left the shop, ran up the side of the walls and back onto the roofs, and made a beeline for the edge of the city. Her cloak made it easy for her to run down the side of the outer wall far from any gates and guard outposts, and then she was off into the night, heading for the western coast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for powering through the Beau angst! I promise we're reaching the end of it.


	14. The Days Crawl By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The race to find Beau

Day 1

“Beau where are you I'm just like, um, wondering because you were gone when I woke up and usually you’re still there and you can –”

* * *

Day 2

“Hi Beau it’s me again, Jester, and you’re still gone and everyone is starting to get worried because you’ve been sad so we’re just kinda –”

* * *

Day 3

“Beau please answer it’s been three days and you’re nowhere I tried to scry you and it didn’t – Caduceus can’t find you either. I’m scared.”

* * *

Day 5

“Beau please – did we do something? Was it Yasha leaving? We’re just worried about you and you’re not answering. Are you – are you still alive?”

* * *

Day 8

“H-hi Beau. You've been gone for a week and you haven’t answered my messages, and I – Nott says you’re dead. Fjord too. Beau, please just –”

* * *

Day 24

“Beau? It’s been a few weeks, I’m sorry. Yasha’s back. We’re getting Dairon. If you’re still alive, we’re coming for you. Wherever you are. Promise.”

* * *

Day 33

“West, Beau? Why‘d you go there? People in Zadash said you were alone. If no one took you, why –? I’ll ask when we find you.”

* * *

Day 39

“Beau, Dairon thinks you’re heading to Icehaven. If you’re there, please stay. We’re coming. Don’t go to Tal’Dorei. If you’re scared, we can help. Please –”

* * *

Day 50

“Beau, we think we know where you are in town. Please – you’re my best friend. Please stay? And if you can’t – at least say good-bye?”

…

...

“…I’m here Jessie.”

* * *

Beau was sitting at a podunk little bar in the middle of Icehaven when Yasha strode in. She was staring into her drink, not really seeing it, as she thought about the rest of her plan. There was an airship leaving for Tal Dorei that afternoon, and she’d bartered her way onto it as an ‘experienced sailor’. It was strange how unaccustomed to lying she had become.

Yasha stared at Beauregard for a minute. She had begun to believe she’d never see her again, and Yasha wanted to re-memorize the way she looked. But it wasn’t right. Beau wasn’t supposed to slump defeatedly on her stool, not even bothering to drink the alcohol in front of her. She wasn’t supposed to be on her own – wasn’t built for it.

She wasn’t supposed to have run away from her.

“Beau?” she called quietly, not wanting to startle the skittish monk who never used to be that way.

Despite her efforts, Beau nearly fell off the chair at the sound of her name. Yasha wanted to reach out and steady her, but it had been so long since Beau reacted well to her touch – or anyone’s, really. So she held herself back, using all of her willpower to do so.

Yasha sighed. “Beauregard…”

It had been nearly two months since she had seen Beau last. Jester hadn’t Sent her anything about Beau being missing until she had been gone over a week and they were sure they couldn’t find her. And even then Jester had only asked her to come home as quickly as possible. Yasha had yelled and raged at them for keeping Beau’s disappearance from her, but in the end settled into scouring the Empire for her missing partner. It had taken a couple of days before she too, admitted defeat, and suggested asking Dairon for help. She’d tracked Beauregard down once before, oh so long ago in Trostenwald. It had taken some convincing, but Beau’s letter from months ago had cooled some of Dairon’s anger, and once Dairon learned everything Beau had been through in those ensuing months, and the danger her student might be in, they agreed readily and set to work.

It took longer than the Nein would have hoped, but sure enough, using whatever resources the Cobalt Reserve had, and some judicious questioning of her subjects allowed by Leylas, Dairon had tracked down her wayward student first by teleportation to Zadash and then to the most out of the way port town the Empire had to offer. And there Yasha had found Beau in the first pub she looked in.

Beau was looking in her direction, but her gaze was fixed down near Yasha’s mid-region, refusing to make eye contact. Out of fear or shame or guilt, Yasha wasn’t sure. “Beau,” she tried again. She didn’t know how to start. “Why?”

Beau pushed away from the bar and shuffled outside. “Not here,” she mumbled, avoiding touching Yasha. If she did, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from going back with them. “So Dairon actually helped you guys find me? Didn’t know they cared,” she said once they were away from any prying ears. It seemed like she was going for a sneer, but it fell flat, like Beau’s heart wasn’t really in it.

“Don’t do that,” Yasha warned her. “I let you be defensive and frankly uncivil for weeks, hoping you’d work out what you were going through on your own and come to me when you felt you could, but we’re past that Beau. Stop trying to make me angry with you – it’s not going to happen. But you _have_ to let us help you.”

Beau scoffed, kicking her toe into the dirt. “There’s nothing you can do. You can’t stop him. We aren’t strong enough, even after all this time. And you saw him. He doesn’t even care about Caleb anymore. He’s fixated on me because of the _whole_ _consecution_ _thing_.” She spat the words like Fjord once had – as if they were dirty and something to be angry about. The self hatred made Yasha flinch. “I’m a danger to everyone around me. The only choice is to get as far away from all of you as possible before he either kills me or takes me back to Rexxentrum and cuts me into small enough pieces that he figures out dunamancy. Or kills me there. Either way, I end up dead. Again. At least this way I keep it _my_ choice – like the first time.” She wrapped her arms around her abdomen, hands fisting at her cloak nervously. It was almost a relief to get those thoughts out of head and into the open air for Yasha to hear. Now she wasn’t the only one who knew what would happen. “He won’t hurt any of you.”

“That’s what you’ve been dreaming about,” Yasha noted, her voice quiet. “I thought it was the actual dying, but it’s what you think is still coming that is frightening you.” Beau had tried to keep them to herself, but Yasha had woken up alongside Beau every time her monk had jerked awake gasping and holding back whimpers, whether she was in Yasha’s bed or across the hut from her.

“There’s a band of adventurers I read about from Tal Dorei.” Beau rambled on, seemingly not hearing or ignoring Yasha. “They’re mostly retired now, but they once saved the world from a conclave of dragons and a god wannabe. Two of them are supposed to be some of the most powerful wielders of the natural and arcane magics in the world. Ikithon seems like nothing against that.” She shrugged. “Maybe I won’t find them before he finds me. But I won’t risk you. Or the rest of the Nein.”

“I’m going to touch you,” Yasha gave her forewarning before drawing Beau into a tight hug. Beau stiffened and tried to pull away at first, but collapsed into it after a few seconds. Months without the Nein – it felt longer than just the two since she’d run, felt like she’d truly lost them the day she died – had left her feeling more like her child self than she was comfortable remembering. The times where she’d go weeks without another person’s touch, and when she did get it, it was often her father’s tight, admonishing grip on her shoulder steering her to her room or a slap to the face.

But this was Yasha, who had only ever touched her with gentleness. The first person to truly begin trusting her with the knowledge she gained post-consecution. And all Beau really wanted to do was go home with her. See their family again. “I’m so scared,” she admitted finally. “I haven’t not been since you brought me back. But I don’t know how to _be_ scared. I can’t – I can’t. He –”

Yasha framed Beau’s face between her hands as she dissolved into a panic attack suddenly. “Hey. Hey. Beauregard.” She kept her voice calm, even as she wanted nothing more that to go bury Ikithon in the dirt for daring to affect her monk like he had. “Beauregard listen to me. You are safe. You are so – _so_ strong, for fighting alone as long as you have. But you don’t have to. I’m right here Beau. You’re with me. Caleb and Jester are waiting for you to come back to us – the others too. Look at me Beau. Just breathe.” She pressed Beau’s hand over her heart, letting Beau breathe to its calm rhythm. “Just like that Beau,” she praised as Beau’s panicked breaths started to subside a few minutes later. “Think about Leylas. We’re going to go see her today. We left in a bit of a hurry and she was so relieved when Jester Sent her and told her we found out where you’d run to. You know your mother would never let anything happen to you. And once we take care of Ikithon, we’ll go see Ben. I know he misses you.” Yasha kept talking, trying to draw Beau back to herself.

“I miss Ben.” Beau’s voice came out slurred, her exhaustion from spending the last several months constantly looking over her shoulder finally catching up to her. “And Leylas. And you. I miss you so damn much, and I’m tired of trying to stay away from you. I’m so tired of being afraid. I just – I want to go home.”

Yasha’s heart broke at the plea in Beau’s tone. She gathered her closer, lifting her up without Beau protesting, which was a victory already. Yasha pressed a kiss to her forehead, noting the heat of her skin worriedly. “We’re going home. Go to sleep,” she murmured. “I’ll keep you safe this time.” She dared Ikithon to track Beau down now that she was there. She dared the gods to take Beau from her again.

* * *

“You found her you found her!” Jester whisper yelled as Yasha entered the inn, Beau still safe in her arms and now asleep.

“We need to get her to Leylas,” Yasha said, Jester crowding next to her to press a sloppy kiss to Beau’s cheek. Beau murmured and stirred, but Yasha hushed her back to stillness. “This is beyond us. Also, Caduceus. I think she is ill. Could you help me with her?”

“Of course. I’ll be right up with some tea,” he agreed slowly.

Yasha got Beau settled in a bed, keeping at least one hand on her at all times, both to soothe herself and the restless monk. As she was loosening the ties around Beau’s vest, a pendant fell out to hang from her neck. Yasha picked it up to get a better look – it was a design she faintly recognized, but she couldn’t remember from where.

“It is to block divination magics,” Caleb’s voice came from the doorway. Yasha turned to see him fishing a nearly identical necklace out from under his own clothes. That’s where she’d seen it before. “I kept this on me to keep Ikithon from finding me.” He shrugged. “I guess she did not want Jester scrying her.”

“She was trying to protect us from him,” Yasha explained quietly. “She isn’t afraid of dying, I don’t think – but she is _terrified_ of losing us. She left to keep that from happening. Said she was going to look for help on Tal Dorei or just get far enough way that when he came for her we wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire.” She moved a piece of hair out of Beau’s face gently and placed a kiss to her temple, grateful to have the chance once more and cursing Beau’s willingness to throw her own life away for their sakes.

Caduceus came in with a steaming mug of dark liquid that he carefully placed next to the bed. “Okay. Let’s see what we’ve got going on here.” He put a large hand on Beau’s forehead. “Oh, yeah. She’s feeling a bit under the weather but that’s okay. Probably just the stress. I’ll just –” he murmured a few words and a white light sunk into Beau’s chest before her breathing seemed to ease. “That should fix her up alright. Have her drink that. She won’t like it.”

“I think there’s a lot of things Beau isn’t going to like in the next few days,” Yasha murmured.

“Maybe so,” Caduceus replied with his deep chuckle. “But she’ll be better for it. Kid just needs time. They generally do.” He ambled back out without a farewell.

Caleb inched his way in, taking a seat on the floor with Frumpkin appearing in his lap. He and Yasha remained silent for a long time, just watching Beau breathe. “Is it wrong that I – I am angry with her?” Caleb finally asked, mostly to himself. “For leaving us? She does not want to lose us, but she _left_.”

“I –” Yasha hesitated. “I don’t think it’s wrong, but I don’t…think it’s what Beau needs right now either. Or what she can handle. She is always so focused on helping Jester, helping Fjord, Caduceus, you… _me_ , that I think we all forgot that maybe Beau needed help too. We just always expect her to be – to be the ‘fine’ one of the group – and she clearly didn’t know how to ask for help. And _that’s_ on us. Right now, we have to figure out how we can help her, and after – after we’ll talk. And maybe yell,” Yasha allowed. “But only when I’m sure she won’t run off again to protect us. She’s too skilled at it and I am afraid we wouldn’t find her this time.”

“Bet your ass,” Beau muttered, eyes fluttering opening as she spoke. She coughed a bit and cleared her throat painfully, smiling just a tiny bit when Yasha handed her Caduceus’ tea. The smile didn’t last long after her taking a sip, quickly turning into a grimace. “The fuck is that?”

“You were sick and that will help. Drink,” Yasha ordered.

Beau made a face but downed the rest in one gulp. “Fuck that’s gross,” she whined. When she caught a glimpse of Caleb, she stiffened and nearly dropped the mug. Yasha rescued it and placed it safely back on the nightstand. Beau’s gaze fell to her lap as she fidgeted. “Hey,” she said quietly.

Caleb watched her for a moment, trying to decide what to do. “I am going to touch you.” He got up onto his knees, letting Frumpkin jump to the bed and rub up against Beau’s side, then tugged Beau into a hug. Beau’s arms didn’t wrap around him but she did lean into it, sighing.

“You ready to head to Xhorhas?” Yasha interrupted after giving them a moment.

Beau sighed reluctantly and pulled away from Caleb. “I guess.”

Yasha frowned and sat beside Beau on the bed. She traced a finger along the back of her hand – didn’t want to startle Beau. Beau allowed the touch without flinching but didn’t move to reciprocate it. “Hey. Talk to me.” Beau looked at the window like she was thinking of jumping out of it, but Yasha directed her face back to hers with a gentle hand. Caleb slipped out to give them privacy, hoping Beau would be more forthcoming with less company. “Don’t run from me again. Tell me how to help you.”

“I don’t know,” Beau groaned. “I don’t know what anyone can do. I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder for _him_ the rest of my life. I don’t want to end up on his table for experimentation so he can figure out how dunamancy works and steal the secrets of my people to use against them. I’m afraid it’ll be my fault if any of you get hurt or my mother.”

“You know it wouldn’t be your fault,” Yasha insisted. “If anything happened to us. It would be Ikithon’s.” Beau shuddered at his name, but Yasha pressed on. “He tried to take Caleb from us. He took _you_ from us. I almost lost you for good because of him.”

“Someone else would have just been born with my soul anyway,” Beau said, looking down at her fidgeting hands. “It’s not like I can’t just be replaced.”

“Stop it,” Yasha snapped. She immediately regretted losing her patience and took a deep breath, trying to stay calm the way Beau needed. “Only you can be Beau. _You_ are Beauregard Lionett, and no one else ever will be her. And I love who she is so much. Do you understand that? And whether you like it or not, _all_ of us will fight to our last breath to kill Ikithon before he ever touches you again. You _died_ Beau. And we brought you back, but it was like you never really came back all the way. And that’s not your fault,” Yasha rushed to add, not wanting Beau to start feeling guilty about yet another thing. “We should have asked, or noticed how badly you were hurting. We took your strength for granted, and I am sorry about that.”

“I –” Beau didn’t know what else there was to say. She could apologize for running away. She could cry, but no fucking thanks. Her eyes were watering enough already (from tiredness, of _course_ ). “I lost my staff.” Misplaced it somewhere on the road during one of the many days where she lost track of herself and forgot to pay attention to her surroundings.

Yasha’s arm wrapped around her shoulders. “We found it. Bow and all still attached.” That had made her heart stop when they’d come across it leaning against a boulder next to the road on the way to Icehaven. They’d spent the entire afternoon searching the fields and hills nearby, hoping they wouldn’t also find Beau’s body.

“I want my mother,” was the only other thing Beau could come up with.

“Once the rest are ready, we’ll go through Caleb’s teleport circle. We’ll be there soon. Why don’t you sleep a little longer?”

“He’ll find me there. He always does.”

Yasha pulled her closer, laying them both down and covering Beau with the quilt to ward off the lingering chill of the room. “I’ll keep you safe from him. I swear on the Stormlord I won’t let him hurt you again.”

“…K.”

* * *

“Beauregard!” Leylas practically leapt from her seat and rushed to her child, taking her quickly into her arms. In the months since she’d seen Beau after the Nein left immediately post-resurrection, Beau had lost weight and muscle. Now she just looked haggard. The barbarian was standing just a few feet back, watching her child like she might disappear if she looked away.

Beau let herself burrow into her mother’s hold, aching for the safety and comfort she’d learned to expect from Leylas. For the first time in months, she began to relax.

Only then did the tears finally come.

Leylas’ arms tightened as she felt her robes grow damp at the shoulder. “Hush, dear heart,” she murmured. “I have you.” She looked up at – Yasha – that was her name. “What happened?” she demanded quietly, keeping her hands gentle on Beau’s head. She knew something had happened to Beau, had allowed that Empire spy back into her nation so that they could track down her child, but the Nein, either caught up in their worry for their friend or just not thinking of it, had not paused long enough to ever tell Leylas the full story.

Yasha tore her gaze from Beau’s shaking back as Leylas led her child over to a seat. “We found her about to board passage to Tal Dorei from the Empire. It’s Ikithon.”

That was all the barbarian needed to say. Leylas’ face pinched even as her fingers kept combing through Beau’s shaggy hair. “Has he done something else to her?”

“Showed up again. Made some threats, but we were all together and he teleported out. Beau – she went blank after that. She’d been picking fights, putting herself in danger, we were trying to curtail it – keep her out of trouble. Everything was making her jumpy. She was pushing me away, wouldn’t let me touch her. I –” Yasha looked down guiltily. “I had to leave for a bit. The Stormlord called for me and I can’t tell him no. When I got back, she was gone.” Her hands fisted angrily. “Her mentor was finally able to track her down. Now we’re here. I think – I think she needs you. Not us. Not right now.”

Leylas nodded, glancing down at her child. Beau had her ear over Leylas’ heart, listening to it beat, and seemed to be unaware of what they were talking about. She was practically limp with relief at the knowledge that she was safe in Xhorhas. “Thank you. For finding her and bringing her home to me. I know you love her.”

“With all that I am,” Yasha confirmed. “But I can’t help her with this. We always thought Beau wasn’t afraid of anything, but she can’t get over this fear of losing us long enough to let us in. But you are – you know her far better than any of us. If she’ll talk to anyone, it’s you.”

“I am grateful for your understanding. I will help Beauregard however I am able. You are welcome to return to your home, or I will have Mezex make up a bedroom for you nearby if you should wish to stay close.”

Leylas could see that Yasha wanted to say yes, but she shook her head after a moment. “She needs time with just you, I think. But Jester will definitely want to visit. She missed her best friend.”

“I am certain you did as well,” Leylas added softly.

Yasha blushed. “Of course, Ma’am.”

“Thank you for caring for my child. I will be sure to have Mezex update you all on any changes that may occur. Otherwise, I will send for you when she is strong enough.”

“Thank you.” Yasha got up to leave, but couldn’t resist going over to carefully place a kiss on the top of Beau’s head. “I’ll see you soon Beau. I love you.”

Once the barbarian was gone, Leylas moved her full attention to her child. “Oh, my heart,” she murmured sadly as Beau turned her face into her shoulder so she didn’t have to look at Leylas. “You are so far from me right now. Come back to me just a little.” She traced her cheek with a fingertip. “All will be well Beauregard. I promise you.” Beau’s eyes eventually focused and she cast a furtive glance at Leylas. “There you are. Thank you Beauregard.”

“Yasha?” Beau’s voice creaked with stress and leftover tears.

More fingers running through her hair and rubbing at her neck, and Beau couldn’t help but relax against Leylas once more. She was just _so_ tired. “She left you with me for the time being but she will return in a few days. Your compatriots are at your abode – what is it Beauregard?”

Beau had suddenly gone stiff, every inch of her lined with anxiety. “Don’t – don’t use that word,” she managed. “ _He_ called them that. Before he killed me. I can’t – I can’t –”

Leylas spoke before Beau could trip into another panic attack. “You are _safe_ Beauregard. He is not here, and he cannot harm you. I will avoid this word, but know that he can _not_ hurt you anymore Beau. And when you are strong enough to face him, your friends will be there with you.”

“If you’d just let me go through the consecution, you wouldn’t have to deal with this. With me. I’d be normal again – like you.”

“But I am enjoying getting to know _this_ you Beauregard.” Leylas cupped her face with her hands, making Beau meet her gaze. “I have loved you as a drow, and I love you as a human, because you are the same no matter which life you are in. I do not want _any_ of your lives cut short.”

“I’m sorry I ran,” Beau mumbled, burying her face in Leylas’ shoulder again.

Leylas dropped her head to Beau’s hair, simply breathing in her child’s presence. “You have spent years of this life making your body your own. I understand the horror you would feel at this Ikithon’s threat to use it against your family. Against me. The anticipation of the threat must have been torture in itself.”

Beau whined, fidgeting uncomfortably as Leylas hit the nail on the head.

“I know why you ran away dear heart, but _trust_ your friends from now on. You are stronger together – strong enough to handle this Ikithon demon. It is alright to feel fear, but do not let it rule you, Beauregard.” Leylas lifted Beau’s face gently, making her look up into her eyes. “I am so very proud of everything you are, and you have done so well, my child. You cannot be expected to defeat this on your own, and you are not. Allow yourself to feel your death, and then come back to the living with me.”

“He’s always there,” Beau whispered, finally willing to let all her fears pour out. “I’m not afraid of dying. Never was even before I remembered consecution, and especially not now that I know I’ll always find you again. But it was so _easy_ for him to just – remove me from the equation. He _played_ with us. He could have easily taken Caleb with him after he killed me. He just wanted to play with his food a little bit longer. He liked making us afraid. I was –” she bit her lip, “I was afraid of my father for such a long time when I was little. I was as angry at him as I was afraid, but still, he scared me. It was like that – knowing I was completely at Ikithon’s whim, because I didn’t know how to fight back against someone so much more powerful than me. It was like I was three and locked in my room again. He just – made me feel so _small_. And I couldn’t do anything to change that. I could only run to try to lessen the _collateral damage_ ,” she spat. “I didn’t want to. It’s easier to act like I don’t care because then it hurts less when people leave me but _I’ve_ never had to be the one to leave people behind before. And know that they would care if I did. No one cared before the Nein. Before you.” She wasn’t actively crying, but tears were making paths down her cheeks that Leylas brushed away with her thumbs.

“I owe you a thousand apologies more for losing you, and I am sorry I could not spare you that pain, but without it, you would not have the family you do now. One you so willingly and frustratingly,” Leylas smiled to belay any kind of reprimand Beau might read from her words, “throw yourself into harm’s way for. And when you are ready to face Ikithon, I cannot promise that you or someone you love will not get hurt. I am sorry that I cannot. But I _can_ promise that I know you will never have to face him alone again – that your family will be beside you.”

Beau nodded, taking a deep, steadying breath and allowing herself to feel comforted. For the first time, the thought of seeing Ikithon again didn’t send her into a tailspin of fear and anxiety. She no longer dreaded it – rather, she was looking forward to the day she could put him behind her for good and just _live_ and travel with her family and help people like she did before all this shit happened.

She was ready to be Beau again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, stepping off the pedal of the angst train a bit. It won't all be sunshine and daisies, but you made it through the worst of it.


	15. A Slow Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All things take time

Beau spent more than a few days alone with Leylas, working through some more of her fears and a couple setback episodes of panic. She worried that spending so much time with her was putting Leylas at odds with the Council, but her mother reassured her that the Dens were all well aware by then of Beau’s true identity, and were more than willing to delay proceedings for a week to give the small family some time. Apparently they were delighted with the news that their queen’s child had been found at long last. Apparently she was popular around here.

Who knew?

But after a week, Beau was ready to see her friends again. Jester had Sent her messages every day, sometimes multiple, to keep her up to date, but Beau missed them. Had _been_ missing them for months. With her mother’s help, she felt ready for things to be – maybe not completely back to normal but at least begin on that path. She still had trouble sleeping sometimes, but Beau thought that at this point she might just be missing Yasha.

Leylas had also been having a lot of conversations with her about letting herself feel her emotions. To not hide from them. It still felt weird to admit.

So she found herself taking a deep breath as she left Leylas’ residence for the first time in days with the purpose of finding her partner. There was yelling coming from their house that could be heard all the way down the street, and Beau picked up the pace, worried something had happened.

The second she flung open the door, she was met with the sight of Nott careening around all corners of the house, screeching about her flask having been stolen by someone. Caleb was reading a book by the fireplace, Frumpkin purring around his neck as he absentmindedly lifted his feet whenever Nott sprinted near. Fjord was watching from the landing of the second floor, leaning on the rail and just looking amused about the whole thing. Jester was nowhere to be seen, which, if something was missing, was highly suspicious of the mischievous Tiefling. Caduceus was leaning out from the kitchen doorway, quite obviously stirring something as he called out helpful places things could be hidden in around the house. Yasha was standing in the middle of the chaos of the turned over front room, looking resigned to the mess until Nott roughly patted down her legs one too many times in the span of three minutes.

Beau could see the instant Yasha lost her temper. She grabbed the goblin by the scruff of her neck, lifting Nott up to her full six feet. “Nott! Stop. Fucking. _Hitting_ me.”

“EEP!”

Beau’s laughter interrupted all of them, so utterly amused by this crazy family she had missed so terribly. “Beau!” Jester popped out from wherever she had been busy hiding Nott’s flask and clattered down the stairs to throw herself into Beau’s arms.

Beau caught her up easily – she’d been working on learning to trust being touched again while also beginning to build her strength back up to what it was before. Leylas, while always having been fairly – _touchy_ – since they’d reunited, had taken to randomly giving Beau hugs and squeezes of her arm and bringing her forehead to Beau’s without warning, to help her re-learn that not all contact was meant to harm. It had taken a couple days, but Beau had stopped jumping every time she was taken by surprise.

“Hey, Jessie. Causing problems I see.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jester winked, grinning up at her, delighted to see an answering smile back from Beau. A real one. For the first time in months.

Clawed hands started pawing at Beau’s thigh, patting her down as well. “Did you take it?!” Nott screeched, looking in all of Beau’s pockets.

“Nott…” Beau sighed, grabbing her under the arms and lifting her up. “I’ve been gone for seven days?”

“Oh right. Put me down put me down.”

“Good to see you too Nott,” Beau grumbled as the goblin skittered off. She came back around the corner and hugged Beau quickly around one knee before dashing away again. Yasha approached, eyes bright at seeing Beau back to at least some of her normal self. “Hey Yasha.” Beau tried to apologize with her eyes – for all the trouble she’d caused, the pain, for not staying with her.

Yasha just shook her head and wrapped one arm around her, drawing her in close and dropping a kiss to the top of her head. “I am – happy – Leylas could help you,” she murmured in Beau’s ear. “Don’t leave us again.”

“I promise,” Beau whispered back. She let her head prop against Yasha’s collarbone and Yasha stood there for a long minute – it seemed like she was just breathing her in, reminding herself what Beau felt like.

Fjord clapped her gently on the shoulder. “Good to see ya Beau. Come on squirt,” he snatched Nott up by the collar on one of her next run throughs of the room, tugging her toward the door. “I’ll get ya a drink and you can keep on looking for your flask later. Caleb! You too!”

“Oh! I uuhh –”

“You can bring the book along Caleb, but get a move on. You haven’t been outside in two days. Sun’s good for ya.”

“There _is_ no sun here,” Caleb grumbled, closing his book and following Fjord out nonetheless. Jester flounced out after, dragging Caduceus along happily. It was a very poor scheme of giving her and Yasha some alone time, but Beau appreciated it anyway.

But she didn’t really know what to say. Should she apologize again? Beau felt like that was all she’d been doing and thinking about for months, and honestly she was sick of it. Yeah, she probably shouldn’t have run off, but it was what she thought was best at the time, and she’d just wanted the Nein to be safe. She didn’t really feel like apologizing for that anymore.

“I missed you,” Yasha murmured.

“You could have stopped by.” Damn it, she didn’t mean to be defensive.

The arm tightened around her back. “Over the last few months,” Yasha amended. “I missed you.”

Oh.

“Yeah I uh – I know I wasn’t the best company. Bit of a dick, I suppose.” Beau rubbed the back of her neck self-consciously. “Not that that’s unusual for me – always kind of being a dick to be honest.”

Lips pressed against hers kept her from spouting any more bullshit. When Yasha finally broke away, she kept their foreheads together, not wanting too much distance between her and Beau. “That’s not what I meant,” she chided. “I missed _you_. Being a dick or otherwise. All of it. And I am – glad to have you back.”

“I love you,” Beau admitted. Yasha had said it multiple times, though apparently Beau had missed the first occurrence, according to Leylas. But Beau had never been able to bring herself to say it back after she’d died. She’d already begun distancing herself from everyone, and it hurt too much to think about what she was missing.

Any and all tension flew out of Yasha at Beau’s words. Her smile wasn’t huge, but her eyes said everything she couldn’t. Beau blushed and looked down, scuffing her feet across the floor.

“I uh, just thought you deserved to hear it,” she mumbled. “If you still wanted to, I mean. It’s fine. I know things haven’t been uh – _easy_ around me lately. Caused some problems…”

“ _Please_ shut up,” Yasha ordered. “I love you. You know that. It’s not going to change, no matter what shit you pull.”

Beau looked back up at her with a bit of a smirk. “Yeah?”

“Don’t get any ideas,” Yasha said, rolling her eyes. “I will dunk you in a cold lake.”

“Of course,” Beau nodded seriously. “Sure.” A pause. “With or without clothes?”

Yasha groaned, making Beau laugh out loud. It felt good to be able to do that again and mean it.

* * *

Beau sat up on the roof of their house that night, overlooking the city of Rosohna. She’d started to feel a bit claustrophobic – not too bad, but enough that she needed some fresh air. Being up high always made her feel better, so she crawled out her window and out onto the shingles of the roof. She was pretty sure Yasha knew she was up there, but she seemed to trust that Beau wasn’t planning on disappearing again, and gave her the time she needed.

Green tipped ears poked up over the eaves just before Nott’s yellow eyes followed. “Can I come?”

“Sure Nott.” Beau was surprised by Nott actively seeking her out. They were – friends – of a sort, she supposed, but the goblin was definitely the one she had the stickiest relationship with. “You find your flask yet?”

“Nooo,” Nott groaned. “I think Fjord took it though. It’s probably full of salt water and _completely_ unusable now.”

Beau snorted. “Maybe,” she managed to say through her laughter.

“Are you running away again?” Nott changed the subject abruptly.

The laughter died an instant death in Beau’s throat. “No. Not anymore.”

“Good. Because I meant to talk to you about something, but I never worked up the – the bravery, I guess,” she said quietly. “And maybe it doesn’t mean anything now I don’t know. But –” Nott nodded, resolved, “maybe it would be good for you to hear.”

“What is it Nott?” Better to ask before Nott got too tripped up over her words.

“It’s not quite the same situation, but I – I – I know what you might have felt like, hiding Caleb and facing that wizard all by yourself. Dying in Caleb’s place. I mean – I told Yeza to take Luc and run from the goblins, and then I died. And then we both came back to life, you know?”

Beau’s chest tightened at the reminder of Nott’s previous life. How could she have forgotten that part?

“And, I mean, it’s different, because I don’t have to be scared of goblins anymore, like you are – _we_ are – of Ikithon. They’re so much weaker than a wizard like that. But that first part. Choosing to die for someone you care about. I get that. You were – it was – you were very brave,” Nott struggled through her words. They were perhaps the kindest ones she’d ever directed at Beau, and the monk appreciated it.

She put an arm around the goblin, pulling her into her side for a moment before letting her go. “Thanks Nott.” They were both silent for a few minutes, enjoying the evening air. “I wasn’t sure for a long time if I’d be willing to do it again,” Beau confessed her most selfish fear. “I still don’t know, and I’m not sure I will until I’m faced with that choice again.”

“Me neither,” Nott admitted. “I’d like to think so – that I’m brave enough – but I don’t know. I thought I was prepared to die for my family, but then I did, and that changes things, no matter how much I wish I could be different. I don’t know anymore. But I think that’s okay. We were brave enough once, right?”

“Right. We haven’t changed that much have we? We’re the same people as the ones who were willing to the first time right?”

“Right.”

They stayed up on the roof for another hour before Nott crawled upside down off the roof and back along the wall to her and Caleb’s room. Beau waited for her to make it before she too clambered down and through her own window. Yasha was waiting up for her, smiling when she entered. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Beau went to sit down next to her, leaning against Yasha tiredly. It had been an exhausting first day away from Leylas, even if she hadn’t really done anything. “I think Nott and I bonded?”

“Over?”

“It’s morbid but – choosing to die in place of your family. And whether we’d do it again.” Yasha stiffened minutely, making Beau regret mentioning it at all. “Never mind. Don’t worry about it.” Couldn’t just keep her fucking mouth shut for five minutes.

Yasha took a deep, steadying breath. “I will – never tell you what you can and cannot do,” she said carefully. “But I would – prefer it – if you were never in the situation to have to make that choice again.”

“I don’t think I want to either,” Beau admitted. “Because I’m afraid of both answers. That I would, or that I wouldn’t. And I don’t know which is worse.”

Yasha gently moved them both so that they were laying down on her bed, Beau held in front of her. She stayed leaning on one elbow, running her other hand through Beau’s hair. “I love you – I love your bravery,” Yasha said, keeping her voice quiet to try and help Beau relax. She knew the monk was feeling strained from being away from Leylas, even if she wouldn’t admit it. She resolved to take Beau back to the palace tomorrow for the day. She didn’t want her to have any setbacks and Leylas always knew best what Beau needed. “But rest now, Beauregard. You did really well today. I’m proud of you.”

Beau nodded, eyes already drooping. “I’m going to be better. Promise.”

“You just have to be you. That’s all any of us want.”

* * *

“What are we going to do about – about Ikithon?” Beau managed to force herself to ask the next morning over breakfast.

Everybody else froze at the wizard’s name, glancing at each other as if frightened that saying the wrong thing would set Beau off again. “Um –” Fjord said eloquently.

“Caleb wants him gone,” Beau plowed on, wanting to say everything before she chickened out. “Obviously I would sleep better at night if he was gone. But –” she swallowed hard, gathering her courage, “I don’t know if I – I don’t know what I’ll do when we see him. I don’t want to freak out again. I _won’t_ be a fucking liability. And I don’t want you guys worrying about what I might do if we confront him, so if you guys want to leave me behind…I get it,” she finished with a mumble, eyes fixed determinedly on the table.

“Nobody is leaving you behind,” Yasha said firmly, grabbing Beau’s forearm and squeezing it.

“Yeah! Whatever happens, we do it together,” Jester added. “Right guys?”

Nods all around the table made Beau slump. “I don’t want you getting hurt because of me,” she said, sullen.

“You worrying about that is what – uh, led to you running away fr- in the first place,” Caleb said, brows furrowed and looking a cross of frustrated and concerned.

Fjord jumped in. “Now, I don’t think anybody needs to be jumping down Beau’s throat. There was a lot going on. _She_ was going through a lot.”

“ _She_ is sitting right the fuck here,” Beau muttered too low for anyone else to really hear her.

Caleb tilted his head and frowned deeper. “I was only stating what happened.”

“It’s hard,” Nott spoke up, “dying for someone. I think you should cut her some slack Caleb.” Being defended by Nott was weird. _Especially_ to Caleb, her golden boy.

“She left. Rather than stick together,” Caleb argued.

“It’s bad to run, but also Ikithon is super scary,” Jester hedged.

Caduceus spoke up in his calm tone about nature being hard to fight or some shit, and Caleb said something else, and then Jester was all of a sudden berating Caleb too.

The discussion went on, rising in volume and not reaching any kind of conclusion. Beau started to feel overwhelmed five minutes in. Beau couldn’t tell anymore who was angry with her for running away and who was defending her still. This wasn’t what she wanted when she brought up the topic before. She just wanted an end to all this once and for all. To put Ikithon behind her.

“Shut the fuck up! All of you!” Yasha finally yelled after watching Beau retreat back into herself and her eyes glaze over with ill-concealed panic. The argument petered out as everyone looked wide-eyed over at the barbarian. “If you are only going to act like children, then shut up. You’re just freaking her out.” Yasha put one arm around Beau’s upper back and lifted her away from the table. “Come on Beau. Let’s get you to Leylas.” Yasha was out the door without another glance in the Nein’s direction.

Beau came back to herself a few minutes after Yasha tugged her out of their house. “Yasha?”

“Hey.” Yasha’s voice was gentle, as if coaxing Beau back into a state of calm. “Are you alright?”

Beau nodded, swallowing hard. “Sorry,” she murmured as she looked down at her feet, ashamed. Even now that she was back, she was still just causing problems for the rest of the group. First they had to try to keep her from getting herself hurt in fights, then they had to come after her when she took off and bring her all the way back to Xhorhas, and now they were fighting over whether they should be mad at her for everything else or not. “I should have just left once I found out I was consecuted. All I’ve fucking done is cause – strife or whatever – since then. I mean – I was already a mess before, but I’ve just made everything worse.” She was so fucking sick of feeling like she had to apologize for everything, but she didn’t know how to make it any different.

“Stop it,” Yasha said firmly, pulling Beau into an alley to give them some privacy. “Look at me. Beauregard. _Look_ at me.” She waited patiently until Beau finally glanced up. “ _Bahati_ , none of us want you to leave. I thought that was clear when we chased you across the continent to bring you home.” Beau winced at the reminder again of what she’d forced them to do. “And we would do it _again_ ,” Yasha emphasized, seeing Beau’s reaction. “A hundred times, Beau. Caleb isn’t – he isn’t truly angry with you. He was just – scared. We all were. That we wouldn’t find you in time, that something would happen to you while we weren’t there to protect you.”

Another nod. Beau fidgeted with the sash of her cloak nervously but didn’t say anything else.

Yasha brought a finger up under her chin, gently urging Beau to look up at her again. “Hey,” she murmured. “I love you.”

All of the tension finally dropped out of Beau’s shoulders as she slumped into Yasha’s chest after hearing those words. Yasha pressed a kiss to the top of Beau’s head as she held her steady, letting Beau take all the time she needed. “Yeah?” Beau finally asked, voice muffled by Yasha’s shirt.

“So much. More than I would have ever believed…to be possible a year ago.”

“I love you too.” Beau stayed still for a while, just breathing and letting herself take the comfort she needed from the barbarian in front of her. “Could we go flying again sometime?” she ventured to ask after a few minutes.

Large arms wrapped tight around her. “After you see Leylas, I’ll take you wherever you want,” Yasha promised.

“Outside the city?” The noise was still making her a bit nervous.

“Of course. Let’s get you to your mother soon then, if you want to get some flying in today too. You ready to go?” Yasha checked.

Feeling much calmer, Beau smiled up at her. “Yeah.”

* * *

“I have a proposition for the Nein,” Leylas mentioned after spending some time with Beau and making sure she was still healthy and feeling safe. “Perhaps it will provide a distraction for all of you until you have determined how you wish to deal with that – wizard.” She paused like she wanted to call him something less savory, making Beau chuckle.

It was just her and her mother in the room. Yasha had stuck around for a while before making awkward excuses and leaving them to it. Beau got the feeling she didn’t know how to interact around Leylas and was still afraid of insulting her. It was sweet. “A distraction sounds pretty fucking great right about now. And – I mean, I love this city, but some quiet would be good.”

“Very well. There have been…some _disturbing_ rumors coming from the outer reaches of the Dynasty. A cult trying to raise another of the lesser entities that were beholden to the Betrayer Gods in the time of the Calamity. It seems another is trying to exert their influence, and I would see this attempt quashed before it is strong enough to sink its grip into my lands.”

“A...cult. Okay. Where?”

“Near Bazoxxan. I trust you remember where that is?”

Beau thought a second before nodding as she placed it. “Right. Pleasant.” She made a face.

Leylas chuckled. “Not our most savory city, no. But it serves its purpose, and there are good people that I trust there. You will have their aid should you need it.”

“Alright. I’ll tell the others about it. I’m sure at least a couple of them are starting to go as stir crazy as I am. I mean – not that I don’t want to be here – with you, it’s just I –” Leylas’ laughter interrupted Beau’s word vomit. “Shit,” Beau said sheepishly. “I did it again.”

“You did,” Leylas agreed, fond. “At least now you are recognizing it. That is a first step. With a few years, I will have broken you of this habit those humans forced you into.” She moved a bit of hair out of Beau’s eyes then cupped her cheek. “Be safe in your travels, and return to me quickly. Allow the others to look after you, the same as you do for them,” she requested.

“I will.”


	16. Brainwashing Makes Enemies of All of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this might be familiar

The whole fucking mission had been weird and eerie from the start. People in Bazzoxan really weren’t much help, merely pointing the Nein in the direction of the rumored cult. And then it felt like an endless crawl through some kind of dungeon, complete with a bridge that may or may not have made a few of them try to dive off of it to their deaths. And there was this creeper Oban, who seemed to _know_ Yasha, even though Yasha confessed to Beau that she had no memory of the man, and that she was frightened that what she couldn’t remember about her Fall might have something to do with him. And then Yasha was getting sucked into a mirror, and all this crazy shit that led to the Nein fighting a Laughing Hand and Oban, who was singularly focused on Yasha.

They were getting slaughtered. Beau was trying to keep an eye on Yasha, because Oban was still being fucking weird and far too interested in her. Fjord was in trouble. Beau was helping Caduceus and Caleb with trying to take down Oban, and Yasha was over by Nott.

Miraculously, their combined efforts brought Oban to his knees. He sent a last, fleeting look at Yasha, and held out his hand. “Avenge me,” he growled, before going limp and falling the rest of the way to the stone. Beau’s head whipped over to look at Yasha, who was staring at Oban’s body with a strange look on her face. Then she was turning to Nott, the great sword flashing bright before cutting deep into Nott’s side.

The goblin gave a cry of pain and slumped against the cavern wall. Jester was immediately sprinting to Nott’s side as Yasha strode over to where Fjord was still struggling against the Laughing Hand. Jester picked up Nott and began racing for the door. “You two get out of here!” Beau yelled at Caleb and Caduceus. They nodded and dashed after Jester as the stone doors began to rumble.

It wasn’t even a choice. Beau ran at Yasha and Fjord, but she was going to be too slow – she could feel it.

“Yasha?” She could hear Fjord questioning the Aasimar. “Yasha, stop this. Can you hear me?”

“I hear you.” A chill went down Beau’s spine, and she could tell Fjord felt it too.

“Why?”

There was no other response. Yasha didn’t even bother with her sword. She just shoved Fjord into the grasp of the Laughing Hand. Without a backwards glance, she walked over to Oban’s corpse.

Fjord cried out as the hand caught him up and squeezed. Everyone else besides Beau was beyond the doorway already. Beau finally was up next to him. “Come on man! Pull!” She yanked as hard as she could, bracing her feet and using muscles she didn’t know she had. Miraculously, Fjord came free. He was barely conscious, and Beau hauled his heavy weight over her shoulder and ran back to the entrance. Jester was there to take Fjord and carry him the rest of the way out as the doors began to close. Beau stayed at the entrance.

“Beau? Beau! What are you doing?” Jester had turned and taken a step back in her direction.

“I’m not leaving her here. I left her once I can’t do it again.” Beau backed further into the cavern.

Fjord coughed, some blood running down his chin. “You _saw_ her. She attacked me, stabbed Nott. She’s been _playing_ us this whole time. To get here.”

Beau shook her head violently. “No, you didn’t see it. Something _took_ her. I’m going to bring her back. It won’t be like last time Jessie I promise. We’re both coming home.”

“Okay,” Jester whispered through tears. “Save her Beau.”

The stone doors closed with a slam. Beau slowly turned around. Yasha was staring her down from across the way, a savage glint in her eyes that was rarely ever directed even at her enemies. Beau had only seen it on the few occasions when _she_ had been directly threatened and Yasha had stepped between her and the danger. Yasha would never look at her like that.

She winced and brought her hand to her side. It came away red, and more blood dripped between her clothes and her skin. Beau wouldn’t have much time before she lost too much blood to continue. She didn’t even know when it had happened. “I’m not going to lose you,” she murmured at the person that wasn’t Yasha anymore. “Not like I lost Molly. Remember him? Your best friend? And I’m not running away again.”

“You should have.”

It was Yasha’s voice – but it wasn’t. There wasn’t any of her kindness, her gentle way of speaking. And Yasha would _never_ tell Beau to leave. Yasha always made sure Beau knew that she wanted her around, understanding that growing up, Beau had never felt that. She hadn’t been wanted. She _knew_ Yasha wanted her – ergo, this wasn’t Yasha.

Not-Yasha was advancing on her now, sword raised. Beau stumbled away, ducking underneath her arm and scrambling deeper into the cavern. She kept her hand pressed to her side, trying to staunch the bleeding as much as she could. The creepy cave wasn’t any less foreboding the further in she went. The markings and writings of the cult were carved into the walls everywhere – scenes of the Laughing Hand, telling of the future when their patron was raised to godhood.

Beau didn’t know where she was going. Who knew if there was even another entrance besides the one she’d left behind. And she had _no_ plan on how to get Yasha back. Or even if she was still in there, just locked away and no longer in control. “No,” Beau growled. Yasha wasn’t gone. She’d figure out a way to bring her back out. She just had to make her _listen_. The sword clanged on the wall behind her. Yasha was faster than her right now, not hampered by injury and driven by anger. Beau spun around, her back pressing against the wall. “Yasha...Yash it's me. It's Beauregard, come on.”

Not-Yasha bore down on her again, moving slowly and confidently. There was nowhere Beau could escape to anyway. She did this to herself and she wasn’t going to run now. “I know who you are.”

Like it meant nothing. Like _Beau_ meant nothing. Five little words was all it took to nearly drive all hope from her. The crushing feeling alone was almost enough to make Beau too slow to dodge out of the way the next time Yasha swung at her.

The next few hours became an exhausting game of cat and mouse through a maze of hallways or whatever the fuck this place was. Beau was barely keeping one step ahead of Yasha the entire time. And she _knew_ it wasn’t Yasha. But whatever or whoever this was _knew_ Yasha, knew everything Yasha had done, and just didn't _care_ about any of it. And was even seeming to get a perverse kind of entertainment in chasing down Beau. She kept trying to pull any sense of Yasha from the creature chasing her, but each time, she was shot down by the total lack of empathy coming from it.

The pain in her side was getting worse. Beau was regretting not getting it healed before she started this suicide mission, but there hadn’t been time. Yasha was in trouble, and there was no option where Beau left her behind. But unless Beau pulled off some kind of miracle, she might never come back.

There came an end to their little game when Beau took a wrong turn. Not that she knew it was a wrong turn, given she didn’t know where the _fuck_ she was, but it still finished with her blocked by a dead end behind her, and Not-Yasha coming ever closer. “Not slipping away this time,” Not-Yasha murmured. Beau leaned against the wall, utterly drained. She didn’t even have the strength to try and duck away from Yasha when she reached out and gripped her by the throat, lifting Beau a few inches and pinning her more firmly against the stone and raising her blade to just under where her hand was cutting off some of Beau’s air. “Now he can rise,” Not-Yasha said triumphantly.

Beau had nothing left. She was done. So she did the only thing she could and _pressed_ her neck the tiniest bit closer into the sword. “If this is what needs to happen to bring her back, fine. Do it. Please. I’ve hurt her enough already.” She was looking for any of the softness in those two-tone eyes that Yasha always had for her – there was none. “She was always better than me anyways, and they're going to need her. So kill me. I've died once – it wasn't so bad. I hear the Raven Queen is even kind of cool sometimes.”

She was still leaning into the edge of the blade, and a line of blood started to streak down her throat as Not-Yasha growled and tightened her grip on Beau's neck, slamming her into the wall but unable, it seemed, to finish the job.

“And Yasha?” Angry eyes met hers – and – there was a flicker of uncertainty in there for the first time since Yasha attacked Fjord. “Don't blame yourself.”

Stillness. For a long drawn out second.

Beau closed her eyes in anticipation of the sword digging deeper.

Then, the blade was gone and Beau was being thrown violently to the ground, her ribs probably going from fractured to fully broken as she landed and the deep gash in her side tearing open further. There was a 'clang' of metal against stone as the sword was flung far away from Yasha to hit the wall of the cavern. Yasha dropped to her knees, _howling_ in rage and clutching at her head before finally bracing herself on all fours, panting like she'd run for days.

Beau hauled herself painfully into a sitting position, leaning on the wall she’d just nearly died pressed against, clutching at her side again and just trying to breathe. She wasn’t sure what was going on yet – if Yasha was back or the other one merely playing with her. She closed her eyes, letting her head ‘thunk’ against the stone, just making her head hurt worse and not really making anything better. “Fuck,” she whined.

“Beauregard?”

Yasha’s voice was the best thing she’d ever heard in that moment. Beau knew instantly that it was _her_ Yasha – that she was back. “Hey Yash,” she managed to say before she started coughing. That sent her side blazing again, and she ended up doubled over, trying to control the pain.

Large hands gripped her gently by the shoulders, maneuvering Beau away from the wall and leaning her against something softer. Beau recognized it after a moment as Yasha herself. “Easy, Beau. I’ve got you – it’s okay.”

A white glow appeared around her hands before they rested flat against Beau’s neck and stomach. Beau sighed in relief as the sting in her throat disappeared, and the pain in her stomach and chest at the very least lessened slightly. “Thanks.” She glanced down at her side, lifting her vest. It was still bleeding slightly, but the gash had narrowed a bit.

Yasha had tears in her eyes as she surveyed the damage done to Beau. Nothing caused by her was left – the only hit she landed was the shallow cut in Beau’s throat. But she stared at all of her wounds like it was her fault. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, the tears flowing over. “I can’t do more I – I’m so _sorry_ Beau.”

“It wasn’t you,” Beau reassured her, grinning up at her. “I knew that. And hey. You’re fine, everyone else made it outside and I – I’m going to be fine in a bit.”  Yasha looked down, and her grip loosened. Beau wasn’t having any of that. “Hey. Up here. _None_ of this was your fucking fault. This was all a trap designed _specifically_ for you. That fucker Oban led us here to force you to come back to him. You didn’t know, and it is _not_ your fault. You hear me?”

“I…hear you,” Yasha murmured after a long silence.

Beau leaned up, grunting with effort, to press a kiss against Yasha’s cheek. Yasha sighed and raised a hand to hold Beau closer. “I love you,” Beau told her, fierce and sure in how she felt. “Thank you. For coming back.”

“I love you too. I didn’t want to hurt you. Or Fjord, or any of them. I couldn’t get out.”

Grabbing Yasha’s hand in her own, Beau leaned in and let her face rest in between Yasha’s neck and shoulder – both to comfort herself and show Yasha that she hadn’t lost any of Beau’s trust. “I know. He almost took you from me. And now I know how you felt when I pulled away no matter how you tried to keep me close and I – I’m sorry. That was – that wasn’t okay, no matter how much shit I was going through. I shouldn’t have done that. Hurt you the way I did.”

“Beauregard…”

“So don’t do that okay? Fucking – don’t be me. Because I’m not as strong as you, and I won’t be able to handle it if you go away.” She would have kept going until Yasha swore, but her exertions had reopened her injury _again_ , and it started seeping blood into her cloak again. “Fucking – fuck,” she growled.

“You need rest.” Yasha slipped the arm not cradling Beau’s back under her legs, lifting in one smooth motion. “I have no idea where we are.”

Beau grunted a laugh. “Me neither. Wasn’t really paying attention.” She tried to wriggle her way to a standing position, but Yasha held fast.

“You are not walking until that gash is healed some and closed better. I don’t have any healing left today – I’ll have to stitch it.”

“Oh, great,” Beau groaned. “It’s fine Yash. It’ll heal on its own no need to go sticking needles in me.”

Yasha smiled for the first time since she’d broken free of whatever had a hold of her, and Beau counted it as a victory. “You will survive a few stitches, Beau. Then you can sleep, and we will try to find our way out of this hell in the morning.”

“Sleep sounds good,” Beau admitted. “Feels like I haven’t done that in a week.”

Yasha walked them back the way they had come, with a little guidance from what Beau could remember, and found another dead end that was more easily defensible. “We will stop here,” she announced. She set Beau down gently, closer to the wall in the back, and started a fire with the wood from some ancient table or chair she’d picked up along the way. “I will – I will keep watch tonight. You sleep.”

Beau struggled to sit up, huffing at the jolt of pain. “I can totally keep watch too I’m fine.”

“Beau,” Yasha sighed and pulled out her suture kit, going over to Beau’s side. “You _need_ to rest.”

The feeling of alcohol from the flask on her belt and then the needle pressing into her skin made Beau hiss and grab at Yasha’s shirt. “Mother _fucker_!”

“I’m sorry,” Yasha whispered, voice nearly as pained as Beau’s. “I’m sorry, you’re going to be fine.”

Beau shuddered but tried to hold as still as she could, not wanting to make it harder for Yasha. It didn’t stop the string of ‘fucks’ from pouring out of her mouth each time Yasha added another stitch. “You should have just fucking punched me in the face to knock me out – then did this,” she groaned. “Wouldn’t have – _fuck_ – taken much.”

Yasha finished up the last knot and took out a bandage. She wrapped Beau’s entire torso tightly, making sure her ribs were as close to in place as she could. “I was not going to hurt you more,” she denied as she wound the bandage methodically. Once it was done, Beau found her breathing suddenly a tiny bit easier than before. She sighed in relief. “Good?”

“Y-Yeah. It’s good. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Yasha took off her cloak and bundled it up to place under Beau’s head. “Now sleep.” She went to the other side of the fire and sat, back facing the flames and Beau, sword across her knees.

Beau tried to sleep. Honestly, she did. But every time she closed her eyes, she imagined Yasha being trapped again and taken away from her. That she wasn’t quick enough to save her. After nearly an hour, Beau gave sleeping on her own up as a bad job and slowly climbed to her feet. She dragged herself around the fire and collapsed down with a groan of pain so she could rest her head on Yasha’s leg and be sure that she wasn’t going anywhere. With a content sigh, she let her eyes slip closed finally.

“Beau…”

“Shh,” Beau interrupted, yawning. “Sleep time.” She drifted off to sleep easily.

* * *

Yasha was frozen, absolutely not understanding how Beau could still _trust_ her. After everything she had done to the Nein, and _tried_ to do to Beau. But Beau had immediately, with no hesitation, shown that Yasha still had her trust. Even when she had been betrayed by one too many people she should have been able to trust with her life, Beau had no qualms about sleeping next to her. Even after Yasha tried to kill her just a couple hours ago.

Yasha could barely hold in her emotions at the mercy Beau was showing her in that moment. And Beau? She slept peacefully, sure in the knowledge that she was safe with Yasha next to her – safe enough to sleep her physical pain away now that Yasha was with her again. Barely able to contain just how much she loved the little monk sleeping on her, Yasha bent to press a kiss to her temple. “Sleep well, Beauregard.”

Yasha stayed awake through the night, though she did at one point gently place Beau's head on the ground so she could lay down next to Beau, further away from the fire, protecting her from anything that might come at their backs while Beau slept.

And in the morning, she'd heal Beau as much as she could with her negligible power, and hope it was enough to get her back to Jester alive to be fixed the rest of the way. That the Nein would hold their justified attacks long enough for Yasha to get Beau back to them. She didn’t know what would happen after that. If the Nein would ever forgive her and let her join them again, or if she would be forced to leave this family behind.

One thing she was sure of now though, was that Beau would fight with her words and her fists to stay with her.


	17. Moving Forward

It took Beau and Yasha a full two days to find their way out of the twisting hallways of the cavern. Beau was slowed down by her injuries, though they had begun to heal and Yasha had hastened them along as much as she could with the little healing that she had every morning. But on the morning of the third day they finally – _finally_ – found the large stone doors that blocked their exit to the outside.

They still had to make it over that Bridge of Despair or whatever they’d decided to call it. Yasha had kept a tight grip on Beau’s arm and the second Beau stumbled – even though it was from twisting too suddenly and pulling at her side rather than an urge to throw herself off the bridge – she was hauled into Yasha’s arms until they were safely across. “I was fine,” Beau told her. “Not complaining about the carrying, because that’s always fucking rad, but you know.”

“I know,” Yasha replied. “But there have been – enough times – where I have nearly lost you in the last six months. I would rather not risk you in the uh, last stretch, you know? Before I get you to safety.”

“ _Us_ to safety. Right? You’re not – you’re not leaving?” It occurred to her that Yasha had never actually promised a few days ago that she wouldn’t take off once they got out. Beau scrambled ahead to block Yasha from continuing forward. “Yasha, fuck no. You – you can’t fucking leave me behind.”

Yasha sighed. “It is not – that I want to go. I just think – we should be prepared, you know? In case the others do not want me – around anymore.”

Beau shook her head, placing her hands on Yasha’s stomach to keep her from moving. “No. No. That’s not happening. Jester told me to bring you back. I fucking _promised_ that we’d both come home. And if you go, I go, that’s it. So you’re not going fucking anywhere without me, and we’re going back to Rosohna.”

“Beau – I,”

“No! Fuck that!” She pushed away and then slammed her hands back into Yasha’s torso, hard enough that Yasha stumbled back a step, as muscular as she was. “You can’t do that to me! We have to – we have to – we have to take out Ikithon! And – and –”

“Beau. Beau. Beauregard!” Yasha’s voice finally broke through her panic. “I’m not leaving you, Beau. I promise.”

“Then _what_?!”

“I just wanted you to be prepared for the rest of our group to not be happy to see me!” Yasha threw up her hands. “I hurt Fjord and Nott! I fucking _skewered_ Nott with a sword that is twice the size as her. The others may not forgive that so easily as you that’s all I’m trying to say.”

Beau groaned. “Then fuck them.”

“Beauregard you don’t mean that. You have been willing to and did die for them, and nearly sacrificed yourself again.”

“Well, I mean, I don’t want to leave them obviously, but if they’re going to be dicks about it, I’m at least going to yell at them a lot,” Beau grumbled.

Yasha laughed. “I look forward to seeing that.”

“You think I’m joking now,” Beau muttered. “There will be hell to pay if they pull any shit.”

Yasha bent down to kiss her quickly. “I appreciate your defense of me. I hope it does not come to that.”

* * *

They kept going another couple hours before they made it to the actual outside world. Beau breathed a sigh of relief when they were back in natural light. To her surprise, she could see the Nein camped out less than a mile away. She wondered who was responsible for making them stay. Probably Jester. _Maybe_ Nott, if she’d been feeling particularly forgiving. Beau knew Yasha had a strangely good friendship with the little goblin, but then again, she did stab Nott the last time they were face to face. So that could go either way.

Fjord was the least open-minded and forgiving of all of them. He’d been ready to call Beau either a liar or easily manipulated after she’d learned about her consecutions, and that was _after_ she’d risked everything to get him back from the Iron Shepherds. They’d all put their lives on the line so many times for each other, but he still so easily fell back into his over-defensive proclivities whenever he felt threatened. Beau was concerned he’d do the same again here.

Suddenly there was a flurry of activity in the camp, and then Jester was streaking away from the rest of the Nein and leaping into first Beau’s, then Yasha’s arms. “You did it! You brought her back!” she yelled, going back to Beau and hugging her, lifting her in the air excitedly. She set Beau down and moved to Yasha just as Nott caught up and scrambled up Yasha’s back to her shoulders.

“Are you ‘you’ again?” Nott asked, fingers hooking in Yasha’s hair.

Yasha brought a hand up to Nott’s knee, squeezing it gently. “I’m me. I’m – sorry, about what happened. What I did.”

“That’s alright.” Nott shrugged, absentmindedly working braids into Yasha’s hair. “Not your fault.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” Fjord’s voice came out sarcastic. “Then who’s fault is it, because it sure seems to me like Yasha was the one attacking us.”

The second she felt Yasha sag with guilt, Beau stalked over to Fjord and decked him so hard he slammed to the ground. She hauled him to his feet and dragged him away from the rest of the group, seething.

“What the fu-”

“Shut the fuck up Fjord,” Beau spoke over him. “At some point you’re going to have to trust that _someone_ in this fucked up world is not playing you. Yasha didn’t hurt you. And it’s not like it was a charm effect it was worse. Some _thing_ took her over.”

“She still –”

“I thought you were supposed to be the brains of this group Fjord. So pull your head out of your ass.” Fjord grimaced and looked like he wanted to say something, but Beau interrupted him again. “Remember the last time? When you didn’t believe me when I said I was consecuted? Now’s not the time for a fucking replay of that. Trust someone for _once_ in your goddamn life Fjord.”

“I still don’t see why there’s any harm in keeping an eye on her,” Fjord tried to reason. “What if it happens again?”

Beau shook her head. “Man I like you, but you can be a real dick sometimes. Makes me look good, and that’s saying something. Look at her.” She pointed to where the rest of the Nein was now gathered around Yasha, it appeared asking if she was alright. Caduceus was handing her a cup of tea, and Frumpkin was draped over one shoulder with Nott still on the other. Jester hadn’t let go of her arm yet and seemed to be crying. “Why can everyone see it except you? She’s – she’s better than all of us, except maybe Jester,” Beau allowed. “Just because she gets angry and a little ballistic when she fights doesn’t mean she’s not probably the kindest fucking person I’ve ever met.” Fjord looked conflicted, like he wanted to believe Beau, but still wanted to protect himself. “Don’t go down that road, Fjord,” Beau told him. “It’s lonely not trusting anyone. You know the first time I was truly happy in my life?”

“When?” Fjord asked reluctantly.

“The day I decided to let Leylas show me my past. It was the first time I ever took a leap of faith. And it paid off. It wasn’t until after that I let myself truly trust all of you guys. And I haven’t regretted it yet. Don’t make me start. I don’t want to be that Beau anymore. I like who I am now, and I didn’t think that would ever happen. Try it out, Fjord.”

With that, Beau went back over to the group, leaving Fjord to consider his options. “Is he done being an asshole?” Jester asked, sparing a glare at the half-orc.

“Might be. But you can yell at him some more to make sure.”

Jester stomped over and grabbed Fjord by the ear to drag him even further away and continue reaming him out for his insensitivity. Beau chuckled before turning serious again and looking at everyone else. “If anyone’s got a problem and thinks what happened is Yasha’s fault, speak up now so I can punch you in the throat, or never say a word about it.”

Amazingly, Caleb laughed – then immediately bit his lip and turned slightly red.

“I don’t believe Miss Yasha will be getting any trouble from us, Miss Beau,” Caduceus said benignly. “We’re just glad you’re both still with us. Jester was most adamant that you would return with our large friend here, and Mr. Caleb agreed. So we decided to wait for you all out here. Just in case. It’s nice that they were right. Don’t have much time to go searching out more wandering family members.”

* * *

“So, are we ready to talk about Ikithon like a mature group of adults yet, or are we still ignoring that problem?” Beau broached the topic once more a couple nights later. They had decided teleporting back to Rosohna was the best option for everyone, and after Beau had reported in on their success, the Nein had spent the last few nights recuperating from the hard mission.

“We – uh – definitely need to…discuss it,” Caleb acknowledged.

“Well, it seems to me like…we have two options,” Caduceus said. “We can go about this directly, which may not get the result we want, or we can work our way up from the bottom.”

Jester frowned at him, confused. “The bottom?”

Caduceus shrugged. “The Gentleman works for him. Doesn’t he? Seems reasonable that others would be as well. I don’t know, that just seems like something a man with that kind of power would do.”

“No, you’ve got a point Duceus,” Beau told him. “That’s uh – actually a really good fucking point. The Gentleman’s part of the Myriad right? What if we go after the other Myriad rings in other cities? Every medium size or bigger town has a seedy underbelly. Fucking even Kamordah had a branch of the Myriad. I did small jobs for them a couple times. The pay was shit.”

“Take them out from the underlings up until he has no support left,” Fjord mused. “That’s not a half-bad plan, really. It’s going to be a long operation. And we’re going to,” he cleared his throat, “ _royally_ piss off an entire crime syndicate. But – yeah. I think that’s a good idea. Find out what they all know, and cut the feet out from under him.”

“How –” Caleb paused to think about what he wanted to say. “We will need to keep Ikithon from – from finding us. We cannot match him at this moment. I have this,” he pulled out his pendant against Divination magics, “but it will be costly for us all to have one.”

Beau nodded. “Yeah, Pumat Sol’s cost me twenty thousand. Blew through my savings.”

“ _That’s_ why you went to Zadash!” Jester hit the table with her palm. “Whoo – one mystery solved. I forgot to ask before.”

Beau tensed, but relaxed when no one seemed to take the opportunity to be frustrated with her again. “Yep. But I’ll ask Leylas this time. Maybe they have a couple lying around we could, you know, borrow for a while.”

“We will also have to consider, at some point in the future, those Ikithon will – surround himself with,” Caleb added. “My – My classmates. Astrid and Eodwulf. They will almost certainly be near him. They passed their tests with flying colors.” His face darkened as he recalled the past. “Astrid leaned towards the same magics as I did while we learned, so I would – I would assume that she still does. But Eod…he had a darker frame of mind. He was fascinated with life and the absence of it. He raised the dead.”

“Necromancy?” Beau groaned, throwing her head back dramatically. That was one of her least favorite magic specialties. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuucckk!”

Caduceus also looked horrified at the blatant disregard for the afterlife and its denizens. “A good reason more to end this, I think. Resurrection is one thing, and unfortunately, at times a necessary evil. Raising one already passed through the gate is another matter entirely. We must put a stop to that – just as much as this Ikithon fellow needs to be stopped.”

“Alright Duceus,” Fjord reassured him. “We will certainly add it to the list. But if they’re right hands of Ikithon, that might be a while off yet.”

Yasha spoke up. “One step at a time. We do what we can now.”

“Keep Ikithon from finding us, find out how many of the Myriad rings are in his pocket, dispose of the ones who are, figure out if the bloodline sanctioned this?” Beau shrugged. “We can put a pin in that one. Present our evidence to _some_ one. Maybe the Expositors can do something if I get Dairon evidence. She’s not still pissed at me is she?”

“Dairon was really really worried Beau,” Jester said immediately.

“In her – own way,” Fjord amended.

Nott piped up. “Not at first. She thought we were just fucking with her and threatened to turn us in as traitors to the Empire.”

Beau winced. “That bad huh?” There was some hemming and hawing, a couple shrugs, from the majority of the group and she rolled her eyes. “Guys. It won’t hurt my feelings. Obviously, she decided to help eventually, so she must not hate me that much. I’m just sorry she made things more difficult for you.” A thought occurred to her. “Who uh – who thought of asking her anyway?”

Nott started to point at the same time Jester interrupted and answered. “Oh! That was – we didn’t know _what_ to do, and –”

“I think that’s enough,” Yasha said firmly, looking uncomfortable. “We have a plan, yes? I’m going upstairs.” Without another word, Yasha disappeared into her room.

“I’m just –” Beau said when nobody else spoke up for a minute, all of them staring the way Yasha had gone. “I’m going to go check on that. Don’t make any big plans without me.” She took her leave and went upstairs to knock hesitantly on Yasha’s door.

There was a quiet, “Come in.”

Beau opened the door and slipped inside, shutting it behind her. Yasha was sitting on her bed, gazing at the wall of flowers Jester had painted for her. Twisted in her hands was a scrap of blue fabric that Beau had been missing. “That was on my bo,” she said needlessly. Yasha glanced down at her hands and set the ribbon off to the side. Beau went over to give it back to her. “It’s alright. I don’t need it, if you want it.”

“It uh…reminded me of you. It helped – when we couldn’t find you,” Yasha explained.

“I’m sorry.”

Yasha shook her head. “No, don’t – apologize.” She was obviously struggling to piece together what she wanted to say. “They – They didn’t tell me. They didn’t tell me you had gone, they didn’t ask for me to come back, Jester didn’t Send for me. They didn’t _tell_ me. For weeks. You were – you were so sad, and scared, and I had to leave you and I hated it. And then I finally came back and you had been gone for three weeks, and no one thought to _tell me_.” Yasha’s hands were clenched as she fought against her remembered anger and helplessness.

“They should have,” Beau said quietly. “I shouldn’t have put them in that position, but they should have called for you. You know me better than anyone.” She thought for a moment. “It was you who thought of asking for Dairon’s help wasn’t it? You knew.”

“She was the only person I could think of that might be able to help. They found you in Trostenwald when the rest of the Cobalt Reserve could not, and I thought – I thought they would know.” Yasha took a deep breath. “It still took too long. I almost didn’t get you back.”

“Hey,” Beau leaned into Yasha’s shoulder, and the Aasimar instinctively wrapped an arm around her back to keep her close. “You found me. You’re the reason I came back. If it had been anyone else, I was going to say my good-byes and take the fuck off. I would have fucking hated it, but I was going to do it. You were the only one I knew I didn’t have a defense for. I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t show, but mostly I hoped you would be the one that did. I wanted to come home.”

Lips pressed gently against her temple. “I am glad you did. It wouldn’t have been much fun to have to force you.”

Beau scoffed. “As if you could make me do anything.” Yasha just gave her a knowing look, and Beau wilted. “Shut up,” she whined. Yasha laughed a little, pulling Beau closer into her side and letting silence fall over them again. Beau eventually began to drift off, still in the last stages of recovering from the side effects courtesy of the nasty slash in her side that was a gift from Oban.

The last thing she felt before drifting off was Yasha moving them more horizontally, Beau cradled safely in front of her and held close. “Go to sleep Beauregard,” Yasha whispered when Beau shifted restlessly and whined a bit, kissing the back of her neck and soothing her to sleep.

* * *

“Hey Caleb. Talk?” Beau asked after wandering into his library late that night. She’d be going to see Leylas in the morning and then they would be leaving to work on this plan of theirs, but she wanted to clear the air with him first.

“Oh uh, ja Beauregard. What can I help you with?” Caleb marked his place in his latest book carefully before setting it on the table.

Beau spun a chair around so she could lean forward against the back when she sat down. “Look man. I’m sick of apologizing for what happened, and this is going to be my last one. I really kind of just want to forget about what happened to be fucking honest. But Leylas keeps insisting that’s not ‘healthy’ for me or whatever, so – I’m sorry. You know better than anyone what Ikithon is, and I threw that in your fucking face because I was hurting. And that’s not uh, cool. And I know I yelled at you a lot in the beginning about running when the going got rough, and you stuck it out, and I couldn’t.”

Caleb released a big sigh, gathering Frumpkin from the table and petting his ears absently. “When the others were taken, with a stranger tagging along, and then with our friend dying – you made me feel safe enough to stay. To try to gain back what we had lost. I am – sorry – that we could not do the same for you. And I think that is all we need to say on the matter. Ja Schwester?”

“You know I can understand you, right? I know what that means now,” Beau teased a bit, relieved at being forgiven so easily.

“I know Beauregard. But if you do not mind, I think I will keep saying it.”

Beau shrugged. “I’ve gotten a mother and a baby brother in the last year. Why not a big, annoyingly nerdy one as well?”

* * *

“You and the Nein are off again?” Leylas asked knowingly, observing her child.

“Yeah. We’re looking to make a push into figuring out Ikithon’s band of operations, but we need a way to keep him from sneaking up on us again,” Beau said, shuddering. “I was wondering if you had tokens against Divining magics for the espionage ranks. I remember having one a few lives back. We just – can’t really afford to pay for five more,” she said sheepishly.

Leylas nodded. “Of course. I am unaware of how many we have on hand, but I do believe we have several in a vault somewhere. I will have Mezex inquire as to their whereabouts.”

“Thank you.”

“Whatever will keep you safe and give you peace of mind Beauregard, you shall have,” Leylas reassured her, but looked conflicted at the same time. “I ask too much of you, yet again – as I have in all of your lives. I have always depended on you, but now I request you end this war that we have waged for centuries? You have ever risen to exceed what is required of you, but I am afraid that this task may be beyond even your capabilities. I would not lose you to this war again. I have let you go too many times.” The queen looked down, shaking your head. “But I also know that you have a sense of duty and honor, and that you cannot stand aside and ask others to do this for you. So please, my heart. Come home.”

Beau found herself moving into her mother’s arms, letting them fold around her. “I want to keep this city safe,” she said quietly. “You gave me everything I’ve wanted in this life – my memories, even the Nein. My – my mentor, Dairon – the one that tracked me down – she’d just warned me against getting too close to my friends, and I was feeling so fucking conflicted. I almost left them to follow her. But then you found me, and helped me remember who I am. You gave me something to belong to, and the courage to stay.”

Arms held tight – even as a queen, Leylas was no weakling. “Hold on to that feeling, Beauregard,” she urged. “Do not lose it. And whether in this life or the future, one day this war will end. And I will finally be able to have you in a time of peace.”

“I’ll stay for a year,” Beau promised.

Leylas chuckled. “You would go stir crazy in a month, my darling,” she said fondly. “And you know it. But thank you for offering. As long as you return when you can, I will be content. For now, prepare how you must, and Mezex will be by this evening with your request. Be careful, Beauregard.”

Beau hugged her mother one more time before taking off down the stairs. Leaving Leylas never got any easier, and part of Beau just wanted to stay with her. But she was right. She had a responsibility to the other part of her family, and she couldn’t let them face danger without her. She wouldn’t let them down again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gearing up towards the end. Just a few chapters left now!


	18. Greed Tattooed on Your Chest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nein begin the crusade to discover just how deeply the claws of the Cerberus Assembly dig into the Myriad.

“Jester, we don’t have to do this now,” Beau tried one more time. “We can start somewhere else – hell we can start in Kamordah I don’t give a fuck. We _really_ don’t have to confront the Gentleman today if you aren’t ready.”

“No,” Jester shook her head determinedly. “My mama and I talked when we spent the night at home.” Caleb had teleported them to Nicodranas from Xhorhas where they stayed a couple days before working their way up to Zadash to begin their campaign of sniffing out the Cerberus Assembly’s lackies in the Myriad syndicates throughout the Empire. “Mama said that the man she loved was nothing like the way the Gentleman is. She said he was kind, and charming, and he had big plans and all, but was still working his way up. The Gentleman is – he’s just – he’s a fucking criminal and _loser_. A _slaver_. I want to stop him.”

Yasha put a hand on Jester’s shoulder, hoping to calm the upset Tiefling down. “We will Jester,” she reassured her quietly. “We won’t let them steal any more children.”

They made their way into the Evening Nip and past the barkeep with a quick nod, going down the ladder and passing the ogre that stood guard. Kutha, Beau thought he was called. He glared at them suspiciously, but let them go down without a fuss. Beau was first into the basement, scanning the room for potential hostility. There were the usuals to be expected, the creepy gnome, Dweez, Sorah, the Gentleman’s body guard. Cree was over by the bar, Kara was at a table. She gave the half elf a subtle nod. Kara’s eyes widened at seeing the Nein but she nodded back, tossing a glance at the Gentleman worriedly. Beau went back to her assessment.

There was a man in robes she hadn’t seen before, standing in front of the Gentleman’s chair and it sounded very much like they were having a heated discussion. She stepped closer to hear.

“ – missing, and my superiors do not take well to orders not being fulfilled,” the stranger was saying.

“And as I explained in my initial report,” the Gentleman replied, looking annoyed, “my property was overrun by monstrosities. The product was lost, and there was nothing that could be done about it. You received the next shipment just fine.”

Beau’s hands clenched. They were talking about the children. And the Gentleman had taken more, even after losing Ben and the others from Kamordah. “I’m about to do something stupid,” she muttered to Fjord. They had a plan. They just needed to stick to it. Nott was invisible somewhere in the room, and the rest were gathered behind her, Fjord, and Yasha, ready for the inevitable showdown.

“Do your thing,” he whispered back.

_Here goes nothing_. “You jackasses wouldn’t happen to be talking about kidnapping more kids, now would you?” she asked loudly. The entire room went still as the stranger turned to stare at them along with the Gentleman. “Because we don’t take too kindly to that.”

“What is this?” the stranger demanded, nervous. “Control your employees.”

“I wondered…” the Gentleman murmured, completely ignoring the other man. “So you did steal my merchandise.”

“They were fucking children you bastard,” Beau hissed. “And you made a big fucking mistake kidnapping my brother. You’re done.”

“This is business of the Cerberus Assembly,” the man Beau now knew was a wizard piped up sanctimoniously. “You can argue with your boss another time.”

Beau coughed out a laugh. “You – you think we _work_ for him? Oh buddy, you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. I’m here to kill him. It’s your decision whether you stay and die here or if you report back to your bosses that we’re coming for them next.” He wasn’t going anywhere. Beau would tear him down if he tried.

Several of the Gentleman’s underlings were beginning to get up from their tables, reaching for short swords or knives. Sorah cracked her knuckles and Dweez giggled as the Gentleman’s hands tightened their grip on the arms of his chair. Caleb took his cue and called up a wall of fire behind them, cutting off the underlings from the higher ups. Several screamed as they were briefly engulfed in flames, and they along with the rest began stampeding for the exit.

The way she’d been talking, Beau was pretty sure the Gentleman thought she would go straight for him. Instead, she made a beeline for Sorah, clocking the goliath a good one on the chin and a couple more in the stomach with her staff as Jester held out her hand. “Stop!” she screamed as the Gentleman drew his rapier. Both he and Dweez froze in place, wide eyed and staring. Yasha took advantage of the confusion and the spell and ran to carve into the Gentleman with her sword, getting between the wizard and gang boss.

Beau knew Caleb would want to deal with the other wizard as quickly as possible, before he had the chance of potentially recognizing him. She wondered if Caleb knew him. As Fjord’s signature green fire slammed into Sorah, Beau took the chance to look over her shoulder. Jester was staring down the Gentleman, concentrating hard while still sending that awful ringing bell in Sorah’s direction. Caduceus was running up to Beau and gave her the holy hands she loved so much before disappearing as he was prone to do. Kara had pulled some daggers and chucked them at the frozen Dweez. “You fucking creep!” she yelled at him.

Cree was still standing all the way across the room from Beau at the bar, looking like she didn’t know what to do. Beau hoped she would just take off – she didn’t really want to kill someone who remembered Molly fondly, even if it wasn’t really Molly she remembered. “Just go,” she urged in a murmur.

Kutha was charging down the ladder, barreling down on the wall of fire and looking like he didn’t plan on stopping. Beau was turning back to take care of a raging Sorah when she saw the wizard making some motion with his hands. Her eyes widened as she saw lightning shoot out, leaping and doing a back flip out of the way of the bolt that came straight for her. Fjord, Yasha, and Jester weren’t so lucky, taken by surprise and taking the full brunt of the lightning.

Caleb shouted something in Zemnian, and the other wizard screamed as he spontaneously caught fire, lighting up the whole room at the same time Cree pointed at him and also sent fire his way. Nott appeared by the table Kara had been sitting at, sending two bolts into the screaming wizard and cutting off his voice. The wizard burned to ash where he stood. “Holy fuck,” Beau whispered.

She was so distracted, she forgot for a moment the infuriated goliath in front of her. A great axe came swinging at her side, and Beau barely dodged out of the way of the first but couldn’t quite keep the second from clipping her. “Really?” she asked rhetorically. She jabbed at Sorah a couple more times.

Yasha roared triumphantly as she managed to cut the Gentleman down before he could ever shake the paralysis and draw his sword. Nott and Kara teamed up to take Dweez out immediately after, before he could work out the paralysis either.

Then Caleb let out a pained grunt as Kutha came roaring through the wall of fire to slice into his side with his axe. Radiant flames came from Caduceus and finished off Sorah. “Help Caleb!” he said urgently. Beau took off, leaping off one of the tables to come crashing down on the ogre. She slipped her bo over his head and hung on, choking him out. She jabbed him in the temple with her elbow over and over until she felt something give in his skull. Kutha groaned, sinking to his knees before he collapsed face first onto the floor.

Beau stood over his body, panting, before she checked on Caleb. “You good?”

Caleb was still holding a hand to his side, though it looked like maybe one of the clerics had healed it from a distance and he just hadn’t realized it yet. “Ja, Schwester. Ich bin gut.”

“Alright.” Beau clapped him on the shoulder and looked for everyone else. Cree was gone – had probably taken off running after the Cerberus Assembly wizard went down. Kara was rifling through Dweez’s pockets, muttering and grumbling after reclaiming her daggers. Yasha had an arm around Jester while Caduceus healed Fjord. Beau went over to Yasha and Jester, nudging against the Aasimar affectionately before gathering her best friend into a hug.

Jester clung to her, tears wetting Beau’s cloak but not making any noise. “Regret anything Jes? Or is this just general upset?”

The Tiefling sniffed. “I just wish – I wish,” she said, voice wobbly. “I wish he was different. He’s not what I dreamed of at all when I left home. I wanted him to love me, you know?”

“I know,” Beau murmured. “But remember you’ve got your mom, and all of us, and I know Leylas likes you too.”

“Really?” Jester blinked up at her, eyes still wet.

Beau gently wiped at the corners of them to keep them from running more. “For sure. She thinks you’re funny. And anyone who manages to like me is solid in her book.”

“I love you Beau.”

“Love you too Jessie. Message your mom tonight. She’ll help you feel better.” She handed Jester over to get a hug from Fjord and wandered over to Kara. “Hey. Thanks for the assist.” Beau kind of felt bad for not warning Kara ahead of time, but the half elf was hard to track down.

Kara blew some hair out of her eyes. “Still owed you for taking care of the High Richter and saving our guys. Consider us even now. And I’m keeping these.” She held up a few gems she’d pulled from Dweez’s pocket.

“Yeah no. Go ahead.”

“Did he really kidnap your brother?”

Beau nodded grimly. “And dozens of others. We got Ben back – he’s only three.”

“Fucker,” Kara growled, spitting in the Gentleman’s direction.

“Yeah, I agree with you there.”

Beau wandered back over to Caleb, who was getting looked at by Caduceus to make sure the wound wasn’t more serious than it seemed. “Hey. You alright?” Caleb was staring in the direction of the pile of ashes that used to be the Cerberus Assembly wizard. “Did you know him?”

Caleb shrugged. “’Know’ is – a strong word. By sight, mostly. His name was Lyrac, he was – the ‘class’ above me. He assisted Ikithon with us a few times, but I did not really know him.”

“And – are you cool? Nott got him, not you. Are you gonna slip or are you alright to go?”

“I am alright, Beauregard. We should leave, before any Crown’s Guard come.”

“Damn right. Guys we need to get out of here,” Beau called to the others. Kara was already gone, Nott was sifting through the Gentleman’s things, pulling out items here and there, while Fjord pulled some stuff off Sorah and Kutha, and then they all scrambled up the ladder up into the bar proper. The place was deserted, everyone apparently having fled in a panic from the fire Caleb had started.

They could hear the approaching feet of Crown’s Guard in the distance, and ducked into an alley to stay out of their line of sight. Beau was leading the way around a corner that she knew led back to their inn when a furred hand shot out, gripping her shoulder.

The breath stuck in her chest as Beau went to her knees, all the strength sapped from her as some oily magic made her feel like she was rotting from the inside out. “Beau!” Yasha jerked her away from the offending limb, pulling her up into the air as Beau groaned and tried to remember how to breathe.

“The fuck was that?” Fjord demanded, searching for the culprit.

Cree appeared out of the shadows, staring at them with both fear and resolve. “Is this what you do?” she accused. “You come into other peoples’ homes and bring it down around their ears? Do I get to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder for you to finish the job?”

Yasha placed her hand on Beau’s chest, letting her healing magic seep in, but it didn’t seem to help the monk any. She drew her sword with one hand, leveling it at Cree’s throat. “You may need to start running now,” she threatened in a low voice, “or there will be no need to look over your shoulder. What the fuck did you do to her?”

Beau struggled to get her own two feet under her, though she let Yasha keep a hand on her back since she still felt fairly unsteady. “It’s okay Yash,” Beau reassured her, panting as she patted the flat of Yasha’s blade in a silent ask for her to lower it. She managed to stand up straight and address the Tabaxi woman. “Cree. Did you know about the kidnappings?”

Cree shook her head vehemently. “Children are sacred to our Clans,” she denied. “We do not harm young, neither ours nor others not of our kind. He should have never begun speaking with the Assembly. They’re scum.” She spat on the ground.

“That’s all we wanted to stop, Cree. The Myriad – they’re being bought by the government. When I worked for them, that’s not how we did things. We’re ending the corruption. The rest of you, I don’t have any argument with. Maybe now, someone can take the Gentleman’s place and lead Zadash in the right direction. You and Kara – you have good heads on your shoulders. Maybe you know what this city needs.”

Cree stared into Beau’s eyes for a long moment, trying to find any hint of deception. Finally, her shoulders dropped, some of the tension leaving them. “I will – consider what you have said. I apologize for the harm I caused in my fear.” The Tabaxi melted into the shadows without another word.

Beau’s knees shook, and Yasha had her back in her arms before she could fall. “Jester?” Yasha asked frantically.

Caduceus’ ears flicked backward. “I suggest maybe we take this elsewhere,” he said calmly. “The Guard are getting closer.”

“I can fix this,” Jester said as she looked Beau over. “I think, anyways. Get her back to the inn Yasha. We’ll catch up.”

With a nod, Yasha’s wings burst forth and she quickly carried them both high into the air – in the low hanging clouds and out of sight. Beau shivered a bit at the sudden change in temperature, and Yasha held her closer. “Hang on Beau,” she murmured.

“I’m alright,” Beau said. “Just don’t feel good.”

“You look like you’re on death’s door.”

Beau chuckled. “Way to make a girl feel special Yasha. But nah, I’m only like, halfway there I’m fine. Could go another round right now where’s Ikithon?”

“Do _not_ joke about that please,” Yasha reprimanded her, though she sounded much calmer now that Beau was talking again and seemed more alert.

“We should go flying over the ocean next time we’re in Nicodranas. That would be pretty fucking sweet.”

“With your luck,” Yasha replied as she began to descend toward the roof of the inn, “I would tire and drop you into the water.”

“Then I could put on my grave that I was killed by my – fuck.”

Yasha stood on the roof, watching Beau try and fail to come up with a way to describe her. Any lingering concern faded into gentle amusement as Beau crinkled her nose and frowned. “Nothing?”

“Well?! We never said!” Beau huffed. “What are you?”

“An Aasimar, we have discussed this.”

Beau groaned, throwing herself backwards so far that Yasha nearly dropped her and had to quickly compensate. “ _Now_ you’re a smartass,” she muttered. “You know what I mean.”

Yasha just sighed and smiled down at Beau, shaking her head fondly. “I am yours. And I think you are mine, too. And I love you.”

Beau crossed her arms and grunted, but Yasha could tell she wasn’t truly annoyed. “I love you too,” she muttered, rolling her eyes when Yasha just kept smirking. “Shut up and put me down so we can get inside before anyone else sees us up here.”

“I can take you in, it’s not a problem.”

Beau put a hand on Yasha’s chest, making her look away from the edge where she was calculating how to get them both in unseen. “Yash, I’m okay I swear. She just surprised me.”

“Healing didn’t work,” Yasha reminded her, worried all over again.

“Yeah, but I think I know what spell Cree put on me, and it’s something Jessie did on that worm to help us get out, so she should be able to fix it no problem. I’ll be fine as soon as she gets back, alright? It’s not like before.”

Yasha sighed and nodded, finally relaxing all of the way. “I have a hard time – not being protective.”

“Don’t tell the others, but I don’t mind it most of the time,” Beau admitted. “Just don’t smother me. That’s all I ask.”

“I promise.”

“And that starts with letting me climb through the window my own damn self. Unlike jails, windows are my favored terrain,” she joked before clambering into their room.

After Yasha followed her in, Beau let herself be talked into laying down while they waited for Jester and the others to get back. She didn’t protest much – she’d been holding back on puking since Cree had cast whatever spell that was. _Necromancy and necrotic shit_ , she grumbled to herself. She hated it. “Yasha – Yash,” she whined. “I might need a bucket. Gods this is worse than that time I got humid jungle fever.”

Despite her complaints and Yasha finding a basin somewhere, Beau managed to keep the contents of her stomach where they belonged in the long hour before Jester found her way up to their room. “Sorry sorry sorry!” she apologized as she came rushing in. “The Crown’s Guard guys were all out _everywhere_ and we had to take the super looong way back.”

“She says she’s sick,” Yasha told her worriedly. “Will she be alright?” Beau had fallen asleep a few minutes before, miraculously staying that way even after Jester’s loud entrance.

“Yeah totally! I just need to do a restoration on her. A big one, not a little one. But I know this spell _really_ well it’s fine.” She put a hand on Beau’s chest and murmured a few words while sprinkling her with a glittering dust. Yasha thought it looked like diamond dust. An expensive spell then. She made a note to track down some more so Jester didn’t run out. A bright blue and white glow settled over Beau before sinking in.

The monk’s color immediately improved and her breathing eased from a slight wheeze to a comfortable and quiet sleeping rhythm. Yasha sighed in relief.

“She should be fine now,” Jester said, softer than before. “Probably sleep the whole night. Fjord wants to leave in the morning before any of the Guard get too close or start asking questions. We all voted – sorry we left you out.”

“Don’t worry. I agree we should leave. I will carry Beau if she isn’t strong enough.”

Contrary as ever, Beau stirred awake. “Who’s carryin’ me?” she asked sleepily.

“Hi Beau!” Jester responded cheerfully. “You’re all better now because I’m a _really_ awesome cleric and all, and we’re leaving in the morning. Okay I’m leaving now no sex Yasha, Beau needs her rest okay byyyye!” She left Yasha blushing like mad and Beau trying to piece together the conversation in her tired mind.

“We’re having sex?”

Yasha grimaced before pushing Beau gently to lay back down. “No. _You_ are sleeping. Go to sleep.”

“But – what if I wanted sex?” Beau pouted.

“Too bad. You almost got killed. Again.”

Beau frowned. “Did not. Only half.”

Stormlord help her, Yasha couldn’t handle Beau acting like a two year old. It was cute – a description the monk would most certainly _not_ appreciate. “Close enough. Now come on. We’re sleeping.”

“You’ll stay though?” Beau asked hesitantly, eyes barely open.

Yasha softened at that, her fear-fueled annoyance seeping out of her. “Of course. I will stay with you. But only if you sleep.”

“Sure.” It was easy to fall back to sleep with Yasha’s arms around her.

* * *

“You good?” Fjord asked Beau as the Moorbounders approached the outskirts of Kamordah.

“Yeah,” Beau scoffed. “No big deal. My parents can’t touch me anymore. I’d like to drop in and see Ben once we take care of things, but let’s deal with the Myriad sect first. Find out if they’ve been taken in by the Assembly too.”

“We can totally do that Beau!” Jester jumped into the conversation. “I want to see Ben too he’s so cute!” They left the Moorbounders outside of town with some food nearby and Jester urging them to stay put and not wander off.

Beau led them to an inn she used to frequent as a teen, hood up to lower the risk of being recognized. She didn’t really feel like dealing with old acquaintances. Fjord secured their rooms and they gathered upstairs to plan their next move. “Do we want to go in guns blazing?” Caduceus asked. “Because that worked last time, but I don’t think that’s really an option every time.”

“No, no it’s definitely not,” Beau groaned, knowing what she was going to have to do. “I’ll fucking go and see if any of my people are still working for Brud.”

“Brud?” Caleb asked.

Beau shrugged. “Yeah. He was like my boss – back in the day. Put me on small jobs whenever I could sneak out at night, starting when I was nine.”

“Wait. The guy leading a crime syndicate used a child to commit – what? Theft, espionage? Murder?”

Beau gave Fjord a weird look. “ _No_. Not _murder_. You think I – you know what, never mind. What do you think a criminal ring in a midsize town really gets up to? It was mostly petty stuff man, geez. Picking locks, climbing through windows, ‘cause I was small and shit. When I was twelve he had me starting on stealing documents, business secrets. You guys _knew_ this.” Nobody said anything. “ _What_?”

“Nothing,” Jester shrugged. “It’s just weird that they had _kids_ committing crimes and everything it’s weird isn’t it?”

“Well I volunteered. In fact, the first person I stole secrets from was my father so – you know. That’s how I got my idea to bootleg his wine, was the stuff I found out about his business. Where the oversights were. After that, I pretended to settle down, make myself useful, and they put me in charge of the books. I was a smart kid when I applied myself – which was only when it came to sneaking around behind my dad’s back. I did double duty for a few years, working for Brud and running my own thing on the side.” Beau considered telling the group about the partner she’d worked with, but decided to not complicate the matter of her past even further. The likelihood that she was still around after they’d gotten arrested was slim. “Worked out for four years, and then you all know the rest. Ratted on, caught, arrested, bailed out, kidnapped by monks, ran away _several_ times, you guys. Leylas.”

“Geez,” Nott muttered. “Your childhood was fucked up Beau.”

Beau rolled her eyes. “Yeah well. You knew that already. It’s not news. Let’s just get this done quickly. It shouldn’t be nearly as difficult as the Gentleman, and that wasn’t too much of an issue.”

“You know these people,” Yasha said. “How do we play this?”

“I go in. Maybe with Nott invisible with me.” Beau cut off the immediate protests. “These guys know me – _knew_ me. They aren’t like the bigger places like Zadash. They’re much more insular and don’t take to new faces too well. So we have Nott follow along with me, she can get a message out if I run into any trouble. I didn’t leave these guys on bad terms – there shouldn’t be problems.”

Fjord frowned. “But you said you thought someone might have ratted on you though. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that one of your former associates was responsible?”

“I guess I’ll deal with that if I need to I don’t fucking know man. Just – let me do this. It’ll be fine.”

As long as Tori wasn’t there.

* * *

Beau walked into the storage house, trying to show confidence, but also projecting an air of she didn’t give a fuck. The Myriad always pounced all over any perceived weakness. Nott was invisible and clinging to the back of her cloak while trying not to be obvious.

“Beauregard!” a shout drew her attention to the back where a makeshift bar was set up. “Long time, I almost didn’t recognize you! You finally escape those monk bastards?”

Beau tossed a nod over at Dimitri – the man who’d taught her lockpicking – and went over to slap his fist with hers. “Hey man. Yeah, I gave them seven years of hell. They were glad to be shot of me.”

“Fantastic. You back to cause some trouble with us again?”

“Nah D. You know my fucking parents are still around. Just passing through on my way out of the Empire. Picked up a job in Nicodranas.”

Dimitri nodded enthusiastically. “Great, good luck with that. Show Nicodranas how we handle things in the Empire.”

“You bet. Hey. Is Brud around?”

“Nah he’s out with a couple newbies and Lilith. Scouting out a target. Should be back late tonight.”

Beau nodded as she scanned the rest of the room, looking for anyone else she remembered. There were a lot of new faces, but – she froze.

Tori was hunched over the bar, drink in hand. There were more scars on her arms than before – her hair was shorter and more ragged, but it was Tori. “Sweet,” she said to Dimitri, distracted. “I’ll be by later – maybe tomorrow. I’ll be around for a couple days. Just wanted to catch up, see how you all were bumbling without me to get you by.”

“Very funny Beau, fuck you too,” Dimitri chuckled. “I’ll let Brud know to expect you.”

As Beau left the building, she didn’t notice Tori’s eyes tracking her every movement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it seems like the fight with the Gentleman was a little too easy for the Nein, it's because they rolled like absolute shit the entire time, and two of them didn't even get the chance to try to land a hit before they were dead. Better luck next time dudes.


	19. Familiar Faces Aren't Always Welcome

A hand pressing tight over her mouth startled Beau from her sleep. She instinctively grabbed at the wrist of her assailant, driving them backward. In the unfamiliar room, Beau forgot where she was.

With a quick ‘Fuck’ from the cloaked attacker, they both tripped out the windowsill.

Beau didn’t really want the person to die before she had a chance to question them, so she flipped them over in order to land on her back. Hitting the ground knocked the breath out of her, but she hung on to her assailant and rolled over to get on top of them. She landed a quick punch to where she thought their jaw was.

“Ugh!” the figure grunted before going still for a moment.

“Who the fuck – ?” Beau flipped their hood up, freezing when Tori’s face became visible. “ _Tori_?”

Tori glared up at her, panting. “Finally dared to show your face again, huh Lionett?”

“Seriously?! You broke into my fucking room?” If Jester had woken up…Tori was fucking lucky Beau hadn’t been in Yasha’s room that night. Yasha would have torn apart an intruder pulling Beau from their bed. Especially here in Kamordah.

Tori scoffed. “Like you have any ground to stand on.” She punched Beau in the face, knocking her back a foot and scrambled on top of her, hand around her throat. “Daddy came and rescued you, and you left me in that cell without a second glance!”

“You think he _rescued_ me?” Beau kicked Tori off of her, getting some distance and rubbing her throat. “Bull shit. You _knew_ what he was like. You saw him hit me often enough, picked the lock on my window to get me out of there often enough.” Tori’s face pinched, looking slightly guilty, but Beau plowed on. “I wasn’t just sent away to the Reserve. He couldn’t even allow me that dignity. He had me _abducted_. The monks dragged me out of my house, bound and blindfolded. But sure, _I_ abandoned _you_. Maybe I should have checked up on you when I managed to get away from them. Blame me for that – that’s fine. But don’t play like I meant to leave. I _liked_ you – which makes me the fool, right?”

With a sigh, Tori dropped her head. “No,” she murmured, the anger seeping out of her. “I was confused – seeing you again. I never expected to. I thought you were gone for good.”

Beau ran her hand through her hair, getting the strands that were rarely let loose out of her face. “I ran off dozens of times,” she admitted. “I never knew what happened to you, whether Brud bailed you out or if they’d sent you on to the prison in Rexxentrum. But I kept getting caught. Shit Tori – we were fucking kids. It wasn’t until a year ago that I got out for good, and I figured by then, if you were still alive, you were more likely to kill me on the spot than talk to me.”

Tori chuckled. “That might have been true a couple years ago. You were always the hothead though.”

“Hey! I had – some – I had some fine ideas, alright?” It was easy to jump right back into the back and forth banter they used to share. “Whatever,” she huffed.

“I saw that cute Tiefling in your room, but why was she in a separate bed? You not as good at charming girls as you used to be?” Tori teased.

Beau was glad her face didn’t usually show her blushes. “Jester’s not – she’s not – she’s my best friend,” she protested.

“But there is someone?”

Beau rubbed at the back of her head sheepishly. “Yeah. Be glad I wasn’t in her room when you decided to drag me out of bed in the middle of the night. She and the rest of the Nein are a bit protective of me.”

“Wait. _Nein_? You’re part of the Mighty Nein?” Tori asked hurriedly.

“You know us?”

“Some guy Brud’s been working with said your group is causing mayhem for him? Disrupting business right and left. Asking if he was mixed up with your friends at all, and if not to watch his back and report you.”

A sinking feeling filled Beau’s gut. “And who was this new guy?”

“Some hoity-toity wizard prick from the Cerberus Assembly,” Tori scoffed.

Beau grimaced as her suspicions were confirmed. “Do you know what Brud’s been doing for the Assembly?” _Please say no please say no_.

“Brud’s been keeping it on the real down low. Only he and Dimitri have been dealing with him. Said his name was – fuck – uh, Erdvulf, Eodwulf, that’s it.”

Beau’s blood ran cold. Another name from Caleb’s past. “I was hoping Brud wasn’t involved,” she groaned, rubbing her temples. “Don’t tell me you’re with the Assembly?”

“Depends on what the Assembly is doing with the Myriad,” Tori said suspiciously.

She took a chance on the truth. “Kidnapping kids for experimentation at the Assembly in Rexxentrum, using the Myriad as the ‘collectors’.”

“Fuck!” Tori shouted, punching the wall of the inn. “What the fuck is Brud thinking?!”

Beau sighed. “It’s not just him. We’re trying to figure out just how many of the Myriad sects are involved. I was really hoping Kamordah was keeping its nose out of it. We already took out the Gentleman and his higher ups in Zadash. We left Cree and Kara in charge, in case they make contact. They should make the gang there more ‘honest’.”

“Well, what are we going to do about Brud? I’m a thief. And I’ve killed people if absolutely necessary, but kids are off limits.”

“I’ve gotta talk to my friends – we’ll take care of it.”

Tori strode up and got in Beau’s face. “No! You are not leaving me out of this, and I don’t know your friends – I don’t trust them. You and me. We do this. Tonight,” she demanded.

Beau groaned and rolled her eyes. “I’m not a solo act anymore, Tori. I’ve got a group I care about. A lot. They’ve pulled me out of a lot of shit in the last few months. I can’t leave them out of this.”

“Come _on_ ,” Tori urged. “One last gig, for old time’s sake. Brud won’t be a problem, he’s gotten lazy as he’s gotten older. He’s comfortable in his authority. I’ve been thinking of leaving soon anyway. I was getting sick of him.”

“Fiiiine.” Beau groaned long and loud. “Fuck.” She was _so_ going to regret this in the morning. Yasha wouldn’t let her sleep in her bed for at least a week when she found out what Beau had gone and done. But she couldn’t let Tori down again. She’d always had a soft spot for kids – she’d be taking it personal. “But we do this careful. Otherwise you get to go tell my angel girlfriend that you got me killed.”

Tori gave her an impressed look. “Angel huh? Damn that’s slick.”

“And I get to talk to Brud first. I’ve got a little brother that got taken, and I barely got him back. If Brud did that –”

“Got it,” Tori agreed seriously. “Wait, little brother? That’s new.”

“Very. He’s just three.”

“Fuck.”

“Cute as fuck though.”

“Takes after his sister then.”

* * *

It wasn’t difficult to get Brud on his own. He always kicked everyone out of the headquarters around two or three in the morning, not trusting any of his employees besides Dimitri to be near while he rested. It was a simple matter for Tori and Beau to sneak up and take Dimitri out – Beau shaking her head at the man who had taken her under his wing when she was a kid. She couldn’t believe her gang had stooped so low.

After that, they snuck up and hauled Brud out of bed, gagging him and tying him to a chair. “Don’t bother yelling for Dimitri,” Tori sneered. “We already dealt with him. We’ve got some questions, Brud. But I don’t think you’re going to have the answers we want. You think Beau?”

Brud’s eyes widened when he got a good look at Beau. His words came out muffled, and Beau yanked the gag out. “Beauregard? It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, don’t try that shit with me,” Beau spat. “We’re not friends. Allying with the Assembly Brud? Really?”

“They pay good money,” Brud excused, looking nervously between them. “It’s hard making a living, small town like this, you know that girls.”

“Did you lose all sense of a conscience? Do you know what they’re _doing_ to the kids they take?”

“Do you?”

Beau punched him in the face. “Answer me damn it!”

Brud coughed, catching his breath. “Something about a new magic!” he admitted, eyes seeming confused as to why he was giving up his secret. “I don’t know what else they’re doing I just take the kids to a designated point and get paid on delivery.”

“Where did Eodwulf tell you to send someone if the Mighty Nein gave you trouble?” Beau demanded.

The gang leader looked like he was trying to keep from speaking, but just like Avantika, Beau forced him to. “The mountains east of Grimgolir,” he grunted. “There’s an abandoned garrison that Rockguard took the place of. Nobody goes there since it fell, they all say it’s haunted by ghosts.”

“Well I can punch ghosts now so that’s not an issue,” Beau muttered. “Anything else of use to us?”

“No that’s everything I swear!” Brud insisted.

Tori palmed a knife, going up behind Brud and slitting his throat even as he began to beg. “Fuck, Tor!” Beau leapt back to get away from any blood splatter. “Really?”

“I told you. Occasional assassin,” Tori shrugged. “I’m going to get rid of the mess. Then the Kamordah Myriad and I are going to have a serious talk about our future here. Bash some heads if I need to. I’ll make sure the Assembly can’t interfere here in Kamordah any more. You and that group of yours – you take care of whatever is going on up at Grimgolir.”

“We will.” Tori walked Beau out, casting her eyes about for any Myriad lurking, but they were alone. “Look. I’m sorry that I couldn’t get you out, back then,” Beau apologized. “You were the first person I cared about, the first person that put up with me. I didn’t want to leave you in that cell.”

“Ah,” Tori waved her off with a shrug. “Water under the bridge. I was just looking for someone to blame. I found who turned us in, by the way. It was Adel, trying to corner the market himself. I got rid of him a few years ago. Brud considered it a just recompense. Nobody likes a rat to the Guard.” Tori scoffed. “Guess he forgot that when he allied himself with the Assembly.”

“Yeah. Money makes people greedy. I’ve seen that too many times, all over the continent. We’ll hit Hupperdook on our way up to Grimgolir, see if the syndicate there is involved. I wouldn’t imagine so, but I’ve been unpleasantly surprised already on this gambit.”

“Hey. Don’t forget about me this time,” Tori teased. “You weren’t the only one that wondered what happened after that night.”

“I’ll let you know when it’s done. End goal is take down the Assembly.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah. The Reserve is helping where they can. And we have the backing of the Xhorhasian Dynasty – who the Assembly is using as the scapegoat for the kidnappings.”

Tori looked flabbergasted. “You’ll have to tell me that whole story someday. Sounds like it’d be a good one.”

* * *

When Beau crawled back into her and Jester’s room just as dawn began to break, she found Jester not only awake, but an also very awake and concerned Yasha was with her. “Where have you been?” Jester demanded.

“Um.” Beau froze in place, contemplating turning right back around and going out the window again. “I…went for a walk?”

“For several hours?” Yasha questioned, looking much calmer than Jester at seeing Beau safe and sound.

Jester bounced off her bed and grabbed Beau’s clothes. “You’ve got new blood stains! What did you _do_?”

Beau sighed exhaustedly. “Jessie, do you think I could talk about this with Yasha first? I promise I’ll tell the rest of you in the morning, but it’s been a very long fucking night..”

Looking dubious, Jester nevertheless agreed and started crawling back into her bed as Beau pulled Yasha from the room and back to her own. “What is it, Beau? What happened – are you hurt?” Beau burrowed into Yasha’s arms, wanting to forget about everything from the night. “Beau?” she questioned even as she unconsciously wrapped her arms around Beau’s body, trying to offer the comfort the monk was obviously seeking.

“I ran into someone I knew – from before,” Beau admitted. “We took care of the Myriad boss together. It just felt so personal and – it reminded me of who I used to be and act like. It was good seeing her again, but I didn’t like the familiarity of it. It was always so easy for her to pull me into shit with her.”

“You were close,” Yasha asserted.

“We were. She was my – first love? First everything, I suppose.” Beau shrugged. “Before I was sent to the Reserve. Today was the first time I’d seen her since we were caught.”

Beau felt lips press into her hair, and she relaxed slightly. Maybe Yasha wasn’t mad at her – she certainly didn’t have a history of being jealous. “And nothing still binds you to her?”

“Not a thing. There was some guilt, but I think we worked that out.”

Yasha’s body sagged just a little bit, as though some relief had crossed over her. “Anything else can wait for the group in the morning. I don’t need to hear more.”

“I thought you’d be mad at me,” Beau admitted.

“Why?”

“Sneaking out again without telling anyone, involving myself in missions alone and without backup, hiding things from you,” Beau rattled off. “It was easy to let myself slip back into bad habits with Tori.”

Yasha gently took Beau’s arm and led her to their bed, sitting them both down. “You are fully capable of handling things on your own if you think it’s necessary,” she told Beau.

“I know, but I did something stupid. I promised not to do that alone after the spiders,” Beau pointed out.

“Are you feeling guilty about your relationship or lack of one with Tori, or about what you did tonight?”

Beau sighed, shaking her head. Yasha could always tell what was really bothering her. Only Leylas was better, and Beau was sure that just came from six centuries’ worth of experience dealing with her. Neither of them let her get away with shit. “I thought I would – I don’t fucking know – care more? But I didn’t – it was just all a big reminder of how fucked up I used to be.”

“You have changed a lot in the last year, but I didn’t think you were a bad person the day we met. Beauregard – you were living with both hands tied behind your back. I mean, not literally, but – you know. I’m not good at words.” Yasha stumbled. “I’m just saying, don’t let something from your past make you question everything about who you are now and who you have become.”

Beau leaned into Yasha’s side and let herself relax. “I love you.”

“And I you. I am happy you returned to me – even though I probably didn’t need to worry.”

“No,” Beau chuckled. “I mean, back in the day, pretty girl sneaking into my room at night and attacking me before we both fell out the window would have been the direct path to my heart. Like to think I’ve grown past that.”

Yasha laughed along with her for a moment before growing serious once more. “You have grown. We are all lucky to have seen it.”

Alright, that was enough introspection for the end of a _very_ long night. Beau was getting embarrassed. “Yeah, well, everything worked out fine tonight. Tori said she’d steer the rest of the ring here in the right direction. We don’t have to stick around after tonight. Stop in to see Ben, maybe, then get the hell out of here.”

“Whatever you want, Beau.”

* * *

“Beau!” A little toddler came streaking out of the front door of the Lionett estate and threw himself at Beau, who barely had time to dismount from Yarnball and step away from the finnicky cat before she had an armful of her brother. She lifted Ben and tossed him in the air a bit, grinning when it made him laugh.

“Hey little man have you gotten bigger? I can barely lift you.”

A polite request with some hidden warnings had convinced the elder Lionett’s to spend the afternoon with some business partners, leaving Ben in the care of his nanny and Beau and the rest of the Nein free to come visit him for a few hours before leaving town. Everyone besides Yasha had decided to give Beau alone time with her brother, rather than intrude. Even Jester, reluctantly. Yasha would have stayed behind as well, but Beau had wanted her nearby, still most comfortable when the barbarian was around if she wasn’t with Leylas. Paranoia was a bitch to let go of.

“I still little!” Ben protested, arms wrapped tight around Beau’s neck and hugging for all he was worth. Beau held him close, breathing him in and holding back a few tears. She’d almost lost this. The thought made her squeeze just a little bit harder. “Miss you,” he muttered, burying his face in her neck.

“I missed you too Ben. Have you been good for Mamie? Doing what you should be?”

Ben nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! I learneded my numbers. See? I’m one – two – three!” He counted off on his fingers before showing them off proudly.

“That’s great Ben good job,” Beau praised. “Do you know what comes next?”

“Mmmmm – mmmmm – f-four! And! And! I know letters!” He slowly and carefully recited the Common alphabet, clearly having worked hard in the past few months.

“What about Halfling? Did Mamie start you on that yet?” He would need it eventually for the vineyard workers.

Ben shook his head. “You?”

“Me teach you?” Beau asked incredulously. “I mean – sure. I guess I can try bud. I’m not a good teacher though. Actually – I’ve never taught anyone anything,” she mused, “but I’m probably bad at it.”

“You!” Ben insisted. “You’re best Beau!” He stuck out his hand like they were making a deal.

Beau laughed and shook his hand with a couple fingers. “Alright. You win, Ben.”

Over the next few hours, Beau took the time to teach Ben a few easy words in Halfling. Hello, good-bye, yes, no, and the like. Ben picked up on it quickly, clearly bright and eager to learn. Yasha busied herself around the perimeter, scoping out the place for any weak spots in the walls or where they were too easy to climb, pointing them out to the guards nearby. She knew Beau would rest easier knowing that Ben was safe in the future.

As the afternoon grew late, Beau wandered over to where Yasha was resting under a tree, Ben in her arms and sleeping soundly. “Tire him out?” Yasha asked quietly as Beau plopped down next to her, careful not to wake her brother.

Beau smiled down at Ben. “Yeah, he’s pretty great. Way more energy than I can handle.”

“It’s getting late. Fjord wanted to leave this evening.”

“I’ll leave him to Mamie in just a few minutes. I just – I don’t know when we’ll have time to visit again you know? Or how much longer I can get away with forcing my parents to let me see him.”

“You won’t let them keep you from him,” Yasha reassured her. “I know you better than that. You’ll always be a part of his life. And he’ll be old enough to make decisions about his own life before you know it.”

“Thanks.” Beau cuddled the sleeping boy for a while longer before eventually waking him and walking him back inside for his dinner. “Hey bud. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Remember what I told you?”

Ben rubbed his eyes and yawned. “If – if I need help. You help.”

“That’s right Ben. Exactly. You be good for Mamie yeah? I’ll be back when I can.”

“Love you Beau!” Ben threw his arms around her neck and squeezed tight once more. “You safesound.”

That took some toddler interpretation. “Yeah Ben. I’ll stay safe and sound, don’t you worry. I love you too bud. Ghosts couldn’t keep me away.”

“Punch ghosts!” Ben mimed punching fiercely.

“Yep. Just like that little man. You keep practicing, and show me your monk skills when I get back. Deal?”

“Deal!”


	20. Here They Come to Steal My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nein's toughest battle yet.

Beau wasn’t surprised to learn that the Hupperdook Myriad sect had declined the invitation to work for the Cerberus Assembly. They were far too easy going to deign to adhere to such strict orders. The only crime they were really involved in was ditching work and funneling alcohol. The Nein quickly passed through Hupperdook after obtaining some information on Grimgolir and the old fort Rockguard had replaced, and continued northeast on their way.

The abandoned garrison was like a graveyard, stone crumbling to the ground and buildings sinking in on themselves. Any sign of past battles had mostly worn away from the weather over the years, but there were still fragments of bone scattered around. “What happened here?” Jester asked.

“No one in the Empire knows,” Caleb replied. “Over a century ago, the entire garrison disappeared over – overnight. They eh, investigated, but there were no survivors. Soldiers refused to be stationed here after that, understandable of course, so they built Rock-Rockguard Garrison instead.”

“There were rumors of monsters for decades after, and everyone is too scared to check it out even now,” Beau added.

“Uhhhh.” Fjord sounded nervous. “Then why did we come here?”

“Eodwulf, my peer from my time at the Assembly, he – he may be at this location,” Caleb answered. “He is – a strong ally for Ikithon. If we can remove him from the – equation, as it were, then dealing with Ikithon will become a bit simpler.” He looked around the empty courtyard. “I am not surprised he was the one to utilize this place – it has a certain feel to it he was always drawn to, even as children.”

“Go into the creepy haunted place to take care of a creepy wizard,” Fjord stated blandly. “Sure. _No_ problems there.”

Beau clapped him on the shoulder. “Put on your big boy pants, Fjord, and let’s punch some ghosts.”

“But where do you think they would meet?” Nott asked. “Just out in the open seems stupid.”

“Maybe down there?” Fjord and Yasha pointed at the same time toward a downward sloping passageway beside a crumbling wall. There wasn’t an end that the Nein could see, so it seemed the most likely path forward. As they descended, magical torches lit with an eerie blue flame. “I am regretting pointing that out. That’s not creepy at all,” Fjord muttered, watching them cautiously.

Jester used her thaumaturgy, but the torches didn’t flicker. “Mmmm,” she hummed. “Nope!”

“Uh, guys?” Beau murmured, peering through her goggles. “You seeing this?”

Both Caduceus and Caleb nodded. “See what?” Nott asked, paranoid and gripping Caleb’s pant leg.

“Skeletons,” Caduceus pointed out all the skeletons lining the walls and the floor below. Nothing blocking their path as of yet, but disconcerting nonetheless. “Something happened here.”

Fjord looked like he was about to turn and run. “Yeah, I think we can all _surmise_ that Caduceus.”

Yasha was gripping her sword hilt tightly. “Caduceus?” she asked, looking ahead.

“I see it.” A large, stone sarcophagus with it’s lid smashed and tossed to the side sat at the end of a wider cavern. He muttered a few words and waved a hand. His eyes widened slightly, as alarmed as Beau had ever seen Caduceus look. “There is a very strong undead presence here.”

“ _Eodwulf_?” a slithering, whispering – yet strangely audible – voice echoed down the passage. “ _Not Eodwulf. Who disturbs my ssanctum_? _My work?”_

“Caduceus?” Beau asked, readying her staff and trying to keep her voice from squeaking. Caduceus reached out a large hand and rested it on Beau’s shoulder for a moment, murmuring a protective prayer near silently. Jester did the same to Yasha.

At the end of the cavern, several tables were filled with vials and beakers, multiple colored liquids smoking over small fires or magically swirling their contents. A figure in dark blue robes that were frayed at the bottom stood over its work, surveying and occasionally stirring. It turned and tilted its head at too much of an angle to be living, proved by the skeletal face it showed beneath its hood.

“ _Mortals? Rats. Disrupting my woorrk. Get oouutt.”_

“Good – sir,” Fjord began hesitantly. “We are associates of Eodwulf, sent in place of him to ascertain how – the work is going.”

A cruel sounding chuckle echoed from the skeleton jaws, the lich amused by the poor effort. “ _No. I think you are my new test subjectsss. The others are growing – tiresome.”_ It waved a bony hand at the other skeletons against the cavern wall. Some were small – too small to be adults.

Beau bit her lip. Was that the fate Ben might have suffered if they hadn’t rescued him? “Who the fuck are you?” she demanded, readying to charge.

The empty eye sockets turned to her, and Beau shivered. “ _Rektadh of Grimlath_ ,” it hissed. “ _And you will not interrupt my work of the last ccccentury. Eodwulf has promised me as mmmany subjects as I need for my work, so long as I take care of the vermin that ssseek him. I think I will start with you._ ” It hissed a command, and all of the skeletons lining the cavern passage – over a dozen of them – jerked to attention, holding blades or bows and beginning to march toward the party. The lich then shouted a phrase familiar to the Nein, and a large ball of fire came blasting toward them.

“Look out!” Beau yelled, dodging away from the incoming fireball. She managed to keep it from doing more than singing her, and Nott dove behind the sarcophagus, escaping the flames easily. Caleb froze but was just out of range, while Fjord, Jester, Nott, and Caduceus weren’t so lucky. Jester ducked behind her shield but still got some burns, the other three getting hit pretty bad. “Alright. Let’s get this started then.” Beau took off toward the lich, leaping to run over the broken sarcophagus.

As she ran, flames from her own party flared up on all sides – Caleb’s wall cutting off all the skeletons’ path to her right, and Jester’s own powerful spell engulfing the lich for a moment before dying down.

Beau landed lightly in front of the lich, getting in a couple good punches. Caduceus went after the skeletons Caleb hadn’t set fire to – no surprise there, Beau knew how much he hated the undead. And that many skeletons could cause some problems, even if they did seem kind of fragile. Beau was glad to not have to fight any of the little ones. Yasha reached her side as Nott’s first arrow punctured its robes and lodged between ribs exposed to open air. It didn’t seem to Beau like something so simple would be very effective against an undead high wizard, but the lich _really_ didn’t seem to enjoy it. Fjord picked off some of the skeletons Caduceus hadn’t destroyed.

“ _I will nnnot entertain obstruction of my work,”_ the lich growled before a black burst of energy erupted from his hands and leapt into Beau and Yasha. Beau coughed and gagged as it felt like her insides were wrung out and hung up to dry at the same time as she felt an arrow fly in and graze her side. She looked back to glare at Nott for her carelessness, but was instead met with a line of six skeletons all re-nocking their bows and aiming for her. “ _You.”_ The lich pointed at Nott, who was fumbling with her crossbow. “ _You will make a puny carcass, goblin.”_

Black lightning shot from its finger, knocking Nott back five feet and flat on her back with barely time to scream. She writhed for a moment before falling still. Beau waited tensely, only relaxing when Nott stirred again and began painfully pulling herself to her feet. She saw Caleb dealing with three skeletons that had surrounded him, backing away as he shot out some of his pin missiles to take them down while Jester ran up to help Nott up and heal her. “I’ve got you Nott, you’re okay!”

“Beau!”

Yasha’s urgent tone called Beau’s attention away from her friends, just in time for a bony hand to wrap around her wrist so tightly Beau winced. “ _The Cobalt Reserve is not weeelcome here,”_ the lich snarled. Ice filled her veins, and when Beau tried to counter, she couldn’t move. Her heart went into overdrive as she tried again and again to break free, but she was powerless. “ _And you, goblin. Back on the ground where you belong.”_ A ray of white shot out and went in Nott’s direction again, finding its mark but with not nearly as much power as the first. Nott managed to stay standing, swaying a bit but on her feet.

Caduceus took care of the archers aiming for Beau as Nott, Fjord, and Yasha all focused on the lich. “Beau needs some help Jester!” Yasha shouted over her shoulder, trying to place herself between the lich and the monk, but unable to get past the lich’s defenses. One of the two skeletons remaining slashed Beau’s back, and though Yasha could see the pain flare in Beau’s eyes, she couldn’t make a sound. “Jester!”

“ _That isss enough from you.”_ The lich turned its attention to Yasha. “ _There is always one weak mind foolish enough to fight. You will make yourself ussseful.”_ Fog clouded over Yasha’s mind and she shook it, confused. “ _Kill her.”_ He pointed at Beau with a lazy skeletal finger.

Terrified, Beau finally broke free of the paralysis. “Watch out for –!” her warning was cut off by a bony hand covering her mouth.

“ _No.”_ The word was drawn out. “ _You stay still for your friend to cut you down. Good little monk.”_ The same icy feeling from before paralyzed her again.

Oh, fuck that. Beau groaned internally. She had been quickly and effectively removed from the fight, and she was _not_ happy about it.

Caleb and Jester pulled out their biggest spells, large blocks of flames erupting on the lich and its table of experiments behind it, consuming the skeletons harrying Beau while avoiding Beau and Yasha neatly. A blue-ish cone of light sprayed from Caleb’s hands, washing over the lich, but it didn’t seem to have an effect. “Scheisse ficken,” he cursed, backing further away.

Yasha, her new command acknowledged, advanced on a frozen Beau, her sword gleaming. They were really going to have to have a talk about just how easy it was for Yasha to be charmed. There had to be a trinket that helped with that. Assuming any of them survived. Beau would have closed her eyes if she could have as the great sword cut into her side once. She nearly lost consciousness before something brought her back from the brink. She didn’t have a choice in them closing the second time, as the last thing she saw was the blade coming down again and biting in deep – the paralysis faded as Beau crumpled into unconsciousness.

The lich cackled triumphantly as the rest of the Nein froze in surprise at seeing Yasha attack Beau. “ _Now you,”_ he pointed at Caduceus, feeling the tide turning in its favor at last. “ _You fffear the undead? I am the king of them. I will enjoy having you join their ranks, follower of Melora.”_ He snarled an ancient word only Caleb had ever heard, and Caduceus dropped like a stone – life instantly having fled his body.

“Caduceus!” Jester had been dashing to help Beau, but was forced to make a choice. Cursing, she turned around and ran back to the other cleric. She had to get him up before anyone else died – just in case she went down too. “Traveler please please _please_!” she prayed hurriedly, thrusting his symbol onto Caduceus’ still chest. The firbolg jerked and began breathing again, his eyes opening blearily. The lich howled in anger, and the same black cloud from before swirled around Yasha and Beau. Jester could hear Beau weakly coughing even in her unconscious state. Yasha didn’t seem all that bothered by it.

Caleb sent a bolt of fire at Yasha, trying to snap her out of the charm. Nott did the same. Yasha just kept staring at Beau’s downed body intently, their attacks ineffectual. Caduceus stumbled to his feet and lifted a shaking hand toward Beau to send out his healing magic.

Beau’s eyes opened briefly. “Oh fuck,” she grumbled, seeing Yasha standing over her, sword raised. She managed to get her arms under her to lift, but they were shaking and not steady at all.

Green fire blasted into the lich next to them, and it turned its attention to the rest of the battle. “ _Finish her,”_ it hissed at Yasha. “ _Then take care of the ressst.”_ The sword came down again, Beau collapsing onto the floor under it and eyes fluttering shut once more. She didn’t feel the second attack. “ _I tire of this game_.” The lich muttered a few words, and another cloud, this one bigger and a dark purple instead of black, enveloped and obscured a large portion of the end of the cavern. The rest of the Nein’s view of Rektadh, Yasha, and Beau was obstructed, but they could all hear Yasha coughing in the poisonous air.

Nobody saw Beau die.

Jester dumped another heal into Caduceus to give him a chance at staying standing before dashing off in the direction she had last seen Beau. Everyone else in the party held, staring into the cloud and waiting for the lich to make itself visible again. Nott hid herself better behind the sarcophagus, fingers still trembling from the spell earlier.

“ _Kill the wizard_ ,” they all heard before Yasha came pounding out of the poison cloud in Caleb’s direction and Rektadh reappeared behind her to send a ray at Caduceus, trying to knock down the cleric again.

They all let loose their held back power, desperate to whittle it down before it could kill anyone else. On her way to where she thought Beau was, Jester saw the lich gesture in her direction and braced herself. It simultaneously felt like a horse had slammed into her and like other parts of her were crumbling into dust. “Traveler,” she begged through gritted teeth.

_I am here, Jester. Keep going_ , her patron comforted her, guiding her hand up to let loose her own necrotic spell as Caleb, Caduceus, Nott, and Fjord all combined with her. Spell after spell slammed into the lich, overwhelming it until finally, with a ghastly scream, it disintegrated and went up in a puff of smoke.

Yasha stopped her mindless dash at Caleb, shaking her head before freezing and turning back in the direction she had come. The poison cloud had also lifted with the death of the lich. Jester was the only one close enough to see Beau crumpled to the ground, completely still. “No, no, not again,” Jester collapsed at Beau’s side, already digging for her second and last diamond. “It’s been less than a minute, right?” she asked Yasha frantically, who was right behind her in getting to Beau.

“Y-Yes,” Yasha affirmed, looking down at Beau worriedly. “You can fix this?”

“Of course I can,” Jester said, forcing herself to sound confident. She _could_ fix it. She’d just done it with Caduceus – she wouldn’t lose Beau. Not again. “One more time Traveler, please?” she prayed. “I know you like her too – you wouldn’t have spoken to her if you didn’t. Even if she doesn’t worship you, I know she believes in you that counts for something right?”

_I am with you Jester,_ the Traveler’s deep voice resonated around her again. _Bring her back, my little trickster._ Jester put her symbol on Beau’s chest and murmured the words to bring Beau back to life. A second later, Beau’s chest rose and fell as the monk began breathing once more, before she coughed heavily to expel the poisonous fumes still lodged in her lungs.

Yasha lifted Beau up and leaned her against her chest, helping Beau breathe easier. “There you go,” she said encouragingly, smoothing out Beau’s hair and pressing a kiss to her temple. “I’m so sorry.”

“We – we need to find you an amulet or charm or _something_ to protect you from mind magics,” Beau managed to gasp out between coughs. “I don’t like it when you aren’t you. Ten out of ten would not recommend.”

“I do not like it either,” Yasha agreed. “I keep hurting everyone – especially you.”

Beau waved her off. “Not your fault. We’ll just look into a way to fix it. Is everyone else okay?”

“Caduceus died for like, five seconds again,” Jester reported. “But I brought him back. And I think that Rek _tadh_ tried to _disintegrate_ me the jerkface. Fjord and Caleb are mostly okay. Yasha, are you okay?”

“Fine,” Yasha shook her head at any healing. “I want to leave here.”

“We can’t,” Beau denied.

Jester frowned before it turned into a pout. “Why not? It’s _really_ creepy down here.”

“Because he isn’t dead-dead,” Beau told her. “He’s just going to come back.”

“Yes,” Caleb backed her up. “We must find his – phylactery. Otherwise, this will all be for nothing.”

“What’s a Phil-ackery?” Jester asked.

Beau laughed a bit at Jester mangling the word, either accidental or on purpose, she couldn’t tell. “It’s how a lich stores its soul once it becomes undead. As long as it exists, the lich can just keep coming back, no matter how many times you destroy its body. It’ll take it a few days to build it back up again, but we need to find where he keeps his soul. It will be hidden, probably can’t use a locate on it because I’m sure it will be encased in lead somehow. Liches aren’t fucking stupid. They’re all geniuses, actually.” Everyone was staring at her. “What?” she said defensively. “It’s like you guys always forget I was kidnapped by monk _librarians_. I worked in a _library_ with nothing to do but read most of the day for seven years. Also, I’ve fought a lich before – like, two hundred years ago but it’s not like their way of sustaining their undeath has changed at all.”

“Sorry Beau,” Fjord apologized. “It’s easy to forget. You’re very – in the moment – most of the time.”

“Right.” Beau pulled herself to her feet with Yasha’s help, leaning on her for a moment to catch her breath. Caduceus didn’t look any better, sitting with his back against the sarcophagus. “Hey Duceus, you want to make some tea while we look for this thing?”

“I think tea would be pleasant, yes,” Caduceus agreed, still appearing rattled by his second death. He took out his tripod and amethyst and began prepping his teapot. “This Rektadh fellow won’t rise in the next hour. I suggest we all take a few moments and rest.”

Fjord plopped himself down next to Caduceus and Nott clambered onto the lip of the sarcophagus and let her legs dangle over the edge. “If it’s all the same to you, I vote for _no more lich fighting_ for at _least_ the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours,” she decided. “I have a son and husband to get back to.”

“Yeah, we know Nott,” Fjord muttered exhaustedly.

Yasha helped Beau over to rest near the group. “You stay a moment,” she said, kissing the top of Beau’s head. “I’ll search with Caleb for this – phylactery.”

“Careful,” Beau warned her. “I’m sure he set traps on a lot of his experiments. Let Caleb test them first.”

“Of course.” Yasha wandered over to where Caleb was frantically and excitedly going through the various bubbling vials on the center table in front of the fire. As he determined which were inherently magical and/or dangerous, he set those aside to determine their properties and indicated to Yasha which were only partially finished and she could dispose of. They cleared it out bit by bit as Caduceus did a prayer to heal the more wounded members, including himself.

“Ah!” Caleb exclaimed a few minutes later, holding up a tiny box made of what looked like teak wood with the lid having gold inlay and tiny black opals encrusting it. “Ja this is it. I am sure. He hid the phylactery on the Ethereal plane. This is its replica.”

Beau limped over to take it from him and inspect it. Caleb opened his mouth to protest but decided against saying anything, pursing his lips. “And how do we get there to destroy it?”

Now Caleb took the chest back. “We do not. I can use this replica to – to call the original back to me.”

“Huh,” Beau grunted. “This Rektadh’s a better planner than the lich I faced before. He just stuck his in a lead box hidden within a secret compartment of a statue in his lair. This guy went to a whole other plane. That’s thinking outside the box. So to speak.”

“Yes, yes, quite. Now I just need to figure out the call word to bring the real container back to this realm,” Caleb mused. He tested out a few phrases before a large chest appeared and plunked down in front of him. “Oh. Yes, there it is.” He opened it with his magical unlock spell, revealing an amulet along with several scrolls rolled up. “We burn these,” he said, pointing at the parchment, “and the amulet will need to be shattered.”

Beau fished the amulet out, inspecting the gem inset. “Well, fire is your specialty. I’ll take care of this.” She tossed it on the ground, picking up her bo where it had fallen when Yasha knocked her unconscious. She brought the butt of her staff down on the center of the gem as Caleb shot a small flame from his hand at the scrolls.

A shrill, quiet scream echoed in the cavern and smoke forming the shape of Rektadh’s skull rose up out of the amulet before dissipating. Beau slumped down next to Yasha again, leaning against her arm. “Alright. We can go. I’ll be ready in just a minute.”

“Beau,” Jester reprimanded gently. “You are _barely_ alive. Come here come here come here.”  She crawled over to Beau, patting her on the head and using a few spells on her. “There you go.”

“Thanks Jessie.”

Caleb came over to rest a hand on Nott’s shoulder. “I think we can take an hour or so but – we should not spend an inordinate amount of time in this place.”

“Sure,” Beau waved at him. “Just – I’m going to nap for a minute, then I’ll be good to go.” She put up a tired thumbs up.

“Beau,” Yasha sighed. “Slow down for one minute, alright? There isn’t a rush. You died again, we can take a little while for you and Caduceus to _both_ recover.”

Beau sagged, slumping further until her head was in Yasha’s lap. “Fine. But just for a minute. Caduceus is good to go too, right Duceus?” Her eyes were already closed.

“I think we’d all benefit from a small time of rest, if Mr. Caleb is agreeable with putting up his hut.”

“Okay, but I’m not moving again.” Beau was asleep a few seconds later.

\--

When Beau woke from her post-lich nap, Caduceus was snoring and Caleb was sitting in the hut with both of them, going through the vials of liquid Rektadh had been overseeing. “Hello, Beauregard,” he murmured, passing her a vial. “You should hang on to that, and stop giving all your healing potions away to me and the others.”

Beau groaned and sat up, tucking the larger than normal vial in one of her many pockets. Then she had to take five minutes to rearrange everything in her other pockets because it took up the whole space and everything had to hang evenly so she didn’t get weighed down. She was particular about her pockets. “What was a lich doing with healing potions? Seems a bit against the grain, doesn’t it?”

“Well, I would say he was using them as a test of the fragility of his undead constructs – or as punishment. I am unsure. Either way, good for us.”

Nott came over and took one of the vials as well. Caleb’s hand shot out surprisingly quickly, grabbing Nott by the forearm to prevent her. “I – would not consume that one,” he warned softly. “That one is poison.” The goblin gingerly set the potion back down, hissing.

“It looks the exact same as the healing potions,” Beau said.

“Yes. I believe that Rektadh would keep his victims guessing. Poison heals, healing kills. He seemed the type to enjoy torturing people. He certainly tried it enough during our fight.”

Beau frowned at the thought of those small skeletons being tortured even after their deaths. She couldn’t imagine what she would have done if Ben had been killed by Rektadh. And all the kids she hadn’t known and didn’t love – their parents would never know. And these were just the extras brought to Rektadh. How many more children had suffered and died in Ikithon’s quest for dunamancy and consecution? And Caleb had said that Eodwulf also specialized in necromancy…

How many more undead children would they have to fight in this campaign against the Cerberus Assembly?

“I don’t care how many Myriad syndicates might be helping the Assembly,” she said firmly. “We have to take out Ikithon. Before more kids die. This could have been Ben – could _still_ be Ben. It’s time to end this. Once and for all.”

“Are we ready?” Jester asked, sounding nervous. “I mean – we’re super strong and powerful, but there’s a lot of wizards at the Assembly.”

Fjord came out of a side passage he’d been exploring with Jester. “I think we stand a chance,” he said optimistically. “If we can keep the entire Assembly from raining magic down on us.”

“There has to be a way to isolate him.” It was frustrating – Ikithon was acting with practically no oversight, he had to be. Not everyone in the Assembly could be as morally depraved. There had to be good people there that would stop him if they knew what Ikithon was doing. Beau groaned, trying to strategize was so headache inducing when she didn’t have all the details. Or maybe that was the ‘just died again and brought back again’ headache.

A warm hand pressed against her forehead, and some of the pain eased. Beau smiled her thanks up at Yasha. “We have some time,” Yasha reassured her. “We don’t need to have this figured out today.”

“Right.”

“I think we go to Rexxentrum – I know only Caleb is familiar with the place, unless…Beau? You ever go there?” Fjord asked.

Beau shrugged. “Once, as a little kid. But I was like, five, so I don’t remember anything useful. Caleb’s your best bet.”

“It has been – many years. But I will do my best,” Caleb promised. “I recall the school perfectly, but we rarely ventured into the city itself.”

“It’s settled then. We’ll travel to Rexxentrum and begin gathering intel. End this thing once and for all,” Beau decided. The rest of the Nein nodded soberly in agreement. They very well may all die in the next few weeks. But not before they tried to stop a war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that wasn't even the Ikithon battle.


	21. Your Soul is Your Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The final chapter you made it! Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with this it has been such a joy to write for the last six months. I am so in love with this little fic that started as an accident and I’m so happy to see you guys telling me you’ve loved it too through the entire journey. Happy reading and enjoy the ‘final boss’!

The Nein spent several weeks in Rexxentrum, keeping their heads down and observing the Assembly and determining the best course of entry. They eventually decided the direct approach would be their best shot.

Fjord got them to Ikithon’s floor of the Assembly with a little heavily laid on charm at some students. Nott and Caleb followed the rest of them invisibly, while Jester and Fjord disguised themselves as humans and Caleb disguised Yasha and Caduceus. Caleb had forewarned them that only humans were fully welcome at the Assembly. Now they were nearing their destination, and the floor was eerily empty. “There,” Caduceus murmured, pointing out Ikithon disappearing into a room down the hall. They all rushed that way, eager to get the fight begun so they could get it over with and hopefully get back to Xhorhas before the rest of the Assembly realized what they had done.

“Wait wait!” Jester hissed, forcing everyone to stumble to a halt. “We can’t be unprepared.” She whispered a few quiet words, a prayer to the Traveler for protection.

Caduceus nodded and lay a hand on Beau’s shoulder. Her hands took up their now familiar glow of increased power, and Beau smiled for the first time all day. Nerves had been churning in her stomach since she woke at the thought of purposefully facing off with Ikithon. They all moved quickly, Beau leading the way into the room Ikithon had entered.

There was a strange sizzling noise, and then they were not in a classroom, but in some strange marble lined grand hall. On the far side, Ikithon waited. “Mighty Nein! You thought to attack me in my own territory? All you did was bring my work to me. Students! Clean up after the spares.”

The Nein whipped around and Caleb bit his lip when he recognized both Astrid and Eodwulf behind them. Eodwulf sent them a biting grin before he shouted a word in Undercommon, calling forth both undead skeletons and zombies – seven each. Beau grimaced when she realized that they were again small – too small to be adults. Just like with the lich. Astrid sent out a command in Sylvan, and Beau watched as a tidal wave of water appeared from nowhere and swept into everyone except herself and Yasha. Caduceus was the only one left standing, everyone else spluttering and trying to catch their breath as they crawled to their feet.

Beau charged at Ikithon, intent on removing him from the equation. Her more powerful fists landed solidly, knocking Ikithon around in a very satisfying manner. He looked surprised by the strength in her hits and wiped a bit of blood from his mouth. “You won’t die yet,” he threatened with a wheeze. “Not until I’ve torn your secrets from your body.”

“Master Ikithon!” Eodwulf came running toward them both, carving a line into his own arm with a silver dagger. Black rose from the wound and flowed along the ground toward Ikithon. Beau grimaced and lifted her feet, trying to avoid the oily looking slick, but it ignored her and rose up to sink into Ikithon. He shuddered, and then some of his wounds closed and he took a deep breath.

There were snarls and hisses behind them as the skeletons and shambling, rotting bodies moved to attack her friends. Beau took a chance and checked on them, but most of her friends seemed to be avoiding the undead nuisances fairly easily. Then her insides were twisting on themselves as it felt like Ikithon _pulled_ some of her life force from her, using it to sustain himself. “Bastard,” she growled, panting.

A bright flash of light from Jester destroyed most of the undead, and the next time Beau looked, all of her friends were being occupied by two massive stone gargoyle statues that the woman was directing.

“Can’t even fight fair, can you Trent?” Beau spat. “How many more children are you going to use up and then dispose of for your pet freak over there to torture some more?”

“After I have you, I won’t have any need for those useless brats,” Ikithon sneered. “Make it easier for me.”

“Fuck you!”

A lightning bolt shot past Beau to hit the wall after blasting through Nott and Caduceus as a cloud of dark smoke rose up in a large area of the room on the other side of Ikithon from Beau – the same gibbering and shrieking cloud that Beau remembered from their encounter in Rosohna – but nobody was in its vicinity and it receded harmlessly back into the floor. “You were fools to charge in blind,” Ikithon jeered. The glow on Beau’s hands faded as Caduceus recovered from being hit by lightning.

“Just shut the fuck up,” Beau groaned, punching Ikithon in the windpipe and then at his sternum.

One of the gargoyles shuddered and screeched to a halt as Caleb dispelled the magic giving it life. The other was still harrying Fjord with its stone claws and teeth as he danced out of the way. Jester and Caduceus focused on healing the hurts dealt out by Ikithon and his students, Jester taking care of Beau while Caduceus took the rest of the group before moving in Beau’s direction as well.

“Bren Eomund!” Eodwulf shouted at Caleb. “You should have stayed mad!” Black energy streaked across the space between the two wizards to slam into Caleb. He staggered but kept his feet as Yasha bull rushed Eodwulf to engage him.

Just then, an enormous fucking _dragon_ emerged in a shroud of smoke and roared its anger. Many of the Nein, including Beau, had trouble controlling their fear. Caduceus glanced at all of them, oddly unaffected, while Yasha was singularly focused on ending Eodwulf.

Caleb raised a shaking hand, fighting through his fear. “My name…is Caleb Widogast,” he responded, pointing at Eodwulf.

Black wrapped around the other wizard, and he barely had time to shout out, “Master?” before he disintegrated into a pile of dust.

“Eodwulf!” Astrid screamed from the back, summoning up an air elemental and setting it on Fjord. The dragon spat out a spray of black fire, catching everyone in its path except Beau, who was still locking down Ikithon. Not even the elemental escaped it.

While Ikithon was distracted by the loss of his student, Beau took the opportunity to dig her knuckles into his temple, stunning him for the moment.

“Beau you got this?” Yasha yelled from a few yards away.

“Yeah! Go take out the other one!” Beau reassured her.

Jester banished the elemental back to its plane and Caduceus tried to heal Beau, but nothing happened. He felt the power leave him, but there was no effect. Perplexed, he moved toward where Eodwulf had been fighting, hoping that would take him out of the strange area he found himself caught up on. Not even noticing the struggles of her friends behind her who were getting slammed by a burst of cold from Astrid, Beau focused on wearing Ikithon down.

The wizard grunted as Nott shot at him and Caleb sent out his rainbow-colored spray that focused on Ikithon. Fjord, Jester, and Yasha eliminated Astrid, Jester paralyzing her as Yasha ran her through. She fell to the ground, never making a sound.

“You –” Ikithon grunted, bleeding heavily. “You insolent _mongrels_. And _you_ ,” he snarled at Beau. “I suppose I will not kill you yet, although I could merely have your body brought back again and again. So be a good rat and stay in your cage.” He lifted both hands, and walls of pure energy raised, enclosing Beau on all sides and overhead.

Beau rammed the wall that erected between her and Ikithon, but it forced her back violently, knocking her onto her ass. Though she couldn’t see out, sounds of battle still filtered in. When the outside suddenly fell quiet, she couldn’t discern the outcome. She pounded on the opaque walls of the cage again, failing to keep the panic from rising in her. “Let me out!” she screamed desperately. Everything was still quiet. The unknown of it was making her crazy. “ _Yasha_!” She needed Yasha. She couldn’t be alone with _him_ again.

Seconds later, Beau could hear her voice speaking quickly on the other side. “I’m here Beau, it’s okay. Are you alright?”

“Don’t let him take me,” she begged. “Yasha _please_.” All her nightmares were coming true.

“He’s dead, Beau,” Yasha reassured her. “Caduceus got him. He can’t hurt you again Beauregard.”

“Then why am I still trapped here?” She pounded on the walls some more, begging to be let out.

“I – I don’t know. Caleb is working on it, I promise. None of us are leaving until we get you out of there. Beau, I need you to stay calm _bahati_. You’re alright.”

Beau collapsed onto the bottom of the cage and leaned against the side that seemed closest to Yasha’s voice, latching onto it as a way to drive down her panic. “Don’t go anywhere.” She forced herself to take a couple deep breaths, calming the shaking in her hands. She’d never been claustrophobic before she’d died, but now she felt like she wanted to crawl out of her skin. Yasha kept talking to her, telling her what Caleb was figuring out about the spell trapping her and what it might take to get her out.

“Beau?” Caleb eventually called.

“I’m – I’m here.”

“I think Fjord might have the – the best chance of teleporting in there. If he cannot, the entrapment will still fade in less than an hour, but he is going to try to get you in a few seconds. Hang on, ja?”

Beau nodded, then remembered Caleb couldn’t see her. “Yeah, man. Just – tell him to hurry it up alright? Not much room in here.”

Less than ten seconds later, there was a loud clap of thunder and then Fjord blinked into existence at her side. “Hey, first mate,” he said, pulling Beau to her feet. “What say we get the fuck out of this joint?”

Overwhelming relief filled Beau, and she gripped his wrist tight. “Fuck yes. Get me the fuck out of here. I never want to come to Rexxentrum again.”

“With you on that one. Can’t believe I ever wanted to attend this shithole. Alright then. On three. One, two, three.”

Nothing happened.

“Shit. Fuck. Okay, this is fine,” Fjord said, not sounding entirely sure of himself anymore.

“Don’t tell me we’re fucking stuck in here,” Beau groaned, far less unhappy about the thought of being trapped in the box for an hour now that Fjord was there with her. She could keep it together long enough for the spell to fade.

Fjord cleared his throat. “Not quite. I’ve got about enough in me for one more shot at it, I think? Otherwise we’re gonna be a bit cramped for about half an hour, but that’s not so bad. But let’s get out of here. Okay.” A few seconds pause where Beau closed her eyes, and then the deafening sound of thunder once again.

Then Yasha was pulling Beau out of Fjord’s arms and kissing the monk hard, one hand on the back of her head. “Hey,” Beau greeted when Yasha put her down. “Thanks,” she told Fjord and Caleb, giving them a salute. “Sorry for all the uh, yelling. I didn’t know Ikithon was down.”

“You may want to re-examine your facts,” a voice came from the center of the room. All of the Nein whirled around and were faced High Wizard Trent Ikithon – identical to the body still laying on the floor ten feet away in every manner except the clothes. “What are you doing out of your cage, Beauregard? I would so prefer to not have to bribe a cleric to bring you back from the dead so we can get our work done.”

“What the fuck?” Beau whispered, panic rising in her once again.

“The rest of you,” Ikithon continued, “I have no qualms about killing. I only need Beauregard. However, I will let you all live out your pitiful one lifetime without interference if you leave now.”

Yasha moved around Beau to place herself between them. “Over our dead bodies,” she growled, furious.

“By your command, barbarian.”

With a yell of rage, Yasha charged at Ikithon while Caleb sent a fireball at his old teacher. Ikithon’s new body survived fine against the ball of flame, though it did show a bit of damage, so it wasn’t some illusion. Unconcerned, he locked his gaze with Beau before pointing at Caleb. “Get rid of Bren for me Beauregard, if you would. We don’t need him anymore.”

The anger and confusion and panic in Beau’s mind died down, leaving just a sense of purpose. She hadn’t understood before. Her friends shouldn’t be attacking Ikithon. He just needed to complete his work. She watched Jester and Nott both trying to bring Ikithon down, and she wanted to stop them, but she had her orders. Instead, she walked behind Caleb and throttled him into a chokehold. He gasped, struggling to break free, but she held him fast.

Fjord blasted her once, but Beau did not falter in her mission. “Guys?” Fjord called. “Anyone else see what’s going on with Beau right now?”

The dragon illusion reared up again, this time spouting fire out of its mouth and hitting everyone except Beau. Yasha was occupying Ikithon, but not enough that he wasn’t able to summon several huge meteors from nowhere and send them crashing into the Nein. Caleb slipped from Beau’s grasp as he fell unconscious. “Finish him, Beauregard!” Ikithon ordered.

Beau looked down at Caleb’s body. He was out of the way and couldn’t interfere with Ikithon anymore. She didn’t – she didn’t need to kill Caleb. Didn’t want to. She needed a different order. Pain wracked her head and she fell to her knees with a cry, trying to resist the compulsion to kill her friend.

“Kill him!”

Then Jester and Caduceus were both healing Caleb, and Beau could follow her order once more. She moved toward Caleb again, but before she could get him down, Yasha sliced Ikithon nearly in two with one great heave. Everyone in the marble hall froze in shock at the battle ending so abruptly yet again.

Beau watched Ikithon fall to the ground and lie motionless. It didn’t matter. She still had to complete his command. With resolve, she put Caleb into a chokehold again, strangling him back into unconsciousness. Yasha was running at her. “Beau! Stop this!” She yanked Beau away from Caleb, letting Caduceus rush in and pour a powerful heal into the wizard, who came spluttering and coughing back to life for the second time. Jester was digging in her pink backpack for something, and Yasha was talking hurriedly at Beau, but she ignored all of them. She had to finish the order she’d been given.

She slipped away from Yasha’s grip and managed to land a few punches on Caleb before Yasha got a hold of her again. Yasha wrestled Beau to the ground, straddling her waist and pinning her wrists on the marble with both hands. “I have to, Yasha!”

“No, Beauregard. Just –” Yasha grunted and avoided a headbutt. “Stop fighting me _bahati_. Jester will fix this, it’s going to be fine. You can stop now.”

“I can’t! I have to finish it he told me. You don’t understand!”

“I do Beau, I promise I do, but fight it.” Yasha wrangled both of Beau’s wrists into one hand, bringing her other against Beau’s cheek and trying to calm her down.

Jester knelt beside them, keeping far away from Beau’s kicking legs as she tried to get leverage on Yasha. “Hold her still.” She sprinkled diamond dust on Beau’s forehead, and a golden glow settled over Beau as Jester prayed for a moment.

Beau stilled, her eyes going blank before sharpening into focus suddenly. She lurched, flipping Yasha off of her and crawling backwards, away from the rest, one hand rubbing harshly at her temple. Tears began flowing down her cheeks as she realized what she’d almost done. What Ikithon had been able to _force_ her to do. “I’m sorry,” she said, horrified. It wasn’t enough that he’d wanted to take her apart.

She was supposed to be the one always able to resist being turned against her friends. But when it came to Ikithon, she was as powerless as ever. He’d _used_ her against them. She’d almost _killed_ Caleb. _Twice_. Beau wished she knew how to get off this demiplane so she could run away and get drunk for an evening, but she couldn’t even do that. She had no idea where the gate was – or even if it still existed.

“Beau…” She flinched away from Yasha’s approach. Yasha paused, but then sat beside Beau, pulling the little monk to her and into her lap. “You’re alright, Beau,” Yasha murmured into her hair. “He can never hurt you again.”

“He – he –”

“I know.” Yasha held on tight, trying to reassure Beau that nobody was angry with her. “It’s okay. We know it wasn’t you. How many times have I hurt you and the others because of spells like that? And Caleb is fine see? You let Ikithon’s spell hurt you in order to not kill Caleb. You are so strong, Beau, and Caleb owes his life to you.”

Caleb came wandering over, placing a hand on Beau’s shoulder. Instinctively, Beau put her hand over the back of his, as they had done countless times while Caleb was with Frumpkin. They stayed like that for a few moments before Caleb knelt to give Beau a hug. Still a bit awkward for them, but vastly improved from where they began. “Not your fault, ja klein schwester? I am alright.”

Gathering herself, Beau nodded shakily with relief and took a deep breath to finally allow herself to relax. She let her arms wrap around Caleb in turn, truly letting herself believe that Ikithon was gone for good and wouldn’t be hunting her any longer. “Yeah. Yeah okay, I’m good. Let’s get the fuck out of here.” She wriggled out of Yasha’s lap and held out a hand to help her up. Yasha smirked and took it, but pulled Beau back down. “Fuck!” Beau yelped.

The barbarian chuckled and kissed her briefly before allowing Beau to finally stand. “He can’t hurt you anymore, _bahati_.”

Jester came bounding over, giving Beau a big hug and lifting her off her feet as Beau wheezed a bit at the squeezing. “It’s a good thing I saved my most powerful spell ‘cause Caduceus couldn’t find any way to go back through the gate we came in, so we have to shift planes! I’ve never done it before but I’m excited it’s going to be pretty. fucking. cool. Okay we all have to hold hands okay that’s the rules!” Everyone gathered close to Jester, grabbing the hands of the nearest person. They all waited a moment while Jester closed her eyes, but in a very anticlimactic but typical for their group fashion, she popped them back open before anything happened. “Wait. Where did we want to go?”

There was only one possible answer in Beau’s mind. “Home. Let’s go home.”

When they got there, Beau would tell her mother that Ikithon was finally dead – that children would stop disappearing from their homes in the Empire and maybe Xhorhas wouldn’t be blamed for that anymore. Maybe the Nein would take the evidence they gathered and present it to the bloodline and try to stop this senseless, centuries long war. Maybe Beau could get Dairon to make the Cobalt Reserve do it for them. She was tired of politics.

There were no victors in war, only those people who lost everything, and Beau was exhausted from seeing those faces everywhere she went. She wanted to travel with her friends to places across the entire continent, helping out the little towns they found along the way with whatever they might need. She wanted to be able to come home to Leylas – spend the rest of her life getting to know her mother again. Losing her to consecution didn’t frighten Beau anymore. Leylas would always be her mother, no matter the years any particular body carried.

She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Yasha – with her friends, her family. And maybe – if any of them were agreeable to it, she was sure Leylas would offer them the choice of becoming consecuted as well for the services they had rendered to the Dynasty in the last year. Beau had a good feeling at least a few would take Leylas up on it.

Yasha’s hand squeezing hers gently pried Beau from her vague thoughts about the future. “Home,” she agreed. 'I love you'. The silent words were for only Beau to see.

Without a sound, the group of seven calling themselves nine disappeared from the Empire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so very much to everyone who made it this far. This battle was extremely complicated to roll out (my own fault), and took several hours of organizing and rolling and then two more to write out, but if you’re interested, here’s the final breakdown:
> 
> Ikithon – Level 18 Enchantment School wizard operating in a demiplane he created that contained several lair actions and traps, including Maddening Darkness, an Illusory Dragon, and two more that were never tripped. He used Force Cage on Beau. He also had a second body created by Eodwulf that his spirit moved into after he died the first time, identical to his first with all of his memories and power. Traps that were set off – Beau stepped on a Delayed Fireball trap and Caduceus wandered into an Anti-Magic field. Other big spells that Ikithon utilized were Meteor Swarm, and then Geas on Beau.  
> Eodwulf – Level 16 Necromancy School wizard that turned several of the children killed in Ikithon’s ‘research’ into undead. He also used Life Transference on himself to heal Ikithon before Caleb Disintegrated him.  
> Astrid – Level 16 Conjuration School wizard. She had two gargoyles at her command when the battle started. She also summoned an air elemental, used a Cone of Cold, a Tidal Wave, and a Lightning Bolt.  
> Caduceus took down Ikithon 1.0, Yasha Ikithon 2.0 and Astrid, and Caleb Eodwulf. Beau dealt the most damage in a single round in the very first round with 93 to Ikithon – half his life. Jester took out the most enemies, destroying thirteen of the undead creatures, one gargoyle, and banishing the air elemental – just like she would want it. Beau had the only two natural 20’s for the players in the fight.


End file.
